Hurts So Good (10 page)

She stopped at a cluster of three photos he had over the mantel of his fireplace. It was three pictures of the people he cared about the most. She looked at the frame that held the picture of his mom and dad, and then moved on to the frame that held the image of her and him when his mother had insisted on taking a picture before they left for prom. He hadn’t even wanted to go, but all it had taken to have him cave was Jane looking at him with those big blue eyes. He heard her breathe out deeply, and then she was looking at the next one. It was of him, Sunny, and Harlond. He had his arm wrapped around Sunny’s waist, with her head on his chest, and Harlond smiling for what Mack figured was only the fourth time in his life. Mack was pretty good at picking up body language, and Jane was throwing off a lot of nonverbal cues right now. Her back straightened, and even though he couldn’t see her face he knew her eyes were on where his hand was on Sunny, and how Sunny rested her head on his chest. It was an innocent enough picture from an insider, but he wouldn’t lie and say that if it was the other way around and he was looking at a similar picture of her with another guy, he would have been jealous as hell. She rubbed her hands on her outer thighs, and he saw her shoulders sag a bit as she relaxed.
 

“Your girlfriend is pretty.” Her voice was low, and although it sounded strong and unaffected, he could tell she was trying to keep her composure. So she
was
jealous. That shouldn’t have made him happy, but it did. She turned around, and for a moment he was taken off guard. There was a flash of bared emotion in her eyes, and it was almost as powerful as his own pain had been when he saw that other guy kiss her. Mack cleared his throat and curled his fingers into his palms.

“Sunny isn’t my girlfriend.” He watched her throat work as she swallowed. “The other guy in the picture is Harlond, her father and my trainer.” She nodded, but he could see in her face that she didn’t quite believe that Sunny wasn’t his girlfriend. She walked over to the couch and sat down. God, she was still so damn beautiful. “You want something to drink?”

“Yeah, that’d be great. You have wine?” He smirked, and loved when her cheeks turned pink. “I take it that’s a no?”

“No, I’m not much of a wine drinker, but I do have Sam Adams.” She nodded.

“Whatever you have is fine.” He went into the kitchen that was right across from the living room. It was an open floor plan, so he could still see her, and Mack found it hard to look away regardless. How grabbed two beers from the fridge, popped the caps, and went back to the living room. Mack wanted to sit beside her, but knew that a little space after everything that had happened would probably be best. He watched as she took a sip, and the corner of his mouth kicked up when she made a grimace. “Dark beer is an acquired taste.” Jane cleared her throat and set the bottle on the coffee table.

“Yeah.”
Her smile could have lit up the entire room. “I’m more of a Keystone girl.” She looked over at him, and he couldn’t help but chuckle at the little dig.

“You still giving me shit about Keystone?” Mack tipped the bottle back and swallowed a big mouthful. Back in high school Keystone had been all he or his friends ever drank. It was cheap, got them drunk, but it was also the fact they didn’t know quality and didn’t much care. She smiled and nodded. A moment of silence stretched between them after he spoke, but he didn’t want any awkwardness between them. There had been enough of that already. “You, ugh, need to call Darryn or anything? Let him know where you’re at?” Damn, he felt like a teenager all over again, but there was a lot of history between them, and the sooner they cleared the air the better.

“I called him on the way here, but I told my parents I was going to stay at my place tonight anyway.” He nodded, and had so many questions he wanted to ask her, but didn’t know where to start. There was a part of him that felt completely at ease being in Jane’s presence, but then there was another part that was so fucking scared on how this would play out.

“Where are you staying?” He took a long swig of his beer after he asked her.

“I’m leasing one of those newer condos they built off of Henderson and Stallion.” Yeah, he knew where she was talking about, and had watched them build the semi-luxurious housing over the past summer. “I had the option to buy, but I can’t see myself in a gated community like that forever. It’s just until I get settled in Absinthe before I look into buying.”

“I never saw you as a gated community kind of girl either.” She smiled and looked down. She was nervous, but so was he, and he hated this shit. “Listen, it has been a long time since we saw each other last, and I just want to get over it. There is a lot of history between us, a lot of good times, and I know bad ones, too.” He scrubbed his hand over his face and sighed. This was hard, but then again he knew it was going to be. “I don’t know if it is possible, Jane, but I would like to be friends again. In fact, I would really love to have you back in my life. I miss you.”
 
She started to shift on the seat, and he knew he was probably making her feel uncomfortable, but there was really no point in beating around the bush. They were adults, could handle things as such, and needed to move past everything. At least that was how he felt. “Jane, I’m not
a
enough of fool to think that we can just pick up like nothing happened. Back then I was in a bad place after my folks died, did a lot of shit I regret, but I’d like to talk about it with you.
Make things right.”
A few seconds ticked by, but they were the longest seconds of his life as she clearly thought about what he said. The sound of the seconds ticking down on the clock in the kitchen seemed ominously loud.

“I’d like all of that, too, Mack.” She looked up from her lap and smiled. “I’m sorry I didn’t contact you after I left Absinthe.” He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but she shook her head, stopping him. “Please, Mack.” He closed his mouth and rested back against the couch. She needed to say her words the same as he did, and she could take as much time as she needed. As far as Mack was concerned they had all the time in the world, and he was in no hurry. This one moment had been a long time in coming. “After I left town I tried to get on with my life. You were adamant on not letting anyone in to help you, and you just kept getting worse, and I didn’t know how to break through that toxic wall you had erected around yourself.”

“I know.” That was all he could say, because she was right.

