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`Hello, Auntie Pattie,` said Patrick.

Margaret was snivelling now. `He fell on me.`

`Where's your mother?`

`She's up in bed,` said Patrick; `she's got a bad belly. Annie and Catherine are with her and wee Michael's in the kitchen with Maggie Ann. He's got the gripes.`

Pattie nodded down at Patrick. He was certainly one for giving you details, was Patrick. He could have been bred of Maggie Ann herself.

`Where's your father?`

`Don't know,` said Patrick.

`He's out,` said Margaret.

Sean now put in quietly, `He's riding

his horse.`

`Well, get out of the road, all of you, and go and tell Maggie Ann to make me a cup of tea.`

Patrick and Margaret ran off to do her bidding but Sean remained where he was, standing looking at her, his clear grey eyes wide: `You going away, Auntie Pattie?` he asked quietly.

`Why do you ask, Sean?`

Ì don't know.`

`Has somebody said something to you?`

`No. No, Auntie Pattie.`

`Well, yes, I am going away, Sean.`

Ì'm sorry, Auntie Pattie.`

Ì'm not; except, perhaps, I'll miss you.`

Ànd I'll miss you, Auntie Pattie.`

Pattie looked down into the round face with the thick fair hair tumbling about it and she wondered, as she had done many times before, how it was she could speak to this boy as if he were an adult? Perhaps it was that he talked as if he were an

adult. There had always been something 67 strange about Sean. He wasn't like the rest of them. He stood out, not only because he was fair, but for that something else you couldn't put a name to. She only knew that she had no time for the rest of Moira's brood; yet, even so, in a strange way she had come to like her stepmother, although perhaps pity was a more apt word than like. Yet, as her John had said in a wise way, pity was a stepping stone to love. Well, she couldn't say she loved Moira, but she had a feeling for her and it had grown with the years, as the feeling against her father had grown too.

She touched Sean gently on the cheek with her finger, then went up the stairs and, knocking on Moira's bedroom door, entered the room.

Moira was lying against a pile of pillows, cradling the ten-month-old Michael in one arm and steadying the bouncing Catherine with her other hand.

Pattie walked up to the bedside, saying, `You not feeling too good, Moira?`

`Well, Pattie, in all truth there are days when I've felt brighter.`

Ìs it a cold?`

`No. I think it's just laziness.` She

smiled.

`Yes, yes, I've no doubt about that,` said Pattie. `They say it is the Irish disease, but I've thought for a long time that you didn't suffer from it. Laziness indeed! Now, if it was Maggie Ann ...`

Òh, Maggie Ann's all right. It's the weight she has to carry. You know, as I think I've told you before, Pattie, it isn't fat that's blown her out, it's water, and she'll die of it in the end. But what brings you here this morning?`

Pattie sat on the edge of the bed and, putting her hand out, she touched the baby's foot as she said, Ì've come to tell my father I'm getting married.`

`Married?` Moira jerked herself up in bed. `To that nice man, of course, the teacher?`

`Yes, to that nice man, the teacher.`

`When is it to be?`

`Next week.`

Moira's face stretched; the child almost slipped from her arm; then she grabbed it to her breast, repeating on a high note, `Next week? But ... but how can you manage that?`

`By special licence. It's all

arranged.` 69

Èeh! my goodness.` Moira lay back against the pillows shaking her head. `He won't like that.`

`Like it or not, he can't do anything about it. Anyway, I think he'll be glad to be rid of me: I've always been a thorn in his flesh. But there's one thing sure, he won't give me a dowry.` She smiled now.

