I Gave Him My Heart (10 page)

I rolled my eyes. “Since when have y’all ever seen me with a ‘boo’? You know I one-night these niggas.”

“Yeah, and I also know long lost love when I see it. That nigga couldn’t keep his eyes off of you.” Lailah shook her head.

I glanced at Nina, watching Pretty help her out of her corset so she could finally breathe freely. That girl’s body was amazing. She never knew how drop-dead gorgeous she was. She was a thick, seductively shaped woman, always have been and always will be. I can’t tell you how many diets and exercise regimens this girl tried throughout our lifetime. Those hips weren’t going anywhere, and I’m sure as hell that Ricque didn’t want them to either. Shit. You should have seen the way that boy looked at her whenever she stepped in the room. You’d think he was looking at a got-damn sirloin steak or some shit. What I wouldn’t do to have a man look at me the way that he looked at her. It wasn’t with lust; it was with adoration, love, commitment, loyalty, protection, compassion, and dedication.

“You used to fuck with him, Kourtney, or nah?” Keisha’s nosy, loud ass had to know. She popped her gum, putting Nina’s silk stilettos into a shoebox.

I sighed. The truth was bound to come out sooner or later. I saw no issue telling my girls from G-boro about this dude because they didn’t even know Peanut enough to tell her the deal.

“I was pregnant by this guy back in ’96,” I said, watching everyone’s eyes dart my way.

Nina’s eyes widened as she slid into her nude, tight, party dress. “What? The baby that you—”

“Yes,” I nodded, not really feeling like talking about the shit, but since everyone and they mama were in my face about the nigga, I figured I might as well spill all the got-damn beans. “After I found out that he was fuckin’ with Peanut, I had an abortion. It was the worst fuckin’ day of my life, and I really don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Okay.” Pretty’s light eyes sparkled as she looked at the other four girls, who were stunned to silence.

I looked at Nina, who stood there, sliding into her nude Red Bottoms. She looked hurt that I never told her that it was Niq’s baby that I had gotten rid of. She wasn’t going to let the conversation go. “So, after you got rid of this nigga’s baby, what made you decide to start seeing him again when we were in high school?”

I sighed. “Nina, boo, we have to get downstairs to your reception. My life is really none of your concern. The nigga was no good from the jump. He talked a good game, he got me to fall for him, and I haven’t been the same ever since. He bounced back and forth between me and my friend for years until I got sick and tired of the shit. He has two beautiful daughters with her. Peanut has no idea why I weaned myself away from her. She was my rider, my best friend for life, my drop-anything-at-the-drop-of-a-dime type of homie! Her husband is the reason why we fell out, and she doesn’t even know it. Her husband is the only man I’ve ever loved! Do you know what I’m feeling right now? Do you know why I have so much sympathy for Saint?  It’s because I know how it feels to love someone and watch that person run to someone else! It fuckin’ sucks, Nina!”

Nina’s bright brown eyes glistened as she grabbed her sheer jacket from the bed and threw it on. “Boo, I didn’t mean to—”

I cut her off. “You don’t know how this feels, Nina! I hate seeing this nigga! I’ve been holding in this pain since the day I left San Diego to come live with you in Goldsboro! I left him because he was making me chose between you and him! I wanted him to come with me to North Carolina. I had it all planned out - from the apartment that we were going to be living in, to the college that we were both going to go to, to the got-damn days of the week that we were going to visit you at Aunt Toni’s place! He didn’t want to leave his kids, so he let me go. And he ended up marrying Peanut, after telling me that she didn’t mean shit to him! After telling me that she was only sex! After telling me that I was the only woman he’d ever loved!”

My friends just stood before me, watching me breakdown over this asshole who knew I’d be hurt by seeing him at my sister’s wedding with a girl who was supposed to be my best friend.

“Come on, boo. Let’s go get a drink. Okay?” Keisha’s eyes sparkled as she grabbed my arm, grabbing me closer to her, throwing her arms around me.

I cried in her arms. “Fuck these niggas!” I cried out.

“Are we speaking literally or figuratively? Because either way, I’m down.” Pretty giggled a little, making us all chuckle.

Keisha let go of me as Nina came over to me, patting me on my back.

“You’re gonna be okay, sis.” Nina rubbed my back. “You’re not alone, remember? We’re here with you. We all know heartbreak. You know I know heartbreak.”

I nodded, drying my face. “Why did she have to bring him?”

