Hunger: Volume 4 (6 page)

I
peeked into the library, it was the last place I knew to look. If he wasn’t in
the library, then he was nowhere in the house because I searched high and low
for him.

I
spotted him sitting in a chair. He had a book in his hand. He looked relatively
relaxed for the amount of emotion he showed earlier in the night. He looked up
at me as I entered and a cool, calm smile played at his lips. He was back to
being Cornelius. “I was worried about you,” I said softly.

He
cleared his throat as he set his book aside. “I am fine. I have a little bit of
a temper problem like everyone else.”

“Who
was she?” I asked quietly as I leaned against the door.

His
expression darkened a little, and he looked away from me. I had a feeling he
was going to avoid my questions like he had in my dream. I knew almost nothing
about him. He was very secretive despite his open demeanor. “She was everything
to me, and your father took her away,” he said as he looked at me. I could see
all the anger and rage he had for the hunters. There was a reason he targeted
my family. It was the same reason I targeted him when I first learned he killed
my parents.

“He
killed her?” I asked in barely a whisper.

“Yes,
rather mercilessly. I never paid much attention to the hunters until after that
night. I would cross paths with one occasionally, but that was it. He surprised
us when we were on our way home from an outing. He injured me and killed her. I
couldn’t save her then, but I vowed to take from him what he took from me.” The
way he spoke made me shiver. There was so much hate and regret in his voice.

“I’m
so sorry,” I said softly. I wanted to touch him, but I was afraid to go near
him. His memories of my father may stir some hate for me, and I didn’t want to
be near him if it did.

He
forced a smile and shook his head as he picked his book back up. “There is
nothing for you to be sorry for. You didn’t kill her, he did.”

“Why
do you keep me around if you hate my father so much?” I asked a little
confused.

He
looked up at me briefly then looked back at his book and shrugged. “Boredom, I
suppose.”

His
words hurt a little. I was actually surprised at the effect they had on me. I
never thought I would care what he thought, but I did. I tried to keep from
showing my hurt by changing the subject. “I need to feed.”

“Then
go feed. You should be fine on your own darling. I have confidence that you can
handle it,” he said without looking up.

He
was dismissing me. I didn’t like his sudden coldness. I didn’t think I was
ready to be on my own, but he didn’t seem to care. I didn’t argue, I knew he
wasn’t in the mood. I turned and left leaving him alone with his bad memories
and his book.

I
walked down the stairs to the main room. Like always there were vampires
feeding on people. The group of Cornelius’s humans came to me. The hunger was
there, but there was also fear. The fear was more stifling then the hunger. I
wasn’t going to be able to do this on my own.

I
turned to walk away and Charlotte blocked me. “Why are you so hesitant to feed?
Do you seriously need him to hold your hand?” she asked sounding annoyed.

“I
am not hungry,” I mumbled and went to move past her.

She
scoffed. “It is obvious you are. You do not hide it as well as you seem to
think. Pick one and I will help you.”

I
looked at her unsure. I wasn’t sure if I should trust her, but I was hungry and
Cornelius was unavailable. “Ok,” I said nervously and took a girls hand. She
was around my age. She was a pretty, doe eyed blond.

“Come
with me,” Charlotte said smiling. I followed her leading the girl with me. She
led me to a secluded corner. “I am sure Cornelius told you where you can, and
cannot bite?”

I
nodded. “He did the last time I fed.”

She
waved her hand. “Then go ahead,” she said and smiled.

I
looked at her hesitantly. “You will stop me?” I asked nervously.

“Of
course. I would never let you do anything stupid. Do you have any idea how
angry Cornelius would be?”

