I Hope You Find Me (21 page)

I laughed softly in response and told him,
“Great. I’ll keep that in mind, Fin.”

We both heard Zoey barking from nearby before
she burst out of the foliage and ran up the trail to greet me with
her tail wagging and her head hung low. I nudged her side with my
knee. “Hi girl, where did you run off to?”

“Riley!” I heard Connor’s voice somewhere
behind the trees, calling out to me.

“Over here!” I responded calmly.

Fin lifted his shoulders in an exaggerated
move. “Your boyfriend’s looking for ya.”

“Very funny.” I rolled my eyes at him and
hurried down the trail, meeting Connor near the recreation
building.

His expression relaxed when he saw me, but
hardened slightly at the sight of Fin walking behind me on the
trail. “I must have fallen asleep out there...got worried when I
didn’t find you at the cabin,” he said, just barely out of
breath.

“I know. I’m sorry. I figured you needed the
nap.” I thrust the basket at him. “Look! There’s an awesome
greenhouse here...Fin just showed it to me. He’s going to make us
some guacamole.” I smiled at him while Fin passed us.

“Guacamole?” Connor repeated.

“Yeah, Mr. Movie Star, you know...mashed
avocado with some other stuff...you eat it with chips,” Fin
teased.

“I know what guacamole is.” Connor took a
deep breath and as Fin walked away, he flipped him off.

I giggled at him and whispered playfully in
his ear before sliding my arm around his waist. “Were you worried
about me?”

He adjusted the basket so it was tucked
underneath one arm and used his free hand to cup my face gently.
“Yes.” He kissed me on the mouth, then ran his lips along my jaw
and whispered into my ear, “Next time, just wake me up...okay?”

“Okay.”

I let him take my hand and together we walked
back along the path. Twice I almost blurted about the kiss I shared
with Fin, but Connor seemed to be waiting for the perfect
opportunity to hate the guy. I didn’t want to hurt either of them,
so I pushed the thought aside. The rules were different. Connor
definitely didn’t own me, but the guilt grew as I replayed the kiss
in my mind, my fingers entwined with Connor’s. I promised myself it
wouldn’t happen again.

When we were halfway to the cabins, small
lights flickered on around us, lighting up the walkways, the signs
above the buildings and spotlighting some of the trees. We heard
Fin holler from some distance ahead of us.

“The lights are on a timer, it’ll be dark in
less than an hour. Who’s cooking dinner?”

***

After the meal and a few beers later, we said
our good-nights to Fin. We made the short walk to our cabin quickly
with Zoey trotting ahead of us, eager to get out of the cold air
and onto the couch for a nap. Fin had allowed her inside his place
for a bit but wasn’t impressed with her cat-like ability to sleep
on furniture armrests. After being banished from the couch, she
stood around awkwardly most of the evening, watching us with
irritated and impatient stares, eager for us to leave.

“Are you okay here Connor?” I asked him,
watching Zoey slowly disappear into the darkness ahead of us.

“Yeah, I guess...you?” He put an arm around
my shoulders while we walked.

“I love it here, actually. And Fin isn’t that
bad. You’ll see.”

Connor said something inaudible under his
breath.

“I mean it, he’s trying hard. He doesn’t want
to be completely alone any more than we do,” I said to him.

After a brief silence and only the sounds of
our feet crunching the occasional leaf underfoot, Connor finally
spoke. “You’re right, he’s not that bad...and this place seems
perfect, for now at least.” He paused slightly. “How long do you
want to stay here?”

“I guess as long as we can, until it doesn’t
make sense to stay. I don’t really have anywhere else to go, you
know? But we obviously need to talk with Fin about what to do if
others come here.”

He nodded but didn’t speak. For him it was
different, I was sure all he could think about was his family
overseas and what happened to them. The not knowing had to be
devastating.

Zoey barked from the cabin porch. All we
could see of her was an amber reflection in her eyes, making them
look like a pair of fireflies dancing in the distance. The air
smelled of wet, mossy pine and the subtle undertone of Fin’s
chimney smoke.

