I Can See for Miles (12 page)

Greg put his hand on Josh’s shoulder. “Josh, you know where everything is. I’ve told Mike and Maggie you’re alone, so if you need anything, just press 911 on your pager, and they’ll know to come straight here.” Bending down over the back of the sofa, he pressed a kiss to Josh’s forehead. “We’re going to get some dinner and then catch the midnight showing of
Citizen Kane
, so we won’t be back until about three. You sure you’ll—Okay, have fun, see you later, baby.”

“Josh—”

“Out… get out… right now… do not pass go… do not collect two hundred dollars… leave!”

“Jeez, grouchy much? Missing your big, strong camp counselor?” Mario drawled, ducking the cushion Josh threw in his direction before slamming the door behind him.

Josh sank back onto the couch and ran a hand over his face. He hated that Mario knew him better than he knew himself. Yes, he had missed Charlie’s comforting presence today and had been slightly hurt the other man hadn’t mentioned last night that he wouldn’t be around. The only information he had been able to glean from Mike and Jason was that Charlie had to run some errands and would be back later. Josh sighed and closed his eyes. He’d thought last night they’d made a huge step forward, and the fact that Charlie had kept him in the dark about today had him feeling like they’d taken one step forward and two steps back.

Standing up, he stretched and groaned when his back gave a satisfying crack. He’d spent a lot of time on Dottie today, with Rosie nestled in front of him, hanging on excitedly to his hands. Tom had taken them along a winding set of trails, with Kristal following behind. She had taken Josh aside and confided that Rosie’s father had left her when they’d found out Rosie was going to be blind. She said Rosie found it difficult to bond with men since Kristal didn’t have any parents or brothers to be a father figure in Rosie’s life, which had always worried her as a mother. Kristal had squeezed his forearm gratefully when she said she was touched at how good he was with Rosie and the connection he had made with her.

Padding into the kitchen and feeling around on the side for the coffeemaker, Josh reached for the cup beside it. He curled his fingers over the rim and poured until he felt the warmth of the liquid on his flesh. Rosie was a sweet kid and he couldn’t help but feel a surge of emotion whenever she slipped her tiny hand in his. Sighing, he lifted the coffee cup to his lips and sipped slowly. He wondered if being blind from birth was in fact a blessing in a roundabout kind of way. At least you didn’t know what you were missing.
Nice, Donald. How low can you get? Being jealous of a little girl because she’s never been able to see? Some role model you are.

Josh wandered back into the living room and sank down onto the cushions of the sofa and let them swallow him in their comfort and warmth. Holding his cup in one hand, he picked up his ear buds and pushed them into his ears. At the touch of a button, the opening intro to “Al Genina” flooded his ears, and he closed his eyes, letting the music wash over him.

“Y
OU
didn’t have to take me shopping, you know.” Sharon turned to smile at Charlie as Bill pulled the car up outside the main house.

“If I don’t treat my momma once in a while, I lose my good-son badge.” Charlie smiled softly, leaning forward and kissing first his mother’s cheek and then his father’s. “G’night, I don’t have to tell you how grateful I am that you were with me today, do I?”

“No idea what you’re talking about.” Bill said, stroking a gentle hand down Charlie’s cheek. “Why don’t you come home tonight? Sleep in your old bed? Let your momma spoil you.”

“Nah, not tonight, Pop,” Charlie replied, grabbing his backpack and then opening the door. “I’m going to have some wine and go for a walk, take a look at my place while I still can.” Climbing out, Charlie closed the door securely and waved until his parents disappeared down the trail, back to the farm. “A lot of wine,” he mumbled, threw his bag on the kitchen counter, and grabbed a bottle of Blossom Hill from the fridge. He closed the fridge door quickly when he heard Tom and Mike’s voices echoing down the corridor from the game room. Unable to face the Spanish Inquisition tonight, Charlie ducked out the back door and down the trail leading around the side of the house, not slowing his gait until the lights of the main house were far behind him.

Charlie thanked his lucky stars the wine was a screw top and took a healthy swig from the bottle, grimacing slightly as the dryness hit his taste buds first, before the fruity zing followed it. He made his way down the trail to the riverbank and sat down at the edge of the river, taking off his shoes and socks, he rolled up his pants and then dipped his feet into the ice-cold water. Sighing, he took another mouthful of wine. The moonlight broke through the clouds and cast an eerie pall over the water, picking out shadows and hollows, the perfect accompaniment to the sounds of the forest around him.

