I Can See for Miles (17 page)

“Josh!” he screamed, the sound of his voice competing with the howling of the wind. “Josh, please answer me!” Nothing echoed back to him but the sound of the rushing water and the rustling of the trees in the wind. He didn’t know how long he had been swimming a few feet here and a few feet there. Time seemed to stand still, and all he could hear was the rushing of the water and the howling of the wind. Then he heard it, so faint he wasn’t sure if it was merely wishful thinking.

“Charlie!”

Charlie’s heart leapt in his chest. “Jason!” he yelled, lifting one arm out of the water and waving it over his head. A flashlight shone on him, making him squint, and he waved in the direction he’d last seen Josh. “He was over there, but I can’t find him!” He startled as strong arms circled his chest, and he heard Mike’s voice in his ear.

“It’s okay, man, I gotcha.”

“Forget about me… get Josh… please get Josh,” Charlie babbled, struggling weakly against Mike’s grip.

“Don’t make me knock you out, dude,” Mike huffed, his hold tightening as he swam toward the bank.

“He’s so afraid of the water, Mike… please…,” Charlie trailed off, leaning his head back against Mike’s shoulder as defeat washed over him.

“It’s okay, Charlie,” Mike soothed, towing Charlie into shallower water. “Tom and Jason are gonna find him. He can’t have gone far. Let’s get you back on dry land.”

When he had heaved Charlie out onto the riverbank, Mike grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around his shivering body. “Don’t move,” Mike ordered in a firm voice. “I do
not
want to have to go back in there for you. We’ll find him.” Grabbing another flashlight and some rope, Mike headed downstream.

Charlie forced himself to his feet, his sopping clothes like ice on his skin as the wind cut through them. He paced up and down, peering into the darkness, trying to follow the line of their flashlights as Mike, Tom, and Jason hunted for Josh. He found himself illuminated in the headlights of the jeep as Maggie screeched to a stop, and Mario and Greg jumped out of the back.

“Where is he?” Mario grabbed Charlie’s upper arms and shook him. “Where
is
he?”

“He was hanging onto a broken tree, but I couldn’t get to him,” Charlie gasped. “The current carried him farther down.”

Leaning forward so his nose was practically touching Charlie’s, Mario snarled between his teeth. “If anything happens to him, I
will
kill you.”

“Mario… this is about Josh,” Greg urged, pulling Mario away and handing him a flashlight from the jeep. “Let’s just find him.”

“Over here!” Tom’s shout went up from farther downstream. “Over here!”

Everyone set off at a run, Charlie grabbing onto Maggie’s hand and letting her lead him. Her face was close enough to see the widening of her eyes, but she didn’t say anything—simply gripped his fingers and pulled him along toward the sound of Tom’s voice.

As he stumbled along behind Maggie, his fist rubbing into his left eye, he repeated over and over in his head like a mantra
Please be okay, please be okay
. “Oh God” slipped through Charlie’s lips before he could prevent it when they came to a stop next to Tom, who was leaning over a soaking wet Josh on the bank—pressing on Josh’s chest and blowing life-giving air between Josh’s frighteningly blue lips. “No, no, no,” Charlie moaned, dropping to his knees and reaching out a shaking hand to touch Josh’s forehead. He gasped when his fingers came away red with blood, and he paid no heed to the tears that were spilling from his eyes. “Baby, come on, please come on,” he rasped, his fingers slipping into Josh’s cold hand to lift it to his lips. “Breathe, do you hear me, you son of a bitch, breathe!”

Suddenly Josh coughed and spewed water from his mouth, his chest heaving. Tom grabbed his shoulders and rolled him quickly on his side into the recovery position, and Charlie winced as Josh vomited up what looked like half the river.

“Okay,” Tom said briskly. “Jason, Mike, go get the stretcher and help me get him on the jeep. Maggie call 911 and tell them to meet us at the main house. Tell them he’s swallowed a lot of dirty river water, his body temperature has dropped, and he’s got a nasty gash on his head. Tell them he wasn’t breathing when I found him. He seems to be doing okay on his own after CPR, but his pulse is still thready.”

Everyone dispersed and left Charlie clinging onto Josh’s hand as he pressed it to his cheek. Glancing up as Mario dropped to his knees on the other side of Josh, Charlie attempted a half-smile but was met with a stony, accusatory glare.

