How to Light Her Fire! (3 page)

The Emotional Connection Women Crave

Let’s explore what women need.

Number One,
numero uno
, all women want an
emotional
connection to their man.

My husband and I divorced after several years of marriage and everyone was shocked. I’d adored him when we married, sided with him against my parents when they criticized him for some little thing. If they weren’t respectful of him as my husband, I’d ask them to leave and wouldn’t allow them back in until their attitudes changed. My husband was a good provider and treated me with courtesy. However, after just a few years of marriage, my love turned to hate.

If he’d only known that one basic fact about women, about me, and had given me what I actually needed instead of what he
thought
I needed, I would have loved him forever, through whatever catastrophes life threw in our faces.

Why did I hate him? We had no emotional connection. When things began to go seriously wrong, I tried to talk to him. When he didn’t pay attention, I shrieked. In despair, I’d plead, tears streaming down face, for him to listen to me, to understand the pain I felt when he continued to do things that hurt me. To make sure he understood what hurt me, I told him. Some of the things hurt so much that they were fatal to our relationship, such as when he wasn’t man enough to stand up for me with his parents as I’d done for him. Like talking about me to friends in an unflattering way. I was loyal to him, would never demean him to others, so I felt I deserved the same consideration. Another thing was he never wanted to include me in some of his favorite activities. Believe me, I wasn’t thrilled to camp out with no running water, shoot an animal and help skin it and do everything else so the meat wouldn’t go bad, but I wanted to be a part of something he loved. Other women went and I felt excluded. Maybe I hadn’t been experienced, but because I loved him, I would’ve learned. He didn’t give me a chance. He preferred to go alone, just like his business trips. I could’ve lived with that, or even have understood if he’d rather go with buddies, but when it was a hunting party that included wives, I wanted to go. He didn’t want me. I can’t tell you how that made me feel.

But no matter what the differences were over the years, I’d tell him in detail, so he’d understand they hurt me and not do them again. Those things, which he shrugged off as inconsequential, were death to me - death to my spirit, my soul.

He didn’t listen. He’d sit with that far-away glaze to his eyes while I rambled on and on, trying to show him my pain, wanting desperately for him to understand, to do something about it. After I’d run down, when I was sitting there bleeding from my spirit, he’d silently go back to watching tv as if I’d been an unwanted distraction. I wanted to slug him.

Later, I’d feel guilty and apologize for shrieking. Oh, we women who were taught to be of service, how we screwed up our thinking. He’d sulk for a few days, I’d apologize, and we’d try to go on with life. He’d be happy the storm was over, not knowing that underneath the calm, the resentment was building again just like a tsunami.

The next time something triggered my buried emotions, I’d rant more, frustrated because nothing seemed to get through to him. All he’d see was a shrew screaming at him. Then, when I tried to explain again how I felt, he’d say,

“You’re bringing that up again?”

God, how I hated him.

Men: you can’t make a good life with your woman until you truly understand women need to connect. Not the same way you want to connect, but connect emotionally. Until you do, she won’t connect the way you want.

If your woman is raging, shouting, screaming at you and you have no idea what she’s talking about, for heaven’s sake, don’t run like a lily-livered coward. Don’t take cover, or blank out her anger. Instead, mold your face into sympathy and understanding, take her by the hand, lead her to the sofa or a comfortable chair, and calmly ask, “What’s wrong? Tell me so I can understand.”

I don’t care if you’re mentally counting the minutes until you can get back to your big-screen tv. Sit there and look into her eyes and pretend you care.

If you screw up everything else with her but manage that one thing, you’ll have a devoted mate for life. She

desperately wants understanding. She wants to vent, and most of all, she wants to feel an emotional connect to you.

Some men say, “That’s why she has girlfriends. I can’t be a girlfriend.”

Well, let me tell you, you’d better learn to be her friend. It’s not so hard. All she wants is someone to listen, and to care. The person who cares about her feelings is the person she’ll love with all her heart.

One more thing: if you practice showing care and understanding, one day you just might realize you’re no longer playing a part. You’ll truly care and you will have a woman who’ll adore you for life.

The Differences Between Dogs & Cats and How They Relate To You in Your Relationship

If you’re a dog man and you’ve never been around cats, I can almost bet you’ll be a lousy lover.

Why?

Cats are wonderful creatures with soft, silky fur, and they’ll curl up and happily snuggle with you - if you handle them right.

If they’re really happy with you, they’ll snuggle and purr. I don’t know the scientific reason and don’t care, but for most people, a cat’s purr is soothing and satisfying. I don’t know if it’s because our senses are attuned, but something relaxing and satisfying happens to most people

when their cat purrs near them. I’ve heard the same said

about harp music - it soothes and satisfies. There have even been scientific studies done about harp music and they’ve tried to determine if it’s the vibrations from the strings, although guitar music doesn’t have the same effect as a harp, so no official answers have been forthcoming. For now, it’s an unknown. It’s the same with a cat’s purr, but that’s not the reason I’m comparing them with a woman.

