Hunger: Volume 4 (5 page)

The
car ride was agonizing. I felt like I had so much energy and nothing to do with
it. Feeding on Christopher was far better than the bagged blood, but I was
still hesitant. I didn’t think I would ever be able to feed on my own without
Cornelius there to stop me. The thought bothered me a little. I was starting to
accept Cornelius as part of my life despite all he had done. There was a part
of me that knew I should hate him, but I couldn’t get that part to work all the
time. I was starting to understand Cornelius. In a way he was right. The
hunters were just a brutish as the vampires. Hunters killed vampires the way
vampires killed humans. It was survival; that was all each group was trying to
do. Now that I was on the other side I was beginning to understand it all.

The
car pulled up outside Aubrey’s club tearing me from my thoughts. I quickly
climbed out of the car, and hurried down the alley to the entrance of the club.
I walked inside, and the place was the same as it always was. I scanned the
room and Aubrey was nowhere in sight. I hurried through the main part of the
club to the back where Aubrey’s rooms were.

“Lillian,
what are you doing here?” Justin asked as he caught my arm.

I
looked at him confused by his sudden appearance. “I need to see Aubrey.”

“Aubrey’s
preoccupied,” he said softly. He would barely meet my gaze. I felt my heart
wrench at the thought. He was with someone else. Justin was just trying to tell
me nicely.

I
yanked my hand out of his, and walked toward Aubrey’s room. I was angry. I
could feel it burning inside me. It was almost blinding. Justin went to grab me
again. I slapped his hand away and shoved him. I was a little startled by my
own strength. He went sailing into the wall, and crumpled to the floor. I
considered going after him, but I wanted to see who Aubrey was with. I was too
focused on his door.

My
hand touched the handle. I heard a female voice giggle, then I heard Aubrey’s
low tone as he talked to her. I felt my anger burn hotter. I was so angry I
could barely see straight. “Don’t do something you will regret,” a voice in my
head said softly. It was Cornelius. I could hear him and feel him. The anger dissipated
and it was replaced by sadness. A horrible sadness that overwhelmed me. I
stifled a cry as I pressed my hand to my mouth.  I backed into the wall and
slid to the floor. I felt like my heart had been torn from my chest. I didn’t
even open the door. I didn’t have to. I knew what I was going to find.

Justin
touched my shoulder and I recoiled and stood. I felt like I was trapped. The
fear and anger was stifling. I had to get out of the club. Running was all I
could think about. I didn’t want to see Aubrey. I didn’t want to look at him. I
couldn’t look at him, not without completely losing control.

“Rayne,
I am sure…” Justin started, but I didn’t stay to listen. I turned and I ran. I
ran down the hall back the way I had come. I ran through the club, and out into
the alley.

I
screamed in anger and punched the dumpster next to me. I put a sizable dent in
it, but it didn’t ease any of the pain. The hunger came back full force. I just
fed and it felt like I hadn’t fed in days. I wanted to feed. I had to feed.

“Lillian,”
Nick said coming out of the club. He was sliding his coat on and he had a fresh
wound on his neck from Victoria.

“Get
away from me,” I growled. I knew if I fed on him I would kill him. Victoria
already fed and he would be weak to begin with. He wouldn’t be able to handle
my bloodlust.

“Damn
Lily I thought we were friends,” he said confused.

“We
are and as your friend I am telling you to stay away from me,” I said angrily.

He
looked confused like he didn’t understand, but he stayed where he was. The door
to the club opened again and Aubrey walked out. Justin followed. He obviously
alerted Aubrey to my presence. Aubrey looked me over, and there was a sudden
fear in his eyes. “Nick get behind me,” he growled stepping in front of Nick.
He obviously thought I was going to lose it. He had to know there was no way I
would kill Nick.

I
watched him. My hands were balled into fists. I was wound so tight with anger,
sadness, and hunger, it was almost unbearable. I didn’t speak. I wanted to run,
but I was frozen. My eyes were locked with Aubrey’s. I was stuck between loving
and hating him.

