Hurts So Good (13 page)

Did he? Jane had sensed something when she was sitting beside him on the couch, had looked into his eyes and seen a spark of what she felt, too. And then when they had held hands, something had sparked between them, something far stronger than she had ever felt with any other man, and she knew, without a doubt, he still loved her, too. She let a smile play along her lips. “Yes, I really think he does, but he knows I have a boyfriend, well, used to I guess, and hasn’t tried to overstep any boundaries. Besides, it has been a long time since we last saw each other, and I don’t think rushing into anything right now is probably the best idea.”

“Why?”

Jane blinked a few times at that one word question that came from Celine.
“Why what?”

“Why can’t you rush into anything? It’s not like you’re strangers and you just met at the bar. You’ve practically known him your whole life.”

“One night of conversation doesn’t suddenly make everything whole again.”

Celine gave her a perplexed expression. “You are thinking about this way too hard.” She stood, adjusted her bun. “Listen, I don’t know much about relationships, have only been in one that I would consider serious and that was for six months, but what I do know is that if I felt something that intense for a guy after that long, I wouldn’t just brush it away so easily.” She started making her way toward the office door, but stopped and turned around before she left. “But you need to explain that to Graison, explain to him what you’re feeling, because if he is as decent as you say he is, then he deserves to know the truth, right? And make sure you’re broken up before you take that next step. You don’t want any drama like that hanging around your head, that’s for sure.” Of course she was right, and that had been what Jane wanted to do, but then shit had gone downhill, and fast. “But if he is as awesome as you claim, and you don’t break his heart too badly, send him my way.” Celine winked, and Jane laughed again. “So, you want some food?”

 
“Where are you going?” Before Celine could answer Jane’s phone vibrated beside her. A look at the screen showed Mack’s number, and Jane’s heart skipped a beat. She looked over at Celine, saw that the woman had read her facial expression well, and smiled. “Uh, can I get back to you?”

“If you decide you want something, call my cell.” Then she was gone. Jane stared at her cell like she had never seen anything like it before. She picked it up and slid her finger across the screen before the call ended.

“Hello?” Jane cleared her throat because at the moment she sounded nervous, or frightened, or like some other strange emotion was clogging her throat.

“Hey.” There was almost a relieved quality in Mack’s voice, and that in turn had her relaxing as well. “I didn’t catch you at a bad time, did I?” He sounded as nervous as she felt, and Jane leaned back in her chair and felt herself smile even though he couldn’t see her.

“No, I am just at the office entering some things into the computer.” She had a lot more she could have said, like she had been thinking about him, that she was torn over a lot of things, and how she wanted to talk to him about it, but she also needed to take Celine’s advice—which was damn good—and talk to Graison about why she couldn’t be with him anymore.

“I was wondering if maybe you’d like to have some lunch with
me?
” God, she really wanted to, but he needed to know that until she talked to Graison again she couldn’t take things any further, if that was what he wanted.
“Only as friends of course.”
There was an awkward moment of silence, and Jane didn’t know if she should have felt relieved or disappointed by his comment. God, she was so damn wishy-washy in what she wanted, and how she thought she should feel. “I just thought we could hit up Bonnie’s, like old times, but if you have other plans.”

“No, I don’t. It is lunch time after all.” His chuckle was soft and deep, and had little tingles moving through her.

“This is true. You want to meet me there in about ten?”

“That sounds good.” They hung up, and she sat there for a moment. It would only take her a few minutes to get to Bonnie’s since she was already in town. She picked up her phone and dialed Graison’s number. Maybe they could meet tonight and talk? She didn’t think things needed to be prolonged until she had free time on the weekend. Maybe she should just head up to Colton after she finished lunch? Of course he didn’t answer, and once his voicemail picked up she left a quick message asking him to call her back so they could talk. Setting her phone on the desk, she decided that she would just head up to Colton and talk to him. But she’d head home first after eating, change out of these clothes, and she hoped they could part ways on good terms, because she didn’t want to lose Graison as a friend.

****

Mack sat at one of the tables outside and bounced his leg as if he had a nervous twitch. The truth was he was nervous, and when he saw Jane making her way toward the retro diner, the one where they had shared a lot of memories, his heart beat double time and he sat up straighter in his chair. She spotted him immediately, as if her body knew right where he was, and was drawn to him as much as he was drawn to her. He stood when she approached, and all that anger and tension he had inside of him over the altercation with Taylor ended.

“Hi.” She smiled, but that fell when she saw the side of his face. Yeah, his temple throbbed, and he had seen the nasty fucking bruise from Taylor hitting him.
“Oh my God.
Are you okay?” She reached out, as if to touch him, but thought better of it and dropped her hand.
 

“Yeah, I’m good.”

She nodded and pulled out her seat before he could be a gentleman and do it for her. “Did you get that in a fight?” He knew she was talking about the underground kind, but shit, he really didn’t want to say he got into it with his friend over her. That would seem pretty fucked-up. But then again he also didn’t want to lie to her.

“Yeah, but it wasn’t from training or during one of the underground fights.” She set her purse on the table and lifted a brow.
“I, uh.”
He cleared his throat, feeling like an asshole over what he was going to say, because honestly it sounded like he was trying to get all territorial on her. Maybe he was, but it was too fucking soon to admit that. “Taylor, that guy that took you to the fight where I saw you…” She nodded, but didn’t say anything. “I was pretty pissed he took you there in the first place, because it’s damn dangerous, but then he left you alone.” Mack curled his hands into fists and felt himself getting pissed all over again. “He shouldn’t leave any female alone at one of those things. But you,” He shook his head and stared at her right in the eyes, “he really shouldn’t have left you alone.”

