How Do I Love Thee? (15 page)

Gerard looks sideways at the way her silky black hair falls to her waist, the way her eyes look off into the distance.
He can just see the top of her red bra if he looks from a particular angle.

‘Do you have a nice house?’ Gerard says into her cute right ear.

‘Huh?’ says Alyssa, as if noticing him for the first time.

‘Would you like to dance?’ he says.

‘Sure,’ Alyssa smiles and takes two minutes to extract herself from the deep velvet couch.

They dance separately in the dim light and Gerard is impressed with the way she moves her slim body. When a more sedate number comes on he plucks up some courage and signals for Alyssa to move into his arms. A touch drunk and a little curious, Alyssa places her hands on his shoulders and lets him slide his arms around her back. Close up she can see that he has lovely blue eyes and he smells quite delicious. By the second song Gerard has pressed himself hard against her groin and she has given up moving away. She has also discreetly run her fingers through his hair so it finally sits down. Alyssa’s almond-shaped brown eyes meet Gerard’s round blue ones, each daring the other to be the first to cross the line.

‘I’ve never seen such long hair. It’s very soft,’ he says.

‘Thank you. I probably should call a cab soon …’ Alyssa replies dreamily.

Gerard just smiles and moves his face closer. When she doesn’t pull away, he angles his head and gently touches her lips with his. They kiss, arms around each other, fingers in each other’s hair, tasting the other person’s skin. It’s just a kiss and it won’t lead to anything, Alyssa tells herself.

There has been no noise from Will’s bedroom for quite some time and Gerard is so aroused by this striking woman that he is oblivious to whose house it is anyway. He gently pushes the straps of her dress off her shoulders, then, when he faces no opposition, moves his mouth down her chest, leaving a trail of kisses all the way to her left nipple. Alyssa knows she is in trouble but it feels so good that she can’t pull away. She has stayed away from men since her last relationship ended four months ago, and there was no point starting anything new because of the fellowship.

Gerard lifts her right leg up around his waist so she must lean against him for support. Her smell reminds him of a cake his mother used to make. His love life has been very sporadic lately. Most of the interesting women he manages to convince to come home with him after closing time have seemed far less delightful in the morning. This woman wears clothes from shops, has hair you could run a comb through, and so far, doesn’t seem to have any body piercings or tattoos. Gerard is a little surprised he has managed to get so far with such an exotic woman.

Alyssa knows that Will wanted her to meet Gerard for a reason and is curious to see what happens.

Gerard holds her hand and reads her palm. ‘You will meet a tall handsome stranger and fall in love.’

‘It’s pretty dark in here, are you sure that is what it said? Nothing about going overseas?’ she laughs.

He kisses her upturned hand and travels all the way up her arm to her neck. Instead of finding her mouth, he runs out of the room.

Gerard eventually returns looking a little subdued. ‘Sorry, must have drunk too much,’ he says. His hair is standing up again.

Not a good start
, Alyssa thinks, but smiles and says, ‘Don’t worry about it.’

They sit side by side. She thinks about going home. Checks her watch. It is one-thirty. When she puts her hand back down it accidentally brushes his. This is enough of a sign of forgiveness for Gerard to become optimistic. He runs a finger along her collarbone and down her arm. She turns to him expectantly. They resume exploring each other’s bodies.

Gerard discovers that she has a birthmark the shape of Tasmania on the golden skin of her left shoulder. Alyssa’s hand brushes against the front of his trousers and she feels something firm pressing back at her. He pulls her on top of him on the lounge, one leg on each side. She continues to kiss
him, ignoring the lump that she is sitting on. Then all of a sudden it disappears and she finds herself on his stomach.

‘Sorry, must be the pill I took,’ he says.

Alyssa is confused.
What pill?
she thinks.
One to stop the nausea?

‘It’s okay, don’t worry about it …’ she says without a trace of the disappointment that she feels.

There is an awkward silence.
Really
, Alyssa thinks,
we don’t know much about each other, and what am I doing anyway? I should go. This has been so embarrassing. Why didn’t I just leave after dinner? Gerard will probably tell Will that we fooled around in his lounge room!

She fumbles around for her bag and keys then realises that this is going to make Gerard feel quite inadequate. He is looking sheepish.

‘I should go,’ she says, and then tries to soften the blow by bending down to kiss his forehead. He pulls at her small wrist and takes her fingers down to his groin. As quickly as it had gone, the hardness was back again. Alyssa hears her own intake of breath. Feels a tightening in her stomach.

‘No, not here. I live close by.’ She gets up.

‘Wow,’ Alyssa says, an hour later, then rolls over and puts her head on his pale hairless chest.

In the morning Alyssa looks at her face in her bathroom mirror and is thankful her flatmate will not be back for a few days. The red beard rash spreads from her top lip right down to her chin and she can feel carpet burn in the middle of her spine as well as on each elbow. All day she is on fire. Images from the previous evening flit in and out of her mind. She cleans every room in the house and tries to ignore them.

