I Carry Your Heart (Heart Series Book 1) (31 page)

Dammit!

Note to self, never buy Joel clothes.

More presents followed but I couldn’t help bite back the sadness, with the look he wore throughout. Almost like he couldn’t comprehend someone actually cared. I knew his childhood was pretty much void of love, since the death of his Mother. Apart from the odd trip to see his Uncle, he had no other family that lived close by. His Mother’s parents had lost touch after the death of their daughter, and his Dad’s parents had since cut all ties with John, which meant they relinquished any rights to see Joel. After that they had emigrated to Australia and had not made contact since. It made me sad, thinking of what they had missed out on, by not having Joel in their lives, but I would more than make up for their absence.

I bit my lip handing over the photo, nervous at what his reaction would be. He lifted the present tentatively out of my hands. His eyes searched mine, trying to gauge my now worried look. He slid the frame free from the paper and my breath hitched. I was hoping it would have the same affect it had on me, the first time I saw it.

My eyes intently watched his face as he sat staring, almost becoming mesmerised by it. His fingers delicately swept along the inscription on the frame.

You, me, forever x

“It’s beautiful,” he whispered. His eyes remained locked on the picture of us both.

“I’m glad you like it.” I gently brushed his hair back with my fingers.

He looked up into my eyes. “I more than like it…I love it, anything you give me I will cherish forever.”

I pulled him close, my lips nuzzling his ear. “I love the way you look at me here, it takes my breath away.”

A smile touched his lips and his thumb brushed lightly against my skin. “Iz, I look at you that way all the time, you always take my breath away.”

“I do?” I asked surprised.

Joel had the capability of evaporating all air from my lungs. Even just being in the same room, made me lose the ability to breathe. But knowing I did the same to him, was pretty hard to comprehend. Though the genuine honesty that shone in his eyes, was enough to make me believe he was telling the truth. The tears began to build, feeling overwhelmed by his words.

“You always will and you’ll take my final breath.” His beautiful words were my downfall and a tear slowly trickled down my face.

He gently brushed it away with his thumb. “Hey, I didn’t mean to make you cry.” He pulled me close. His face looked anxious, as he kissed away my tears.

“These are happy tears, I’m just so glad you’re here with me.” I pressed my lips hard against his, needing to know he really was here. He responded just as eagerly back, like we were both convincing each other our happiness was real.

“There is nowhere else I’d rather be. You, me, forever, remember?”

“I remember. I have those words imprinted on my heart.” They were the words I had desperately longed to hear for so long. 

“Mine too, my heart beats only for you Iz. I was so hollow and empty before, just existing, never knowing what it felt like to be loved. You’ll never know how much you saved me, thank you for being here, guiding me back into the light. You are my angel, my saviour and I’m never letting you go.” His beautiful words brought extra tears, which he lovingly kissed away.

I rested my forehead against his. “Joel, you have me for life, you’ll never be alone in the dark again, not while there’s still breath left in my body.”

He smiled, looking contented, as my words appeased all of his fears. I gently stroked and placed tiny, soft kisses over every inch of his face. He closed his eyes, absorbing each and every sensation of comfort my lips provided.

I nuzzled my face into his hair and his heavenly scent filled me, overpowering me, until I was almost drunk.

We sat in silence, wrapped in each other’s arms; no more words were needed. We just needed a moment to absorb it all, to take it all in, to reflect on the intense and overwhelming love we both felt inside.

“Do you feel better?” I whispered, hesitant to break the perfect moment, but I needed reassurance he was okay.

“Yeah – much better, sorry for losing it a little there.”

He was still reserved with his feelings. It was going to take a lot more to break down the walls he had built. To get him to talk about his past, the torture of losing his Mother so young, and the horrific childhood he endured through the actions of his Dad.

“Don’t ever apologise for showing any emotion. I want to know what you’re thinking all the time, please don’t ever lock me out.” I could see the inner struggle he was fighting inside, to free himself from the prison of inner turmoil he was trapped in.

He closed his eyes and a frown crossed over his face. “It’s just hard at times, expressing how I feel. I’ve locked away my feelings for so long, I don’t know if I can,” he whispered, his voice barely audible.

The dark cloud once again loomed over us, and I wondered if he would ever truly share all of his dark secrets with me.

I cupped his face and he trembled beneath my touch. His eyes opened, revealing the fear deep inside. “I know but I need for you to share everything with me, please I can’t bear for you to bottle things up, you’ve been alone for too long, let me be here for you.” The tortured expression told me he was burying a lot of demons. I wanted so badly for him to release them, to feel some inner peace. But I knew he would only do so when he was ready.

“I’ll try.”

The words were enough to give me hope, maybe one day he’d fully trust me enough to let me in. I could be there for him, to help him deal with all the suffering and abuse he had endured over the years.

“Promise?” I asked, needing reassurance he would.

He nodded his head softly but the fear was still evident in his eyes. I knew there was a long road ahead for him, but I would be beside him all the way.

I sighed, realising his birthday had taken such a serious detour. I wanted him to have the best birthday, to be happy and celebrate his special day. Looking around my eyes rested on the final parcel, a smile touched my lips at the gift inside. It was the perfect way to detract from the seriousness and get his birthday back on track.

“Do you want your last present?” I asked smiling. I was hoping he’d see the humour that went into it.

“There’s another present.” His raised his eyebrows, as a smile returned to his face.

I chewed nervously on my lip, feeling slightly awkward. “Yeah…but this one is more for me.” I buried my face into his hair, to stifle a laugh and hide my own blushes.

He pulled me back and smiled. “Now I’m intrigued, what is it?”

