Hunger: Volume 4 (2 page)

I
woke up with a start. I rolled off a bad and landed face down on the floor. I
groaned in pain. The hunger was back full force. It was what woke me up in the
first place. I laid my head down trying to focus.

“You
have to feed,” Aubrey said.

The
sound of his voice was both relieving and painful. I knew I was safe with him,
but I knew he wouldn’t be happy with me for going after Cornelius. Now I was a
vampire. I wasn’t even sure if he would love me anymore. “No,” was all I could
manage to say.

“You
will not die. You will only suffer. You have to feed or I will make you. I
refuse to watch you suffer,” he said angrily. I could hear him move closer to
me.

He
grasped me around the waist, and pulled me to my feet. I looked up at him. I
felt so weak I didn’t think I could hold my own weight. “I know you are angry
with me,” I said softly.

His
expression softened and he ran his hand over my cheek. “Don’t worry about any
of that. I just can’t watch you suffer. Please feed. I will not let you hurt
anyone. Luca is safe. He is recovering. You obviously have control or you would
have killed him.”

I
looked at him fearfully. “I had to fight so hard. The only thing that stopped
me was my love for him. If I don’t have feelings for the person I know I won’t
be able to stop myself.”

He
watched me for a minute longer then he lifted me, and carried me back to the
bed. “I will get you someone you cannot hurt,” he said and walked out leaving
me alone.

My
body felt weightless, but I felt like I was starving. I was so hungry. I
squeezed my eyes shut and tried to fight the feeling. It was getting harder and
harder to fight.

The
door opened again and Aubrey walked in followed by Drake. Drake looked a little
hesitant. Aubrey’s big idea was to have me feed on Drake. Drake was a werewolf,
so I couldn’t hurt him very easily. Drake didn’t look like he wanted to
volunteer for the job.

Aubrey
walked over to me and lifted me so I was in a sitting position. “Drake please
come here,” Aubrey said softly.

Drake
reluctantly walked over to us and offered Aubrey his wrist. Aubrey bit into
Drake’s wrist. The scent of fresh blood hit me. My mouth watered as my eyes
stayed locked on the stream of blood coming from Drake’s wrist. Aubrey pressed
Drake’s wrist to my mouth. Hot blood filled my mouth. I cried in relief and
grasped his wrist. I could feel Drake stiffen, and Aubrey tightened his hold on
me. I felt my body strengthen and the hunger ease. It felt like taking a sip of
cold water after having none for hours.

“That’s
enough love,” Aubrey whispered as he pulled Drake’s wrist out of my grasp.
Drake turned and walked out. Aubrey cradled me as he stroked my hair. I felt a
lot better, but I was still tired. I wanted more, but I pushed the thought
away. It was easier to do now that I had a little.

“What
happens now?” I asked as I laid in his arms content.

“I
don’t know,” Aubrey said as he gently kissed my head. “I suggest you come see
your friends. They are worried about you.”

The
thought was not an appealing one. I didn’t want everyone seeing me like this. I
was a monster. I wasn’t even sure if I was the same person. “I don’t know if I
can,” I said softly.

Before
Aubrey could speak the door slammed open startling me a little. Colin stood
there taking in the scene in front of him. “You went anyway? Against everyone’s
warning!” he yelled angrily.

I
sat up slowly. I knew he would be the maddest of them all. “I thought I was
strong enough to handle him,” I said feeling chided.

He
scoffed. “Aubrey can barely handle Cornelius. How could you possibly think you
could?” he asked angrily.

“I
wasn’t thinking, and now I am paying for it. Yelling at me isn’t going to solve
anything,” I countered trying not to lose my temper.

Colin
looked at Aubrey. “This is your fault for showing her.”

Aubrey
stood obviously offended by his remark. “I suppose you thought it best that she
be lied to. After all you used to be a hunter. Now you are masquerading as a
vampire who it part of a rag tag resistance because you can’t make it with the
real vampires,” Aubrey countered.

Colin
moved in a blur of speed and slammed Aubrey up against the wall. “I care about
her! I knew this would happen if she was told. You led her right to him. I
wouldn’t be surprised if you were working with your dear brother!” Colin spat.

Aubrey
shoved him back and straightened his clothes. “I did no such thing, and I won’t
justify a fight with you over this. Perhaps your entire issue is over the fact
that she is mine, not yours.”

Colin
scoffed. “You are no good for her,” he growled then stormed out.

I
looked at Aubrey not sure what to say. “I know everyone is angry. I can’t
change anything now,” I said softly.

