How to Sew a Button: And Other Nifty Things Your Grandmother Knew (27 page)

Step 1:
Divide a piece of paper into two columns. In the first, list objects you might like to trade (e.g.,
Battlestar Galactica
season 3 DVDs, a set of naughty salt-’n’-pepper shakers, an old Mac) and skills you have to offer (e.g., pie making, button sewing, scarf knitting). In the second, list goods or services you need or want (e.g.,
Battlestar Galactica
season 4 DVDs, a piano lesson, a box of handmade thank-you cards).

Step 2:
Open your pie hole. Ask your friends or acquaintances if they’d be willing to barter with you. If you have good relationships with any local business owners, whether it’s your lawyer, accountant, or that cool jewelry designer down the street, broach the subject of trading services with them, too (of course,
before
you do business). If you’re rejected, don’t take it personally.

Step 3:
If you are friends only with ultracapitalist banker types who respond only to green, first, reevaluate your life. Next, go online to find other traders. Two good starting points:
FreeCycle.org
and
CraigsList.org
. Both sites allow you to post your goods and services and search the marketplace to see what others are offering.

Step 4:
Keep spreading the word. As the word about your openness to trade gets out, people will begin to come to you.

• If you know someone with a garden, orchard, or farm, offer to pulls weeds, prune trees, or pick vegetables in return for a small harvest of your own (say, a basket of tomatoes, a peck of apples, or a pan of beans).
  

• If you’re thinking this all sounds too terribly awkward, well, it can be at first. But the reward both parties will feel after making a good trade makes it all worth it.
  

Joining
Your community is your safety net. Don’t be a loner. The more you give, the more you get
.

Step 1:
Start off right. Welcome new folks to the neighborhood with some baked goods, a bouquet of flowers, a bottle of wine, or just a smile and a chat. (If you’re the newbie and your neighbors are shy, introduce yourself.) The better neighbor you are, the better neighbor you’ll have.

Step 2:
Lend a hand. If you see your neighbor struggling with a grocery bag, offer help. If they’re heading out of town, offer to keep an eye on their house, collect their mail, feed their dog, or water their plants. If they need to borrow something, like a cup of sugar or
a jigsaw, be generous. You’ll find that when you need help, they’ll be there for you, too.

Step 3:
Set boundaries. Resist the temptation to snoop, lurk, or peep over the hedges. Aim for friendly, not smothering. Respect your neighbors’ privacy, and they’ll respect yours, too.

Step 4:
Pipe down. There is at most a yard and at least a thin wall that separates you from the folks next door, so keep your noise to a minimum. Calm your yipping dog, turn down your hip-hop, run your vacuum cleaner during the day, and try not to get too, ahem, carried away at night. If in doubt, remember the Golden Rule, and ask yourself what you’d like to hear your neighbors doing.

Step 5:
Keep it clean. If the Maysles show up at your door asking permission to shoot
Grey Gardens 2
, you’ll know you’ve let a few things slide. Keep your lawn reasonably manicured, and your yard and house free of trash and clutter. You want your neighbors to enjoy living next to you, not cringe whenever they pass by.

• If your kids befriend the neighbors’ kids, hooray! Just call them home for meals, lest they become a burden to the folks next door.
  

• Don’t judge. Even if your neighbors aren’t exactly like you—say, they’re a couple of very handsome men, a family who reenacts the nativity each December in their front yard, or a couple who spends their Sundays in renaissance fair outfits—open your heart. You can learn the most from people who are the most different from you. Heck, you may even learn to love them.
  

Step 1:
Assess the situation. When you live in close quarters, chances are your neighbors will annoy you at some point, just as you’ll annoy them. If they’ve committed a onetime offense—say, their dog pooped in your yard, their trash blew into your driveway, or they played “The Electric Slide” embarrassingly loud one night—give them a break. But if it happens with regularity, or if they’re doing something that can harm your happiness or property value, proceed to step 2.

Step 2:
Nip it in the bud. If you’re friendly with your neighbor, give her a ring, or better yet, invite her over for coffee some afternoon. Without anger, judgment, or accusation, discuss your problem openly and honestly. You just might find that she had no idea she was bothering you and would be more than happy to change her ways. Or, she may just need a little help, so offer to chip in.

Step 3:
If that doesn’t work, or you feel at all threatened, enlist help. Report the issue to the local authorities (anonymously, if you’d
like) and ask your other neighbors, including any merchants, to do the same.

Step 4:
Organize your neighborhood. Consider calling a meeting with your neighbors to discuss possible solutions to whatever problem is afflicting you. You’ll have a better shot at combating the nuisance (or danger) if you join together.

• If you get to know your neighbors in the first place, you’ll be better equipped to deal with any problems that may arise in the future.
  

• Never confront your neighbors in anger. If you’re too steamed up, have a martini, go to sleep, wake up happy, and then approach them the next day after you’ve chilled out. You never want to say or do something you might regret. After all, you have to live next to these people.