I Can See for Miles (19 page)

Sitting back down in his chair, Charlie sipped at the liquid in his glass and felt it burn its way down his throat and expand in his chest. “Then he said there was only one option left open to me. Corneal replacement. He put me on the waiting list but told me it could take years before a suitable donor was found. I was reeling. I didn’t know what to think. I guess a part of me always knew deep down that he wasn’t exactly going to tell me there was a miracle cure, but I wasn’t expecting him to tell me I’d be blind within a few weeks either.” He huffed out a dry and joyless laugh. “I never thought it would hit me that hard when it actually came down to it. That it would probably happen was always there, like a shadow at the back of my mind, but when he actually said the words, I don’t know what I thought. Part of me was thinking that I should just suck it up, concentrate on my dreams just like I’d told others a hundred times over since starting up the camp. Reassuring every one of them that they were not a burden upon their families or anyone else around them, that they could have the same hopes and dreams and accomplish the same things as everyone else, if they just believed hard enough. What a hypocrite I was. ’Cause when push came to shove, I was the one crying in my momma’s arms like a baby, instead of thinking about everything else I had in my life.” Charlie quickly downed the rest of his scotch and coughed into his fist at the heat created by the alcohol.

“And then?” Josh prompted, his voice still a monotone.

“And then there was you.” Charlie sighed, turning the glass around in his hands as he spoke. “After Mom and Pop dropped me off, I grabbed a bottle of wine from the fridge and went out to the river. To
my
place…
our
place. I don’t know how long I lay there in the grass, drinking and crying and thinking that my worst fears had finally come true. I was going to be the useless, helpless burden that Brian always said I was. I only know that when I finally stood up and began walking, I found myself standing outside your door. I hadn’t intended to end up there. But I guess my subconscious knew more about what I needed than I did… because it led me straight to you.” Charlie took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He longed to get up and walk over to Josh. To feel him in his arms. To feel his lips against his. To beg him for forgiveness. But he couldn’t… not yet. Josh needed to hear all of it. He knew that. He owed him that. “Josh… that night, when we—”

“I know what we did,” Josh ground out. “What about the night at the hospital?”

“I think it’s pretty obvious what happened that night, Josh,” Charlie said heatedly, his control beginning to break. “You almost
died
. You almost died because of
me
! I should never have let you take me out there in the dark when I could hardly see my hand in front of my face! I should never have let you out of what little sight I had!”

“I’m not a child,” Josh shot back petulantly.

“Are you even listening to me? Did you hear a single word I just said?” Charlie’s tone was incredulous. “You could have been
killed
, Josh! Do you have any idea how scared I was when I heard you scream for me? How I could barely breathe when I got into the water and caught just a glimpse of you hanging onto that tree? How utterly helpless I felt when I couldn’t find you? Couldn’t protect you?”

“It’s not your responsibility to
protect
me!” Josh spat.

“The hell it’s not!” Charlie retorted.

“Why?”

“You know why!”

“Because I’m a poor little blind boy? Because I need big strong Charlie Cooper to hold my hand, cut my food, and put my dick back in my pants after I take a piss? Because I have
limitations
?” Josh’s voice rose higher on every sentence as his anger grew. “Because I’m
useless
?”

“No!” Charlie ran a hand through his hair in exasperation. “You’re not useless. You know I’ve never thought that!”

“Then why did you walk away?” Josh practically screamed at him.

“Because
I’m
useless! Because when you needed me most, I couldn’t do anything!” Charlie screamed back, his control on his emotions crumbling completely. “Because if anything had happened to you, I would have wanted to die too! Because I
love
you!”

“I love you too, asshole!” Josh yelled, his voice cracking. “You stupid, fucking asshole! I can’t believe how much of an
asshole
you are!” He paused to take a breath. “Who died and made you God? Who gave you the right to decide what we had didn’t matter? That everything we’d said and done could be thrown away as easily as yesterday’s newspaper? Who gave you the right to decide what’s best for
me
? Don’t you know that
you’re
what’s best for me? That I’m lost without you? Mario was right about one thing—it would have been easier if you’d just killed me yourself.” The last word was said on a sob.

