How to Forgive Even When You Can't Forget (5 page)

Resentment can sneak up on even
the best of us. It is how we handle it that matters — how and how
soon. The longer we let resentment linger, the more powerful it
becomes. The key to handling resentment is to deal with it
thoroughly and quickly. This allows you to forgive more
easily.

The Cure for Resentment

The cure for resentment, as with
many other negative emotions, is forgiveness. The only way to get
past resenting someone for something is to forgive that person for
that very thing. As devastating as resentment is, if it is open and
on the surface, it is usually relatively easy to correct once the
resent-er acknowledges his need to forgive and deal honestly with
the resent-ee.

Hidden or unrecognized resentment
is a thornier issue. Resentment can be a subtle but devastating
obstacle on the road to happiness and self-fulfillment. Unlike
outright anger or contempt, resentment can linger in our thoughts
and on our hearts without us realizing that it is there.

Because it is harder to spot, some
people will harbor deep resentment toward others without any
conscious knowledge that there is a problem. But when a situation
becomes tense, those old resentments find their way to the surface,
impeding resolution and fueling the fires of conflict.

If left unchecked, resentment can
linger after the situation is seemingly resolved. Often resentment
will still fester long after apologies are exchanged and all is
superficially forgiven. This concealed resentment poses a real
danger to our happiness.

The first step to releasing the
negative emotion and moving toward happiness is recognizing that
there is a problem. There are three common signs of concealed
resentment: distrust, questioning motives, and
bitterness.

Someone holding on to resentment
will often demonstrate an unfounded distrust and suspicion of the
other person, sometimes without consciously realizing it. It may be
in matters completely unrelated to the initial incident.

A Real World Example

Say two teenagers, Janie and
Susie, have a conflict over who misplaced Susie’s favorite
hairbrush. They may make up. They may apologize. They may appear to
move on completely.

But if Susie holds on to her
resentment, believing deep down that Janie really did take her
hairbrush, that resentment may boil over into other matters
altogether. She may hold Janie accountable for more than her fair
share of their homework project; she may think Janie is making
advances on Susie’s boyfriend. Resentment often spills over into
completely unrelated things in just this fashion.

If there is a lingering
resentment, it could show up in any interaction between the two,
even if it is completely unrelated to the original issue. In fact,
many times it is more likely to come up elsewhere because Susie
feels secretly ashamed for still resenting Janie after they made
up.

Fixed Attention

Another common sign of unsettled
resentment is an unusual level of attention to the other person’s
motives in mundane actions. This is really a manifestation of
projecting one’s own feelings of displeasure onto the other person.
Going back to the previous example of Susie and Janie, Susie may
think that Janie is suddenly acting “fake”. Susie finds herself
questioning if Janie really meant it when she said she liked her
earrings, or the real reason that Janie offered to drive them to
the mall.

The motive behind the other
person’s actions becomes more and more suspect as time goes on.
Soon, the offender is simply assumed to be duplicitous in
everything. Resentment like this can ruin a relationship quickly if
it is not dealt with properly.

Signs of Bitterness

The third sign is simply a certain
sourness or bitterness that shows itself whenever the other person
is around, though it may not necessarily be overtly directed at
that person. Many times resentment couples with the previously
mentioned sense of shame when a person knows that they should not
feel that way.

The result can be an unfocused,
unproductive sense of bitterness every time the other person is
around. Because the bitterness has become detached from the real
issue that sparked the resentment, it has no real focus and we tend
to lash out at anyone in the vicinity.

This presents a great danger to
our happiness because it affects not only our already troubled
relationship, but our other relationships as well. This can begin a
downward spiral, or domino effect, that works its way through the
resentful person’s entire life.

Resentment does not always focus
on a person. We can resent a pet, a company, a religion, even our
own bodies. In order to get past the feeling of resentment we need
to look at the root cause of our resentment.

Do I really resent the dog, or do
I resent my wife for buying the dog without consulting me? Is it
the church, or the gossipy neighbor who goes attends services
there? Not always, but usually, there is a person on the other end
of our resentment, a person who needs our forgiveness just as much
as we need to forgive them.

