I Know I've Been Changed (19 page)

I glared at Rose. “You’ve been miserable? You hear that, Shondella?
She’s
been miserable. Do you think we care about your misery? Do you think we care that all of a sudden you are saved and sanctified? As far as we’re concerned, you died the day you drove off and left us.”

Rose pleadingly looked at Shondella. “I know you hate me, but I’m still your mother. Will you please talk to your sister?”

Shondella turned and walked off.

By this time, Mama Tee and several other people had noticed the commotion and began making their way over toward the tree where we were standing. Mama Tee rushed to me. “Rose, what are you doing?”

“Hey, Mama,” Rose said.

“Don’t come here starting no trouble, Rose. This girl been through enough.”

“I know that, Mama. I just want to make peace.”

I stared at her with tear-filled eyes. “It’s too late for peace. Just go back to wherever you’ve been all these years and leave me alone!” I turned and walked away, calling out to my sister, “Shondella, wait for me!”

Rose may have found Jesus, but it was going to take even more than His help for me to let her back into my heart.

Chapter 35

“S
omebody get me an ax,” I muttered. I knew I was talking to myself, but that rooster was driving me crazy. It was barely daylight and he was crowing like there was no tomorrow. I couldn’t for the life of me understand why Mama Tee kept that rooster around. She got up at the break of dawn anyway, so it’s not like she needed it to wake her up. My mind flashed back to how Mama Tee used to slaughter her chickens, grabbing one by the neck, swinging the animal around in the air, then laying it across the tree stump before chopping its head off. I remembered how terrified I used to be when that headless chicken would get up and run around for five minutes before flopping over and dying. Then Mama Tee would wonder why I’d rather starve than eat her fried chicken.

Uncle Frank was having another coughing fit, and I swear it sounded like he was about to cough up a lung.

I moaned as I rolled out of bed. Forget about going back to sleep, my head was throbbing. That rooster would be crowing the rest of the morning. I stumbled into the kitchen, where Mama Tee was already up and making coffee. Shondella was sitting at the table reading the paper.

“Does everyone around here get up early?”

“Early to bed, early to rise, makes a woman healthy, wealthy, and wise,” Mama Tee sang.

I rolled my eyes. “May I please have a cup?” I motioned to the coffeepot as I plopped down in a chair at the kitchen table.

Mama Tee poured me a cup, then handed it to me. “You wanna talk about it?” she asked.

I knew it was just a matter of time before she brought up Rose. Shondella must have known it was coming, too, because she immediately closed the paper, set it down, stood up, and left the kitchen.

After following Shondella with her eyes, Mama Tee turned back to me. “How you feeling?”

“Why do you keep Uncle Frank around? Don’t you think he’d be better off in a home?” I listened to him wheeze and cough in the living room.

“He don’t want to be in a home. And I keep telling you, he’s family. Family is always first.” Mama Tee shook her head as she chastised me. “Besides, he won’t be here much longer.”

My eyes grew wide.

“No, I’m not predicting his death.” Mama Tee laughed. “He does that enough. You remember his daughter, Christina? Well, she doing mighty well in California and she wants to bring him out there with her. Seems to think that California smog will make him better.” Mama Tee shook her head like it was the most absurd thing she’d ever heard. “But who am I to argue with that chile about her own daddy? He’ll be gone by the end of the week.” Mama Tee shook her finger at me. “But see, that’s what I’m talking about. That’s what family does. Family is supposed to be there for you through thick and thin. I don’t think you’ve ever quite gotten that.”

“Is family supposed to leave you stranded at a gas station in the dead of night?” My voice dripped with sarcasm.

“No, but
I
didn’t leave you. That was your mama all by herself. But you ran from all of us here. All of us who love and care about you.” Mama Tee sat down at the table across from me.

“Mama Tee, you just don’t understand.” I felt myself struggling not to cry.

“Baby girl, I know my existence here has been meager. But it’s what the good Lord gave to me. And I’m grateful for it. Besides, all that glitters ain’t gold, as you very well know by now.”

I shrugged and gulped down my coffee, letting the steaming liquid glide down my throat.

“You still haven’t answered my question.”

“What question?” I asked.

“How are you feeling? About yesterday?”

“I’m fine. Dang, I wish you would quit fussing over me.”

“I’m your grandma. I’m supposed to fuss over you. And you should know by now, Raedella, that you can’t run me off with that nasty attitude of yours.”

“Mama Tee, my name is Rae.”

“Gal, hush yo’ mouth! I was right there when yo’ mama named you, and she didn’t say nothing ’bout no damn Rae.” Mama Tee reached out and grabbed my hand, her look turning serious. “Baby girl, why you gotta try and pretend you something you not?”