The sound of Josh’s pain was like a knife to his heart. Charlie rose to his feet and quickly crossed the room, his hands held out in front of him. He felt along the edge of the table until he reached the arm of the chair and ignored Josh’s surprised flinch when his hand touched Josh’s thigh. Dropping to his knees, he wrapped his arms around Josh’s broad shoulders and pulled him close, burying his face in Josh’s hair. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Charlie sobbed over and over again, feeling Josh’s chest heave against him, his own tears falling onto Josh’s shirt.

Josh’s fingers curled into the soft cotton of Charlie’s T-shirt and held on tight as they cried together. Cried out the last two months of despair, anger, and loss, each breathing in the scent of the man he thought he would never hold again. When their hiccupping breaths had eased, Josh pulled back and loosened his grip on Charlie’s shirt and wiped at the tears on his face.

“I should kick the shit out of you.”

“You should,” Charlie replied softly, carding his hands through Josh’s hair and sighing at the feel of the silky strands falling through his fingers. Softness he had dreamed about every time he closed his eyes in the last two months.

“You hurt me.” Josh’s voice was raw but firm.

“I know.”

“Don’t do it again.” Josh used his hands to guide Charlie’s face up to his, and although their first attempt landed on each other’s chins, Josh’s lips soon found Charlie’s and captured them in a tender kiss. Grabbing Charlie’s hand, Josh urged him onto his lap and wound his arms around Charlie’s waist, holding him close.

Charlie breathed in the scent of the coconut shampoo Josh used, his face buried in the chocolate-colored curls he remembered. Lifting his hands, he ran his fingertips over Josh’s face, lingering on the peaks of high cheekbones before coming to rest on soft lips. “I missed you so much,” he rasped, lifting Josh’s chin high and kiss-biting along the strong, square jaw, feeling the stubble tickle his lips. “You have no idea how many times I picked up the phone to call and put it back down again.”

“I know you thought you were doing the right thing,” Josh said softly, slipping his long fingers beneath the hem of Charlie’s T-shirt. “But
this
is the right thing.” He brushed the thumb of his other hand over the swell of Charlie’s lower lip, sliding across the sensitive inner flesh when Charlie’s opened his mouth under Josh’s touch. “
Us
, together… right here… right now.” Curling his hand around the back of Charlie’s neck, he pulled him down so he could kiss him. “
Charlie
.”

Charlie’s tongue met his, and Josh’s fingers kneaded at the muscles of his lower back, pulling him even closer. The need to be as close to Josh as he could get was overwhelming. He wanted to wrap himself around his man and never let him go. “Will we make it to your room without being seen?” Josh asked huskily, and Charlie shivered in anticipation at the images those words conjured up.

Raising his head, Charlie trailed his hand down Josh’s chest and purposely scraped his nail over the hardening nub of Josh’s nipple. “Yes,” he hissed, almost throwing himself off Josh’s lap in his haste to pull on the hand he was holding. “And even if they see us, we can’t see them, so it doesn’t count.” He groaned when Josh crowded up behind him before they had even made it the few feet to the door. Josh’s large hands slid around his waist and he was pulled up against that taut, muscled chest. He was unable to keep the bitten-off moan from falling from his lips when Josh palmed his cock through his jeans and pulled his ass tight against Josh’s own hardness.

“Make sure you’ve got something to bite down on, ’cause I plan to make you scream,” Josh whispered into the shell of Charlie’s ear, smiling against the sensitive flesh when Charlie full-on whimpered.

Charlie guided Josh up the stairs to his bedroom, ignoring Maggie’s squeal of delight and round of applause as they passed her coming out of the kitchen. After closing the bedroom door behind them, Charlie pushed the lock home and quickly dealt with his clothes, then pressed his naked body up against Josh, grinning at his faux complaint.

“No fair, Cooper. You cheated. I wanted to get you naked,” he said softly, filling his palms with the rounded globes of Charlie’s ass, his fingers kneading the firm flesh. “
God
,” he groaned into the warm, soft skin of Charlie’s neck. “I’ve missed the feel of you in my arms.”