Once inside the cabin, the three of us split
off into different directions. Zoey stretched out on top of the
sofa and swiftly fell asleep, and I went upstairs to take a bath
while Connor began lighting the fireplaces in an effort to warm the
chill from the air.

***

I woke up with a start when my lips dipped
below the water level and I breathed in a mouthful of tiny,
lavender-scented bubbles. I sat up quickly, spitting the soapy
residue from my mouth and wiped my face dry with the folded towel
that was draped across the edge of the old fashioned claw tub. The
bath had chilled to match the temperature of the room--much cooler
than the steaming hot water I had slipped into earlier. The bubbles
floated thinly in a handful of groups on top of the water, shrunk
down to the size of peas.

After smearing on coconut-scented lotion and
wrapping the bath towel around my body, I walked lightly into the
bedroom, careful not to slip on the hardwood floors. My bags still
sat on the bench at the foot of the bed, one of them open, showing
my meager wardrobe. I pulled out a softly faded and over-sized
cotton scoop-neck shirt with long sleeves the same dark blue color
as my eyes, and tugged it on over my wet hair. After I put a thick
pair of socks on, I combed the knots out of my hair and twisted it
into a messy bun.

Connor must have come into the room while I
was in the bath because the fireplace was roaring, warming the room
nicely. The wood popped and sizzled as it burned, catching my gaze
and holding it there, transfixing me with the mesmerizing flames
that leaped upwards. Oranges and yellows and blues burned and
twisted into each other, making soft shadows dance around the room
bewitchingly. I had to will myself to look away and blinked the
flamed-shaped images from my vision.

I found Connor downstairs, asleep on the
couch with Zoey draped across his legs. She opened her eyes and
looked up at me, slowly thumping her tail onto the sofa cushion a
few times while I tip-toed around them and sat on the edge of the
massive coffee table. An open book lay face down on Connor’s chest.
I leaned forward to read the title off the faded cover and
smiled...
To Kill A Mockingbird.

I took the brightly checkered quilt from the
back of the sofa and gently draped it across Connor. “Sshh...stay,
Zoey,” I whispered to the dog when she huffed softly at me. She put
her head back down onto her paw, which was resting on one of
Connor’s ankles and thumped her tail again onto the cushion. I
backed away from them quietly, and wandered through the living room
checking the locks on the door out of habit more than necessity,
and turning off the few lights Connor had switched on. I ended up
in the kitchen and pulled one of the colorful, eclectic-styled mugs
down from the cabinet and turned the coffee maker on to heat water
for tea.

Other than the soft glow that came from the
fireplace, I left the downstairs dark and carried my mug of
chamomile up to my room. I left the door cracked open, pulled the
covers down on the bed, and climbed beneath the sheets where I
scrolled through my mp3 player until I found the song that was on
my mind...
Hear You Me
by Jimmy Eat World. After sinking into
the plethora of cushy pillows that decorated my bed, I closed my
eyes and sipped my hot tea every few seconds until half the mug was
drained and the weight of it began to fight against my tired grip.
I gave in, finally, and set the cup down on the small wooden
bedside table and turned off the lamp. Not bothering to shove off
any of the pillows, I pushed my ear buds in deeper and buried
myself beneath the folds of sheets and blankets...falling asleep
somewhere in between the soulful echo of Adele and the guitar
thrumming beat and crooning of Cold War Kids.

***

Connor was on top of the hill again. The
grass was swishing gently at his feet, the wet wind swirling about
him, plastering dark chunks of hair to his face. The roar of water
crashed into the bottom of the cliffs beside him, beating into the
rugged rocks again and again...relentlessly. He stood still, his
naked feet streaked with mud, breathing the crisp air into his
lungs in shallow gulps. The clouds blocked out the sun, like they
so often did in Ireland, yet he still squinted to see the small
dark spot far below him crouching next to a patch of scurvy grass
growing around the rocks. He opened his mouth to call out to the
young boy picking the white flowers off the plants and tucking them
into the curls of his hair but only hot breath escaped past his
lips.

