I Carry Your Heart (Heart Series Book 1) (29 page)

“Sorry I couldn’t resist.” He laughed, bending over to suck the blob of ice cream right off my nose.

Whoa.

The sensation of his tongue against my skin, sent shivers through me. I shot him a mock scowl of disapproval, despite the cute mischievous look he was giving me. He quickly appeased me, handing over the strawberry cone, decorated with all kinds of delicious goodness.

I was in ice-cream heaven.

He joined me on the bench and we sat in silence, the only noise filling the air was the odd moan of delight leaving our lips.

I smiled watching Joel as he quickly devoured his cone. The movement of his tongue only reminded me of our previous activities.

“Wow, you’re really good with your tongue,” I scoffed, as Joel dipped it inside the cone, licking the remains of the ice cream.

A smile tugged on his lips. “I’ve never had any complaints,” he replied chuckling.

Fuck.

His words had the opposite effect.

Ice ran through my veins and the smile quickly dropped from my face. My mind instantly went to that dark place, a constant reminder of the past. The sweet ice cream now left a bitter taste in my mouth and I threw it away in disgust.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asked softly. By the cautious way he was looking at me, he knew his words had triggered something deep inside.

“Yeah.” I lied, looking away from his prying eyes, as tears filled my own.

“Iz, I’m sorry. I only meant it as a joke.” He let out an exasperated sigh, not knowing what to say next. But nothing would appease me right at this moment. I knew it was a joke, a poor one at that, but the irrational part of my brain was in overdrive, taking me to places I didn’t want to go.

The day had taken a sour turn, and just when I thought my mood wasn’t capable of sinking any lower, I found a whole new level.

A voice called out in the distance. We both looked up, our eyes locking on the sexy blonde heading our way.

Wow just great!

My mood was now slam dunked on the floor. My heart dropped when she approached Joel smiling. That over familiar look in her eyes, telling me she had gone way beyond the ‘friends’ role. My eyes narrowed, taking in the outfit she was barely wearing. A pair of sexy jean shorts that left nothing to the imagination, skimming her bum cheeks. Her top was knotted for maximum exposure, revealing a pierced navel. The top was so low cut her full ample breasts were almost spilling out. Her long blonde highlighted hair danced around, as she strutted in her heels. She was hot and boy did she know it.

Bitch. I hated her already.

When she came to a standstill I grimaced, she was even hotter up front. A wave of insecurity swept through me. I felt drab in comparison, like an old bag lady. I cursed myself for not making more of an effort with my own appearance. There was nothing sexy about my outfit, I’d just thrown on what was available. Most of my clothes were still sitting in the wash bin at home. I was down to the bare minimum, and now I was pissed at myself for not doing those extra loads.

My fingers raked through my hair, to make my just dragged up hair, into more of a presentable bun. I frowned behind my sunglasses as it was useless, but as her attention was solely on Joel, it was pretty futile anyway. I watched on as her greedy eyes took him all in, the megawatt grin on her face growing by the minute.

“Hey Joel, long time no see baby, where have you been hiding?”

My eyes bugged out in anger at her words.

Baby? You have got to be fucking kidding me?

My fists curled up in rage. Within moments she was about to feel my right hook smashed into her overly made up face.

Joel flinched at the pet name. “Hey Caroline, how are you doing?”

Her smile grew wider and she licked her lips, as her eyes remained locked on his.

I was still invisible, apparently.

I was surprised she couldn’t feel the heat coming from my body, my blood was practically at boiling point.

“I’m all the better for seeing you, how come you haven’t been in touch? I could do with another re-enactment of the last time we hooked up.” She waggled her eyebrows suggestively and her fingers twirled her hair, as she ran her tongue teasingly along her overly glossed lips.

I had now gone past boiling point, to total meltdown. I should really have a warning sign above my head that I was about to blow. I wasn’t about to stand back and take her brazen attitude a moment longer.

I stood up abruptly and her lustful gaze left Joel’s face, to look at mine. Her eyes widened at my look of anger, when I yanked off my sunglasses to reveal the intense rage burning deep inside. “Sorry don’t mind me, I’m just the fucking girlfriend, you carry on eye fucking and propositioning my boyfriend,” I screamed, storming off.

“Iz wait,” he called after me, but I was too riled and beyond livid to stop. I heard Joel’s footsteps behind me, catching me up, as he yanked my arm to stop.

I turned and he saw my look of anger, filling every pore. He pulled me to him, to comfort me but I didn’t want his sympathy.

“No Joel, don’t touch me.” I snatched my arm away and a look of fear crossed his face, but I was too annoyed to care. His past was destined to haunt us forever. I highly doubted there wasn’t a woman he hadn’t shagged within the two-mile radius. It felt like everyone had had a part of him, and right now I just couldn’t handle it.

“I’m sorry Iz, I can’t help my past, you said you were okay with it, that you could get over it to be with me.” His eyes held mine, pleading with me to understand.

But I couldn’t get past it.

“Yeah I did say that, but when a girl is standing there dressed like a prostitute, eye fucking and practically about to hump my boyfriend, excuse me for not just sitting there politely and taking it,” I screamed.

I needed to get away.

I needed to escape to somewhere familiar, to be alone with my thoughts.

“Iz please.” He attempted to hug me again but I pushed him back.

“Get off me Joel, I’m going home.” I took off striding down the road, with Joel jogging along trying to catch up.

“Yeah that’s probably a good idea, it’s getting late we can get some food for tonight, what do you fancy?”

My anger levels shifted up another gear, at his pretence everything was okay. How dare he even act like this was nothing? Like my feelings hadn’t well and truly been crushed, barely moments before. Right now I knew where he could stick his food.

“No, I meant I’m going home to my house.” I carried on walking fast avoiding his eyes.

