I Carry Your Heart (Heart Series Book 1) (36 page)

“Mike, just drive the car, she’ll answer your questions later,” Elijah barked.

“I swear to god Elijah, if he’s touched her.” He banged his hand hard against the steering wheel and I flinched at the sudden noise.

Elijah pulled me close, whispering soothing words into my ear, to distract my attention away from a now irate Mike.

“Mike just drive the car,” he bit out in a low stern voice, trying not to startle me. “We need to get her in a red hot shower, at this rate she could catch pneumonia. She has plenty of time to answer your questions, just not now okay?”

Mike let out a snort of anger. He never did like being told what to do.

Elijah’s lips kissed my hair. “That’s it sweetie, we’re nearly home then we can get you into a hot shower and get your pyjamas on, then you’ll be as good as gold.”

I didn’t know who he was trying to convince more, but I was pretty sure neither of us were buying it.

My head slumped onto his shoulder, I couldn’t fight it a moment longer, the exhaustion was setting in. I closed my eyes, allowing the darkness to consume me.

* * *

Christmas day finally arrived, it was pretty much a blur that I somehow managed to get through. I had been surviving each day living moment by moment, taking one breath at a time. It was all I could handle right now. Joel invaded my thoughts, every second of every hour of every day.

The thought of him being alone today was too much to bear, and that was how I found myself climbing the stairs that led me back to him.

The present rustled underneath my arm and my breathing began to quicken, at the thought of seeing him again. I hoped time had given him a new perspective on our relationship. That he’d see the only way things made sense was when we were together.

Approaching the door my eyes zoned in on the envelope taped to it. I knew without reading it what it meant.

He had gone.

He had left me behind.

The tears came thick and fast at the thought of never seeing him again. It was something my heart wouldn’t even consider.

I shakily pulled the note off the door, letting myself in. The ice-cold temperature hit me the moment I walked through the door into the darkness. I fumbled with the light switch, gasping when my eyes took in the empty shell before me. The warm, homely flat we’d spent months living in as a family, had now been reduced to almost nothing within days. The only thing residing was the basic furniture, he had packed away all the decorations, the tree and taken down every single picture frame.

The tears began to flow, the place didn’t feel the same without him, though I felt his presence everywhere I looked.

The letter I was still clinging onto felt heavier by the moment. I knew the contents would probably shatter any remaining pieces of my heart. Still I had to know, the not knowing part may have killed me even more.

My hands shakily ripped open the envelope and I dropped down onto the sofa. I knew whatever was inside would rip my legs from underneath me. My eyes glazed over just seeing his beautiful words on the page.

I took in a few deep breaths, giving myself time to regain some composure, before I began to read the letter I knew would inevitably break my heart.

Dear Izzy

By the time you read this letter, I will have gone. I could never summon up enough courage to tell you this in person. Just seeing that beautiful face reduced to tears because of my own selfishness, would have made it so much harder to leave. You know everything I said was a lie, I was just caught up in my own personal hell and I took it out on you. The one thing I swore to myself I would never do. I’m so sorry for the pain I caused, please forgive me. You know I would never hurt you, the look on your face that day will haunt me for the rest of my life.

I know you always doubted my true feelings about you, but Iz I will love you till the day I die. I know I don’t deserve your love, I don’t think I ever did. I’ve been a selfish man all my life but I couldn’t do that to you, I couldn’t put you through anymore heartache. I destroy everyone I love, first my Mum and then Katie. It would only be a matter of time before I did the same to you.

I hope now that I’m gone you’ll move on and find a man that truly deserves you, forget about me Iz and find a man that is worthy of your love. I will never regret a single moment we spent together. I will keep each memory locked away in my heart, and the ring I wear will be a constant reminder of the love we shared. You’re the only woman who ever had my heart, and it will only ever beat for you alone.

I know it hurts now but in time you’ll be fine. Please don’t try to find me, I’ve told no one where I’m going and my phone has been disconnected. I’ve packed everything away as the flat will be let again soon. I ask one thing, please don’t hate me, it would tear me apart if you did. I’m glad I got to find some happiness with you, if only for a brief amount of time. You’ve showed me what true love is and I thank you for that.

I have to go now Iz, it hurts to leave you but I love you enough to let you go. Enjoy life, be brave and never regret a single moment. Life is short, live it to the fullest. I wish you happiness and when you find that special someone cling on to them. You deserve a life filled with love, to find someone that strives to be a better man just to be in your presence. I hope you fulfil every hope, wish and dream and have the fairy tale ending you so richly deserve.

I’ll never forget you Iz, and will treasure every beautiful memory we shared together.

Joel

The tears came thick and fast, his words completely broke me. He meant everything to me and my life was over without him.

It would have been easier to tell me he’d fallen out of love with me. Maybe one day I could have finally accepted it and moved on. To tell me he would always love me was cruel. If he loved me, then why couldn’t he be with me? Why had everything we built been shattered in those five days?

I knew it all stemmed back to his Dad and his insecurities. Why he never thought he could confide in me, share with me his dark inner turmoil. It would always be my failing and now I paid the price by losing him.

Eventually I found the strength to move. My body was frozen and it hurt to breathe, like the air had grown more toxic. I couldn’t bear to be here a moment longer. It was no longer the home I deeply loved, it was now a constant reminder of everything I’d lost.

I stood up, retrieving the cardboard box from the table. I searched for my favourite photo, the one I’d given him on his birthday. It always resided by our bed, but it wasn’t there.

I knew in my heart he had taken it. He had always made a point of telling me how special it was. Only now it was sat beside the new bed he slept in.

I took some solace that he drew a little happiness from having a part of me near. He was wrong about me moving on though, I didn’t give up on the people I loved.

I made a promise to my heart I would find him. He was my soul mate, my friend, my everything and love like we had experienced rarely happened twice. He had my heart from day one and I couldn’t give it to anyone else if I tried.

I wiped the last of the tears away, as I stood, lifting up the box to leave. Joel’s face smiled back at me and my fingers traced along the photo, as a smile touched my lips.

He was my forever and I was his. I just had to find him to make him believe it.

COMING SOON

FEBRUARY 2015

I CHERISH YOUR HEART

Joel and Izzy’s story continues…

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ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Firstly, I would like to thank all the readers, for taking the time to pick up and read my book, with the unlimited choice that is out there, I am so thankful you chose mine. Joel and Izzy’s journey isn’t complete, there are still many twist and turns to go, but I hope you’ll continue on with their story in I Cherish Your Heart.

I would also like to thank all the bloggers that work tirelessly everyday, as an author I can’t thank you enough for all you do, you are all amazing.

To Sarah at Sprinkles On Top for my beautiful book cover, thank you so much.

To my family and friends for all their support and a last (but not least) huge thank you to my amazing friend Linda, my biggest supporter and cheerleader, who was there with me throughout, lifting my spirits when I needed it the most, thank you x