How to Light Her Fire! (4 page)

PAY ATTENTION TO THE SMALL THINGS

Not long ago a movie, The Mirror has Two Faces, played on tv which had done fairly well in the theaters. The main characters were at the beginning of their relationship, and so far, they’d had dinner together several times, but the relationship had not progressed beyond friendship.

The female character had always ordered extra dressing with her salad, but this time, she forgot to order the extra, so before her date gave his order, he asked the waiter for the extra dressing for her. The look she gave him would have melted iron, and we knew, ah ha! She was his for the taking.

Why did such a seemingly little thing turn her on?

He had paid attention
- to her likes, AND, by paying attention, he demonstrated he cared. She opened to him like a morning glory to the sun.

Are you
paying attention
to your lady’s wants and needs?

By the end of the first date with my future husband, I knew how much cream and sugar he liked in his coffee. After

several years of marriage, my husband had no clue how I liked my iced tea. He’d never paid attention.

He loved coffee and I realized immediately after marriage that he drank it all day long. I, on the other hand, enjoyed a morning cup or two, but preferred iced tea or soda the rest of the day. Because I loved and appreciated my husband, I made sure he always had a fresh pot available, and when we were watching TV or even reading, I’d ask if he’d like a cup. If he replied favorably, I made it, mixed in the right amount of cream and sugar and brought it to him.

Never, in all the years we were married, did he ever ask if I’d like a glass of tea or soda, even when he was getting something for himself. And one time I asked if he’d bring a glass of iced back to me and he had to ask how I wanted it. That was after several years of marriage.

Did that make me feel special? Did that make me open to him?

Pay Attention
. Remember the small things. That will get you the physical response you desire.

Physical Response

R
epeat to yourself:
If I turn her on emotionally, she’ll respond physically.

Physical Techniques Women Like:

Touching

Women want to be touched, caressed, stroked, and we love to cuddle. Before going to sleep, I loved to snuggle against my husband. It made me feel warm, loved, and safe. I also loved to go to bed early and snuggle against him and read.

My husband, however, did not like to snuggle.

The only time he allowed it for more than a couple of minutes was directly after sex, and even then, he’d soon get up and go to the bathroom.

Talk about starving skin...

But what’s worse, over the years I began to avoid touching him as well, and I realized it was carrying over to other people in my life, my children, parents, and friends. I became aloof, cold. What a terrible thing.

I should have realized before we married that we weren’t a match. I had a feeling after we’d danced together because our techniques were so different:

I swayed - he bounced. I loved to get close on the slow dances and hold hands. He didn’t.

Please, guys, touch your lady. Take some leisurely time to kiss her and stroke her cheek. Cuddle with her and tell her you love her. Tell her you love the smell of her, the taste of her skin, even if she’s been working and is not that fresh. Look into her eyes as if she’s the most important thing in your life, and you’ll soon be the most important in hers.

The Art of Kissing

I love to kiss, and to me, there’s nothing more arousing than a man kissing me again and again until my knees are weak. Even then, I don’t want to stop.

Other than the actual act of sex, having a skilled man kiss me is the most erotic pleasure I know. But he must know how to kiss. Opening his mouth wide and sticking his tongue down my throat is not sensual and it’s certainly not erotic.

I can still remember when my first serious boyfriend and I left a middle school dance early and parked. We did nothing for the next hour other than kiss, but it was so erotic that I can still remember it fondly twenty years after leaving that school.

Why do I remember it so fondly?

Because my boyfriend and I decided to learn and we explored our mouths. We didn’t have sex, we didn’t even grope each other’s genitals. We did nothing but kiss.

We French-kissed, we kissed lightly and then with more pressure. I rubbed his lips with mine, and he did the same to me. We kissed with our mouths open and then tried with them shut. We tried everything we could think of and probably invented a few in that hour. We discovered what gave us pleasure, and I still think of him as the best kisser I’ve ever had the pleasure to kiss. Often I’ve wished that he didn’t live to far away because I’d love another session with him. Sessions like that could easily become addictive, but I’d risk it because no one else has ever kissed me with the sense of wonder, of sensuality, and with that much pleasure.

Explore with your lady, because what a previous lover liked may leave your lady cold. Learn what pleases
her
. Take some time with her and just kiss, exploring her lips with yours.

My longtime lover and I found that starting with a gentle, unhurried kiss felt so wonderful that it always led to more. We’d begin with brushing our lips together, then I’d gently draw his lower lip into my mouth and suck, and then I’d run my tongue over his lip. I may do the same with his top lip, but usually by then, he was drawing my lip into his warm mouth. When he’d gently suck my lip, I’d get so wet that my knees would weaken, so I always tried to make sure we were lying on the sofa, or bed, together.

And no, we didn’t grope each other’s crotches. We kept kissing. I loved those times and often wished my current lover would do the same, but after a couple of kisses, he’d want intercourse. That would be okay, except after sex, he’d no longer be interested in kissing.

I
think I need an older man, one who’s developed patience, because I miss that pleasure. Or perhaps I’ll teach him to kiss, take him to the large sofa, push him down on the soft pillows and just start kissing.

Doing
IT

Positions and Why They’re Important

Because of a woman’s physical anatomy, her clitoris - a woman’s sexual nerve center similar to a man’s penis, only much smaller - sits above her vagina. Because of its location, it’s a huge reason for female sexual frustration. If you learn about female genitals and pay attention to your lady’s responses, she’ll want sex with you.

A Woman’s Genitals

The clitoris and the vagina are two separate parts of the female body just as the penis and testicles are separate in the male. When you look at a woman’s genitals, the first thing you’ll see is the labia majora, the thick, outer lips that help protect the inner organs. Inside the outer lips is a second smaller set, labia minora.

The Clitoris

Pay Attention, because this tiny organ is the secret to female satisfaction.

The clitoris is located on the outside of the female body just above the opening of the vagina. It’s a small protrusion that becomes more pronounced when a woman is aroused.

Since it sits above the vagina, the two of you need to explore different ways for that little organ to be stimulated. It’s truly the only way most women can reach orgasm. The clitoris is often called ‘the little penis’ because, like a man’s penis, it’s the sexual nerve center in a woman’s body.

A small nub of a button, it possesses several thousand nerve endings, and its only function is pleasure for the female. When it’s stroked or rubbed, it, like the male penis, begins to swell and fill with blood, and again like the male, once orgasm has been achieved, the clitoris loses it’s rigidity and returns to a soft state.

Some women are fortunate enough to be able to reach orgasm with other stimulations such as having their nipples sucked, but that’s
rare
. The clitoris needs stroked, rubbed, or sucked, just as a man needs stimulation on the head of his penis to reach satisfaction.

Just imagine for a moment, how it would feel to you if you only had the shaft of your penis stimulated during sex. While it might be pleasant, could you reach orgasm? Even if you could, wouldn’t you desperately need the head touched, stroked, rubbed, or sucked? That’s how a woman feels. And all the vaginal stimulation in the world, as depicted in Triple X-rated movies, won’t bring her to orgasm if the clitoris is ignored.