`You're no thorn in his flesh. And I've got to say to you, Pattie, that you've been a comfort to me, although I didn't think so the first time I entered this house, nor for weeks after. But then I began to understand you: you missed your mother like I did mine. Oh yes`--she nodded her head now-- Ì missed my mother. To tell you the truth I missed them all across there. I missed many things.` She turned her head to the side and looked down on her daughter, who was chewing on the end of the counterpane, and she said, `They say we're all human beings and much the same under the skin. But it isn't so.` Turning her gaze on Pattie once more, she repeated, Ìt isn't so, because there's something in you that longs for the soil that bred you and that you first walked on, and the air that you breathed and the wind that fanned your face. It's the same in all countries: there's a longing in people for the place where they were born, whether it be good, bad or indifferent.`

She now put her hand to her side and Pattie, quickly getting to her feet, said, `You've got a pain? You're just on six months.`

`Yes, just on six months but I've been carrying this one funny. It seems to prefer the left side of me. It was kicking away yesterday as if it had clogs on.` She drew in a deep breath and smiled again. And now, putting her hand out towards Pattie, she said, Ì wish I could say, my dear, what would you like for a wedding present? but you know how I'm fixed. If, for instance, I'd come into the money ... mind, not that I want the old lady to go, oh no, but if I had, say, I would have bought you something good.`

`Never mind about that. I don't need presents, Moira, but I'm going to say this to you.` She now leant over the bed. `When you do get the money, hang on to as much of it as you can.`

Òh, now, now, that'll be difficult, for you know the saying in this country: what's yours is mine and what's mine's me own; that's referring to a man

and his wife, isn't it?` 71

`Yes, I know that's referring to a man and his wife. But the law has now been changed. But listen, when you get your money, you make it your business to say that you want certain things for yourself. That's one of the rules men have got to stand by: they must provide wives with the necessities according to their station. And you've never had the necessities according to your station, because you've been cook, slave, butler, and mother. As for money, I know where the fifty pounds that your aunt gave you as a wedding present went. Took that, didn't he?`

Òh, it went on the house, Pattie, as it should do. But don't worry; when the money comes, if the children are rigged out afresh and I have some new curtains, and Hector's able to engage another couple of men in place of the ones he's let go, then I'll be happy.`

Pattie shook her head while she said, Ìt's no use talking to you.` She now glanced towards the window; then going swiftly to it she looked down on to the drive, and when she saw her father riding towards the stables she said, `There he is now. I'll go down and get it over, and then I'll see you before I go.`

Òh, but Pattie, you're not just going to go out like that, are you? I mean, you're not just leaving?`

`Yes, I am, Moira. I've packed already, because I know as soon as Father and I meet there'll be a bust-up. And so I've arranged to stay with John's people until next week, and he's rented a house in Fellburn. It's only small, but that's all we need.`

Òh, Pattie. Pattie.`

`Now stop it, Moira. If you upset yourself that pain'll start again. Anyway, I'll see you later.`

She hurried from the room and down the stairs and straight to the hall door, where she stood awaiting her father's approach.

Seeing her, Patrick and Margaret came running along the terrace. She checked their galloping into the hall and, holding them by the shoulders, she looked from one to the other and said, `Have you been up in the schoolroom this morning?`

Patrick grinned and glanced at his sister, and she giggled until Pattie shook them both, and not gently, as she said, `Well, I've told you what would happen if you missed your lessons, haven't I? I'll see to it that you are both sent

to the village school, and it's a nice 73 long tramp and you won't get away with not learning there. Do you understand?`

`We'll go up and do our sums now, Auntie Pattie, we will. We will, won't we, Margaret?`

`Yes. Yes, we will. We will, Auntie Pattie. We will.`

`Well, get about it, and quick!` She now thrust them towards the stairs, and without further ado they went. And as she looked after them she wondered what would happen to their education after she was gone. Yet the little spare time she had given to them apparently had not done much good; they were both dudheads.

She turned to the door again to see her father striding across the gravel. He always entered by the front way now, whereas at one time, when Rosie alone was there, he might have come through the kitchen; but he had made it evident from the beginning that he couldn't stand the sight of Maggie Ann nor, for that matter, could she of him, and such being her character she didn't go out of her way to hide her feelings, which certainly didn't improve matters.

As he came up the steps and saw her standing

dressed for going out, he said, `Well, well! what's this? Have they thrown you out of school? Lost your job?`

She dismissed his trite remark by saying, Ì want to speak to you,` then walked away across the hall and down the passage and into the study.