Lying back on the grass, gazing up at the clearing sky, his feet still moving slowly in the water, Charlie tried to breathe past the rising lump in his throat. What if he never found a match? Would he be strong enough to carry out his promise to Frankie? A thousand and one thoughts flowed through his mind, all merging into one simple question that had his chest heaving and the harsh broken sobs escaping from his lips.
Why me?

C
HARLIE
didn’t know how long he’d lain there on the grass, but when he started to shiver and the snot was drying on his skin, he pushed himself up and bent down to cup his hands in the water and splashed his face. The bottle of wine was half-empty, but he suddenly didn’t have the stomach for any more, and so he screwed the lid back on, planning to dump it in one of the waste bins by the picnic area on his way back to the house. Looking at his river one more time, Charlie sighed heavily, wiped a hand across his eyes, and began to walk.

Fifteen minutes later, Charlie looked at the steps leading up to the porch and the heavy wooden door. He saw movement through one of the windows, and his breath caught in his throat. What the hell was he doing here? He hadn’t planned it, had intended to go home, but his feet had brought him here. Squaring his shoulders, he put his foot on the first step, then took it off again, shaking his head. “Jesus, Cooper,” he mumbled, putting his foot back on the step. He was about to lift his other foot from the ground when the door to the cabin opened and Josh stood there, framed in the muted glow of the lamps behind him.

“Who’s there?” Josh said, a frown on his beautiful face. “Charlie?”

“How?” Charlie muttered, hanging his head, not sure what to do next.

“Super-spidey hearing,” Josh replied, tilting his head in that adorable puppy-dog fashion of his, “combined with super-spidey smell. I recognize your cologne. Although the wine is new.”

“Sorry.” Charlie paused, fumbling for the right thing to say. “I didn’t mean to disturb you. I don’t even know what I’m doing here. I didn’t mean to come here.”

Josh snorted inelegantly. “Well, maybe not as romantic as ‘I missed you today’ or ‘I just had to see you’, but as long as you’re here, you might as well come in.” Josh moved back into the cabin, allowing Charlie the room to enter, and Charlie closed the door behind him.

“Do you want some coffee?” Josh flinched when Charlie pressed their bodies together. Charlie soothed him with apologetic noises, not having meant to startle him. “Charlie?” Josh’s voice was unsure and came out on a rasp, his heart pounding against Charlie’s palm. “Is everything okay?” Charlie didn’t really know what he was doing. All he knew was that as soon as he’d seen Josh in that doorway, he needed to be close to him, to feel him. He needed to drive every thought out of his head that wasn’t Josh.

“I missed you today…,” Charlie said softly.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah… and I just had to see you.” Charlie slid his hands up Josh’s bare forearms, then up over muscled shoulders and finally into thick, dark curls. “Do you have any idea how crazy you make me? How every ounce of common sense I possess flies out the window when you walk into a room? How just the scent of you makes me want to wrap myself around you and never let go?” He gasped when Josh lifted a hand toward his face and stroked long fingers down his cheek and across his jaw until they reached his lips. Charlie’s eyes drifted shut as he opened his mouth and took Josh’s thumb in between his lips, holding it steady with his teeth and swirling his tongue around the tip, wetting the skin.

“Fuck,” Josh whimpered. The sound of his pleasure sent bolts of heat directly to Charlie’s cock.

Charlie tightened his fingers in Josh’s hair and pulled the other man’s head toward him. He pushed Josh’s thumb out of his mouth with his tongue and licked his lips in anticipation as the gap between them got smaller until they were only a breath away. “Shit, what about Mario and Greg?” Charlie had forgotten about the two other men. For all he knew, they could be sitting on the couch watching the whole thing play out in front of them. He hadn’t bothered to look anywhere but at Josh since he entered the cabin.

“They’re out, dinner and a movie,” Josh panted, his breath falling from his lips in short bursts. Curling his fingers around Charlie’s hips, Josh tugged him closer.

“Thank
God
,” Charlie mumbled and pressed his lips to Josh’s. He plunged his tongue deep into Josh’s mouth as the other man’s lips parted readily beneath his. Josh swallowed the moan that made its way up his throat, and Charlie tightened his grip on Josh’s hair, tilting his head so he could map out the inside of Josh’s mouth. He felt as if someone had lit the fuse, and now they were caught up in the burst of heat, and any minute now they were going to explode in a shower of sparks. “Josh,” he murmured against Josh’s lips. “I
want
you.”

