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He didn’t notice Susie until a small hand slipped in his.

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“Hey, Princess,” he said, glancing down at her. Not so far down as he would have expected. Soon ten, Susie was almost up to his shoulder. She was going to be taller than her mother, for sure.

“Hey. Are you coming to our house?” She didn’t look at him, just held onto his hand, the ribbons on her dress fluttering in the breeze.

“I’m not sure.” I want to.

“He’ll be mad if you don’t.” God, she sounded so sure.

“We’ll see.”

They stood a moment, then someone elderly appeared, taking her away with a hug and promises of sugar cookies. Jake let her go, smiling as gently as he could. “I’ll see you soon,” he promised. He had four days. He would see her.

Then there were only a few people, and he watched Tor and Becky speak for a moment, not looking at his tree, not acknowledging him. Becky nodded and kissed Tor’s cheek, then turned and left, the rest of the people going with her, leaving Tor to stand alone at the foot of his mother’s grave.

Jake counted. It was thirty seconds before Tor turned and walked to him, looking at his shoes until he was right in front of Jake. Then he looked up and met Jake’s eyes.

“Taggart.” Tor didn’t move.

Jake raised his hand and laid it along Tor’s jaw, his fingers curling around to the back of Tor’s neck. “Hey, Cowboy.”

Tor leaned in without a word until their foreheads touched, his hand coming up to rest on Jake’s hips. Four points of contact.

“Take me home, Jake?”

“Yeah.”

~*~*~

They were mostly silent during the short ride to Becky’s, Jake taking a few moments to express his sympathy, and Tor thanking him in a low voice. Damn, but the man looked wrecked. Jake drove them through the quiet neighbourhood, following Tor’s directions through a short maze of one-way streets. When they got to Becky’s they found someone had made sure there was room in the driveway for the truck, cars lining the street.

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They climbed out of the truck without a word, Tor leading the way into the house. When Becky met them at the door Tor grabbed Jake’s arm and murmured, “We’ll talk later, yeah?”

Jake nodded and tried to let Tor know with his eyes how much he wanted that, but the man was immediately swept away from him, family claiming him and taking him into the living room.

“Thank you for coming,” Becky said, her face pale but composed. She looked a hell of a lot better than Tor, tired, but coping.

Jake held out his arms and let her walk into them, holding her for a few moments. “I’m sorry, Becky.”

She nodded into his chest. “I know. And thank you.” She pulled back a bit and looked him over, giving him a small smile. “You look good, Jake. Come on, come get something to eat.”

He followed her into the kitchen, ignoring the searching looks he was getting from the people gathered in clusters throughout the house. She pulled a tray of food from the fridge and uncovered it, telling him to help himself. People followed them in, and before more than a couple of minutes had passed Becky was deep into conversations with about three different people and Jake was looking for a way to make himself useful.

He took the tray into the dining room where he found more food and more people. He got a warm smile from a woman with dyed red hair when he set the tray down, so he returned it and went back to the kitchen to look for more.

As soon as he stepped through the door someone else handed him another plate, and before long he found himself pretty much in charge of making sure the food made it from the kitchen to the buffet. That was good, he thought. Useful. Helpful. And out of the way.

Too busy to be a pain in anyone’s neck, and no one was asking him hard questions.

He set the last plate on the table and picked up one that was nearly empty, reaching past a man with Tor’s eyes to do it. The man gave him a long look and finally asked, “Who are you?”

Jake held the plate tightly and said, “A friend of Becky and Tor’s.”

“Oh. Thought you might be one of the cowboys Mark works with.” The man held out a hand and added, “Jackson Dewar. I’m a cousin of Maureen’s.”

Jake shifted the plate to his left hand. “Jake Taggart. And yeah, I worked with Tor in Arkansas.” He waited for a hint of a reaction, anything that would tell him the man knew who he was, but there wasn’t anything other than polite interest.

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“It was nice to meet you,” Jake said, shifting his weight to his other foot. He gestured to the plate vaguely. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll just go see if Becky needs any help.” He fled to the kitchen, cussing to himself.