“Lillian,
you need to calm down,” Aubrey said softly. He was speaking to me like I was a
rabid animal and it only infuriated me more. “You are losing control, I can see
it. Where is Cornelius?”

I
began to wonder the same thing. Where was he? If there was ever a time I needed
him it was now. He always seemed to be there when I didn’t need him. Now I was
sure I would kill if I was given the chance. My need for Cornelius’s guidance
was more overwhelming than ever.

“I
am here love,” Cornelius whispered in my ear. His lips brushed my ear, and I
knew he was real, and not just in my head. I closed my eyes and sagged in
relief as his arms wrapped around me cradling me. “How could you betray her
like that brother,” Cornelius growled directing his attention to Aubrey.

“It
is obvious I am not the only betrayer here,” Aubrey countered.

“She
has done nothing but cling to her love for you. She has done it to the point
that it has become exhausting, and this is how you reward her?” Cornelius said
angrily.

Aubrey
didn’t speak. His eyes met mine and I turned away. I buried my face in
Cornelius’s chest. “Take me away from here,” I begged Cornelius as I
desperately clung to him.

“Lillian,
I…” Aubrey started, but Cornelius cut him off.

“You
made your choice, and so has she,” Cornelius growled. There was a sudden rush.
I felt safe now. Heartbroken, but safe.

Cornelius
laid me on my bed and brushed the hair out of my face. I looked away. I felt
like if I looked at him too long I would start crying. He reminded me of
Aubrey. Everything reminded me of Aubrey. I felt like part of me died.

“Vampires
live a very long time. Infidelity is common among us because of the length of
time we live. Monogamy is not a common practice for us. My brother is one of
those who easily gets distracted. I am sure if you just…”

I
cut him off. “I want nothing to do with him. I feel like my heart has been
ripped out. I don’t want to feel like this.”

“You
have to understand your emotions are a roller coaster right now. Everything is
amplified because of the change. It will pass with time,” he said softly.

I
was hoping he was right, but I didn’t think a pain like this would pass so
easily. I loved Aubrey when I was a hunter and a human. Now the thought of the
word love left a bitter taste in my mouth. I wondered if he had ever been
faithful to me, or if it was all just a lie. I also wondered if Cornelius had
something to do with it all. Maybe that was why he was suddenly fine with me
running to Aubrey. “Did you know he was with someone else? Is that why you let
me go?” I asked sitting up. The thought infuriated me. I needed someone to
blame, it might as well be him.

He
looked both offended and amused. “Darling, I would never do that to you.
However, if you need a punching bag for your emotions, then I will be glad to
take the hits.”

I
looked away a little let down. I was looking forward to having someone to
blame. Someone other than myself. I was being a stupid naïve girl. The kind of
girl I hated. “I didn’t kill anyone,” I said absently.

“Is
that a good thing?” he asked taking a seat on the bed next to me.

“I
wanted too. I really wanted too. I was so angry I was pretty sure I could kill
anyone, but I didn’t,” I said turning toward him.

“That
is good, you are learning control,” he said smiling.

“Or
you are helping me more than you claim,” I said haughtily. I had been thinking
about it. I did feel him at odd times when I started to get overwhelmed. It was
a little confusing because he was pro killing humans. I didn’t understand why
he would stop me.

He
looked down at his shirt, and picked at an invisible piece of lint. “I may on
occasion attempt to calm your emotions or keep you from ripping your friend’s
throats out.” His eyes met mine and I knew it was more than just on occasion.
It was the only way I functioned how I did. Without him I would be like every
young vampire. I would kill constantly until I learned, or had so much regret I
stopped.

I
moved closer to him and laid my head against his shoulder. “Thank you for that.
I don’t know what I would do if I hurt someone.”