He deliberately walked in front of me, stopping me in my tracks, so I almost crashed into him. His hands grabbed my arms and his eyes looked deep into mine. “What do you mean your house?” 

I tried pulling myself out of his firm grip, but he held on tight. “I just want to be alone Joel, can you give me some space.”

A look of frustration crossed his face. “No Iz, you’re just going to go home and blow all of this out of proportion and make it something it isn’t. I had sex with Caroline but I was shit faced, I don’t remember it and that’s all it was, a quick shag nothing special.” His eyes pleaded with me to stay, but my mind was already made up.

“Well she didn’t seem to think so, what with her wanting another re-enactment, sounds like you rocked her world last time and she wants another go,” I hissed at him, seething at the way he was trying to play it down.

He closed his eyes, letting out a loud sigh. “Izzy, the only person I want is you, when will you accept that? I am yours and yours alone. These girls meant nothing to me. I want you, our future together. I want to grow old with you, to share memories with you. My whole world totally revolves around you. It’s only you Izzy, it will only ever be you. ”

His sweet words caught me off guard, but they didn’t extinguish the flames of anger raging inside.

“Joel, I need to be alone, can you just give me that please.” I wrenched my arm out of his grip, the pain on his face was evident when I walked away.

The tears streamed with each step I took. I was grateful for the twenty minutes walk home but they still flowed regardless.

I was relieved to find an empty house when I opened the front door. I knew I was not physically strong enough to face my Mother. I threw myself down hard on the bed, as all my insecurities began to pour out.

The truth of the matter was I said I was okay with Joel’s past, but I wasn’t. I hated the constant reminders that always came with being with Joel. The looks they exchanged and the smiles of acknowledgment. I saw it there in each girl’s eyes, that they’d had their moment with him. Most of the time their look of lust told me they still wanted even more.

Was I strong enough to face it? Knowing Joel has shared a part of himself with so many others. 

Brushing another tear away, the flash of gold caught my eye. I held out my hand staring down at the ring. I twirled it around with my finger, thinking back to yesterday. How special he’d made my birthday, all the good times together we’d shared. He never held back with his emotions and I loved him even more for it.

I walked to the bathroom, splashing my face with cold water. I looked in the mirror and sighed at the reflection staring back. I looked like something out of a horror movie. But regardless of my own personal insecurities, I knew Joel would be hurting even more. The first sign of trouble and I’d left. We’d made a commitment to be together and I had thrown all that out the window, the moment I had my tantrum. I let my demons win again and I despised myself for being so weak, to let something so stupid come between us.

I grabbed my phone and hit the call button, preying he would answer. Joel picked up on the second ring.

“Iz, are you okay?” His voice sounded strained, he was most likely nervous at what I was about to say. I was nervous myself.

I took a few unsteady breaths. “Joel, I want to come home.” I paused, as my heart beat fast and I closed my eyes, waiting for an answer.

He let out a loud sigh and his voice instantly brightened. “Baby, I want that too, I’m on my way,”

I felt a surge of relief flow through me, that he was so easy in forgiving my inexcusable behaviour. “Joel, I’m sorry…”

“Hey, don’t apologise.” His voice was soft and soothing. “I’m just sorry that it’s my past always coming back to haunt us. I’ll be there as soon as I can. Do you want me to pick up the usual?”

A smile touched my lips. “God you know me so well, am I really that predictable?”

“I like that I know you, I want to know every single tiny detail.”

My smile grew even wider. “It could get pretty boring.”

“Never,” he whispered teasingly.

“Oh and Joel…”

“Yes baby?”

“Don’t forget the prawn crackers.”

I heard a soft chuckle down the phone. “Baby I am on it, I’ll be with you soon. I love you.”

“I love you too.” I hung up, flopping down on the bed and breathed a sigh of relief. Just hearing Joel’s voice made me feel instantly better.

I jumped up remembering my present state, quickly changing, before applying some makeup. I didn’t want Joel to know I’d been crying, he would only blame himself and I had enough guilt to deal with at the moment.

I heard the car pull up as I locked up the house. Joel’s smile was wide, meeting me halfway up the driveway. He grabbed me, pulling me into a welcoming hug.

“Thank you Iz,” he whispered. His lips locked onto mine, as my arms curled around his neck, drawing him in tighter.

“For what?” I asked, looking into his sapphire blue eyes.

“For calling me, I was sat feeling so miserable. It isn’t a home without you there.” His eyes flashed with the pain of my abandonment. The crushing weight of guilt took over, wishing I had handled the situation better.

“Joel, I’m sorry, you tell me all the time how you feel, and yet I flip out the moment an ex turns up.” I pushed my face into his neck, unable to look at him out of embarrassment.

His arms wrapped around me tighter. “She wasn’t an ex Iz, you’re my only girlfriend I’ve told you that, she was a distraction when I was drunk and lonely, you are my world.”

I almost swooned at his words.

I was his world.

Oh my.

I drew him in tighter and kissed his neck, breathing in his unique scent. “I know I just freaked out, take me home, I just want to be with you.” I moved away from him and a look of delight crossed his face at my words. He smiled, slipping his arm round my shoulder, as we walked towards the car.

“Have you got the Chinese?” I asked looking hopeful, my stomach rumbled at the mention of food.

He grinned. “Of course growler, let’s get home and enjoy it.”

I frowned at his choice of nickname. “Are you always going to call me that?”

He grinned again at the look of annoyance on my face. “Yeah I think so, it’s sweet.”

“It’s annoying.”

He grabbed me and pulled me in for a long, hard kiss, taking my breath away. “I love you Iz, just you, please remember that.”

“And I love you too Joel, always, but right now I may love Chinese food even more.”