I Can See for Miles (18 page)

“I already found you,” Josh said, his voice thick with pain.

“I’m sorry, Josh,” Charlie murmured, leaning down until he felt the puff of Josh’s breath against his cheek, then moved up a little and pressed a kiss to Josh’s forehead. “I can’t do this. I just can’t.”

“Charlie?” Josh’s voice sounded very small for such a big man, and Charlie gripped on to Maggie as she walked him back across the room to the door. He wanted to stop, to run to Josh’s side and take back every word, and the sound of his name almost had him spinning on his heel… almost.

“Good-bye, Josh,” Charlie said quietly, and Maggie shepherded him out, closing the door behind him.

Maggie slid her arm around his waist as he collapsed against her. “Charlie? What is it?”

Charlie couldn’t breathe. The tears were falling freely now as his heart shattered in his chest, and he sobbed into her hair. “Home… please… take me home.”

Chapter Twelve

M
ARIO
looked over at Josh, slumped on the couch, his sightless eyes expressionless as he stared at the ceiling. “We’re gonna order in, Josh. You want pizza?” he asked, keeping his tone conversational.

“No thanks, I’ll grab something later,” Josh replied, not moving from his position.

“Josh, you’ve got to eat, man,” Mario said softly.

“I said I’ll grab something later,” Josh repeated, frowning his annoyance.

“Are we just going to ignore it? Never talk about it? Like Alec?” Mario demanded, his patience wearing thin.

“Shut up,” Josh snapped.

“It’s been two months, Josh.”

“Shut
up!
”

“Two months and you’ve not set foot outside this house! You’re shrinking before my very eyes, man.” Mario dropped to his knees beside the couch and put a hand on Josh’s arm, refusing to let Josh shake it off. “You need to get it out, Josh. I know you’re hurting and,
fuck,
scream, cry, get angry, break shit, punch my stupid face if you have to, I don’t care. I can handle all that. I can get you through that. But I can’t take much more of the silence. It’s like you’re slipping away from me, and I can’t grab on to you. Just talk to me, please.”

“What am I s’posed to do, Mario?” Josh fumed, his control breaking. “Piss and moan because he walked out on me while I was lying in a hospital bed? Have a little sob because it took him even less time than it took Alec to realize I’m helpless and of no use to anyone? Or should I lay my head gently on your shoulder and weep a little because he won’t take my phone calls, won’t even explain why? Maybe we should slow dance while I tell you how I lie awake at night afraid to close my eyes, ’cause when I do, all I see is his face. Feel his touch. Smell his skin. What else do you want to know? Huh? That I thought he loved me? That I thought I’d finally found
the one
? What the fuck do you want from me!”

“Josh—”

“So, no, I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to cry or scream or even punch your stupid face. I just want to be left alone.” Josh got unsteadily to his feet, shaking from the force of his emotions.

Watching Josh stomp up the stairs to his bedroom, Mario sighed heavily and flopped down onto the couch cushions, then rubbed the heels of his hands over his eyes. Okay, he’d been hoping for more of a breakthrough than that, but at least Josh had shown some emotion rather than the noncommittal one-word answers he usually gave. He smiled and stroked Greg’s fingers as they slid down his chest from behind the couch. “Did you hear all that?”

“Yeah.” Greg sighed, leaned down and placed his cheek on the top of Mario’s head. “I didn’t know he’d tried to call Charlie. But then I guess we don’t know anything anymore.”

“You’re right, we don’t know anything. But I’ll tell you something, babe, I’m sick of being kept in the dark.” Mario sat up, his tone firm and determined.

“Tavella—”

“Josh’s not the only one who needs answers, and Cooper is damn well gonna give them to me.”

M
ARIO
watched Charlie from where he lounged in the open doorway to the office, listening to the exchange between Charlie and his mother. She had been unloading the back of her car when Mario pulled up outside the main house, and Mario had shared a cup of coffee with her in the kitchen while he told her about Josh’s condition. He in turn listened to her explain what had been going on at the camp the last couple of months. They had a new party in for the week from a blind school upstate. If it went well, it could mean regular bookings and recommendations to other schools. Now he stood against the doorjamb as Sharon entered the office and Charlie smiled in greeting.

“Hey, Momma. All geared up for the welcome barbecue?”

