How to speak Dragonese (15 page)

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SNOT-LOUT!" and the Bog-Burglars replied with cries of "CAMI-CAZI! CAMI-CAZI! CAMI-CAZI!"

"Oh, for Thor's sake!" said Fishlegs. "I'm not having
this
happening all over again! This was nothing to do with you, Snotlout -- you weren't even THERE, for Thor's sake! It was
Hiccup
who just saved all our lives,
Hiccup
who had the clever plan, and
Hiccup
is the Heir to the Hairy Hooligans!"

"PUSH him, Fishlegs," advised Camicazi from her mother's shoulder.

Fishlegs gave Snotlout a big shove in the stomach.

Ordinarily, Fishlegs would never have been able to push Snotlout over. But the shield Snotlout was holding above his head made him a little unsteady. He fell overboard into the water with an enormous splash.

There was a bit of a horrified silence.

And then Chief Stoick the Vast threw back his great hairy head and shouted out "HA HA HA!" in a huge guffaw.

The cheers of the watching Tribes turned to great yells of laughter, for there is nothing they enjoy more than a really simple joke where someone falls over or gets wet or covered in mud. So they laughed as long

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and loudly and rudely as only Vikings can -- splitting their sides and bending over double and thumping each other on their hairy backs -- as the sun set on Saturn's day Saturday in a spectacular display of red and pink and gold.

Snotlout was pulled out of the sea by his father, Baggybum the Beerbelly, still clinging onto the shield of Grimbeard the Ghastly. And even Snotlout was forced to join in the laughter so he didn't look like a bad sport. "Hiccup," said Stoick at last, wiping the tears from his eyes. "I have a present for
you
..."

Stoick led Hiccup over to the back of
The Blue Whale
and there, being dragged behind by a rope, was the familiar sight of a small, fat boat with a slightly wonky mast and a drunken wobble to the left...

"The Hopeful Puffin!"
exclaimed Hiccup joyfully. "Gobber dived down into the Harbor and brought her up for you," beamed Stoick.

"I mended a couple of holes for you," boomed Gobber, slapping Hiccup on the back. "We'll make a Viking of you yet."

"Maybe you and your dragon, Juiceless, and Fisheggs and Cami-whatsit here could lead us back to Berk in triumphant procession?" said Stoick. "After all,

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it's not
every
day that the noble Tribes of Bog-Burglar and Hooligan have their Heirs returned to them ..."

As darkness fell all around them, the islands of the Archipelago turned from green to gray and then to black, and the Viking Warriors lit the flares that hung along the sides of the gently rocking ships.

The Electricsquirms flickered into life and danced across the ocean like little fiery sparks, trailing tails of sparkling, dusty light behind them.

The sea was as flat as glass, and the reflection of the full moon in the water made a flickering path of moonbeams, leading all the way up to the distant silhouette of the Isle of Berk on the horizon.

Hiccup and Toothless and Fishlegs and Camicazi climbed on board
The Hopeful Puffin,
which seemed none the worse for having been down to the bottom of the ocean and come back up again.

And if strangers could have observed that nighttime procession they would have thought it odd indeed to see the progress of the Viking warships that night.

For were not the Vikings supposed to be the Masters of the Seas, the greatest pirates and navigators the world has ever known?

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And now here were these two great, snaking, flaming lines of Hooligan and Bog-Burglar ships, zigzagging wildly this way and that, turning round in circles and doubling back on themselves, laughing and apologizing and cursing in the darkness.

They were all following the lead of one tiny boat at the front,
The Hopeful Puffin,
as she twirled and spun and revolved in her own peculiar way across the path of the moon toward Berk.

[Image: The sun.]

232

EPILOGUE BY HICCUP HORRENDOUS HADDOCK THE THIRD, THE LAST OF THE GREAT VIKING HEROES

Here I am, back where I started; this all happened such a long, long time ago.

But now I come to think of it, if I look around the desk where I am writing now I can see things all around me that remind me of that time.

The hook of Alvin the Treacherous hangs on my wall like a golden question mark. By the door rests the shield given to me by the Fat Consul.

I have taken that shield into battle with me all my life, much to the amusement of my friends, for instead of being circular like Viking shields it is square in the Roman fashion.

But then I have always been somewhat of a square peg in a round hole.

Even the quill with which I am writing now is made out of a Roman golden eagle's feather that I found in my cell at Fort Sinister.

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I look at these things and I remember, and what I remember most clearly is the moment when the balloon rose out of the jabber and hullabaloo of the prison of Fort Sinister and into the clear blue sky like a perfectly round bubble of happiness, or a balloon of thought.

I remember the quiet stillness of that moment, floating free of all care and worry, suspended magically in the endless nothingness of the air below and above us.