“She barely sees the nigga from what I know.” Lailah shrugged. “He’s got a house in New York, and she stays back in Cali’. So… maybe that’s why he’s here.”

I looked at her, my heart buggin’ the fuck out in my chest. “What’cha mean?”

Lailah shrugged. “I think the nigga is here to see what’s up with you, boo. I mean, why the fuck else would the nigga show up here? Rumors of the two filing for divorce are floating all over the Internet, boo. You’ve been so wrapped up in Nina’s world for the past ten years that you forgot about what’s going on out’chea in your own world.”

I glanced at Nina, who didn’t like the sound of that statement, and then looked back at Lailah.

Lailah tried to rephrase what she’d just said. “Whoa, wait, let me change that. I meant to say that you haven’t been keeping up with what’s current or this wouldn’t have come as such a surprise. I invited Peanut.”

Pretty, Keisha, Nina, and I all looked at the bitch like she was crazy.

“What? Why?” Pretty grimaced.

“The girl had been calling the shop for years, looking for Kourtney. When we moved here a few months ago, I came across her number in our shop’s call log book and contacted the girl.” Lailah watched me rolling by eyes, folding my arms, weight shifting to one leg. “The bitch was crying about her divorce. I said, why cry about the shit; just take the nigga to court for everything that he has. She said she couldn’t because of all that he had done for her and that for past six years; the kids had been living with him in New York. They’ve been off and on for years, Kourtney. I guess the nigga tried to make it work for the kids, but we all know how that shit goes.”

My mind was racing. A part of me was happy that the nigga’s marriage was crumbling, but the other part of me was angry that he’d have the nerve to show his face after the choice he made to just let me leave without so much as a goodbye hug. He didn’t fight for me to stay with him. And he ended up taking his girls and leaving the bitch anyway.

“If they are divorcing each other, why the fuck were they holding hands and shit, Lailah, since you know so got-damn much?” Keisha rolled her eyes.

Lailah shrugged. “I guess that was for show. You think Peanut doesn’t know by now what went down between you and her husband, Kourtney? I’m pretty sure your name came up in an argument or two. Talk to the girl before she heads back out to California. Best believe she knows about your past with Tyson.”

The reception wasn’t so bad. As a matter of fact, I actually had a great time. Family we hadn’t seen in years had flown in for Nina’s wedding. Ricque’s family was there to brighten everyone’s spirits. Dancing, laughing, crying, eating, drinking, the sound of children filled the air. Saint even sent me a text that read, “She was beautiful; wasn’t she?” I couldn’t lie to the dude. I texted back with a, “See for yourself,” and sent dude a picture that I took of her running down the aisle towards Ricque. And Saint texted back with a, “Damn.”

I tried avoiding Peanut, but she kept making her way over to me, trying to spark conversation. She sensed that I was tense and backed off a little, her feelings hurt. I didn’t mean to hurt her, but I didn’t want to come across as rude. And most of all, the way my mouth was set up, I was sure to say something to Niq’ in front of Peanut’s face about the way he played me.

I didn’t want to join in the ceremonial wedding festivities, but my girls wouldn’t let me stand against the wall when they threw that got-damn bouquet. I shoulda did like Saint and ditched this muthafuckin’ wedding when I had the chance, I kept thinking. Nina stood in the center of the floor, her back towards us. Those women—my silly ass friends included—were turned all the way the fuck up, waiting for that bouquet to drop in their hands.  Man, do you know I was just standing there, drinking my strawberry daiquiri, when the muthafuckin’ bouquet fell in my glass? And guess who caught the got-damn garter belt? Niq’s ass. The worst part about the shit is the nigga actually reached for it. Just when I thought shit couldn’t get any worse, it did.

I squealed as my girls sat my ass down in a chair in the center of the room. I peeped Peanut standing back against the wall, arms folded alongside Brittanie, who had ‘shit is about to get real’ smeared all over her face. My girls applauded the fucked up situation as Niq’ strolled over to me, dressed in a crisp, gray, Tom Ford suit. That haircut of his was so clean and smooth. He wasn’t smiling as he approached me, but those eyes of his were. He was happy to see me, while I was angry at him having the nerve to be at my sister’s wedding. I was so nervous, sitting there in my short, peach-colored, tight, mini-dress, shaking my leg anxiously. I tapped my peach stiletto heels against the floor anxiously as he approached me, kneeling before me, cameras flashing everywhere.