“What were you thinking?” Mario hissed through gritted teeth. “Coming out here in the dark alone? You know how he feels about the water, and yet you still brought him out here. Shame you didn’t put Josh’s safety before your dick.”

Charlie hung his head at the sneer in the other man’s voice and concentrated on trying to warm Josh’s fingers between his. He didn’t know how to respond. Mario wasn’t saying anything he hadn’t already said to himself. He knew this was his fault. If he’d just been man enough to confide in Josh, they would probably have spent the evening curled up on the couch, ending in a warm cozy bed. Not out in the dark where neither of them could see, ending with Josh’s life hanging in the balance.

“I never took you for a coward, Cooper,” Mario snapped.

“Mario,” Josh’s voice was faint and cracked, but it was there. “Don’t….”

“Josh? What are you trying to do? Give me a freakin’ heart attack?” Mario said softly, his fingers carding through Josh’s wet hair.

“I… wrong way… my fault….”

Charlie grimaced as Josh coughed up more water and whined weakly in his throat, but he felt relief flow through him when Josh’s fingers tightened on his. He held onto Josh’s hand while the others lifted him onto the stretcher and placed it across the back of the jeep. Throwing Mario a pleading look, he saw Greg grab the other man’s arm and push Mario into the front seat of the jeep, before Greg climbed in the back beside Charlie himself. Charlie didn’t blame him. It was probably a good idea to give Mario a wide berth until he had calmed down and they knew Josh was going to be okay.

When they pulled up to the house in the jeep, the ambulance was waiting for them, along with some of the other campers who’d been awakened by the commotion. Charlie’s heart ached when he heard Rosie’s tiny voice asking her mother if Josh was okay. He wasn’t surprised when Mario shot him a look that told him in no uncertain terms he was not wanted in the ambulance. He watched as Mario and Greg climbed in with Josh and the paramedic slammed the door behind them.

“Charlie,” Maggie’s voice was quiet as she curled her fingers around his. “Let’s get you inside and in some dry clothes, then Jason and I will take you to the hospital in the jeep. Come on, sweetie. You’re no use to him dripping wet and with pneumonia.”

“I’m no use to him anyway,” Charlie muttered and allowed Maggie to guide him into the house.

Fifteen minutes later, Charlie was showered, changed, and sitting in the shotgun seat of the jeep as Jason drove to the hospital in town. He leaned his head against the headrest and closed his eyes. His aching, sore, and useless eyes. He’d put on his spare glasses when he’d dressed, but there wasn’t a lot of difference in his vision. Charlie sighed and swallowed hard. He couldn’t see at all out of the left eye, and through the right all he could see were shadows and shapes—nothing was in focus. He knew this was it. Mario was right. How could he have taken Josh out to the river of all places? He
had
been led by his dick, by the desire to be alone with Josh far away from any interruptions, by the need to be as close to Josh as possible. All he’d had to do was tell Josh. If he’d told him, they wouldn’t be in this mess.

“You gonna tell us what happened?” Maggie said softly from behind him, her tiny hand carding through his hair.

“He went to take a piss,” Charlie said, his voice cracking. “I told him how many steps and which direction because he didn’t want me to stay with him. But… he… he went the wrong way and slipped down the bank and into the water.” He shivered at the memory of utter helplessness when he couldn’t see Josh in the river, couldn’t find him, couldn’t help him. “It’s my fault. I should never have taken him out there. He could’ve been killed. If you hadn’t answered the 911 call as quickly as you did, he would be.”

“Charlie, it was an accident,” Maggie soothed. “It could have happened if he was with any one of us. No one blames you.”

“I do.”

“Well you know what you’ve got to do now,” Maggie said, throwing Charlie a concerned look in the rearview mirror. “You’ve got to come clean. Get everything out in the open, so you and Josh can move forward and deal with it.”

“I know,” Charlie replied, a single tear trickling down his cheek. “I know exactly what I have to do.”

T
HEY
found Greg and Mario in the waiting room. Mario was not exactly in a talkative mood, so it fell to Greg to fill them in on Josh’s condition. “We don’t know what’s going on,” he said with a sigh, running a hand through his blond hair. “No one’s told us anything. As far as we know, they’re still working on him.”

“What the
fuck
happened?” Mario ground out between gritted teeth.

Charlie looked over at Mario and opened his mouth to respond, only to be cut off by Maggie as she slipped her hand into his. “It was an accident, Mario, that’s all. An unfortunate accident. No one is to blame here.” Her voice was firm and almost dared Mario to say otherwise. Unfortunately, Mario didn’t know Maggie well enough to be afraid of her… yet.