“I knew if I didn’t leave I would never be able to, and I didn’t want to watch you ruin yourself, Mack. It was so damn hard.” Her voice hitched on the last word. “I should have reached out afterwards though, in some way. Whether it was a letter, or even a phone call, I shouldn’t have just stopped communication. But I always asked my parents how you were since I knew they were watching over you. I guess I was just a coward, afraid that I’d try and contact you, and you’d be so much worse than when I left.”

“I’m glad you did what you did, and I am happy that you went on with your life, Jane. I wouldn’t have been able to forgive myself if I was the cause of you being brought down to the hell I was in. I never wanted that.” Her eyes were becoming red-rimmed, and he could tell she was holding in her tears.

“I know, Mack, but that doesn’t mean I feel any less shitty, or that I ever stopped thinking about you.” She reached for her bottle and took a long drink from it. She set it back down and licked a drop of beer that had gathered on her bottom lip. “When I heard that you were clean and doing well I actually breathed for the first time since everything went down.” She stared at him, and her next words broke his heart. “I loved you so much, Mack, and leaving you felt like a betrayal in the worst possible way.” He was off the chair and in front of her in the next second. A startled gasp left her.

“Don’t you fucking feel any betrayal on my behalf,
Janie.
” He took her hands, and a spark of remembrance slammed into him.

“You had just lost your parents—”

“People lose loved ones every day, but it is the weak ones that allow themselves to go under in the way I did. And I was very fucking weak, Jane, and went pretty deep in my self-hatred. It was only when I was inches from being six feet under that I finally allowed someone to help me.” He gestured to the picture of him with Sunny and Harlond. “Harlond found me when I was two steps from being dead. He trained me, showed me how I needed to channel my aggression and hatred into something constructive. I would never be able to get rid of it, but getting into that cage allows me to release it.” He tightened his hand on hers. “There never was, and never will be, anything sexual between Sunny and me. She was a little girl when I came into their lives, but I wanted to try and make up for what I did to you by taking care of her. I didn’t ever want her to feel the way I made you feel.” A tear slipped down her cheek, and he brushed it away with his thumb.
 
For the next ten minutes he told her about the life he had led for the last ten years. He found himself sitting beside her and stroking his thumb over the back of her hand. The uncomfortable sensation of not seeing her for so long vanished, and in its place were the memories of what they had shared when they were younger. “I’m not saying fighting dirty is really what I envisioned doing in my life, but it helps me in more ways than one. I used my earnings to buy this property and build this house. And there are some younger guys that come in that want to be trained. I can see in their faces that they are not as far gone as I was, so I’m glad I can help them work through all of that.”

“I’m really glad things are looking up for you and you’re taking care of yourself.” She placed her hand over his, and for a second all they did was stare at each other, but Mack cleared his throat and glanced away.

“But what about you?”
He knew a few things from what he gathered from talking to Darryn, but he had looked her up once he found out she was here. Of course he would never reveal that or he’d look like some kind of fucking
perv
, but he wanted to hear her tell him how she had been and what she had been doing in her life.

“I’ve been good, actually.” She talked about school, going back for her Master’s, and her promotion that sent her back to Absinthe. Mack had never been one to have the patience to talk to people, at least not anymore, but with Jane he wanted to know every damn thing about her that he had missed in the last ten years. He was fascinated by her, by everything she said, and in fact caught
himself
staring at her mouth, watching her lips form the words that were like an auditory orgasm. When she had said all that needed to be said, they stared at each other for a moment. Her cheeks turned a pretty shade of pink, and the urge to kiss her was so strong, he actually found himself leaning forward, but he stopped himself when the image of her kissing that guy back at the her parents’ house slammed into his head.

“I’m sorry.” He put a little bit of space between them. “Did, uh, your boyfriend move to Absinthe, too?”
 
When she didn’t answer right away he glanced at her.

“So that
was
you that I saw driving away in an SUV.” Now it was his turn to blush, and fuck, that had to be the first time in his damn life, but leave it to the girl he loved to cause that reaction in him.

“Yeah, sorry for acting like a creep.
I meant to talk to you, but then I saw…” He cleared his throat. “But I thought it wasn’t a very good time.” She looked down, and now it was her turn to clear her throat.

“That is Graison. I’ve been seeing him for the last two years.” She glanced up at him, and he wondered why she seemed so uncomfortable talking about this. “But, no, he isn’t moving to Absinthe with me. I mean, things are a bit…”

His blood boiled at the fact she was with someone that wasn’t him, but it wasn’t his place to be pissed, and he had no right to feel like he had a claim on her. But knowing that and feeling it in his heart were two very different things. “You seem happy, Jane, and I’m glad for that.”

“I didn’t say I was happy.” He didn’t respond, because honestly he didn’t know what to say. “But yes, I am with Graison, but I don’t really know where we are heading. I feel like I’m going in one direction, and he’s going in the other, and it isn’t fair to keep things going when I feel like I want something very different from what he clearly does.” She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes, and Mack knew it was just for show. He wanted to reach out and run the pad of his thumb along her lip, but of course he didn’t. Instead he made two fists and kept them planted on his thighs. “Anyway, I didn’t mean to start a conversation on my relationship, or lack thereof. What about you? Are you seeing anyone?” She glanced at the picture of Sunny again, but it was quick. He leaned back on the couch and threw one arm over the back of it. Kicking his legs out in front of him and crossing them at the ankles, he stared at her and hoped he seemed relaxed because he felt anything but.