I’ve grown up with cats and have always loved them, but when my son was born, I wanted him to have a dog. For many years, we had both, and my son and I would watch as they’d play together. My cat never had to worry about my son’s dog attacking; I’d adopted her years before the dog, so it was her home first. She didn’t hesitate to let the puppy know she was boss. He, as a puppy full of curiosity, would gallop up to her with his tongue hanging out and almost bounce around her in his eagerness to play. She’d coolly watch him and you could almost see her eyes roll. When she had enough of his antics, she’d swipe him on the nose with her claws, turn around, swish her tail and saunter from the room. The puppy would back off and wonder what had happened. But those claws stung, and he learned to approach her gently. After they grew accustomed to each other, they got along beautifully and even played tag together, often chasing each other down the halls.

But a cat’s nature is different from a dog’s. When you come home to your dog, he’s so happy to see you that he’ll almost wet himself with excitement. And until you teach him differently, he’ll run up to you and try to jump into your arms and lick your face. You can almost hear him say, “Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!”

You pet the dog in the same manner, quick pats on his head, perhaps a few scratches to his muzzle or his ears, and he’ll follow you anywhere.

Your cat, however, may or may not greet you. Chances are she’ll look your way when you walk through the door, and if it’s dinnertime, she’ll follow you into the kitchen.

But no matter what, she won’t dance around you in joy over seeing you, and even when she’s playing, she’s cool. When

she wants your attention, such as when it’s her dinnertime, she’ll RUB herself against your ankles until you pay attention, but she’ll never prance around you.

That’s still not the major difference. The difference is:

You never pet a cat the way you pet a dog.

Use quick hard pats and her ears will flatten and she’ll flinch. She’ll walk or run away. But if you hold that cat in your arms,
stroke
her neck, her muzzle, her back, with long, sensuous strokes, she’ll purr in satisfaction and beg for more. When I’d rub my face gently against hers, she’d purr even louder.

Remember: Stroke her gently.
Never
pat.

L
earn those techniques for when you make love to your lady. If you don’t have a cat, get one. Pet her and watch her reactions.
Pay attention
. Learn what pleases her. Then use the same techniques on your lady. Soon you’ll have her purring and begging for more.

SEX

You Want It and She Doesn’t. What Can You Do About It?

Most everyone on the planet has heard, joked, and/or complained about the standard female response to sex:

“Not tonight, dear. I have a headache.”

I’ve used that same excuse, and occasionally it was even true. On the other hand, I found that an orgasm will often cure a headache. Perhaps it’s the blood cursing through my veins, or perhaps it’s the release of tension. I don’t know and I don’t care. I just know it works - with the right partner, someone who’s interested in pleasing me as well as himself. If he’s not, then I’m not interested in ‘going along’ for his pleasure. If I’m not interested in sex with someone, it’s usually because I’m not interested in them, or they’re a terrible, clumsy lover, and I don’t want to bother going through the motions.

So what
will
get me interested?

It’s simple: A good lover. But what makes a good lover? Each woman is different, and what turns me on physically might leave another woman cold. But two things we, as the female sex, agree will get us interested are:

2 Surefire Ways to get Her Interested

1) Emotional Response

2) Physical Response

How to make her responsive:

If you forget everything else, remember this one rule:

Before you can turn her on physically, you must appeal to her emotionally. Or, think of it this way: Turn Her on Emotionally, and she’ll respond Physically

Emotional Response

Romance works with women. If you’re not sure, just check book sales for romance novels, over a billion-dollar industry. We’ll discuss them in the next section.

In the old days of courting, a man brought his lady candy

and flowers. It still works today, even if you’re married with children. If you have romance on your mind, romance her.

Bring her flowers. If you’re on a budget, instead of picking them up from the florists, stop by the grocery store. They have some lovely bouquets. If that’s too much, a single flower or one or two rose buds, are beautiful.

Whatever choice you make, she’ll know you thought of her and it’ll mean a lot. Candy is a big treat. If again,

you’re watching your pennies, instead of hocking next week’s pay for a box of See’s Candy, stop by the quick-stop or drug store and buy one bar. It’s usually under a dollar, or perhaps more, depending on where you live. But whatever you choose, she’ll know you thought of her and she’ll melt.

If you’re married with children, help her with the chores she feels she must finish before she can have free time. Chances are, if she’s a working mom, she has to fix dinner, feed children, do laundry, and on and on. Show her you

understand what she has to do and offer to help. Let her know by touching her and warm looks that you’re interested. If she doesn’t respond, kiss her gently and let her go. Believe me, she’ll remember that gesture and give it a lot of thought. If she’s like most women, she’ll think about how wonderful you were and be more responsive next time. She might even decide you’re so thoughtful that she’ll drop whatever she’s doing and march right back to you for more. It doesn’t always work, but women respond with their minds as well as their bodies. If she decides you’re wonderful, she’ll show you.