“’Cause she think she was s’posed to be born to royalty or something, not to this poor little family,” Shondella chimed in. I hadn’t even noticed her come back in the room.

“Shut up. Didn’t nobody ask for your two cents.”

Shondella put her hand to her chest and feigned astonishment. “What? Miss Proper TV Personality is using improper grammar? Oh, my God. But then I guess since you’re now a washed-up, former TV star, you can go back to using Ebonics.”

“Shut up before I…”

“Before you what? Run me over with your car?”

“Shondella,” Mama Tee snapped.

“No, Mama Tee. I’m sick of her walking around like somebody owe her something. Like she’s ashamed of us. She’s so daggone self-righteous. Like she’s better than somebody. Now, she’s around here wallowing in self-pity like somebody should feel sorry for her because her dream life fell apart. Well, Miss TV Star, I been through the same things as you. I was right there when Mama ran off and left us. You don’t see me walking around here whining about it all my life.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to understand either,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Not understand? Oh, I understand all too well. Poor Raedella. She grew up without her mommy. Her life is so miserable because she didn’t have her mommy. She was poor and country. Woe is Raedella. Get over it! Justin needed his mother more than anyone else and you don’t hear him whining,” Shondella snapped.

“Hey,” said a small voice from the doorway.

Shondella and I kept arguing, not paying much attention to Justin leaning against the doorway to the kitchen.

“Hey,” he muttered again, this time a little louder. All of us turned to him. His face was ashen and he looked like he was struggling to breathe. His arms were wrapped around his stomach and he had tears in his eyes.

“Justin!” we all called out.

“What’s wrong?” Mama Tee cried as she raced to him.

“It hurts. It hurts…so…bad.”

I felt a scream building in my throat as my little brother closed his eyes and collapsed to the floor.

Chapter 36

W
e had been sitting in the waiting room for over three hours with no word from Justin’s doctor. It was driving me absolutely insane. And I wasn’t the only one.

“I don’t understand what is taking so long!” Shondella snapped as she paced back and forth for the 27 millionth time.

“Chile, just sit down. When the doctor got some news for us, he’ll be out,” Mama Tee said gently.

“But in three hours, you’d think they know something.”

“Shondella, would you sit down?” I said.

Shondella spun on me. “I don’t recall talking to you.”

Mama Tee sighed heavily. “Oh, Lord, would you two just stop all that arguing? You getting on my last nerve. Your brother is laying in there fighting for his life and you two goin’ at each other’s throats.”

“Mama Tee, I’m just—”

Mama Tee cut me off, throwing up her hands in frustration. “Just shush! I’m tired of y’all. For years you two have been fighting.”

“That’s because she thinks she’s so much better than everybody else,” Shondella pouted.

“No, that’s because your ghetto behind just mad because you haven’t done anything with your life and you’re jealous because I have!” I didn’t care if we were in a hospital. I was about to give my sister a piece of my mind.

“Jealous of what? A washed-up, wannabe, attempted murderer!”

“It’s better than being a washed-up, never-has-been, can’t-keep-a-man-so-I’ll-just-get-pregnant, overweight—”

“I said stop it!” Mama Tee stood up and yelled, snapping us out of our shouting match.

I glared at my sister, willing back the tears that were forming under my eyelids.

Shondella rolled her eyes and walked away, plopping down on one of the hard emergency-room sofas.

We sat in silence for the next hour until Justin’s longtime doctor, Dr. Wang, finally came in. All three of us jumped up and raced toward him.

“Please tell me my baby’s gonna be fine,” Mama Tee pleaded.

Dr. Wang pushed his glasses up on his nose and took a deep breath. “I wish that I could tell you that. Justin’s kidneys have failed. Because the leukemia has left him anemic and he has chronic kidney failure, he’s not a candidate for dialysis. Unless we can get him a kidney quickly, his chances of survival are slim.”

“A kidney? Is that all he needs?” Shondella piped in. “Where do I check in so you can take one of mine. I mean, I heard people can live fine off of one kidney, so he can have one of mine.”

I stared at Shondella in amazement. The ease with which she had jumped up to offer a vital organ was amazing. As hateful as she could be, there was no denying her love for family.

The doctor looked at Shondella. “Ma’am, I wish it were that easy.” He opened his folder and started perusing the records. “What is your name?”

“Shondella Rollins.”

He glanced at the chart for a few minutes. “I see that you have been tested before and your blood type is AB positive. That’s incompatible with your brother’s O negative. Plus we have to take into consideration tissue type for an organ transplant.”

Shondella’s eyes watered up and her shoulders slumped. She turned to me. I didn’t know what to say. Of course I loved my brother, but giving up my kidney?

“What about me?” Mama Tee said.