He
sighed. “They will get used to it. Just give them a while. Luca is asking for
you so I suggest you go check in before he gets antsy.” He walked out without
waiting for my reply. I knew he was angry at me just like Colin was. I didn’t
know what to do. I didn’t plan on being changed. Cornelius claimed he was going
to kill me. Part of me was beginning to think that would have been the better
option.

I
knocked gently on the door to Luca’s room. I wasn’t entirely sure what I was
going to say. We hadn’t addressed the fact that he had been lying the entire
time I knew him. I wasn’t even really sure how I was going to address it, or
even if I should.

The
door opened and Luca looked me over. He looked slightly relieved. He pulled me
into a hug. I stiffened a little. As much as I tried not to let it I could feel
the hunger just beneath the surface. I could hear his heart pumping the blood
through his veins. I was starting to understand vampires, and I didn’t like it.
I pulled away and pushed the hunger back down. “Aubrey said you wanted to see
me.”

He
nodded as he pulled me into the room and shut the door behind me. “I wanted to
make sure you were ok. I didn’t mean to knock you out like that. You were
talking about finding werewolves. I didn’t realize they were your friends like
that.”

“It’s
ok. I understand you were afraid. I was too,” I said softly as I sat down on
the bed.

“What
are you going to do now?” he asked as he sat down next to me.

“Stay
here I supposed. Find a way to kill Cornelius. I have a few plans,” I said
absently as I looked around. It looked like he had made himself at home in
Aubrey’s hideout.

“I
was going to try to join Colin’s group, but as you can imagine he isn’t very
happy with me. He seems determined to blame everyone for what happened,” he
said dryly.

“I
know, he was yelling at Aubrey earlier. So are you staying here then?” I asked
watching him. I thought it was a little amusing that he was going to stay in a
vampire hideout. I frequented the place, but I didn’t stay permanently and I
never imagined I would.

“Aubrey
said I could. I want to stay wherever you are. I swear from now on I will never
lie to you again.” He sounded more like he was begging for my approval then
asking.

I
wanted to be angry with him, but for some reason I couldn’t be. We had too much
history. There were so many times when he was the only one there for me. He was
my only family. In a way I had betrayed him by joining the renegades just as
much as he had betrayed me. He was young and following orders, maybe I was just
being selfish. Everything seemed so messed up. Nothing was clear to me like it
had been before. “I don’t really know what I am going to do. Whatever it is, I
don’t want you getting hurt.”

“I
owe you,” he said softly.

I
sighed as I stood. “No you don’t. You didn’t know any better. It would be safer
for you to avoid me.” I turned to walk away, and he caught me by my wrist.

“I
won’t take no for an answer,” he said firmly like he wasn’t going to be swayed.

I
smiled softly. “Just get some rest. I will see you around,” I said as I pulled
away from him. I walked out leaving him sitting there. I wasn’t sure what I was
going to do next so I walked to the bar. I needed a drink. Vampires seemed to
drink alcohol a lot. I was hoping it would help me think more clearly in some
way, but I doubted it.

I
stepped into the bar. The place quieted. It was probably shocking for some of
them to see a hunter turned into a vampire. They were probably worried I would
kill them. I could imagine a normal hunter would have been angry if he or she
were turned. The vampires probably thought I was out for revenge.

I
ignored all the curious and worried stares, and walked to the bar. I took a
seat and the bartender looked me over. “Tough night?”

“You
have no idea. I’ll take anything as long as it is strong,” I muttered.

He
smiled and started mixing me a drink.

“Well
I see you found Cornelius,” Justin said sounding slightly amused as he took a
seat next to me.

“I
am glad you think it’s funny,” I growled trying to control my temper. I noticed
I was really quick to get angry, but not very quick to get sad or happy. It
kind of bothered me.

He
sighed. “It isn’t funny. It was kind of expected. Well I thought you would be
dead. I didn’t think Cornelius was dumb enough to keep you alive.”

“You
know what; it is funny. I thought he would kill me too. I guess I am not that
lucky,” I said dryly.

“You
really aren’t” he said amused.

I
smiled and shook my head. At least he felt the same way I did about the whole
thing. He was the only one not acting like I was an idiot. It was actually a
relief to be around someone who wasn’t giving me a look of disappointment.

“There
you are. Did you check in with Luca?” Aubrey asked as he came to stand beside
me. He signaled the bartender to make him a drink as he did.

I
nodded. “I hear he is going to stay here for a while.”

