I Hope You Find Me (19 page)

He glared at the dusty footprints as he
followed Riley down the pathway to the last cabin. He was starting
to wonder why she would choose the building furthest away, but when
she walked up onto the cabin’s wrap-around deck, he realized the
reason. From this cabin they had an unobstructed view of the south
side of the lake, and the sloping mountain side beyond it. He
turned to look back up the path where they came from, and knew the
scene from each cabin was spectacular, but this one on the end
definitely had the best view. He watched her blonde braid sway
along her back as she peered inside the cabin windows and he
realized that if she wanted to stay here forever, he would do it.
To wake up every day in this place with her would almost feel like
waking up in heaven. He was sure of it.

***

The cold breeze pushed against us as we
leaned into the wooden deck railing overlooking the half-frozen
lake. Zoey was sniffing in the corner, pawing eagerly at the bottom
of a flower pot. Eventually a lizard dashed from underneath the
container and vanished in between the floorboards. The dog
whimpered and scratched frantically at the wood. After circling the
area, she plopped down ungraciously and rested her head over the
crack, keeping her eyes open and alert.

I chewed on my lower lip to keep from
laughing out loud. Even though Connor was standing quietly a few
feet away, I didn’t want to talk to him just yet…because I wasn’t
sure what to say to him. After the dog made it clear she wasn’t
moving from her lizard-watching spot, I pushed myself away from the
railing and followed the deck around to the back door. It was
locked, so I continued around the deck and circled back to the
front entrance and found the front door wide open.

“Connor?” I called from the doorway. I
stepped across the threshold and let my eyes adjust to the slightly
darker environment indoors. The sitting room was full of plush
chairs that sat at both ends of a large, overstuffed couch. Pillows
covered the couch, and rested in the center of each chair, dotting
the room with sky blues, sea greens and sunny yellows. A sanded and
lacquered log with its flat side up severed as a coffee table in
the center of the room. Similar-styled end tables flanked the
couch, each with a lamp made of turquoise-colored glass and dusty
brown over-sized shades.

“Not what a little cabin in the woods usually
looks like is it?” Connor asked from the far side of the room. He
was standing behind a large counter top that separated the sitting
room from the kitchen. I slowly crossed the room and leaned onto
the counter, looking in at the kitchen. Windows ran the length of
the room, which let in a considerable amount of natural light, as
well as a magnificent view of the lake. Inside each frosted-glass
cabinet were tidy arrangements of brightly colored mugs, plates and
bowls. The large drop-in style sink was wide and deep enough to
bathe the dog in, not that I considered it…for very long at
least.

“It’s straight from a magazine, isn’t it?” I
smiled as I wandered away from the kitchen and located the small
bathroom next to an equally small bedroom, and the sunroom where
the backdoor was. I unlocked it and peeked outside to see Zoey
still guarding the same crack in the deck. She looked at me and
swished her tail from side to side but made no move to get up. I
left the door open for her and went back inside. I could hear
Connor’s footsteps going up the stairs and met him on the second
floor landing.

“There’re two bedrooms up here, another small
one downstairs. Plenty of room for you.” He stood still for a
moment, with his hands resting on his hips, as if he didn’t know
what else to say.

“Wait, you aren’t staying here?” I blinked at
him, confused.

“Well, there are enough cabins for both of
us, right? I figured you would want your own.” He avoided looking
straight at me.

“I don’t remember saying that.” I shoved my
hands into my pockets and stared at him. Finally he met my gaze and
smiled weakly.

“You didn’t have to.”

I studied his face. The deep line between his
neatly trimmed brows that seemed to have formed overnight and the
rigid set of his jaw made him look tired and older.

“Are you upset with me?” I asked him.

“Why would I be upset with you? I just got
the feeling you wanted your own space again.” He shuffled his
feet.

I sighed and stepped close to him and took my
hands out of my pockets. When I reached out to him, he took my
hands and softly squeezed them.

“Was I wrong?” he said, just above a
whisper.

“Yes, you idiot.” I raised my mouth to his
and gently kissed him.

“How about you stay here ‘til we get tired of
each other?” I smiled at him. “You can even have your own
room.”