For a moment she didn’t move, didn’t show any emotion, and he worried that he had been far too hard and rough when he just told her that. But for as much as he wished he could be sweet and gentle, that wasn’t the type of man Mack had become.

“What’s a Chaser?” Her question caught him so off guard that he blinked in surprise and leaned back in his seat. Then that shock turned into embarrassment and shame as it sank in. The look on her face told him that the question had been more rhetorical than anything
else,
because he knew that she was a smart girl and probably had figured it out.

“It’s, um.” Fuck, what in the hell was he supposed to say? The smirk on her face told him she was having one hell of a time with seeing him look uncomfortable. “It’s just a stupid name we call the girls that … the girls that—”

“The groupies of the fighting world?”
She smirked again, and fuck, was he blushing? She started laughing. “Your friend Taylor confused me with one of those when I was at your house and he showed up.” Damn that asshole and his big mouth. Calling Jane a Chaser was going to earn Taylor another punch to the head.

“Yeah.
It’s a derogatory name, and not one I personally came up with. Taylor shouldn’t have called you that, though.” Silence settled between them, but it wasn’t as awkward as he had thought it would be after talking about the sluts of the underground community.

“You look great.” A change of subject was probably a pretty good start. Her hair was in a loose pony tail, and she wore a pair of lounge pants and a t-shirt that hung slightly off her shoulder. She looked relaxed, and sexy as hell.

“Thank you, but I know I look like a slob.” Her cheeks turned pink, and she picked at the edge of her shirt. “I figured I would wear comfortable clothing since no one would see me at the office.” She looked up at him, and her blue eyes looked so bright. Damn, he had it for her bad.

“Well, it’s a good look for you.” He cleared his throat as he realized now would be a good time to shut his mouth or he’d start reciting poetry or some shit.

“Thank you, Mack.” Fuck, he liked when she said his name. There was a smile in her voice, and when he lifted his eyes from the menu he saw that she was grinning from ear to ear. The waitress came by and took their orders, and when they were left alone Mack suddenly found himself at a loss for words, but Jane didn’t leave a lot of time for silence to descend between them.

“The last time we talked I told you I had a boyfriend.” He
swallowed,
waiting for the inevitable moment when she would tell him that friends was all they would ever be. He didn’t say anything, just nodded and let her take this conversation wherever she needed it to go. She looked down at the table, picked at the edge of the tablecloth, and after a few seconds looked at him again. “I planned on breaking up with him, but wanted to try to work it out because Graison is a really great guy.” Mack’s heart plummeted in his chest at her words, but still he kept his mouth shut. “But then I knew that it just wasn’t something I could work out. Then I ran into you, and I knew that trying to be with Graison wasn’t fair to him, and I knew that I wasn’t in love with him.” She held his eyes, and his heart stalled in his damn chest. The way she looked at him, and her unspoken words, told him that what they had was slowly growing into something powerful and explosive. He could feel it in his gut, feel it all the way in his fucking cells, and wouldn’t let her go, no matter what. That realization slammed into him over and over again like a sledgehammer until he felt broken and battered, but in a good way. “I meant to break it off in person, but we talked this morning, and he knew without me having to say anything that things were over. For me they had been over for a while, and I feel like shit because of it. I still need to go up to Colton and at least talk to him in person because that is what he deserves. I need to do that before I can…” She licked her lips, looked down, and the fact she was nervous came at him in waves.

He reached across the table and placed his hand over her much smaller one. “Jane.” He waited until she looked at him. “Listen, I don’t want you thinking I am after more than you can give.” He wasn’t about to sugarcoat anything, especially not when he wasn’t going to let her go for the second time in his life. “I am here for you, whenever you’re ready. I’m not in a
rush,
know that there is a lot of history between us, and that things can’t be perfect right away. But if all you can give me is your friendship, then I’d rather have that than nothing at all.” He heard her breath hitch, and leaned in as close as the table between them allowed. “I want you to know that I went to Colton U after I got clean to see you.”

Her eyes widened slightly. “You did?”

“Yeah, but I was a coward and didn’t approach you.”

“But why?”
She covered his hand with hers.

“Because you looked happy, and I didn’t want my presence to hash up old memories. I was still so raw with everything, and I can only imagine how you felt. I just thought it would be better if I left things alone.” He took a deep breath, blocked out the sounds of Absinthe that surrounded them, and continued. “To this day I regret not walking up to you, dropping down on my knees, and apologizing for all the shit I put you through.” He lowered his head, unable to hold her gaze any longer. “I just wish I could go back in time, get my shit together, and just
be
with you.” He forced himself to look at her again. “I wish I had been with you this whole time and not years separate us, Jane.”

“Mack…” Tears glossed over her eyes, and when the first one spilled over he lifted his hand, ran his thumb over her cheek, and collected it.

“Don’t cry, and especially not because of me.” He looked down at that the wetness smeared across the pad of his thumb. “The past is the past, but I’d like to move forward, and with you in my life, because I can’t think of another day without talking to you or spending time with you. I just want to make things right, Jane.” She brushed the rest of her tears away, and looked down at the table. The waitress came by with their food, but Mack didn’t take his eyes off of Jane. He didn’t expect them to jump into a relationship overnight, but if they could ever get back to where they had been all those years ago, then Mack would be the luckiest bastard in the world. But right now he just wanted her friendship, and wanted to be able to call her and talk to her whenever he wanted.