“
Yes
,” Josh hissed, sliding his leg between Charlie’s to rub his arousal against Charlie’s hip. “Bedroom, now.” He turned Charlie and walked them backward, keeping one hand on Charlie’s lower back and the other stretched out to feel along the wall until they reached his bedroom door. Barely releasing Charlie’s lips to take a breath, Josh’s fingers found the door handle with practiced ease and pushed the door open with the flat of his palm, urging Charlie inside.

Charlie pushed Josh back against the door as it swung shut behind them and latched his lips to the soft skin of Josh’s throat. “You’re so beautiful,” he breathed against the honey-colored flesh, “so good and kind, and I just want to keep you safe… hold you close….” He knew he wasn’t making much sense, but he couldn’t stop the words from falling from his lips. Sliding his fingers down, he palmed the bulge in Josh’s jeans, rubbing his hand up and down the hard shaft. “I wanna touch you, taste every inch of you on my tongue, hear you moan, make you lose control.” He brought their lips together again, tongues sliding against each other, fighting to dominate the kiss. Charlie groaned into Josh’s mouth when he felt Josh’s big hands cup his ass and turn him so it was his back against the door.

Josh panted into Charlie’s mouth and slipped his fingers beneath the hem of Charlie’s T-shirt, urging him to lift his arms and pulling it up and off over Charlie’s head. After tossing it aside, Josh lifted his own arms, and Charlie practically ripped the shirt from him, sending it to join his own. Charlie knew Josh must be on sensory overload. He knew Josh hadn’t been with anyone in a long time, not since Alec on the night of his accident. Not being able to see where the next touch was coming from and being completely at Charlie’s mercy must be torturous. Charlie’s heart swelled at the gift Josh was giving him—trusting him to keep him safe.

Reaching up and grabbing onto Josh’s biceps, Charlie walked them back until Josh’s legs hit the bed. Easing the big man down onto the mattress, Charlie quickly removed his glasses and tossed them onto the nightstand before straddling Josh and kissing his way down the planes of Josh’s muscled chest. Smoothing his fingertips over Josh’s pecs, he traced the outline of one pebbled nipple and then replaced his finger with his lips and sucked the tiny nub into his mouth, the point of his tongue flicking out sensually. He smiled against Josh’s flesh at the moan he felt rumble its way deep inside Josh’s chest before it left his lips.

“Charlie,” Josh whimpered, his back arching under the ministrations of Charlie’s tongue, his fingers curling into Charlie’s shoulders. “I… I….” He hauled Charlie back up to him and let his fingertips play across Charlie’s face.

Looking down into Josh’s hazel eyes in the muted glow of the lamp on the nightstand, Charlie felt his heart contract at the sudden uncertainty he could see there. “Are you okay?” Josh’s breath fell in soft, warm puffs of air onto Charlie’s lips. Lifting his hand, he stroked it through Josh’s unruly curls and captured Josh’s mouth in a soft kiss. “Talk to me, Josh… you can tell me anything. If you don’t want to do this… if it’s too much… too fast… it’s okay…,” he murmured gently, trying to reassure Josh with his touch that he wouldn’t be mad.

“No…,” Josh gasped, turning his head and rubbing his cheek against Charlie’s palm. “I want you… you have no idea how much I want this… but… I haven’t… since the accident,” he stammered, closing his eyes.

“Look at me, Josh,” Charlie said softly, his lips curving into a tender smile. When Josh lifted his hands to touch Charlie’s face, he shook his head slightly. “No… open your eyes and look at me, baby,” he instructed.

Josh frowned slightly but opened his eyes anyway. “I can’t see you this way, Charlie,” he murmured, his lips parting as Charlie nestled between his thighs.

“No… but I can see you,” Charlie replied, his gaze taking in every change of color in Josh’s expressive eyes, the way they darkened when he slid his hands down Josh’s body, the way his pupils dilated at the brush of Charlie’s lips against hard, tanned skin. “You have beautiful eyes, Josh…. I like looking into them… they tell me how you’re feeling.” He bent his head and kissed the man writhing against him. “It’s been a while for me too… if you want to stop… it’s okay… honestly.”

“Charlie?” Josh rasped his voice thick with desire.