Niq’ looked my thighs over before grabbing me from behind my knees, pulling me towards him.

You should have heard the applause, encouraging this nigga to flirt with me in front of his wife. The girl I’d known all my life. The girl who trusted me. The girl I never told that I was in love with the same man that she loved.

I looked down at Niq, panting as he slid the garter belt over my heel, past my calf, over my knee, and up my thigh. Just when I felt his palms graze against my thigh, I leaned forward and slapped the muthafucka dead in his face.

“Got damn!” was all you heard, echoing throughout the crowded room, as I pushed my way through the crowd of people, making my way out of the door.

Chapter Four

Three Steps Back

“I hope I didn’t ruin your wedding, Nina-pooh.” I sighed through my cell phone the night of Nina’s wedding, leaning back against the fluffy pillows of my warm bed in Casa de Carlos.

“Nah, boo, you didn’t.” Nina’s voice chimed through the phone. “I’m just calling to check up on you before I head home with Ricque. We’re not leaving to go on our honeymoon until next weekend. Uncle Dom surprised us with a week-stay vacation in Jamaica. Not to mention, right before the wedding, Saint handed me the keys to a Porsche that he got for me that he says is parked outside of the hotel!” Nina waited for me to share in her excitement. “But, I guess you already knew that, too, huh?” Nina sighed through the phone.

I rolled my eyes, eyeing the few flowers that I managed to save from Nina’s bouquet that fell in my daiquiri that afternoon. “Yeah, he told me. He also told me that Ricque was bold enough to ask him to be his best man at y’all wedding. You’re lucky that this boy bought your spoiled ass a gift, boo, then your nigga had to go and rub salt in old boy’s wounds.”

Nina got quiet for a few seconds before letting out a long sigh. “Kourtney, I’m pregnant.”

My eyes widened, and I immediately sat up in the bed. It was funny because just as soon as I got happy for my cousin, I got sad for her just the same. “You okay, boo? I mean, how do you feel?”

“I-I don’t know yet.” Nina admitted. “I miss London.” Nina started crying.

“I know,” I whispered to my sister. “What about Ricque? What does he think?”

“I haven’t told him. I’m going to tell him tonight,” Nina responded.

“So, what, you’re gonna give him some head and then tell him, ‘hey, bae, I’m pregnant’?” I joked.

Nina chuckled. “Maybe.”

“I’m so happy for you, Nina.” I smiled through the phone. “My boo got her boo back. I didn’t mean what I said to you a few weeks ago, you know, about love not existing. You just don’t know what I’ve been through with men. I’ve never had a decent relationship with any man in my life. The only guy I can even call my friend is Saint. He gives it to me straight. He’s like a brother to me; shit, he is my brother. I just want what’s best for him. And I want what’s best for you, too. And I see that Ricque is what’s best for you. Now, all I gotta do is find Saint a girl, and everything will be perfect. I wish you two all the luck, peace, and blessings in the world.”

“You say that like you’re going somewhere.” Nina laughed a little.

Before I could respond, there was a knock at my hotel room door.

“Well, you have a good night, Nina. Fuck that nigga to sleep, and I’ll see you in the morning, okay? I think this is that burger and fries that I called in. No offense, but your caterer was whack.” I listened to Nina burst out laughing through the phone.

“A’ight, boo, good night. See you at the shop.” And Nina hung up the phone.

I got up from the bed, going to the door in my tank top, panties, and knee-high socks. I grabbed my wallet from the computer desk and then opened the door. I nearly pissed on myself at the sight of Niq’ standing at my hotel room door. He was dressed in a tank top and sweats, glistening like he’d just finished working out.

“Get dressed and meet me downstairs.” Niq’ looked me over.

I scoffed, looking up into his face. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“You gonna meet a nigga downstairs or what?” Niq’ looked down into my face.

I folded my arms. “What is it that you want, Niq’?”

“I want you.” Niq’ grabbed my arm, pulling my body against his.

I tried to pull away from him, but pulling away only pulled him into my hotel room. “It didn’t look that way at my sista’s wedding. Where is your wife?”

“Apparently not here, Kourtney.” Niq’ grinned, those perfect white teeth gleaming. “You comin’ with a nigga or what? You know half of your friends are staying in this hotel, too. You want them seeing me coming to your room?”

“You had no business bringing your ass to my room in the first got-damn place, muthafucka.” I pulled away from him, pushing him in the chest.