She
was right. Cornelius would be angry if she let me go too far. I leaned into the
girl and bit her. Her hot blood filled my mouth and I moaned. I felt the hunger
hit me full force. The hunger was almost blinding. I closed my eyes as I drank greedily.
My body hummed with pleasure and strength. I was beginning to enjoy the feeling
that feeding gave me. It was almost like a drug. The blood suddenly quit flowing
as well as it had been and my eyes flew open. Panic filled me as I released the
girl. She fell to the floor, landing with a thud. Her eyes were open, but they
were blank. Her chest wasn’t moving. The feeling of fear and panic overwhelmed
me. I looked up at Charlotte terrified.

She
couldn’t hide the smug smile on her face. “Congratulations, baby vampire, you’re
a killer,” she chimed.

I
backed away from her panicked. I wanted to scream in horror, but I couldn’t. I
couldn’t think. My eyes went to the girl again and I felt like I was going to
vomit. I turned and ran. I ran through the front door deciding I wasn’t going
to make it to my bedroom. I landed on my knees in the grass and vomited. Red
blood covered the grass in front of me and the horror of everything made me
vomit again. “No! No! No!” I cried holding my head as I saw the girl’s eyes.
The image was permanently burned into my vision. They were so empty, I killed
her.

“Lillian,”
Cornelius’s voice as tight with worry as he came down the steps toward me.

I
stumbled away from him. “Leave me alone!” I screamed in anger and panic. He
said I could handle it. He said I would be fine, and I wasn’t. Now the girl was
dead and it was all my fault.

“Lillian
this is not your fault. Charlotte should have…” he started raising his hands
like he was trying to show me he was trying to help.

“You
should have been there! You should have helped me! Now she’s dead because of
me!” I screamed in agony and collapsed to my knees. I couldn’t handle it. It
hurt too much. I felt sick and I hated what I was. To make matters worse I
liked it when it was happening. I liked killing her. I was the monster I
feared.

“Lillian,
you have to understand,” he said softly as he touched me.

I
recoiled from his touch like he burned me. “Don’t touch me! I don’t understand!
You said you would help me! Why didn’t you stop me?”

He
looked at me. He looked as lost and hurt as I felt. “I never meant for this to
happen.”

I
climbed to my feet and stumbled toward the woods. I didn’t know where I was
going, but I was leaving. I wanted to run. He blocked my path, and I glared at
him. “Get out of my way!” I yelled. I started hitting his chest with my fists,
but it was useless. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I collapsed into his arms.
He kissed my head and lifted me. He carried me back into the house.

“Is
everything ok?” a male vampire asked as he approached.

“Tell
Charlotte I better not find her, and get rid of the girl’s body,” Cornelius
ordered.

The
vampire nodded and hurried away. I felt my chest tighten at Cornelius’s words.
He didn’t even know her name, neither did I. The more I thought about it the
worse I felt.

Cornelius
passed my room and walked to another room, it was his room. He sat me on the
bed and walked into the bathroom. A full length mirror across from me showed my
reflection. Blood covered my face and clothes. I looked like a monster.  I
stifled as cry and shrunk to the floor. I wrapped my arms around my knees and
cried. I felt so helpless and guilty.

“Lillian,
please don’t do this to yourself,” Cornelius whispered as he pulled me to my
feet. He cupped my face and pressed his forehead to mine. His embrace didn’t
make me feel any better.

“I
killed her,” I said in a small voice. I could barely hear myself. He looked
worried as he looked into my eyes. He pressed his mouth to mine, and I pulled
away. “I’m a monster,” I whispered.

“No,
you are not. You are a smart, beautiful, caring woman who made a mistake,” he
growled forcing me to look at him. I looked away, but didn’t argue. He led me
into the bathroom and started stripping my dress off. Once I was completely
naked he pushed me into the shower. “Wash, I will be back to check on you,” he
said softly then closed the glass door leaving me alone.

Blood
and water ran down the drain, and a renewed sense of horror filled me. I
started washing my face and hands. I wanted the blood off me. I wanted this to
be some horrible dream that was going to end soon. I never killed humans, not
even as a hunter. Humans were off limits. They were powerless against us. I slid
to the floor and buried my face in my knees. The sound of the water hitting my
back was all I heard, other than Charlotte’s chanting voice, “Congratulations,
baby vampire, you’re a killer.”