I bit my lip and handed it over to him. I blushed again at the delicious thought of actually seeing him wearing them.

Jeez, I needed to calm down.

‘Why are you blushing?” He stroked my now inflamed cheek. My mind was now lost in a minefield of dirty thoughts. I really didn’t want him knowing what I was thinking, I’d never live it down.

I pulled away from his hand, not wanting to digress anymore. “I’m not – can you just open it,” I said dismissively, placing the parcel into his hands. I had to try and detract from the fact my face was probably now beetroot red.

He continued to watch me closely. “You are totally blushing.” He laughed taking it, this time ripping open the paper fast, more than eager to see the contents. He immediately started laughing, the moment his eyes rested on the box containing the David Beckham boxer shorts.

“Why did you get me these?” He looked slightly confused by it all, at the half naked shot of David wearing his.

I giggled at his face.

It was priceless.

“Because I knew you would look hot in them.” My cheeks heated further, at the thought of seeing him in just those tiny white shorts.

His eyes flicked back up to mine. “Hotter than Beckham?” he asked grinning. His eyes scrutinised my face, waiting for an answer.

I smiled, but I wanted to tease him just a little bit longer. “Well you need to try them on first, for me to compare.”

He chuckled, shaking his head, looking highly amused. He stood up, ripping off his t-shirt and slid down his current black boxers. I watched in delight when they fell to the floor, my eyes quickly snapped up, zoning in on his tight bottom.

Holy shit.

I didn’t even make an attempt to look away. I sat there and leisurely watched him pull up the tight white shorts.

Wow, boy were they snug.

He turned around and I gasped, biting my lip. My body almost melted at the sight of him.

“Well?” he asked, holding out his hands in a ‘what do you think’ gesture.

I literally couldn’t speak, my eyes were out on stalks. I couldn’t look away, they were firmly planted on his perfect package, the shorts only heightened my arousal.

I wanted to leap on him.

“Huh?” I asked lost for words. The only thing leaving my mouth was drool.

He chuckled at my face. I knew it was getting borderline embarrassing, but I really didn’t care.

“Well am I better than Beckham?” He placed his hands on his hips in a modelling pose.

Oh hell, now I wanted to jump him even more.

“Turn around,” I ordered. I needed to take in the full effects of his perfection, front and back.

A disgruntled look crossed his face. “Seriously?”

I could tell he wasn’t happy by my demands, but right now I didn’t care. I needed to take my time and enjoy every single inch of him.

Front and back.

“Well if you want me to judge, then I’ve got to see the whole package.” I motioned with my hand, signalling for him to turn around. He narrowed his eyes, almost grimacing when he started to do so.

I bit my lip, as my eyes greedily feasted over his hard, ripped body. The tight white shorts looked perfect from all angles, clinging to him in all the right places.

“Well…” he asked, looking a little unsure.

I pulled a face pretending to scrutinise him, to tease him even more, but I already had my answer. “You look way hotter.”

“Really?”

His look of doubt made me smile.

“Oh god yeah,” I breathed, walking over to him, my hands were itching to touch him. I glided my fingers down his chest, stopping to rest on his perfect package. “I particularly like the snug fit in the groin area.” I began stroking him from the outside, as he let out a soft moan of approval. He pushed his hips further into my hand, trembling at my touch.

I slowly slid my hand underneath the material, coming to rest on his throbbing erection. “You never fail to disappoint.” I kissed his chest and my fingers wrapped around him, squeezing him lightly, hearing his breath hitch.

“Well you said you like me hard, so I’ve got to keep my girl happy.” His chest lightly heaved with the applied pressure. I squeezed him again and his eyes locked on mine, waiting for the pleasure he so desperately needed.

“Believe me I’m more than happy.”

He grinned at my look of satisfaction. He knew what he did to me, he could undo me without even touching me. I smiled when he pulled me close, capturing my mouth with his. I started stroking him, hearing his breath become more erratic when I took the kiss deeper, as my hand began to work him faster.

His hand grabbed mine, stopping me mid stroke. He moved away panting, his forehead resting against mine. “You said today is my birthday and I can do whatever I want…well this is what I want to do.”

I squealed when he grabbed me, pressing me up tight against him. My legs wrapped around his waist and my hands grabbed his hair. Our mouths instantly locked together, as he slowly walked me over to the bed.

I groaned when he lowered me down, not wanting to lose the connection.

“Oh god Joel…” I moaned the moment he slid deep inside.

He chuckled in my ear, beginning his delicious steady rhythm. “I know baby, best birthday ever.”

* * *

A rush of excitement ran through me, the moment Joel pulled open the pub door, knowing exactly what was waiting for him on the other side. He instantly reacted to the shouted of ‘surprise’ as his jaw almost hit the floor.

His eyes scanned the room full of faces in bewilderment. I squeezed his hand, kissing his cheek. “Happy birthday baby.” He barely had time to reply, before everyone descended to individually greet the birthday boy.

I grabbed some drinks, handing Joel a beer and left him to chat with all his mates, to head over and sit with Elijah.

He had been the one to arrange everything, from the decorations, the food and entertainment. We sat chatting and drinking as Joel stood busy mingling with his guests. Judging by the facial expressions it had to be football related. Thankfully his team had won and in the last minute of the match, so he came back on a high. I was happy they’d got such a great result on his birthday.

The hours ticked by and despite being separated, I felt Joel’s eyes on me throughout the night. He kept giving me a silent look, which was so intense I felt the air leave my body each time. I knew he ached to be with me, I could see it in his eyes. The thought alone made me smile, knowing how connected we’d become, that no words were needed.