Niq’ sighed. “After the reception, a few of the fellas got together to play some ball. Just about everyone is headed out to the club tonight, including a few of your girls. I just wanted to come talk to you. C’mon before someone you know comes prancing down this hallway, on their way to the club. Get dressed, Kourtney, and meet me downstairs.”

Why did I throw on my Pink sweats, grab my purse, jacket, and Nikes to go downstairs to meet this dude? He pulled up to the curb of the main entrance in his polished silver Lamborghini Aventador. I sighed before rushing over to his ride, opening the door, and jumping in the passenger seat. And just as I closed the door behind me and went for my seatbelt, I looked up to see Brittanie standing at the entrance to the hotel, arms folded.

“Oh my goodness!” I yelped, looking over at Niq’ as he grinned, pulling off from the curb, speeding around the roundabout. “Where the fuck are you taking me?” I huffed, folding my arms, slouching back in my seat. “I hope it’s somewhere that’s gonna make me forget about one of my best friends just seeing me rolling off in the car with her home girl’s husband! Oh my goodness, what am I thinking, going anywhere with you, after you played me the way that you did?”

Niq’ laughed out loud. “Yo, you’re the one who left me, remember? I begged you to stay, begged you not to leave me…” Niq’ looked at me, “But you left me anyway. I wasn’t about to leave my kids, especially when I barely got to see them in the first place. I wasn’t trying to make you feel like a side-chick. I just couldn’t do my kids the way that my father did me. You know what it feels like to have your father move the fuck on with another woman and forget about you, like you never existed, don’t you? I remember sitting across the street from Mr. Chamber’s house with you at that got-damn playground. You used to cry over that nigga.”

I looked at him, the frown easing its way from my face. “Well, turns out Eddie wasn’t my father. Turns out my father raped my mother. My father was my mother’s stepfather.”

Niq’s eyes widened. He looked at me a long time before looking back at the road. “Damn.”

“Yeah.” I rolled my eyes, fighting the tears from forming in my eyes. “He raped Nina’s mother, too.”

“Hold up!” Niq’ laughed at the craziness of the situation. “So, y’all are—”

I cut him off. “Yeah, we’re sisters. Sister-cousins to be exact.”

Niq’ glanced back at me. “Damn, I missed a lot.”

“Nina’s Aunt Toni, who turned out not to be her aunt after all, was sick. She had schizophrenia among other mental illnesses. I moved to Goldsboro when I left you so that I could be with Nina and help her take care of Aunt Toni.” I started telling Niq’ about my life. “After a year of living with Aunt Toni, her husband raped me on their kitchen table.”

Niq’ slammed on the breaks at the stoplight. He looked at me, his eyes tracing my face. His eyebrows lowered, face grimacing. “What?”

“Aunt Toni shot the nigga but didn’t kill him. Aunt Toni got put in a mental institution, and all they did to that nigga was move him to another unit out of state! I went to Goldsboro to take care of my sista’s heart, and look what happened to mine!” I exclaimed.

“Babe, I’m sorry.” Niq’ apologized, something I’d been waiting on for years.

“Why is someone always trying to hurt me, Niq’?” I cried out as Niq’ grabbed my hand, intertwining it in his.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, Kourtney Love,” Niq’ whispered. “I loved you; you know I did. Kourtney, I still love you.”

“Why’d you come here?” I slipped my hand from his. I looked at him, drying my face.

“I vacation here all the time. Peanut asked me to be her date for the wedding, so I came. The twins wanted to come meet you, too. They’ve been following up on you and Nina for years. Talkin’ about becoming tattoo artists for years. There’s this cat in California named Trench Carter. He works for Reelz TV and wants to do a reality show based on the Nicolas’ life. My daughters are friends with Sophie and Willimena Nicolas, daughters of Carlos Nicolas. They go to UCLA with my girls. My daughters wanna be in the show but won’t do it without you or Nina, so…” Niq’ watched the irritated expression appear on my face.

“So, that’s what this is about? You want me to talk to my sista’s husband about a reality show? That’s the reason why I’m in your ride with you? That’s the reason why Brittanie is probably telling Peanut right now that she saw me hop in the passenger seat of your ride?” I exclaimed as the light turned green, and Niq’ burned rubber, taking off down the street.