“It was an accident that this idiot took a blind boy out to the middle of nowhere in the dark?” Mario spat. “It was an accident that this asshole took a blind boy who is petrified of the water down to the riverbank? It was an accident that this cockhole took a blind boy out and, once he’d got his rocks off, didn’t care enough to keep the boy safe? What happened, Charlie?” Mario’s head tilted as he sneered at him. “Did you shoot your brains out with your load?”

“That’s enough,” Greg said, putting his hand on Mario’s forearm. “We need to stop pissing and moaning and concentrate on Josh.”

Maggie guided Charlie over to a chair on the other side of the room and pushed him down onto it. He sighed heavily and kept his fingers in hers, knowing she wanted to slap Mario for his rant, and he tossed her a pleading gaze as she glared at Mario without shame. Not that he blamed Mario. How could he? He already blamed himself more than anyone else could.

“Charlie?”

Charlie’s head snapped up as if on a spring, and he nodded, turning his head in the direction of the new female voice in the room. “Yes, that’s me.”

“I’m Dr. Talbot. I’ve been taking care of Josh in the ER.” Her voice was even and calm. Charlie liked her immediately.

“Is he okay?” Charlie rasped, getting to his feet.

“Well, he was very cold, but we brought his core temperature back up with warming blankets, and he responded well to those. He has quite a deep laceration on his temple which required sutures, and I’m afraid it will probably leave a scar,” she replied, pausing when a pager beeped. “Sorry about that,” she apologized before continuing. “He inhaled quite a substantial amount of water, and the fact that he wasn’t breathing when he was found is of some concern. Josh is breathing on his own at the moment, but I want to keep him in for observation. The first eight hours is the most crucial after a near-drowning, and he may also have a concussion, so I want to keep an eye on him for that too.”

“Can we see him?” Mario asked gruffly.

“Josh’s been moved to a side room, and he asked for Charlie,” she said, the smile in her voice audible. “Was quite insistent, actually. So if you want to go in first, Charlie, and then the others can go in two at a time. But don’t tire him—he’s had quite a night.”

Charlie avoided Mario’s angry glare and was grateful when Maggie stood and looped her arm through his and led him out of the room after the doctor. Although she said nothing, he could feel the unasked questions hanging between them like a fog. He paused at the door to Josh’s room, and after taking a few deep breaths, he inclined his head, and Maggie guided him into the room. She took his hand and placed it on the metal side of the bed and kissed his cheek before retreating, but she didn’t leave. Squinting hard, he could just make out the pallor of Josh’s skin in contrast to his dark hair that fanned out across the pillow. “Hey,” he said softly.

“Hey, beautiful,” Josh croaked, his tired eyes lighting up at the sound of Charlie’s voice. “You sure know how to show a guy a good time.”

“Not funny,” Charlie groaned, his fingers gripping the cool metal rail. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“What’s wrong?” Josh questioned. “You sound funny. Were you hurt?”

“No, no,” Charlie reassured the other man, wiping at the tears filling his eyes. He’d always thought the decision to leave Brian and make a life for himself had been the hardest thing he’d had to do. He was wrong. This was. “I’m not hurt. But I’ve been thinking—”

“About what?”

“Us… you and me… what happened tonight.” Charlie tried to keep his tone as even as he could, knowing Josh would pick up on the slightest deflection.

“It was an accident, Charlie,” Josh said softly, his voice trembling.

“I should have kept a better eye on you, Josh,” Charlie began, his gut churning as the words left his lips. “I should have realized your… limitations.” Charlie knew this would hurt, that the words he used would hit Josh to his very core, knew this was how Alec had made him feel. But it was for the best, for both of them. One day Josh would see that. Charlie was a liability. He had nearly gotten Josh killed tonight, and he couldn’t risk that happening again. He loved him too much.

Josh tried to sit up straighter in the bed, causing a fit of coughing to grip him. “My
limitations
?” he rasped, confusion in his voice.

“Yes… I’m responsible for a lot of people day in day out, Josh. I can’t watch you every minute to make sure you’re not getting into any trouble.” Closing his eyes against the pain in Josh’s eyes he didn’t have to see to know was there, Charlie gripped the bedrail harder, his knuckles whitening under the pressure. “I’m really glad you’re okay, Josh, and I’m sure you’ll find someone who can give you the attention you need.”