He laughed at me and pointed to one of the
bedrooms, “That one has a better view of the woods,” he paused and
turned, pointing to the other bedroom before adding, “…and that one
there has an excellent view of the lake.”

My smile widened. “I’ll take that one
then.”

“Yeah, I figured.” He smiled at me, then his
expression hardened and he slipped his arms around me tightly,
pulling me to him.

He murmured into my neck, “Riley, I don’t
know what we are, what
this
is…but I want to be with you,
wherever you go.” He brushed the hair from my skin and kissed the
side of my neck.

When he looked at me, his bright blue eyes
were glossy. I chewed on my lower lip before telling him, “I’m
happy you’re here with me, too. And not because you’re the first
person I met in the city or because you have ridiculously good
looks.” I laughed at his mocked impression of shock. “Okay, maybe
your looks have a little to do with it.” I shrugged at him, an
innocent expression on my face, and he broke out into a laugh so
loud that I heard it echo downstairs.

It felt good to hold him, and have his arms
around me. To hear him laugh made something inside me warm up,
almost like a flame trying to ignite. When we kissed, that flame
sparked between us, pushing away the darkness that threatened to
swallow me. It was a feeling I wasn’t ready to lose.

CHAPTER TWELVE

After spending nearly an hour retrieving our
things and walking them back to the cabin, I was anxious to find
Fin again and get more details about the lodge. When we knocked on
his door he opened it with a broad smile on his face and a spatula
in his hand.

“Figured you’d find your way back here
eventually, so I made some breakfast. Hungry?” He turned and
casually walked back into his cabin. Connor and I hesitated
awkwardly in the doorway before he called out to us, “Come on in.
Hope you like pancakes.”

I smiled at Connor, and told Zoey to stay on
the porch before following Fin into the kitchen, which appeared to
be the only clean room on the first floor. His cabin was decorated
in a very similar style to ours, but the place had a more masculine
feel, especially with his muddy hiking boots inside the front door
and coats and clothing draped across the furniture. Several empty
beer bottles littered the dusty table tops too, almost like he
intended them to be permanent decorative fixtures.

Fin had stacked three plates and a handful of
utensils on the bar counter next to a glass pitcher of orange
juice. And as if he was expecting us to arrive just in time for
breakfast, a heaping stack of large pancakes sat next to the stove.
Fin returned to flipping pancakes as I sat down at the counter
opposite him. His flannel shirt was rolled up at the sleeves,
exposing the dark blonde hairs that covered his impressive
forearms.

“Thanks for breakfast. It’s very nice of
you,” I said to him.

He shrugged and wiped one of his hands on the
towel he had draped over his shoulder. “No problem. Haven’t cooked
for anyone in a while,” he said, with a shy grin turning a corner
of his mouth upwards. “Help yourself to the juice.” He gestured at
the full pitcher and Connor poured both of us a cup.

“Oh, there’s coffee too.” He waved the
spatula behind him, at the sink, where a large coffee maker sat
with a full pot of fresh brew.

“Thank you,” Connor said to him. I could tell
he was making a genuine effort to be friendly to Fin, despite his
rude behavior earlier in the morning. I beamed at him.

We sipped on our orange juice and watched Fin
flip two more pancakes out of the pan before I decided to break the
silence. “You’re very good at that,” I told him with a smile.

“Well, I dated a chef ten years ago. I guess
you could say I learned a few things.” He set the fluffy tower of
food before us, next to a small bottle of syrup shaped like a maple
leaf and a plate holding a block of butter. “Dig in.”

***

After breakfast, we all sat on Fin’s back
patio in colorfully painted Adirondack chairs sipping hot mugs of
coffee while listening to the subtle sounds of bird life in the
trees around us. A thin layer of ice had crusted around the edge of
the entire lake during the last storm, making it appear smaller
than it was. The wind started as a far-away whistle as it came down
the mountains before eventually roaring through the trees like a
freight train. Every time I heard the rush of air, I froze,
thinking it sounded like an approaching truck. Even with the sun
beating down directly above us, the air was chilly enough to make
my nose run and my fingers stiff.

