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Tor blinked and nodded. “God, yes. And I’ve tested clean twice since September.” A slow flush rose on his chest. “You think I’d let you fuck me if I didn’t know? Jake—”

But Jake was already shaking his head. “That was as much me as you, and that’s why I had to ask. Finding a rubber was the last thing on my mind at the time, and I didn’t trust you then.” He could feel his chest tightening and there was a tickle in his throat. “This is what I mean, Tor. We have to talk about stuff. Shit like this, about things like why I shut down when you said you wanted to buy the ranch, about everything. If this is going to work we need to say things we don’t want to.”

“Okay,” Tor said, his face slowly clearing. “Okay. I can see that. Not going to be easy.”

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“God, no. That’s what I told Del, that you and me don’t work that way.” Jake looked down at Tor’s hand and almost reached for it. “Then he pointed out that you and I aren’t together, and I sort of figure that saying hard stuff is a hell of a lot better than being without you.”

There was a short silence then Tor did the reaching, brushing his fingers along Jake’s jaw and tilting Jake’s head up so he would look at him. “Hearing a lot of you saying the hard stuff, Taggart. Only things I’ve said since you came in are questions.”

Jake waited, almost holding his breath. He’d stopped Tor before; this time he needed it.

“Take me home?” Tor whispered.

Jake couldn’t speak, the tickle in his throat turning to a lump. He nodded slowly, already cursing himself for a fool. He forced himself to swallow and said, “Yeah. Becky’s got supper waiting for you.”

“Not what I meant. Take me home, Jake. Gonna take me a couple of weeks to settle things, but I want to be home. With you.”

Jake blinked, fighting tears of relief and anger, though the anger was directed at himself.

“Oh. Yeah, of course.” He turned away, not willing to show Tor how shaken he was.

“I’ll, um. I’ll talk to the Boss and the others, let them know what’s—”

“Look at me.” Tor moved, shifting in the bed and losing the blankets as he reached for Jake, one hand going to the back of Jake’s neck, the other to Jake’s thigh. “Look at me.”

Jake looked, meeting dark eyes so serious he caught his breath.

“I love you, Jake. Always have. Always will.”

Jake didn’t bother stopping the sob that welled up as he moved into Tor’s arms. It was awkward as they tried to arrange themselves without actually giving up any contact.

Jake didn’t care.

He was more or less leaning over Tor, his weight braced on one arm as he tried not to fall off the bed, and it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that Tor had one hand tangled in his hair, and the other was on his hip, pulling him down, drawing him closer.

Their first kiss was fierce, possessive. The intensity of emotions and shattered control sweeping them both along, and they came together without any restraint at all, mouths wide and teeth clashing.

When Jake finally pulled back to breathe he found his arm was trembling, threatening to let go and let him fall onto Tor. Tor didn’t let him get too far away, the hand on his hip 274

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shoving hard, rolling them both over on the bed until they were in the middle, Tor still under a tangle of sheets, Jake over them.

“Need to touch you,” Tor said. “Need to, so much. God, you have no idea—”

“I do.” God, so long without Tor’s hands on him…Jake knew.

Facing each other, they kissed again, hands freely wandering over sides and backs, up arms to trace collarbones and jaws.

He wasn’t sure how long they lay there, touching and kissing and trying to crawl inside one another, he only knew when it changed, the kisses becoming less desperate and more about relearning. Gently, almost sweetly, they kissed and tasted, finding each other beneath the coffee and salt of almost tears.

Jake ran his hands over Tor’s body, pushing at the blankets, mapping Tor’s back and chest. Tor was thin, muscles still hard and skin still smooth, but smaller. Grief and work had taken its toll, and Jake promised himself he’d see them both healthy before the end of summer.

Right then, though, he just wanted to lie there, feel Tor next to him, and hear his voice.

They rolled again, unspoken agreement putting Jake on top, straddling Tor’s hips. The blankets had shifted out of the way enough that there was only denim and two pairs of boxer briefs between them, and as they moved it was suddenly far too much fabric.

Tor’s fingers started tugging at Jake’s shirt, pulling it free from the jeans. “You couldn’t wear a t–shirt?” he asked with a smile as Jake fumbled with the buttons.

“Too casual. Was a serious conversation,” Jake mostly meant it too, though he’d not been thinking like that when he’d packed.