He
rested his hand on my thigh. I felt my stomach clench from the feeling of
pleasure he gave me when he touched me. It was an amazing feeling when I
thought about it. Aubrey didn’t give me the same feeling.  “You would learn not
to care like the rest of us,” he said standing suddenly. He moved away from me
like I did something wrong.

“Did
I do something?” I asked confused.

He
laughed nervously. “No, you are just very vulnerable right now, and I should
take my leave.”

I
knew he was right so I didn’t argue. I was clinging to him because it felt like
everything else was falling apart. I was surprised he was being a gentleman
about it. I didn’t want to make the same mistake with him that I did with
Aubrey.

“Get
some rest. I will see you this evening,” he said softly.

I
nodded and he left me alone. I didn’t feel completely alone like I had before.
I felt like he was still there, just not in the room. I laid back and attempted
to relax. I knew it was going to be nearly impossible, but I was going to try.

I
opened my eyes and I was lying in the same bed as my last dream. I smiled
slightly. I knew this was Cornelius’s doing. I sat up and was surprised to see
I was clothed. Well I was in a shear nighty and a pair of panties.

“I
thought you would rather be dressed,” Cornelius said amused. He was sitting in
a chair near the bed. He was only wearing a pair of silk pajama pants. He was
holding a drink like he always seemed to be doing.

“You
call this dressed?” I teased as I climbed out of the bed and walked toward him.

He
smiled as his eyes traveled the length of my body. “You are as dressed as I can
stand.”

I
climbed into his lap and laid against his chest. I closed my eyes. “I like this
dream,” I murmured.

He
laughed. “I have to say I do too. Heaven knows you wouldn’t crawl into my lap
if it were real.”

I
sighed. “I don’t ever want to feel that way again,” I said sadly.

“Betrayal
is one of the worst feelings. Unfortunately it is also one of the most common
feelings,” he said dryly.

“Why
did you kill my parents?” I asked changing the subject.

I
felt him stiffen at the sudden topic change. “I am sure you understand the
vampire – hunter rivalry by now.”

“It
doesn’t seem like you would be so irrational. You seem so put together and
calm,” I said confused.

“I
wasn’t always that way. You need rest,” he said as he stood suddenly. He
carried me to the bed and laid me down.

I
looked up at him confused. He was avoiding giving me details, and it bothered
me. I wanted to question him more, but he saw it in my expression. He pressed
his finger to my lips. “Sleep,” he ordered and everything drifted to black.

I
woke up slowly as the hunger began to annoy me. I was a little less appalled by
feeding. I was actually looking forward to it. I could hear the party going on
like it always did. I was surprised Cornelius hadn’t come for me yet. It was
well after dark.

I
showered and dressed. Cornelius had some clothes brought to me. I now had a
selection of dresses instead of just one. I smiled when I came across the scant
nighty from the dream. I scowled suddenly remembering his avoidance of my question.

I
slipped out into the hall and hurried downstairs. I walked into the main room.
I immediately spotted Cornelius sitting in his throne like chair. Several
humans sat at his feet. I made my way through the room. Surprise and amusement
crossed his face when I crawled into his lap, and nestled against his chest. I
felt safe with him as strange as it sounded. I felt a devotion and a sense of
belonging when it came to Cornelius. It was a feeling I never even experienced
for my own people. I never felt like I belonged with the hunters, I belonged
here.

“You
are in a mood,” he said amused.

“I
guess I am,” I said softly as I ran my hand over his chest. I wanted to
question him about my parents, but I had an odd feeling he wouldn’t give me the
answers I wanted.

The
door slammed open catching everyone’s attention. Aubrey stormed in followed by
Colin, Luca, Justin, and a woman I didn’t recognize. Aubrey’s expression
darkened when he saw me curled in Cornelius’s arms.

“Lillian
we found a witch that can break the binding spell he has on you. You can be
free of him,” Aubrey said watching me.