“I am indeed. I made three peach cobblers today ’cause they look like a hungry bunch,” Sharon said softly, leaning down to drop a kiss on Charlie’s head. “How are you doing? The paperwork still putting up a fight?”

“I am determined that it will not beat me.” Charlie said, grimacing. “I’m going to finish these invoices if it’s the last thing I do.”

Nice segue
, Mario thought as he drawled ominously, “It might be.” Charlie’s gaze flew to the doorway, and he stared openmouthed at Mario.

“Mario—”

“You and I got some talkin’ to do,” Mario said softly, which somehow managed to sound more menacing than if he’d shouted, even to his own ears.

“I don’t have time—”

“You’ve got plenty of time, Charlie,” Sharon interrupted. “The barbecue isn’t for another two hours. That’s more than enough time for a little chat with Mario.” Mario couldn’t help but huff out a laugh at the incredulous look Charlie threw her, which she completely ignored. She paused and gazed into Mario’s eyes as she reached the door. “I’ll leave you to kick some sense into my son’s stubborn head.”

“With pleasure, Sharon,” Mario drawled, then dropped a kiss on her forehead before moving into the room and closing the door behind him.

“It’s taken you longer than I expected to come and kick my ass,” Charlie said, his voice devoid of emotion.

“I’d have been here sooner, but I’ve been a little busy trying to put my boy back together.”

“How is he?” Charlie asked, not meeting Mario’s gaze.

Mario began to pace slowly up and down the room. He didn’t really have a speech prepared, but once he started, the words tumbled over one another in their haste to get out. “Let me think… ah, yes… month one was a joy,” he began. “That was the month when he barely talked at all. Barely ate. Barely moved. Month two, slightly better. At least he’s showering now, ’cause he was getting pretty ripe. Still hasn’t left the house, though.
Still
doesn’t eat enough.
Still
sits looking up at the ceiling wondering why you walked away without a backward glance. Why this happened to him
again
. I got a little conversation out of him yesterday, though, when he told me the reason you didn’t want him is because he’s a liability. That you wouldn’t take his calls or even have the decency to tell him the truth.”

“I
did
tell him the truth,” Charlie retorted, his eyes still downcast. “Josh has limitations and I can’t be there to make sure he’s okay every second of the day. My lifestyle isn’t suited to that.”

“Your lifestyle?” Mario ground out, his voice rising on every word. “You run a blind camp and your
lifestyle
isn’t suited to having a blind boyfriend?” He ran his hands through his hair, trying to keep a lid on his temper. “You’re fucking kidding me, right?”

“Look, Mario. I know he’s your friend, and you love him, but I made my decision. Josh will see that it was for the best.” Charlie sighed heavily and turned back to his desk. “Would you please leave now?”

“That’s it? That’s all you have to say to me?” Mario spat. He grabbed the arms of Charlie’s chair and spun him around so they were facing each other. “Let me tell you something, ass-wipe. When Alec left, I thought Josh would never smile again, never love again. Then there was you, and that smile came back. The simpering, love struck, puppy eyes came back. The Josh I thought I’d lost
came back
!” His temper was slowly spinning out of control. How could this man be so cold? How could he just sit there in front of him, not even a flicker of remorse to be seen? “Then the going got a little tough for five minutes, and you bailed. You asked me how he is? I’ll tell you how he is. You
broke
him. Are you happy? Is that what you wanted? ’Cause that’s what you got.”

“I asked you to leave.” Charlie pushed himself out of the chair, forcing Mario to move back.

“I never expected you to be such a cold, heartless bastard,” Mario said in disbelief. He watched as Charlie walked over to the door and opened it, then motioned to it with his hand, his face impassive. Shaking his head, Mario sighed heavily and glanced at the paperwork on the desk, a frown creasing his brow. Looking up at Charlie’s stony face again, his gaze wandered around the room, taking in the wide spaces between the furniture, the white cane leaning against the wall behind Charlie’s chair, the Braille keyboard in front of the computer screen.

“Mario,” Charlie ground out through clenched teeth.

“I’ll go, after you’ve answered me one question,” Mario said evenly as everything suddenly fell into place and made sense for the first time.

“What?” Charlie spat.

“How many fingers am I holding up?”

“What the hell are you talking about, how many fingers are you holding up?” Charlie’s blustered. “Just leave, Mario. I don’t have the time or the inclination to answer any more of your questions. I’m sorry Josh’s hurting, but he’ll get over it.”