Tor’s hips rocked as he sat up to pull the shirt free, and both of them gasped, freezing in place before doing it again, intentionally.

“Oh, God.” Jake abandoned his fight with the buttons in favour of leaning down to take another kiss, Tor’s hands on his hips to guide their motions.

Tor groaned and broke the kiss, pushing Jake away. “Off,” he growled, pushing ineffectually at Jake’s shirt. Jake just nodded and pulled it off over his head, ignoring the buttons. Tor’s fingers tangled with his own, both of them trying to undo the button on his jeans, getting in each other’s way until Jake finally stopped and just let Tor do it. They were both breathing faster, the only sounds in the room their panting and soft sounds that meant hurry up.

“Got anything slick?” Tor asked, trying to push Jake’s jeans off his hips.

Jake shook his head. “Wasn’t really thinking this far ahead.”

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“S’okay, we’ll make do. The old fashioned way.” Tor rolled them again and pulled away, stripping off his own shorts before reaching for Jake once more.

Jeans, shorts and socks gone, Jake moved into Tor’s arms with a sound of desperation.

He needed. Needed Tor’s heat, his body, his mouth. As easy as breathing they moved together, arms and legs wrapping around each other, a low hiss coming from each of them as they started to rock.

Jake licked up the length of Tor’s neck and bit down on the soft skin below his ear.

“Love you,” he whispered. “Never stopped.”

Tor shuddered and moaned, his fingers digging into Jake’s hips. “Christ.”

“Yeah.”

Their movements became more and more hurried, more frenzied. Jake felt almost dizzy, the past few months giving way to a time when they were really connecting resounding within him. He kissed Tor deeply, giving Tor forgiveness and welcome, his cock painting need and passion on Tor’s belly.

Tor took it all and gave it back, words dropping onto him between gasps and sighs, panted out as they rolled and twisted on the bed. Words Jake had banished from his mind for almost ten months, and hadn’t really heard in over a year. Yours. Need. So good, always.

When Tor came it was with a sharp cry, a chanting of Jake’s name, repeated over and over as he shook. It took only one more word to send Jake over, the one word he’d not really expected to hear in their time together, no matter how much he knew it to be true.

Sometimes hard things to say got easier with practice.

After, when they were lying together in a sleepy tangle of limbs, Tor kissed him again.

“Never thought you’d come for me,” he said softly.

“Never thought I would,” Jake admitted. “Thought the pain would go away, you know?

But it wasn’t what you did that was hurting me.”

Tor shook his head. “You’re gonna have to explain that to me. I saw what it did to you, saw it until I left. The lies, the betrayal—”

“Yeah, I know. What I mean is…” Jake fought to find words. He knew what he felt, but he wasn’t sure how to say it; seemed that was most of their trouble right there. Tor’s hands rubbed slow circles on his back and he found himself arching into the touch, grounding himself. “Think that the pain of that would have faded. Eventually. But you not being there…missing what we had before—that hurt all the time.”

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He sat up a little, leaning on his elbow. “Spent a long time in that in between place.

Someone would do something, or I’d read something, and I’d think ‘gotta tell Tor’. But I couldn’t. And that never stopped, even two weeks ago that happened. You’re supposed to be there. And it took Hound and Del to start me thinking that being apart from you was worse than dealing with what happened, that it would be stupid not to see if we could make it work. ‘Cause the pain of being apart was too big a price to pay for my pride.”

Tor’s arms tightened around him. “You’re—something. Fuck, I worried about you so much, hated myself so much. I can’t tell you how sorry I am, how much I want to take it all back.”

“I know. And I thought about that, too. About how different it would have been if I’d said yes when Travis asked.”

Tor stared at him. “Oh God. That’s just fucked. That…that…I don’t even know what to think about that.”

Jake shrugged. “That’s fine. Just saying that the thought occurred. Not saying it would have changed anything—”

Tor’s head fell back on the bed. “God. I want, well, I don’t want, but I will. We’re gonna have to talk about that. In detail. But I have to think first, yeah?”

Jake nodded and rolled away, his hand trailing over Tor’s chest. “Yep. But right now I think a shower is in order, then sleep. You’re still wrecked, and we don’t have to do this all at once.”