As the sun disappears she takes a glass of wine onto the back verandah. Holds the scrap of paper in her hand. Counts to twenty. Dials four numbers then hangs up. Rehearses what she will say and tries again. Gets to five numbers then hangs up, her heart pumping.

She had said a little hesitantly last night, ‘If I ever needed more of that, how would I find you?’

Gerard had wordlessly reached over to the pocket of his crumpled trousers to retrieve a pen.

Alyssa watched him write both his home and mobile number on the back of a bank statement (balance: $43.95) and took that as a sign that he might like to hear from her.

But tonight she is having trouble. For one thing she is a lot more sober.
He can’t see my hands shaking. He doesn’t have to know that I’m nervous
, she tells herself,
nothing ventured, nothing gained
, and dials his home number.

He answers in a chirpy voice.

‘I need to see you again,’ she says in what she hopes is a sexy voice without any hint of tremor.

‘I was hoping you’d call,’ he says. ‘You could come around after I finish playing.’

‘Should I bring anything?’

‘Could you bring something to drink?’

‘Sure.’

Alyssa is pleased to discover he lives only ten blocks from her house. She enters his number permanently into her mobile.

After the greeting and the pouring of wine, an awkward silence descends upon them.

‘Tell me a bit about your work,’ he says, stretching out in his green tracksuit on the orange lounge.

‘Actually, I’d prefer not to tell you anything much about myself,’ Alyssa says, looking straight at him. ‘I want you to know nothing about me and for me to just …’

‘Be a mysterious woman that came into my life twice then disappeared overseas?’

‘Yes,’ she smiles.

Alyssa doesn’t want to do the whole cards-on-the-table thing where you talk about your hopes and dreams and
how many lovers you’ve each had. After all, this is only a two-night stand and she may never see him again.

‘At least tell me which country you are from and what star-sign you are,’ he smiles.

‘I noticed your bookshelves are full of that sort of stuff.’

‘We already know a bit about each other then,’ he says.

‘My parents are Malaysian but my three sisters and I were born here,’ she informs him, then puts an end to the talking by leaning in and kissing him. Wineglasses are moved to one side and the two of them, like liquid, spill off the lounge and onto the floor. The crumbs in the rug irritate Alyssa’s carpet burn a little but she is determined to maintain her non-speaking role.

‘You are one sexy woman,’ he whispers into her ear as he crouches over her from behind and grabs a handful of her black waist-length hair.

That is exactly what Alyssa wanted to hear.

Alyssa can’t help herself. She visits Gerard the next night and the next. On the fifth night she ties rubber bands around her fingers so she can’t press the numbers on her phone. Then she sits on her hands. At ten-thirty, he calls her.

She can never stay over in case her mother rings her first thing in the morning, as she is prone to do, and finds
her gone. She sneaks back to her own place at three or four in the morning, switching off the headlights a few houses away from her driveway so she won’t disturb the neighbours.

On Christmas Eve she arrives at Gerard’s home to find that he has left the door unlocked and has placed a line of tea-light candles along the hallway leading to his bedroom. The first few visits were passionate and lustful, then sensual and romantic, and finally—as the thirtieth of December approaches and her flight is imminent—tinged with sadness as well. Little by little Alyssa and Gerard do talk and they discover mutual friends, matching star-signs, and that they enjoy many of the same interests.

After six nights of fever, and seven days of thinking about what is happening between them, Alyssa and Gerard face separation. He plaits her hair into a long braid and places a small white flower into each space all the way down her back. She writes down their email addresses for each other. She stands on tiptoe and they kiss one last time.

‘I’ll email you every day,’ she calls over her shoulder.

‘I’ll compose a song for you,’ replies Gerard.

Alyssa smiles to herself as she leaves his driveway.
Gerard isn’t the most practical man but he is certainly romantic
.

The next morning, instead of packing her bags, Alyssa is in Will’s lounge room again, but not as happily occupied as last time.

‘I don’t know him that well,’ says Will. ‘But I thought you’d have things in common. He’s hopeless with money. I had no idea you guys had been seeing each other so much. Didn’t think he was your type really.’

‘I didn’t think I would get so attached,’ Alyssa says, fiddling with a lounge cushion. ‘Do I have a type, do I?’

‘You generally prefer the gym junkies …’

‘They’re not gym junkies, but I know what you mean. I have, in the past, been known to go for the physical looks rather than the guy’s personality. But this time it’s entirely that: how he thinks and how he forces me to think about things! I’m a much better person for knowing him. I like the person I am when I’m with him.’

‘You are giving up a lot when you don’t really know how he feels …’

‘I know.’

‘Well, if you are really sure about it …’ says Will.

‘How can we ever be sure about anything?’ Alyssa mumbles to herself as she gets up to leave.

That evening Alyssa takes a big breath after the entrees are cleared away at the restaurant. She looks at her sister opposite her. ‘You are not going to like what I have to say, but please hear me out before you interrupt.’ Alyssa tells her of her decision not to go to America.