I remember my child-self looking down over the rim of the basket and seeing my entire world laid out beneath me like a map in a made-up story. For the first time I saw that the place where I lived and struggled and worried was part of an Archipelago of staggering beauty: hundreds of tiny green islands set in a shimmering blue sea.

And suddenly I realized with such clearness what pinpricks we were on this ocean universe. What swaggering insects! What posturing amoebas!

But size isn't everything, as I am always telling Snotlout. However small we are, we should always fight for what we believe to be right. And I don't mean fight with the power of our fists or the power of our

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swords. That has always been the problem with us Vikings. I mean the power of our brains and our thoughts and our dreams.

And as small and quiet and unimportant as our fighting may look, perhaps we might all work together like the numberless armies of Ziggerastica, and break out of the prisons of our own making. Perhaps we might be able to keep this fierce and beautiful world of ours as free
for all of us
as it seemed to be on that blue afternoon of my childhood.

Once, my hand held the sword Endeavor so strongly. Now that same hand is as brown and wrinkly as an old salt kipper as it writes these words slowly and shakily across the page. The ink splutters and splotches where once it ran so smoothly. Sometimes I forget what I was doing last Tuesday, let alone sixty-five years ago.

[Image: Sea.]

But the winds will still blow when I am no longer here. The storms will still rage, and the forces of

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Empire and oppression, be they Roman or otherwise, will still be waiting at the corners of the ocean.

The fight goes on for the Heroes of the Future.

[Image: Light bulb.]

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The Sting in the Tale

Surely, surely, that must be the end of
Alvin the Treacherous,
last seen dropping from a height into a heaving mass of Sharkworms? And surely, surely,
there must be a happy ending at last for all our Viking warriors large and small?

But as with many happy endings, there is a sting in
the tale. In this case, unknown to everybody, in the
confusion when the balloon fell out of the sky, one of
our Heroes was stung with a single drop of poison from
the terrible tail of the Venomous Vorpent.

And, as everybody knows, the sting of the Venomous Vorpent is absolutely always fatal...

Which of our Heroes was unlucky enough to be stung?

Look out for the next volume of Hiccup's memoirs...

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[Image: A dragon.

I don't like happy endings.

They are too neat, too nice

I like a little spice in my stories.

So this is Not a happy ending.

It is just "Toodlcoon secyasoon..."

Which is Dragonese for "the story continues."]

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Read more of Hiccup's memoirs...

HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON
by Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III

Translated from the Old Norse by Cressida Cowell

Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III was a truly extraordinary Viking hero, known throughout the Viking kingdom as "the dragon whisperer" on account of his power over these terrifying beasts. But it wasn't always like that...

In fact, in the beginning, Hiccup was the most put-upon Viking you'd ever seen. Not loud enough to make himself heard ¡u dinner with his father, Stoick the Vast; not hard enough to beat his chief rival, Snotlout, at Bashyball; and CERTAINLY not able to control his lazy dragon Toothless!

Read about Hiccup Horrendous Haddock Ill's rise to fame and desperate dragon-training exploits.

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Read more of Hiccup's memoirs ...

HOW TO BE A PIRATE
by Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III

Translated from the Old Norse by Cressida Cowell

Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III was
a
Viking hero - dashing, brave and ever so clever. Hut even Viking heroes had to start somewhere...

Hopeless at advanced rudery, awful at badd spelling and truly pathetic at spitting, Hiccup blunders his way through the Pirate Training Program and unsuccessfully attempts to seek out Grimbeard the Ghastly's treasure --- not exactly the skills needed to be a great Viking chieftain!

Find about Hiccup before he became known throughout the land for his awesome sword-lighting skills'...

"A must read
."
The Hooligan Observer
"Ground-breaking and inspiring." The Viking Times

[Image: A book.]

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WHAT GROWN-UPS SAY ABOUT HICCUP:

"Cowell is a new star in children's fiction."
Amanda Craig, The Times

"... one of the most enjoyable and original children's stories I have heard in a long time."
The Independent

"This book is great fun and has a Blackadderish sense of humour ... full of the sort of jokes that make schoolboys snigger."
The Sunday Times

"Bulging with good jokes, funny drawings and dramatic scenes, it is absolutely wonderful."
The Independent on Sunday

WHAT CHILDREN SAY ABOUT HICCUP:

"I bought
How to Be a Pirate
this week and read it in three days. I couldn't put it down; please write another soon."
Jonathan from York

"I really really love your book
How to Train Your Dragon.
It's the best book I ever read!"
Amber from Herts

"If I was given £20 to spend on books,
How to Train Your Dragon
would be number one on my list. This book was funny, ridiculous, crazy, brilliant, mind boggling and ... well, there aren't any more words to describe it. It just shows I'm speechless!"
Kim from Year 5