Tor grabbed his hand and pulled him back down. “Not all of it. But we can do some of it.” He took a breath and Jake steeled himself, seeing determination in Tor’s eyes. “I know I’ve got no right to make rules—”

“Bull. It’s us. Two people.”

Tor thought about it and nodded slowly. “Okay. Rule. No one but us. No random pick ups, no playing.”

Jake almost laughed. He’d be more than happy to never watch Tor enjoy someone else’s body again. “Right. You. Me. Okay.” He kissed Tor again and somehow found himself pushing against Tor’s hip. “Damn. Shower?”

“Gonna get messy again, anyway,” Tor said with a grin, pushing back.

“Yeah, but if we do it right we’ll get messy in the shower and then won’t have to—oh fuck, do that again.”

Tor grinned and ground against him, both of them getting hard as they shifted and rubbed, Tor’s fingers finding one of his nipples and tugging it to stiffness. When Tor
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pulled away and stood up, Jake looked up at him, knowing his own eyes were probably starting to glaze over.

“C’mon, Taggart. Shower.”

Jake watched Tor turn and walk away from him, heading toward the bathroom, and decided that watching was almost as good as touching. But only almost.

It took no time at all for the room to fill with steam, Tor’s preference for hot hot water not having changed in the slightest. They washed each other slowly, enjoying the glide of soapy hands over warm skin, and Jake was struck again by the changes in Tor. He was whipcord now, lean and still strong, but not right.

“You have to take care of yourself,” he said, sliding a soapy hand down one long thigh.

“You’re too thin.”

“You, too. God, Jake. Have you been eating at all?” Tor turned him around to face the spray, water spilling over his shoulders.

Jake arched into Tor’s hands as they slid over his hips, one hand grazing over Jake’s erection, the other steadying his hips. He could only nod in response, suddenly breathless and unable to speak.

“Like that?” Tor’s voice was husky in Jake’s ear, knowing.

Another nod, and Jake could feel Tor pressed against him, heavy and thick against his ass. Strong fingers wrapped around his cock and Tor started sucking up a mark on his shoulder, jerking him off slowly.

Jake moaned and thrust into Tor’s hand, bracing himself on the wall in front of him.

Water poured over his head, a curtain of steam around him. Hot. Heat everywhere, from the water, from Tor, and Jake felt like he was floating.

Tor’s hand sped up, the gently thrust of his hips becoming insistent. Jake gasped when Tor’s thumb played over the ring at the tip of his prick, and he could suddenly feel Tor’s as well, the metal heated and rubbing against him.

“Tor,” he moaned, his back arching. “More, need—”

Tor tugged the ring gently, the hand on Jake’s hip moving to stroke his balls. “Fucking sexy, Taggart. Nothing better than you.”

Jake cried out, cock throbbing as he came over Tor’s hand. Tor held him up, bit at his shoulders until he started to come down, hips still sliding against him gently, slowly.

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When Jake could see straight he turned in Tor’s arms and kissed the man, fucking Tor's mouth with his tongue. “Hold on,” he said with a grin. Then he slid down Tor’s body, licking a path from throat to cock.

“Oh fuck.” Tor sounded as breathless as Jake had been.

He tasted the same, earth and salt and Tor. Jake didn’t waste time, just sucked him in and started working Tor’s shaft with everything he knew Tor liked. Long sucking pulls, the full length of Tor’s cock, and teasing licks at the head. He traced his fingers, light as a feather, over Tor’s balls and played with Tor’s ring. It was only moments before Tor was gasping, a few moments more before Tor grabbed at his shoulder for balance and started pushing in deeper, almost ready to come.

Jake sucked harder and made plans to work on their stamina. Ten months apart with only one ill advised fuck in the middle, and they were like teenagers.

Tor pushed deep and Jake swallowed hard, feeling Tor’s balls draw up. He felt Tor’s cock throb a second before his mouth was filled with Tor’s flavor, both of them moaning as he swallowed.

“Damn. Goddamn.” Tor reached for the wall, his legs trembling. “Gonna knock me out doing that.”

Jake snorted and reached for the faucets, killing the flow before the hot water could start to cool. “You say that now. Give it a month and you’ll be fine.”

Tor didn’t say anything and Jake looked up to meet stunned eyes. “What?”

“Just…just sort of sinking in. In a month we’ll be home, and we’ll be…us.”