He followed her, but slowly, and when he entered the room and saw her standing by his desk, he said,

`You want to speak to me; not "is it convenient", or "I would like to", but "I want to speak to you". Well, speak!`

Ì'm leaving here today. I'm going to be married next week.`

That he was surprised was evident, but that he was annoyed, even angry, was more clear as he said and as if he too were Irish, `Begod! you are, are you? You're leaving here today and you're going to be married next week. No asking permission!`

Ì don't have to ask your permission.`

Òh, but by God! you do, girl! You're just twenty. I can hold you until you're twenty-one, and by law--`

`Well, you're willing to try, Father, you're willing to try, and I'd already thought that you might just do that, but you haven't taken into consideration that you'll

have to go before a magistrate.` 75

`Well, as you say, madam, I might just do that. I might just do that.`

`Yes, you might, Father. But were you to do that I would show you up for the man you are.`

`God Almighty! Am I hearing aright? For the man I am? What are you talking about?`

`Do you remember a lady called Barbie?`

She watched the colour drain from his face, and now, from between his teeth, he said, `You spying little rat, you! Did you have your John follow me? By God! I could strangle you.`

`No, Father, I didn't have my John follow you, and you've just given me a new slant on your character.

You have just told me that Barbie is still in your life. I was referring to the time she first came into it and when Mother found out about her.` She watched him now walk past her, go round his desk, then sit down; and his mouth was slightly open as he stared at her, but he didn't speak.

Looking at him, the contempt showing in her face and in her voice, she said, `You know Mother's little writing desk; the escritoire, you know? It has a secret drawer. But Mother once said to me it had two secret drawers. I didn't know whether or not she was making it up. The desk itself is of no great value, but I've always liked it, and I was going to ask you as, dear Father, you won't be giving me a dowry, if you would give me the desk as a wedding present. It's been in my room, you know, since Mother died. Well, it should happen that I had lots of paper in the two side drawers and one piece of paper happened to get jammed in the back and so I pulled the drawer out, or at least I tried to; and in my fingering I must have pressed a spring. Then, the space between the two drawers, which just looked like a broad strip of veneer, came slowly forward and in it were three small flat diaries. I read them, and I got a vivid picture of my mother's life with you. How you used her legacy to keep your harlot, and how she found out about it and followed you and saw you saying goodbye to your kept woman, she who wasn't really a woman but a young girl, eighteen or so then. But for how long had you been using her before that? And her name was Barbie. Likely short for Barbara, but you called her Barbie.`

She stopped here, not only because she was out of

breath but also because she thought he was about to have a 77 seizure, for his face was almost purple except for the white rim around his mouth. But she felt no pity for him as she went on, `Moreover, you took every penny she had, because the law said that even the clothes she stood up in didn't belong to her. That's what the law said, didn't it? And at one period you told her she could go, but she wouldn't get a penny. And her people were dead and she hadn't any friends. She wasn't a woman who made friends, yet there was still someone to whom she could turn and that was the old family lawyer. It was he who arranged that when she died, her money died with her. It was a very intricate business, she said. Yet, there wasn't all that much left, certainly not as much as there should have been, because you had cashed her bonds, hadn't you?`

`Get out! Out of my sight ... out!`

`Yes, Father, I'll get out, and I promise you that I'll never come back into this house again. And when I show the diaries to Daniel, well, he might have to stay here until he can earn his own living, but from the minute he reads our mother's words you will have lost him too ...`

The heavy brass and glass inkwell just missed

her face and hit the wall to the side of her, but the ink sprayed out on to her coat and she had to lie back against the bookcase for a moment to recover from the shock. And now she stared at her father, who was on his feet but leaning over the desk, crying, Ì should have throttled you years ago. There were times when I wanted to. Get out!Ìt was a high scream.

She got out, so shaken that when she reached the hall and saw both Moira and Maggie Ann and the two elder children in a group at the foot of the stairs, she passed them without a word, and they too said nothing. But their gaze spread over her and the splashes of ink that were not only on her clothes but on her face. And they watched her walk slowly up the stairs.