I
wasn’t sure how much time had passed. I didn’t move from the position I was in.
The water turned cold, but I didn’t care. It was far less painful then the
memory of the girl’s lifeless eyes.

The
glass door suddenly opened. Cornelius cussed and turned the water off. “You are
freezing,” he said softly as he wrapped a towel around me, and picked me up out
of the shower. I let him carry me to the bed. He dried me off and covered me
up. He climbed in the bed next to me and wrapped his arms around me. “This was
not your fault,” he whispered against my ear. The normal pleasure I got from
his touch was no longer there. I felt numb, and sick.

“What
was her name?” I asked softly. I felt like I was going to cry, but there were
no tears. I was beginning to think I cried them all out.

“Knowing
that will do nothing, but make it hurt more,” he said firmly.

“I
want to know,” I said quietly.

He
sighed relenting. “Her name was Francis. She knew the risks of her lifestyle,
and she still participated willingly.”

I
didn’t reply. I had nothing to say. I doubted she expected me to kill her. He
didn’t understand. He was used to killing humans. It had been so long since he
was human, he forgot what it was like to feel.

“Lillian,
you have to feed,” Cornelius’s soft voice cooed as he nuzzled my ear.

The
thought of blood made me sick. “No,” I said quietly pulling away from his
touch.

“It
has been two days. I will get you a bag,” he said firmly and stood.

I
heard the door open and shut. I didn’t care if he brought the bag or not. I
wasn’t going to drink blood. I would rather die. The only problem with dying
was I would kill Cornelius as well. That thought did not sit well with me. I
was angry with him, but I didn’t want him dead. Part of me loved him. I sat up
suddenly when I remembered the witch. Aubrey said the witch could break the
link between Cornelius and me. If she broke the link between us then I would be
able to kill myself without hurting him.

I
slipped my shoes on, and found the stake I had hidden away in case I ever
needed it. I would need it tonight. I hurried from the room before Cornelius
returned. I went out the same window Luca and I had, and I ran for the woods. I
made it to the road and followed it into town. I made it downtown in record
time thanks to my new found speed. Cornelius still hadn’t showed up to stop me,
I was hoping he wouldn’t.

I
walked down the sidewalk passing people. The scent of blood was revolting now.
I could still feel the hunger, but I had no urge to feed it. I walked to Aubrey’s
club and stepped inside. Aubrey, Luca, Colin, and Justin were sitting at the
bar. They stood when they saw me.

“Lillian,
what are you doing here?” Aubrey asked looking worried.

“I
want to talk to the witch you said could break my link with Cornelius,” I said
softly glancing at the others as they approached.

Aubrey
reached out to touch me, and I pulled away. “What has he done to you?” Aubrey
asked angrily.

I
shook my head. “He didn’t do anything,” I snapped glaring at him. I tried to
relax so he didn’t ask too many questions.

“Lillian
you look like you haven’t fed in a couple days,” Colin said sounding worried.

“I
haven’t. Aubrey can I talk to you in private?” I asked softly.

He
nodded and guided me toward a back office. He shut the door and came to me. He
pressed his lips to mine, and I pulled away. I didn’t want to feel anything for
him. “Please tell me what is wrong,” he begged. “You seemed ok the other day.”
I could hear the worry in his voice and it made my heart ache.

“I
am not strong enough for this life Aubrey. I want to die, but I don’t want to
hurt Cornelius,” I said quietly.

He
stepped back appalled. “I can’t let you kill yourself. Why would you want to do
that?”

“I
don’t expect you to understand. I am just asking for your help. If you ever
cared about me, please help me,” I pleaded hoping he wouldn’t continue to
question me.

He
ran his hand through his hair. I could tell I was stressing him out. I didn’t
expect this to be easy, but if anyone was going to help me it would be him. “Lillian
I can’t. You…”

“I
am a monster. I am not the same girl you fell in love with. You said it
yourself,” I said softly.