I sipped my coffee and listened to Fin as he
talked about the lodge grounds and his first few days there. Since
he had been there before, he knew where everything was, and so far
the only problem had been figuring out where to dump the rotten
food he found in the main kitchen--he ended up burning it in the
fire pit. As he talked about the different buildings, I remembered
the split in the pathway on our way to the cabins and asked him
what the Suites were.

“Oh, well it’s like a little hotel, one long
building with a handful of rooms. There’s no kitchen but I think
there’s a small laundry room. You can’t see it from here because
it’s tucked into the trees more than the cabins are.”

“This is definitely better than the main
building. The view is amazing,” I said to no one in particular as I
sipped my coffee.

“Yup.” Fin winked at me and then glanced at
Connor, who was rubbing the top of Zoey’s head.

“So, did you two know each other before
everything went to shit?” he asked me.

Connor finally looked up from the dog and
waited for me to answer. “No, we met downtown,” I said.

“Downtown? Damn, how’d that go?” Fin
stretched in his chair and watched me. His eyes darted up and down
the length of my body as he drank from his mug.

“It was a mess, actually. There were a
few...incidents...so we left.” I looked at Connor and smiled.
“Connor actually saved me from freezing to death in the bay,” I
said laughing.

“Really?” Fin looked between me and Connor.
“You aren’t from around here, are you?” Fin asked him.

“No. Dublin, originally.” He sipped his
coffee.

“Ireland, huh?” Fin’s interest was piqued and
when Connor nodded yes, he continued pressing for more information.
“Connor your first name, or last?”

I watched as Connor stared at Fin
suspiciously before asking, “Why?”

Fin shrugged, and sipped from his mug again
before glancing at me. I frowned at him and asked with a hint of
confusion, “Why would that matter?”

“I guess it don’t matter who any of us were
before, right?” he replied simply.

“What do you mean?” I asked. I sat up
straight in my chair, staring at Connor.

Irritation turned to a sort of panic when
Connor blurted out, “Fin, wait...” but Fin was already talking.

“Oh, come on...like you don’t know we’re
sitting next to a rich movie star,” he chuckled.

I blinked dumbly at Fin. The color drained
from Connor’s face as Fin turned to him and asked incredulously,
“She doesn’t know who you are? Shit, I’m not the biggest movie
buff, but even I recognized you the first time I saw you, man.”

I stood up and crossed my arms at my chest
and the three of us stared at each other in awkward silence until
Fin cleared his throat and tugged on the front of his collar,
loosening it from his neck. “Uh, sorry, I guess I’ll go inside,
leave you two to talk.” He left me alone with Connor on the
deck.

He stood and walked over to me. “Look,
Riley...” he started.

I put my hand up and cut him off. “I don’t
care who you were before, just who you are now. Is your name even
Connor?”

“My name is Kevan O’Connor.” He stood five
feet from me, clearly waiting for my reaction. When I stared
blankly at him he sighed heavily and moved closer to me. “It’s been
awhile since I could just be myself with anyone, and you didn’t
recognize me...so I thought, ‘what the hell, I could just keep it
that way.’ Until now, that is.” He gestured at the closed back door
of the cabin.

“You weren’t going to tell me? At all?” I was
surprised and a little hurt. I brought my hands to my face and
rubbed my closed eyes. “Never mind, it doesn’t matter. We haven’t
exactly disclosed our entire lives to each other.”

Connor reached out to my arms, and said,
“Riley, I’m sorry. It was just easier to start over, you know?”

When I looked at him, his face was worried.
“It’s fine. Really,” I said as he brushed the bangs from my eyes.
“So, what should I call you...Kevan or Connor?”

“Oh.” He looked over my shoulder, blinking at
the lake before he replied, “I think I’m Connor now.” He smiled
down at me and kissed the top of my nose.

I closed my eyes and chided myself for not
listening to my inner voice that kept telling me before that Connor
was familiar. As I followed him back into Fin’s cabin, I asked
myself for the first time if the safe feeling I had with Connor was
because I trusted him completely, or if it was because I had seen
him somewhere on screen.