How To Get Your Heart Broken (17 page)

The Truth About Lies

Even through closed
eyelids, I felt the sudden brightness that filled my room. I groaned, not
wanting to open my eyes to confront my visitor. I’d been sleeping a lot more
than usual lately, which meant that I’d started to lose my sense of time. But I
certainly didn’t feel like I’d been sleeping long enough to get woken up.

“Come on Elle, time
waits for no woman.”

I recognized Rachel’s
voice, but I reasoned that this was part of my dream since Rachel wasn’t even
talking
to me. Then I felt that terrible
sensation of having the covers pulled away. My eyes snapped open in annoyance.

“What do you want
Rachel?” I groaned.

She ignored me, going
into my closet and pulling out clothes. A tennis shoe hit the side of the bed.

“You know I can’t go
running,” I said exasperatedly. I closed my eyes again.

“No,” she agreed. I
felt her voice coming closer, she stood right over me. “But you
can
go walking.”

“I don’t want to!” I
exclaimed, imitating the guttural tone Lauren used when she didn’t get her way.

“Doctor said you’re
supposed to resume normal activity,” she said. I felt her motioning for me to
scoot over with her hands. I obeyed and felt her take a seat on the bed.

I opened my eyes just
a sliver to study her expression, “I didn’t know you were even talking to me.”

She sighed, “This is
important Elle. You’ve been a lazy bum these past few weeks and it’s not going
to help you recover.”

“Gee thanks,” I
mumbled sarcastically.

She shrugged as if to
say,
‘I’m just telling the truth.’

“First you used Ryan
as an excuse, and now you’re using my recovery. I think you’re just desperate
to hang out with me,” I said teasingly.

“You’re right, I’m
actually obsessed with you,” she deadpanned.

I let out a long sigh,
“There’s no getting out of this is there?”

It was a rhetorical
question. Rachel always got her way. I got up and dressed quickly. Anyway, I
knew she was right about me being “a lazy bum” lately.

It was later than the
time Rachel usually took her runs, I realized once we were outside. The sun was
already coming up.

I could see her
forehead creasing the way it always did when she was in deep thought. I tried
to wait for her to speak, but my impatience got the best of me.

“The suspense is
killing me,” I said.

“Maybe you should let it,
cause you’re not gonna like what I have to say,” she replied.

I waited.

“There’s something I
just want you to think about today.”

I stopped walking and
turned to face her.

“What’s more important
to you, your pride or your happiness?”

--

I shook my head,
wishing I could shake away thoughts about me and Rachel’s walk this morning.
She never bothered to elaborate on what she’d meant by her question. But I had
a
nagging
feeling it had something to
do with Jessie. I didn’t want to believe that I’d somehow fallen behind in
maturity and that Rachel was admitting mistakes I still hadn’t been able to
face. So I decided to focus on Ash instead.

She looked better
today. Slowly, but surely, she was recovering. She even apologized for ripping
up the letter, although I wasn’t sure why she apologized to
me
. She still wouldn’t budge about going
to see Julian, so I was relieved to see him when the door rang. As if they
hadn’t meddled enough in my life, it was my turn.

She sighed when I hand
delivered him to her room, “Eli, why do you hate me?”

I gave her a pitiful
look, “Oh sweetie, you’d never make it if I did.”

“Thanks, Eli,” Julian
said. He was still standing near then door as if Ash was a wild creature that
needed to be approached with caution.

Ash looked up to glare
at both of us.

“Go ahead,” I said,
motioning towards her, “She won’t bite.”

“Did you get my
letter?” He asked, slowly walking up to her.

“Oh, um, I think it’s
in the trash. Oops,” she shrugged sarcastically.

I was shocked to see
Ashton acting like this, especially with Julian. As I was obliged to be on
meddling duty, I decided to stay and make sure this got fixed.

“Ouch,” he said
putting a hand to his heart. “Ash, I don’t want you to be mad at me.”

“You can’t always get
what you want.”

“Look, I’m sorry I
didn’t come over, I thought you’d want some space‒”

“I do now.”

Every word she said
made me cringe, was this what I sounded like?

“Ashton,” I said from
the doorway, “Do you remember what I told you?”

She looked directly at
me, and I was sure she knew exactly what I’d meant.

“I don’t want to talk
to either of you.”

‘What’s more important to you, your pride
or your happiness?’

The
annoying question popped into my head again as I watched them.

He grabbed her hand
before she could exit the door, which I was still guarding.

“Ashton,” he said
again, as if those two syllables contained everything he needed to say. The way
he said them, it sounded as if they did. It was almost
too
much.

I could see her trying
to fight back the all too present tears. He wrapped his arms around her and
began to whisper soothing words into her hair. She seemed to surrender
completely, in a manner I was both jealous and afraid of.

And then all was well.

I sighed, if only all
of the world’s problems could be fixed so easily.

---

“You’re not
still mad at me, are you?” I smiled sweetly, pretending I didn’t already know
the answer.

I was
surprised I could even look at him. But I had come to the conclusion that I was
actually just a defective human being. Nothing I said or did matched the way I
felt, at least not when it came to him. I could hide shame with playfulness,
regret with sarcasm.
 

“Jessie?” I
called when he walked away from his front door, taking his silence as an indication
to come in.
 
“Okay, well, I just came to
talk to Julian so…”

He stopped
mid-walk, finally turning around, “What do you want with Julian?”

“What’s it
to you?” I asked, resting my hands on my hips.