I
felt Cornelius stiffen, but he didn’t argue. I stayed where I was. The idea of
being away from Cornelius wasn’t appealing. He was my control, as fucked up as
it sounded. He was at my side despite my initial hate for him. He stayed no
matter how up or down I was. He was a constant in my life. I couldn’t imagine
him not being part of me, keeping me from making mistakes. “I don’t want to be
free,” I said softly.

Aubrey,
Luca, and Colin looked horrified. Justin looked slightly amused. “How could you
say that? After all he has done to you and your people?” Aubrey asked sounding
confused and hurt.

I
shrugged absently. “I understand it now. I didn’t understand then.”

“He
is controlling everything you say and do,” Colin said angrily stepping forward.

Luca
caught his arm, and Colin glared at Luca. Luca shook his head. “I know Lily,
and I know that is her talking, not him.”

“I
am not controlling her as much as you seem to think. In fact the only things I
have done to control her was to keep her from making mistakes,” Cornelius
growled sounding offended.

“Lillian,
he is making everything seem like it makes sense, but it doesn’t. He kills
hunters and humans without blinking an eye. He would kill Luca too if it suited
his need,” Aubrey argued.

“I
was just like him. I killed vampires never caring who they were. I did it
because it was a role I was handed. I even tried to kill you the first night we
met. I am no different than him,” I said firmly.

Aubrey
looked stunned. “So that is it? You have given into him. You are going to
accept your role as a vampire, and what kill whenever you want?”

“I
haven’t killed anyone and the only reason I haven’t is because Cornelius won’t
let me,” I said softly.

“Think
about what you are saying Lillian. He has you where he wants to. All he has to
do is flip a switch, and you will lose control. He has you where he wants you.
You are afraid of killing and he is using that too his advantage. He can
manipulate you if you get out of line,” Colin argued. His anger was getting the
best of him. I could see it.

I
looked at Cornelius and I couldn’t read his expression, but I felt an
overwhelming sense of trust. “He’s the only one that hasn’t lied to me,” I said
as I looked back at them.

“It
is obvious she does not want my help. It is not my style to force it, and she
is not in his trance. I will be taking my leave,” the woman who was obviously
the witch said, then she turned and walked out.

I
turned my attention back to Aubrey and he watched me. He looked like he wanted
to say something, but he shook his head. “I will leave then, if you are truly
happy here.”

I
scoffed. “I never said I was happy. I said I was in control. There is no making
me happy, and I fear without Cornelius’s control I will destroy everything I
ever loved.”

“Maybe
she is right. Normally a vampires maker is the best thing until they are
older,” Luca said watching Aubrey.

“You
are asking me to surrender the woman I love to my brother,” Aubrey growled.

Justin
scoffed. “You really loved her last night.”

Aubrey
turned on him. Justin stood his ground ready to fight if necessary. Cornelius
stood suddenly. He set me in his chair and walked toward them. “Tearing each
other apart will solve nothing, and brother your love changes like the seasons.
I have no doubt you care for her, but love is a strong word for you.”

“Don’t
you tell me what love is!” Aubrey growled angrily. “You have no clue. The last
woman who had your affection you let the hunter’s murder!”

Cornelius
suddenly lunged at Aubrey. Aubrey crashed into a table across the room. “Don’t
you ever speak of her again!” Cornelius yelled, then stormed out.

I
was momentarily stunned by the exchange. I got up and went after Cornelius.
Aubrey blocked me. “Please Lily, come with me. He is blinding you,” Aubrey
begged.

“So
you were not with another woman last night?” I asked angrily.

He
hesitated and I knew the answer. I went to push past him and he grasped my
wrist. “It was a mistake. It will never happen again. Cornelius will not be
faithful to you.”

I
scoffed. “You are mistaken. Cornelius and I are not lovers. He is simply my
friend.” I pulled away from Aubrey, and hurried toward the stairs. I wasn’t
sure where Cornelius would be, but I was going to find him.