“Until
I can get Colin to take him, but as you can tell Colin and I aren’t on the best
of terms,” he said dryly.

“What
do I do now?” I asked quietly as I spun the glass in front of me.

He
watched me for a second then looked away. “You learn control, learn your
abilities, you do what every other vampire in the world does.”

I
sighed as I stood. “That isn’t good enough,” I muttered then downed my drink. I
turned and walked toward the exit. I wanted to get out of the place. I didn’t
want to be a vampire.

Aubrey
appeared in front of me. “Where are you going?” he asked in a clipped tone.

“For
a walk. Why?” I asked. I was a little annoyed that he was attempting to block
me from leaving.

“You
had a hard time resisting a hunter’s blood. That is far less appealing than a
human’s blood. I cannot allow you to walk outside when a buffet is waiting,” he
snapped.

“I
already fed. I will be fine,” I countered.

He
scoffed. “You had barely anything. Just enough to sate your hunger temporarily.
I guarantee the minute you see a human you will rip their throat out. Do you
want that?” He was speaking louder than necessary. Everyone in the bar was
watching us and it was slightly embarrassing. I felt like a child he was
reprimanding. In a way I guess I was.

“Fine,
I will go to my room,” I growled. I turned and walked back toward my room. I
was furious that he was treating me like a child. I knew he was only doing it
too help me, but it still irritated me.

I
really didn’t need to spend hours in my room alone with my thoughts. I was
going stir crazy. I couldn’t calm down, not to mention I was hungry again. I
didn’t want to feed. The thought felt wrong to me. When I did finally feed on
Drake I felt guilty for liking it. I was beginning to think my hunter side was
counteracting with my vampire side. I was starting to wonder how I was going to
make it work. I wondered how Colin made it work.

I
found my phone and dialed his number. Maybe talking to him would help me.

“I
assume you are on lock down and that is why you are calling instead of coming
to the warehouse?” Colin didn’t really sound that happy to hear me. I wasn’t sure
if I should just hang up or tell him the reason I was calling.

“I
don’t want to fight Colin. I need help,” I said softly. I knew I sounded
pathetic, but I wanted him to talk to me.

“I
am sorry Lily. What do you need?” he asked softening his tone.

“I
want to know how you feed,” I said in barely a whisper.

“What
do you mean?” he asked sounding slightly confused.

I
rolled my eyes at the ceiling. “I don’t mean the mechanics. I mean how do you
do it without feeling like you are doing something wrong?”

He
paused like he was thinking about it. “It never goes away. All you can do is
try to bury it.”

“I
don’t know if I can bury it. I fed on Drake’s wrist and I felt like I shouldn’t
have. I feel like such a monster.” I knew he had to feel the same way. He used
to be a hunter. He had to know how it felt to be different from other vampires.

“Most
vampires don’t fear killing. Their sole mission is to survive and in order to
survive they hunt. Even though we are vampires the hunter part of us remains.
The part of us that wants to help instead of hurt. It is what makes us stronger
than them. We can fight the urge to kill,” he said like it would make a big
difference.

“But
we have to feed so what does it matter?” I asked confused.

“It
matters because that is what makes you more human and less of a monster. It
will keep you from being a tyrant like Cornelius. You have to learn to live
with it and realize it isn’t a bad thing,” he said softly.

“You
say I’m not a monster, but I feel like one. I feel like if I even attempt to
feed I will hurt someone,” I said trying to make him understand.

“Listen
to Aubrey. He will train you. It is not as impossible as it seems,” he said
sounding confident.

“Thank
you. It’s nice to know I am not the only one who feels like this,” I said smiling.

“If
you need anything, just call. I will come see you when I can,” he said then
hung up.

I
sighed and hung the phone up. I tossed it aside and closed my eyes. I felt a
little better, but not much.

My
door opened and Aubrey came in followed by a young man. I sat up a little
straighter when I caught the man’s scent. He was human. I felt the hunger hit
me hard, but I stayed where I was. “Don’t bring him in here!” I said angrily
glaring at Aubrey.

“You
have to learn to be around them, and to feed on them. You will not be able to
reach your full potential without human blood,” he said matter of factly.

He
took the guys arm and brought his wrist to his mouth. Aubrey’s eyes locked with
mine as if he needed to keep his eyes on me. The second Aubrey’s fangs broke
the man’s skin I knew it. I scrambled backwards; off the opposite side of the
bed. I pressed my body to the furthest wall trying to get as far away from them
as I could. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to fight the hunger and block the
scent.