“Just like you have?” Mario questioned.

“What do you want me to say?” Charlie’s control broke. “He was a good fuck, that’s all. Now get out of my—”

Mario watched Charlie crumple to the floor, his hand going to the split lip he was now sporting. Mario’s eyes narrowed. He knew it. Charlie hadn’t even tried to avoid the punch he’d thrown at him. His gaze hadn’t wavered. “How long?” he rasped, grabbing hold of Charlie’s upper arm to haul him to his feet and almost throw him into the chair. He watched Charlie’s shoulders slump in defeat as he held his head in his hands. “How
long
?” Mario repeated.

“It happened a few days after you left. I knew it was coming. That night at the river….” Charlie shook his head slowly. “I could barely see. I should never have let him take me out there. I got so caught up in the romance of it all that I nearly got him killed. I couldn’t find him, couldn’t protect him.” He sighed heavily and leaned back in the chair, wiping at the blood trailing down his chin. “I knew the best way to keep him safe was to make him leave. I knew he’d never leave under his own steam, so I had to… I….” Charlie trailed off, running a shaking hand through his hair.

“Had to make him think you didn’t want him anymore,” Mario finished for him.

“Don’t you see, Mario? Being with me nearly cost him his life! You said it yourself, for God’s sake! I couldn’t risk it. I just couldn’t live with myself if anything happened to him because of me,” Charlie ranted.

“That’s real noble of you, Charlie,” Mario replied. “But holding his head under the water till he stopped struggling would have been kinder than what you’re doing to him now. Shit, what you’re doing to
both
of you.” Mario leaned against the desk and pushed his hair back from his face, his breath huffing from his lips. “What a fucking mess.” He looked down at the defeated man in the chair beside him and shook his head. “So what happens now? You go on with the rest of your life looking like someone just bought you a pony and then shot it, while Josh sits and waits for the rest of his to pass by?” His eyes narrowed and he looked into Charlie’s, noticing for the first time since he’d arrived the milky film that covered them, giving the green a washed-out look. He needed to see some emotion in them, needed Charlie to voice what he already knew in his heart. “Tell me one thing, Cooper, and then I’ll go. Are you in love with him?”

“Do you think I’d have sent him away if I wasn’t?” Charlie’s gaze was unwavering. “I didn’t have any choice.”

“What about
my
choice?”

Charlie froze, and his gaze moved to the doorway. “Josh….”

Chapter Thirteen

“L
OW
blow, Tavella,” Charlie muttered, running his shaking hands through his hair.

“Don’t blame Mario. I made him bring me,” Josh retorted, his tone cold and emotionless. “I wanted to hear what you had to say for myself. I think you owe me at least that. Mario, would you mind giving me and Charlie a few minutes alone?”

“Are you sure?” Mario replied.

“I think we’ll be okay,” Josh said sarcastically. “I don’t think either one of us would be able to manage a well-aimed punch, do you?”

“Okay, but I won’t be far away,” Mario replied, and Charlie heard the click of the door as Mario closed it behind him.

“Josh—”

“I think you’ve said enough. It’s my turn,” Josh ground out. Charlie’s ears registered the familiar snap of a cane being unfolded to guide Josh around the room. “Chair?” he snapped.

“Are you still by the door?”

“Yes.”

“There’s an armchair eight steps to your left.”

“My
left
?” Josh replied, raising an eyebrow. “You sure? I have
limitations,
you know.”

Charlie sighed heavily. “I’m sure,” he said quietly. Josh walked across the room and Charlie heard him sink into the armchair he had directed him to.

“So… I want answers, lots of them,” Josh said coldly. “You wanna start with what happened at the doctor’s appointment you lied to me about?”

“I didn’t lie exactly…,” Charlie began and then just hung his head at the sound of Josh’s disbelieving snort. “It was the day we first… you know. Frank, my doctor, told me that he couldn’t save my sight, that the cataracts were just growing back. There wasn’t even a reason for it, he said. That’s just the way it is.” Charlie paused, looking toward where he knew Josh was sitting. “I need a drink… do you want a drink?” he asked. Not bothering to wait for a response, he rose from his chair and took the familiar route to the liquor cabinet in the corner of the room. He poured two glasses of scotch with practiced ease and then paused by Josh’s chair, holding out the glass. “Here,” he murmured, keeping the glass steady until he felt Josh’s searching fingers close around it.