Afterword

True Forgiveness Is Your
Choice

Forgiveness is the cure for anger,
bitterness, resentment, and depression. The key is that in order
for the healing catharsis to take effect, you must truly and
sincerely forgive your offender. Mere lip service, repeating the
words of forgiveness like some sort of mantra will do nothing but
add an additional layer of guilt and disappointment on top of your
anger and bitterness.

True forgiveness has little to do
with words. Forgiveness is what is known as a “heart attitude”.
Heart attitudes are internal attitudes that radiate outward to
external expressions. It is the attitude, not the expression of it,
which heals a bitter and troubled soul.

Although many people feel a sense
of closure in forgiving a person face to face, it isn’t always
necessary or possible. While offering your forgiveness to the
offender is usually the ideal, you could truly forgive someone in
your heart even if you never saw or spoke to that person again. The
other person’s disposition or attitude toward you does not dictate
your ability to forgive. It is your heart; it is your
choice.

There is no instant karma in this
world. You cannot expect all ill feelings to flee your mind and an
immediate sense of peace to wash over you upon forgiving someone.
Though it may not happen in that moment, it will come. The
bitterness in your soul that stems from the hurt will go away. It
will. Truly, it won’t even take very long. Very soon after you stop
clinging to the anger, it will stop clinging to you.

Remember that no one else can take
your happiness away from you. No matter how circumstances may
buffet you, no matter what anyone else does to you; happiness, like
forgiveness, is a choice.

If you make a conscious decision
to choose to forgive, the choice to be happy will follow
easily.

Your Next Steps

Self-Activate Forgiveness with
Subliminal Healing Invocations

Don't Waste Another Day of Your
Life — Enjoy Life Again!

Because Forgiveness is not an
intellectual exercise — and you may understand now better what is
is — you may still express the wish for a simple solution to get
the process started. Intensive research on this topic shows that a
certain form of music combined with strong word invocations can
tremendously speed up the process.

From this research, we have
developed a special audio CD, which will instantly help you to
transform any negative emotions into free attention. And from there
you can simply make a choice of how you want to feel
again.

The Choice of Forgiveness
mini course on CD contains subliminal sessions to help you
master the art of forgiveness by consciously choosing to
forgive.

The Choice of Forgiveness
will teach you how the more free attention you have the
more empowered you are, and the more power you can exert on daily
life.

Why It Works — Scientifically
Proven Technology

The forgiveness phrases are spoken
in the left and the right channels simultaneously. This binaural
technology is the most effective way to disengage the conscious
mind from analyzing the words themselves and letting the
subconscious mind absorb 100 percent of their impact.

Listen to your session once per
day when you can relax and tune out the outside world. Usually
after just one session you will begin to release past negative
experiences and feel released with a flush of positive
feelings.

The soothing and gentle background
music was especially created to help you get in touch with deeper
feelings. There is nothing you need to do – simply listen and relax
and the process will instantly begin to work for you.

Master the Art of
Forgiveness

The CD also contains a thorough
introduction — using the power of forgiveness to release your past,
free your attention, and move on with your life. This will prepare
your mind for the following in-depth sessions. The introduction
gives you profound insights into why forgiveness is so essential
for a fulfilled life.

The methods contained in this CD constitute the most
powerful and effective ways to achieve overflowing joy, happiness,
an
d gratitude in your
precious life.

Master the art of forgiveness with
this profound and highly effective audio course on CD. Listen for
only 45 minutes a day and experience just how blissful and joyful
your daily life can be again.

Please check it out by clicking here

If this link, for any reason, does
not work please go to our website:

http://www.dreammanifesto.com/forgiveness

Wishing you the power to forgive
and move on . . .

Thomas Herold

Founder & CEO, Dream
Manifesto

Testimonials

“
Wow! That was a
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because of my anger toward people in my life.”

[Need attribute -TT]

“
The music
helped my feelings become more accessible and the phrases went into
my heart. What a powerful idea that forgiveness is beneficial to me
and is a skill to develop."

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OR

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If you are
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