“You
cannot fight it. The more you fight, the hungrier you will get. The hungrier
you are means the faster you will kill,” Aubrey said firmly.

“I
will feed off a werewolf. Please Aubrey don’t do this to me,” I begged as I
crouched down. The pain was unbearable. I could see why Aubrey refused to let
me leave.

He
cussed and pushed the man aside. He walked around the bed and grabbed me by my
arm. He yanked me to my feet and drug me toward the man. I struggled trying to
fight Aubrey, but he was strong and I was weak. He grabbed the man’s wrist and
forced it to my mouth.

“No!”
I pleaded as the hot blood touched my lips the scent was overwhelming. It was
all I could smell. I refused to open my eyes. I felt like if I saw it I would
want it more.

“Stop
fighting Lillian!” Aubrey ordered as he pressed the man’s wrist firmly to my
mouth.

The
sweet hot blood filled my mouth. I cried in pleasure and grasped the man’s
wrist. I drank quickly savoring the taste. I wanted to pull away, but I
couldn’t.

“That
is enough,” Aubrey said softly, but I ignored him. “Lillian!” he growled as he
pulled the man’s wrist from my grasp. “Leave now,” he ordered the man.

I
attempted to go after the man. I wanted more. The hunger was still there. It
still hurt. I needed more blood. Aubrey wrapped his arm around my waist and
pulled me back to the bed. He pinned me to the bed. I struggled trying to fight
him, but he had an iron grip. I wanted it, I couldn’t fight it. I had to think
of something else.

I
pressed my mouth to Aubrey’s trying to distract myself. I was surprised when he
kissed me back. I was beginning to think he understood what I was trying to do.
He relaxed his grip and deepened the kiss. It was working, the hunger was
easing and lust was taking over.

I
tore the front of his shirt open and ran my hands down his chest. I fought his
shirt off, then my hands went to the button on his pants.

“Lily
I don’t think,” he mumbled against my lips.

“Please,
it’s working,” I pleaded as I undid the button of his jeans.

He
relented and undid my jeans. He slid them off along with my panties. He
attempted to undo my shirt, but I didn’t want to wait. I pulled him over me and
lifted my hips. His hard cock filled me, and pleasure rushed over me. I
anticipated the feeling so much, and when it happened it was incredible.

We
moved together. My body felt like it was on fire. “Slow down baby,” he
whispered softly.

“I
don’t want to, I need this,” I whispered breathlessly. Pleasure was building.
It felt so incredible. My nails dug into the soft flesh of his back. The scent
of blood filled the air as my nails broke his skin. I cried out as a rush of
pleasure coursed through me.

He
cried out and I felt him release. My body completely relaxed as the euphoria
filled me. The hunger was gone. I hadn’t even thought about it the entire time.
All I could think about was how good he felt.

“This
is an avoidance mechanism. This is not how it is supposed to work. I will not
always be there to fuck you into control,” he growled as he got to his feet.

I
didn’t say anything. I knew he was right. He didn’t have to be so rude about
it. He dressed, but he refused to look at me. I didn’t understand why he was
treating me like this. I knew he was angry, but I didn’t understand how that
overrode his love for me.

“You
should go out with the others. Staying in your room isn’t the answer,” he said
curtly as he reached for the door handle.

“Why
are you so angry with me? I thought we loved each other?” I said confused.

He
hesitated, but he didn’t look at me. “I loved Lillian Rayne the hunter, not the
vampire,” he said softly then walked out closing the door behind me.

His
words hurt. I felt like he ripped my heart out. I stood and dressed. I was
shaking with anger. I had to leave. I had to run. He just told me he didn’t
love me because of what I was. The thought made me sick. All I could hear over
and over again was ‘he doesn’t love me’ and it was driving me insane.

I
walked back to the bar. The crowd had thinned out because it was early morning.
I walked toward the door.

“Aubrey
said you couldn’t leave,” Justin said from behind me.

I
turned and glared at him. “Are you going to tell?”

He
raised his hands in surrender. “I’m not going to say anything.”

I
turned and walked out. I didn’t want to fight with him. I wanted to leave. I
walked down the alley quickly. Drunk club goers were spilling out onto the
street as the clubs began to close. I could smell them, all of them.

I
walked quickly down the sidewalk. My car wasn’t far. I made it to my car
without incident. I got in and started it. I sped off in the directions of the
warehouse. I didn’t know where else to go. I knew Aubrey would be angry, but he
was already angry. He hated me.