He wanted to be there for Tor and Becky and Susie, he wanted to help. He didn’t want to talk to anyone else, and he felt like he was on another planet, unsure of what to do or say, not knowing who all these people were and who he should be avoiding, if anyone.

He took the plate to the sink and rinsed it off, glancing out the window as he wiped at it.

Tor was in the backyard, talking to yet another man, this time someone damn near ancient. They were alone, just standing by the back fence.

“Go,” Becky said, appearing at his side. “Just…go out and be there.”

“Not sure that’s a good idea,” he said, still watching Tor.

“He let you drive him here, right? He’s glad you came, Jake. Just…go be where he can see you. Let him know you’re still here for him.” She put a hand on his arm and squeezed gently. “You are, aren’t you?”

He looked at her and smiled a little. “I suppose I am. Not sure he wants me to be, is all.”

“He doesn’t know what he wants.” She smiled at him again and then left the room, leaving Jake to look out the window.

Jake watched for a few more moments, just listening to the hum of people in the house and looking at Tor. Finally he went to the door and out, forcing himself to cross the yard to where the two men stood.

Tor didn’t look at him as he approached, but the other man did, and Jake watched as the man took his leave, giving Tor a handshake and a pat on the arm. Jake nodded to the little old man as he walked by and got a grin in return, the man’s face crinkling up like an elderly gnome. Jake reckoned the man would be a hellion given enough provocation.

Like the word ‘hello’.

Tor had turned to lean one shoulder on the fence so Jake moved beside him, facing him.

Standing close, but not touching, he studied Tor’s face, took in all the lines, the deep shadows, the gray at his temples. “When did you last sleep?” he asked softly.

Tor shrugged. “Couple hours last night. Maybe three the night before. Been awhile.”

Jake looked toward the house. “You need to rest.”

“Can’t. Not in there, not right now. Soon as I step in I’ll be surrounded by people all wanting to comfort me. By the way, what the hell are you doing here?” The words were harsh, but the tone was just damn tired and wanting to know.

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Jake shook his head. “Here ‘cause I want to be. You need to rest, then we’ll talk, okay?”

Tor rolled his eyes and turned to lean his back on the fence. “Can’t get any sleep right yet, Jake. And I really want to know why you’re here. Why now?” There was a catch in his voice and Jake looked at him, saw Tor just about ready to crumple, holding onto control by a thin, worn thread.

“I’m here because I didn’t start looking for you soon enough and Becky found me afore I could reach you. I’m here ‘cause I want to be. ‘Cause I want to talk to you, but not right now. Not like this.”

Tor blinked rapidly and waved a hand at the house. He looked like he was going to say something, then thought better of it.

“Tor, listen to me. I want…hell, I need to talk to you, tell you some things I finally figured out. But you need to sleep, and you need to deal with family first. I ain’t going anywhere unless you send me, and even then I’ll be hard to shake until I say my piece.

But right now, this minute? Let me help you.”

Tor looked at him for a long moment, his eyes searching and apparently finding something he needed to see. “How?”

“I got a hotel room. Let me take you there, right now. You can sleep for a few hours, I’ll come back here and help Becky, hang out with Susie or wash dishes or whatever. You call when you wake up and I’ll go get you. Or hell, if you don’t call in about five hours I’ll just go wake you up.” Jake resisted the urge to reach out and touch Tor only by shoving his hands in his pockets. “Please? You look like hell. Just get some sleep.”

Tor looked around the yard for a moment and turned to him, nodding. When tears welled up in Tor's eyes and started to flow down his cheeks, Jake reached for him, pulling him close and holding on.

“I’m so sorry, Jake,” Tor whispered. “God, so sorry.”

“I know,” Jake whispered back. “Me, too. That’s why I’m here. We’ll deal with it later.”

But Tor still shook, exhaustion and grief making him unstable and given to near silent sobs. Jake just held on and did his level best to be what Tor needed. “Momma…she said…she—”

“Shh. I’m sorry. Come on, let me take you to get some sleep.“

Tor finally pulled himself together and they walked to the truck. By the time Jake had gone in to tell Becky where they were going and that he’d be back in less than half an hour to help out, Tor was almost asleep.