He shook
his head, turning back around to walk away again.

The truth
was, I wanted to see Julian about Ashton. Just this afternoon I was encouraging
their reconciliation. But watching them together, my earlier suspicion was
reconfirmed. The Julian I saw in real life didn’t exactly match the one in
Ash’s diary. It wasn’t that he had done or said anything out of line, it was
that he hadn’t. Whereas his easy charm and romantic words seemed earnest is
Ash’s diary, today it sounded like he was playing a part. It made me afraid
that she saw something in him that wasn’t there, something better than the
reality.

“Okay,
bye!” I called after him as I ran up the stairs.

I gasped in
shock as I ran directly into Julian.
 

“Careful,”
he smiled as he grabbed onto my elbows to steady me; “You have enough injuries
as it is.”

My eyes
narrowed. Yep,
too charming.
I cocked
my head, trying to read him.

“So you
wanted to see me?” He asked after a moment of silence.

“Eavesdropping
much?” I retorted without thinking about it.

He gave me
a strange look, like he was afraid I would attack him. “Wow, Jessie wasn’t
kidding about you,” he mumbled.

“What? What
did he say about me?” I asked defensively, wondering what he must think of me
if Jessie had formulated his opinion.

“What’s it
too you?” He questioned with a stupid smirk on his face. The resemblance made
it easy for me to transfer my feelings for his brother onto him, and it took
all of my energy not to slap it off his face.

He laughed,
as if my anger was somehow amusing, “Come into my lair,” he said creepily,
leading me to what I hoped was his room. That was the difference, I decided;
both brothers were annoying as hell, but Julian was just plain weird.

“So, how
are you doing, Eli?” He squinted at me from the edge of his bed, his manner
uncomfortably reminiscent of a therapist’s.

I sat in a
nearby rocking chair without waiting for an invitation.

I looked
around his room, wondering how anyone could live in such a mess. I noted the
record player and guitar, the mess of books sprawled everywhere under layers of
clothes and balled up pieces of paper. It was hard to tell the color of his
walls as they were completely covered with posters, paintings, and pictures.
Notes written in permanent marker filled the gaps in between. His room did not
look like it belonged in this house, and I wondered if he was the same way in
his family.

“Character
flaw,” he shrugged when he noticed me looking around.
 

‘That’s an understatement.’
If I’d seen the room before I’d
met the owner, I probably would have assumed they were currently residing in a
psychiatric ward.

“Umm,” I
said for lack of words, trying to remember what I’d come here for.

“I want to
talk about Ashton,” I said triumphantly, finally managing to focus.

“Didn’t
think you were one for small talk,” he smiled.

“No,” I
agreed. “I don’t trust you.”

His eyes
widened, “I’m not often speechless, Eli.”

“Well, I’m
just being honest,” I shrugged. “We both know Ashton is too naïve for her own
good‒”

“On the
contrary‒”

“I think of
it as my job to protect her. And I take my job very seriously.”

“Well, I
can respect that Eli, but‒” he’d cut in again.

We’d began
talking over each other, but I was determined to get my point across, “She’s
very fragile, especially right now. And I’m sure you really are a decent
person. But decent people don’t always make good boyfriends,” I said, thinking
of Ryan. “I don’t think you’re serious about Ashton.
 
I think she’s some sort of project for you,
something to entertain you. And she’s completely serious about you; no one
deserves to get their heart broken like that!”
 

“Well, I
guess you know a lot about breaking hearts,” he said accusingly.

“What’s
that supposed to mean?” I asked, already frustrated at how this was turning
out.

“What’s
that expression?” He sighed, pretending to recall something, “Practice what you
preach.”

“Ok!” I
exclaimed, getting up, “I’m gonna go before I say something I regret.”

“Wait,” He
sighed, rushing to block the door, “Look, I just wish you’d stop playing with
my brother’s heart like that, but you know what? He can take care of himself.
And as far as Ashton goes, I’m not a bad guy; I’m not going to hurt her. And I
have a lot of respect for you, for being so loyal to your friends. But I wish
you’d give me the benefit of the doubt. Believe me I know all about not
trusting people.” His eyes seemed distant then, like Jessie’s sometimes were,
remembering some painful past that neither ever elaborated on.

“You can
trust me Eli.” His eyes never left mine; it was as if he were trying to
hypnotize me into believing it.

“It’s
something you have to earn,” I sighed, looking away.

“Yeah, I
get that, and‒”

“Holy crap
you have graffiti on your ceiling!”

“It’s a
long story,” he said distractedly, scratching his head as I stared in
amazement.

“You did
it?” I asked, both alarmed and impressed.

“Yes, but-”

“So you’re
a guitar playing bookworm with incredible graffiti skills?” I could barely wrap
my head around it even as I said it. “You see? I can’t read you, and that’s
what worries me,” I admitted, to say he was full of surprises wouldn’t began to
cover it.

“Well, I
guess you’ll just have to take a leap of faith,” he smiled.

I finally
looked away from his ceiling, “Okay, enough with the not-so-subtle hints, I
didn’t come here to talk about me.”

“Just
thought I’d try,” he shrugged. “You think I’m hard to read?” He asked after a
breath.

“I didn’t
mean it as a complement,” I clarified.

“No, never
that,” he nodded earnestly, “People normally think Jessie’s the one that’s hard
to read.”

“Your
brother’s an open book,” I rolled my eyes.

“Really?
You think so?”

I nodded.