He
watched me for a minute longer, then he looked away. “If you are sure, then I
will help you.”

I
went to him and hugged him relieved. It was the first time in days I felt
anything other than sadness and guilt.

“Come
on,” he said pulling away. “It is only a little after eight. She should still
be at her shop.”

I
followed him out of the office. The others gave him questioning looks, but he
shook his head. I followed him out of the bar. He led me down the alley, and
onto the street. He didn’t speak as he walked. He looked like he was
contemplating what he was doing. I could only hope he didn’t change his mind
before we got there.

He
stopped in front of a small shop. It looked like an antique slash natural
remedy shop. He turned and looked at me. “You have to tell me why you want
this,” he said finally speaking.

I
looked away. “I killed someone. I am the monster I was afraid of becoming, and
I am not strong enough like you or Cornelius. I cannot just accept it and keep
going.”

“I
am sure it was an accident. Cornelius…” he started, but I raised my hand cutting
him off.

“Cornelius
has already said everything that can be said. I don’t want this life. It isn’t
what I signed up for,” I said firmly.

“Things
change, you are new to all this. Your feelings will change,” he pleaded.

“I
don’t want them too. I want to feel this. I want to hate myself for taking an
innocent life. I don’t want to be the thing I hunted. The thing that killed my
family without even blinking an eye,” I said angrily.

“What
about your friends? What about me?” he asked sounding desperate.

I
shook my head. I knew this was coming, and I didn’t want to handle it. “I love
you. I really do, but I am not what you want anymore. I can see that, and I don’t
blame you. The others don’t look at me the same, just like you don’t.”

He
pressed his lips together. I could see he was trying to find a reason, any
reason to stop me. “What about Cornelius?”

“What
about him?” I asked tiredly.

“Do
you love him? Does he give you enough of a reason to live?” he asked sounding
slightly cold.

I
looked at him for a minute. The truth was I didn’t know what I felt for
Cornelius. I knew I was a lot like him in many ways. I no longer blamed him
like I did for his retaliation against my family. I would have done the same
thing if I were him. “I don’t know. Can we just go in?” I asked changing the
subject.

He
nodded and pushed the door open. I followed him through the store. The woman
that accompanied him to Cornelius’s house stood behind a counter. She set a
book down and looked from him to me. “Has the girl changed her mind?” she asked
softly. She had a hint of an accent like she was not born in America. She
sounded like she came from Europe maybe.

“I
have,” I said before Aubrey could speak.

The
woman gave Aubrey a questioning look. “Please just undo the link, Maude,” he
said softly.

She
nodded. “Come this way,” she said softly.

I
went to follow her and hesitated when Aubrey didn’t follow. “Go, I will see you
when you are done,” he said and smiled reassuringly.

I
nodded and continued following Maude to the back of the store. She walked down
a set of stairs, and I followed. The place was a little creepy and it smelled
of dried herbs and incense. It wasn’t a place I would go, unless I absolutely
needed something.

Once
we reached the basement floor Maude indicated a circle on the floor. “Go stand
in the center,” she ordered.

I
walked to the circle and stood as she directed. I didn’t know much about
witches or witchcraft. Growing up I was around a couple, but I didn’t know much
about them.

She
stood in front of me and closed her eyes. She started chanting and I felt my
body stiffen. I gasped in surprise when I felt a sudden pull. She continued to
chant, then she suddenly stopped. I had a sudden sense of loneliness and coldness.
The warm protective layer that was Cornelius was suddenly gone. I felt the
hunger hit me hard. Maude raised her eyebrows in warning as if she knew what I
was thinking.

“Thank
you,” I said quietly then hurried up the stairs. I hesitated at the top. I
considered going out the front where Aubrey was, but the thought of seeing him
was too much to handle. I went the opposite direction and found a back door. I
slipped out into the night. I knew exactly where I was going.