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Chapter Forty-four

Jake walked back into the house, immediately assaulted by the noise of about thirty people still gathered in the living room. After the quiet of the truck and the muted conversation in the hotel room the chatter was an adjustment.

He took off his hat and jacket and carried them through to the kitchen, catching Becky’s eye and giving her a quick nod. Tor was asleep, and would be for awhile.

He made sure there was food still laid out and cleared a few dishes, then went looking for Susie.

Jake found her in her bedroom, sitting on the floor surrounded by books and toys, a few dolls having a tea party at a small table. She looked up at him and smiled, delight written across her face. “You came back!”

“Sure did. How are you doing, Princess?” He moved into the room and sat on the edge of her bed, unsurprised when she scrambled up to sit next to him.

“Okay. Everyone keeps asking me that.”

“They’re worried. It’s real hard to lose someone you love, and your grandmother was a special person. People are just…well, they want to know that you’re all right, and if you aren’t, they want to help.”

She nodded seriously and took his hand, then rested her head on his arm. “Jake? Did you take Uncle Tor somewhere?”

“Just someplace quiet, so he can sleep. I’ll bring him back in a few hours.” He found himself wanting to stroke her hair. So he did. It felt soft, the loose curls twisting under his hand.

“Thought maybe you were taking him away,” she said softly.

He shook his head. “No. But you know that if he did go away he’d always come back, right? He’s always going to be there for you, whenever you need him.”

She nodded, her cheek brushing his arm, warm breath puffing on the stiff cotton of his dress shirt.

“But he went away from you. Was he always gonna be there for you?”

Jake tried not to sigh. He had no idea how to explain what had happened to a ten year old.

Or a nine year old. He wasn’t sure when her birthday was, or if it mattered for this particular conversation.

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“That’s not quite the same thing, honey. Your uncle and me, we had some problems and couldn’t stay together any longer without hurting each other. So he moved out, went to work somewhere else. But it’s not like that with you and him.”

She looked up at him and frowned. “Why?”

“Why what? Why’s it different?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, he loves you very much. You’re family.”

“But your family let you go, for a long time. And I thought you and Uncle Tor loved each other.” She looked so small.

“You’re right. My family did let me go, but I let them go too, sort of. We found each other again.”

Her frown deepened. “Didn’t you and Uncle Tor love each other?”

Ah, hell.

“Yes, we did. But we still hurt each other.”

She sat up and pulled away from him, then got on her knees beside him on the bed. He looked at her, utterly astonished when she took his face in her little hands and made him stay where she could look into his eyes. “You’re here to make it better, aren’t you? You want to be my uncle again.”

Jake’s jaw dropped despite the hands on his face. He had no intention of saying yes or no to that, not to her, certainly not until he’d talked to Tor.

“Susie? What are you doing?” came a voice behind them. “Oh, hello.”

Jake turned to see the woman with dyed red hair standing in the doorway. He nodded a greeting as Susie settled beside him again, taking his hand.

“This is Auntie Dot. She’s not really my auntie, but I call her that,” Susie announced.

Auntie Dot smiled at her and nodded. “I’m one of those hard to place cousins, everyone just calls me Auntie Dot,” she said to Jake. “And you are?”

“This is my Uncle Jake,” Susie put in firmly.

Dot smiled again and shook her head. “I don’t think that’s quite right. No hard to place cousins named Jake, and you don’t have any real aunts with husbands I don’t know,” she 266

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said indulgently. “Maybe Jake’s one of your mommy’s friends?” Her expression was pure ‘Don’t kids say the darndest things?’

Jake opened his mouth, but he was quickly learning that he had to be faster to beat Susie at answering questions.

“No, Jake’s married to my Uncle Tor. Or at least, he was. But I think he will be again, and then I can call him my uncle.”

Jake watched Dot’s eyes go from mildly confused to wider than hell as she figured it out, a dull flush crossing her face. “Oh. Well, then. I guess I’ll let you two talk. If you want something to eat, Susie, don’t you forget there’s a ton of food in the dining room.” With an apologetic look at Jake she turned and fled.

Jake sighed. “Susie, that wasn’t very nice.”