Charlie couldn’t stop smiling as between them he and Josh all but ripped Josh’s clothes off, both of them needing to feel skin against skin. Charlie whined at the warmth of Josh’s naked body against his, and he backed them up until they hit the bed and tumbled down onto the mattress in a tangle of limbs and whispered promises. His hands moved over Josh’s warm skin, his fingers relearning the shape of muscles and the way they moved beneath him. When Josh’s hand closed around Charlie’s aching cock, he arched his back in pleasure, trying to get even closer to those teasing fingers. He now understood what Josh had meant when he said it was all too much. Without knowing where the next touch was coming from, the next kiss, the next brush of hot, velvety skin, he was lost in a sea of sensation. He felt as if he was surrounded by Josh, covered with him. “Fuck, Josh,” he whispered, his tongue delving deep into Josh’s mouth as they kissed over and over, neither able to get enough of the other. The thought of what he’d almost lost through his own stubbornness drove him to grab and touch and hold with desperate fingers. “I need you so bad,” he muttered against Josh’s lips, his tongue snaking out to taste.

“I’m all yours, baby,” Josh replied, his hands caressing Charlie’s body. Josh whimpered as Charlie ground his hips into Josh’s, creating the friction they needed, and Charlie reveled in the sound.

The late afternoon sun threw a shaft of warmth across the bodies of the two men wrapped around each other on the bed. But they didn’t notice and didn’t care. They were lost in each other as Charlie slowly prepared Josh with gentle touches and whispered words of love and forever. Cries of
I love you
echoed into the still of the room when Charlie moved inside Josh, bringing him to the edge of release time and time again before they tumbled off the cliff together, sailing into the abyss and coming to rest in each other’s arms.

Josh wrapped his arms and legs around Charlie as they basked in the afterglow, sweaty, sated, and loved. “I love you,” he whispered into Charlie’s skin, rubbing his face into the crook of Charlie’s neck.

“I love
you
,” Charlie replied, carding his fingers through Josh’s hair. “So much, Josh—”

“There had better not be a ‘but’ at the end of that sentence,” Josh said, lifting his head and resting his chin on Charlie’s chest. He reached out and gripped Charlie’s chin, turning his face. “You’re not getting all paranoid and panicky on me again, are you, Cooper?”

“The fear of being unable to protect you hasn’t gone, Josh. I’m still blind,” Charlie said softly, tracing the outline of Josh’s lips with the tip of his finger.

“And so am
I
,” Josh replied, gripping Charlie’s chin firmly. “Don’t you get it, Charlie? You’ve been talking about your fear of not being able to protect me when the chips were down, but what about
mine
? Don’t you think I have the same fear? That I won’t be able to protect
you
, keep
you
safe?” He slid up Charlie’s body and pressed their lips together. “So I guess there’s only one thing to do… we’ll just have to protect each other.”

Charlie folded his arms around Josh’s neck and kissed him fervently, pouring all the love he felt into that single kiss. “But what if I get new eyes some day? How would you feel about that?” he asked, wishing he could see Josh’s eyes to judge the expression on his face.

“I would be ecstatic because you would be receiving the most wonderful gift anyone in our situation could and because I love you,” Josh replied, honesty reverberating through his voice. “Besides,” he said softly, kissing Charlie again. “I told you before… when I’m with you… I can see for miles.”

Epilogue

“J
OSH
!
Charlie says to tell you the new kids are arriving in about half an hour, so you need to get your lazy ass out of bed!” Maggie shouted through the door, banging loudly.

“Charlie said no such thing, Maggie,” Josh retorted, lifting his head from the pillow.

“Are you calling me a liar, Donald?” Her tone was affronted.

“Only because I’ve had Charlie’s dick in my mouth for the last twenty minutes and the only things he’s said are ‘don’t stop, don’t stop’ and ‘I’m gonna come’!”

“Ewww” was Maggie’s disgusted reply. “Thanks… now there are images dancing behind my eyes that are burning through my retinas. What’s he doing in there
with
you? I sent him up here an hour ago to wake you up!”

“Well, it worked—I’m awake, aren’t I?”

“You two are gross. The honeymoon period is over, morons. You’ve been together for two years, for God’s sake—give it up already and have sex once a week like the rest of us! I’m going to put together the information packs, and when I’m done, you two had better be downstairs making sure the pagers have batteries in them!”