Niq’ laughed. “Nah, but doing this would give you the exposure that you need. You’re just as talented as Nina, if not more. I’m not here to try to convince you to do the show; I’m here to see how you are doing after all these years. You left me; I just wanted to see what your life is like without me.”

“I’m fine as you can see.” I scoffed. “I’m living in Punta Cana with my sista and her celebrity family. They treat us like we’re a part of their family. I have maids and shit doing my hair every morning. I have people to do my makeup. I have people to cook my food. I have people to do my shopping. I don’t have to do a muthafuckin’ thing but help my cousin at her tattoo shop and look pretty. I started taking classes online. I started drawing and painting again; I even have my tattoo license. I sell my paintings online. I work for Saint as his press representative. I travel the world with the Nicolas’—they treat me like I am a Nicolas.”

Niq’ laughed to himself. “Sounds like Nina’s life to me. Doesn’t sound much to me like you’re as independent as you should be. You’re living in her shadow like you’ve always been. Do this show and make a name for yourself. I believe in you; I always have.”

I looked at him, not about to let him have me all in my feelings. I could’ve been sitting in my bed, enjoying a fat-ass juicy burger and fries, but instead, I was reminiscing with him. My heart was cold but apparently not cold enough. There I was, leaned back in his ride, hair blowing in the wind, cruising down the street on my way to who-knows-where-he-was-taking-me. We ended up at a beach house on the other side of the beach. I’d been to that house. Diego Cruz, who played for the Huracanes del Atlantico, a professional basketball team based in Puerto Plata, owned it. That boy partied harder than anyone I’d ever met. And he loved the ladies. He was white as cotton, but that boy loved him some chocolate. Every girl he fucked with was some shade of chocolate, from caramel to black coffee, no sugar, no cream. He was something like Saint, not too fond of redbones unless it was for sexual activities. I played in the sheets a few times with Diego when he felt the need to add a little almond cream to his coffee. You know, a threesome. I wasn’t about that life, but Diego was one of Saint’s regular customers. He thought of going elsewhere for product, and I got my girl, Chelsea, to help persuade him otherwise.

“Why does it not surprise me that you know Diego Cruz?” I rolled my eyes as we pulled up outside of Diego’s place.

Niq’ grinned, throwing the car in park, taking his keys from the ignition. “He’s at his other house in town, getting ready to roll out to the club. I’m about to go out with them, too. I have to get back to New York; my flight leaves in the morning. I just wanted to spend some time with you before I go back home.” Niq’ looked me over before getting out of the car.

I sighed, sinking back in my seat, watching Niq’ stroll his way over to my side. My heart trembled in my chest as Niq’ opened the door on my side. I looked up at him as I unbuckled my seat belt and then got out of the car. I stepped aside as he closed the door behind me, looking me in my face.

“Spend time with me? What will Peanut have to say about that?” I folded my arms. “Does she even know about us?”

Niq’ nodded. “She does. I told her about us years ago. Every time we get into an argument, she brings you up, calling you ‘the girl who got away’.”

I shook my head at Niq. “Yeah, right. I know Peanut, and that doesn’t even sound like her. She’d say something like, ‘lemme find out you’re still talking to Kourtney, the bitch who got away from your lyin’ ass.’” I watched Niq’ laugh because he knew I wasn’t lying. I hadn’t been around Peanut, but I knew her enough to know her ways. If she knew anything about the two of us, she sure as hell never approached me.

“She knew about you back when we were in school. Back when she was pregnant. Christmas, 1996.” Niq’ watched my eyebrows lower. “I told her that I was seeing you, and that’s when she told me that she was pregnant.”

“I can’t believe this shit. She knew about us? And now that y’all are married, how does she feel about me now? What’s she gonna say now that she knows I rode off with you? She loves you, Niq.” I watched him shake his head in disagreement. “She knew that me and you were seeing each other, and she didn’t say anything. She kept it a secret as long as I kept you a secret. She wanted you, she trapped you, and she kept you from me for all of these years, friendship or no friendship. She hasn’t confronted me about you because I left you alone. I don’t know why y’all are getting a divorce, but I don’t want any parts of this. I have my own life now, Niq’. I moved on from you years ago.”

“So, where’s your ring?” He grabbed me to him by my arms, unfolding them.

“At the store waiting for my future husband to buy it, asshole.” I rolled my eyes.

Niq’ smiled, looking me over from my hair to my neck. “I missed your face, those freckles, those lips, those hazel eyes, that mole over your lip. Come to New York with me.”