The boy turned to him with a smile and
Connor’s heart swelled. Little Roan stood up, his messy hair full
of tiny white flower petals, and ran awkwardly up the hill with his
face full of happiness. Connor knelt down and reached out to him,
tears spilling onto his cheeks. But when Roan reached the top of
the hill, he didn’t run into Connor’s waiting arms; he ran right
through him. He felt all of Roan, the softness and newness of his
little boy skin and the silkiness of his hair. He could smell the
soap Roan bathed in and the peppermint candy on his breath. And the
joy, the total joy only a child can have...he felt it rush around
inside him, passing through him briefly, before leaving...leaving
him hollow again.

His hands dropped into the grass before him,
and he sat down hard, almost crumpling into the earth. He could
hear Roan at his back, laughing. When he turned to look over his
shoulder, he felt the warmth of his tears run down his neck and
dissolve just above his collarbone. The sun broke through the
clouds just then and he saw them walk away. Roan, safe between two
people...his small hands held by his mother, and a man he thought
he knew. He closed his eyes and listened to the family laugh. Roan
squealed with delight and he opened his eyes to see the couple lift
Roan’s arms up, and swing him between them as they walked.

The man and woman looked up from the child
and smiled at each other. He saw the man’s face for the first
time...his own face. He screamed and the air that forced its way
from his lungs ran off with the wind. He had no voice to call out
to the happy family that never was. He screamed again and again
until the little boy turned and looked right at him, a familiar
crooked smile on his face. But Connor recoiled in horror as the
boys smile began to change into a grimace and his lips dissolved
into his chin. His eye sockets stretched out, exposing red muscle
and the milky white cartilage of his nose. Roan’s flesh split at
the top of his head and his hair fell backwards while the skin of
his face slid off and landed at his feet in a bloody heap.

Little white flower petals floated in the
breeze around the boy’s body and drifted towards the cliffs,
carried by Connor’s silent screams. He didn’t stop screaming until
he was ripped from his nightmare back into reality, by a long, wet
canine tongue licking his face.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

For several days, we explored the lodge
inside and out, collecting things we wanted or needed from the
storage area, stocking up our woodpiles and setting up ‘home’ as
best we could in the cabin. Connor made a genuine attempt to
befriend Fin, which eased everyone’s anxiety, including Zoey’s. Fin
returned the favor by giving Connor some gardening lessons. I spent
the majority of my time listening to the long-range radio every day
at sundown and laughing at Connor’s lack of gardening skills. He
did little more than poke around in the dirt with a solitary
finger, as if he thought the potting soil itself might attack
him.

Other than a severe thunderstorm that flooded
the trails, downed two trees on the street side of the property and
damaged at least one solar panel on the recreation building roof,
all was quiet and mellow around our mountain hideaway. In a week’s
time I saw one rabbit and a set of deer tracks, which meant
something other than the birds and the four of us were alive in the
woods. I made Fin promise not to hunt the deer, after he saw the
prints and remarked that he could track the creature down and shoot
it.

“You can’t possibly be serious.” He stared at
me wide-eyed.

“I’m absolutely serious. If you shoot this
deer, I’ll shoot
you
myself and toss your murdering ass into
the lake.” I faced him with my hands on my hips.

“Riley, don’t be an idiot. That deer’s
potential food.” He stepped forward with a sour look on his
face.

I raised a finger and pointed it at him.
“Fin, we have the chance to change the things we’ve done in the
past. This deer is a sign of life. Why kill it? We have plenty of
food, and we have no idea how important it could be to this
ecosystem. What if it’s the last one left in these mountains? Did
you think about that?” I glared at him.

Fin rocked back on his heels and sighed
heavily. “I think you’re crazy,” he said to me.

“So, maybe I am.” I continued to glare at
him.

He crossed his arms at his chest and slowly
dragged a heel through one of the small deer tracks in the dirt. He
looked up at me and laughed before turning to Connor, “She’s
serious, ain’t she?”

Connor shrugged and leaned against a nearby
pine tree, picking at the loose bark.

“Shit,” Fin grumbled. “You wouldn’t really
shoot me, would ya?” He smiled. When I didn’t smile back, he pulled
his lips into a tight line and nodded curtly. “I believe you just
might.”