“Unfortunately, and not to be disrespectful, but with your age, you’re not compatible either,” Dr. Wang replied.

“What about Raedella?” Shondella asked without even looking at me.

The doctor turned toward me, oblivious to the look of horror across my face. “Do you know your blood type?”

“It’s O positive.”

The doctor wearily shook his head. “Sorry, that won’t work either.”

I felt bad about the sense of relief that swept through my body.

Shondella began crying. “What does this mean? Don’t you have an organ donor list? Didn’t someone just die in a car wreck or something?” She seemed to be grasping at straws.

“Unfortunately, all we can do is put him on an organ donor list, and we have no idea how long it will be before we can get a kidney for him. It’s best that you all just go on home. We’ve stabilized Justin, but there’s nothing more we can do until we find a donor. If we find a donor. We’ll be in touch if we find out anything new.” Dr. Wang gave us a sorrowful look, then walked out of the waiting room.

We had been moping around the hospital in silence for the last two days, each of us, I imagine, trying to envision life without Justin. It had been the hardest two days of our lives. The hospital had made desperate calls as far away as Minnesota, but still no luck.

Me, Shondella, and Mama Tee were back at home after waiting at the hospital all day. We’d tried to get some sleep, to no avail, and were now sitting in the living room. Shondella was braiding Lexus’s hair. Mama Tee was knitting, and I was just staring blankly at the TV.

“You know what? I want us to pray,” Mama Tee announced.

I looked at her like she was crazy. “No disrespect, Mama Tee, but I’m so not feeling God right now. How can I? What kind of God would bring Justin so much pain?”

“I done told you, an awesome God,” she replied forcefully.

I stared at her, trying to understand how she could sit there and say that to me. “Awesome? He took everything I ever wanted. My brother is knocking on death’s door, and you want me to say, ‘Thank you, Jesus’?”

“I sure do,” Mama Tee said. “Yes, I’m worried about Justin, but the Lord will take care of my baby.”

I wasn’t convinced. Still, it was useless to try to talk to Mama Tee about this. I’d tried to see her point after my miscarriage, but now this with Justin. Nope, I just couldn’t agree with her.

“Maybe the Lord took away what you really wanted to make room for what you really needed,” Mama Tee gingerly added.

I was just about to say something when the telephone rang.

Mama Tee rose and walked into the hallway to answer it. “Hello.”

She was silent for a minute, but the expression on her face began to change, the weary look turning bright.

“Thank you, Lord Jesus. I knew He would work this out! We’re on our way.” Mama Tee slammed the phone down and excitedly began jumping up and down. “They found a donor. The doctor said it’s nothing short of a miracle! Somebody needs to take me over there right now.”

We dropped Shondella’s kids off at Mrs. Miller’s and thirty minutes later we were pulling into the Arkansas Medical Center and racing up to Justin’s fifth-floor room. Watching him lying there hooked to a machine was heartbreaking. He seemed to be sleeping peacefully, though. The nurse was monitoring his vital signs.

“How’s he doing?” Mama Tee whispered.

“He’s sedated,” the nurse replied.

Just then, Dr. Wang walked in, a smile across his face. “You all must have been praying really hard because we found someone who is compatible and willing to give him a kidney. This is almost unheard of to get such a quick donation.”

All three of us hugged in excitement, Shondella and I briefly calling a truce.

Shondella pulled away, still smiling. “How’d you get him moved up the list so fast.”

“We actually found a compatible donor who wanted to specifically give him a kidney,” Dr. Wang said as he stuck a funny-looking contraption into Justin’s ear.

“What? Who?” Shondella asked.

“You know, I don’t know. She’s been hanging around the hospital quite a bit…well, speak of the devil,” Dr. Wang said as the door to Justin’s hospital room eased open.

We all turned to the door and all of our mouths dropped wide open.

Shondella was the first to speak. “What is she doing here?”

“I’m his mother; I have a right to be here.”

Shondella glared at Rose. The doctor, who seemed oblivious to the tension in the room, ran over and eagerly grasped Rose’s hand. “A perfect match! I’m so excited!”

Rose stood there like she didn’t know what to say. A small smile crept across her face.

“I’m just thankful that it worked out,” she said.

“Well, my brother doesn’t need her crappy, drug-infested kidney,” Shondella said.

The doctor looked astonished.

“Shondella, despite what hatred you harbor for me or how you feel about me, right now our attention needs to be focused on Justin,” Rose said.

Shondella glared at Rose with extreme hatred. “Oh, so now you want to be concerned about Justin? Where was that concern all the other times he was in the hospital. Were you concerned about Justin when he had violent coughing fits at night and cried himself to sleep because he was in so much pain? Were you concerned all the nights he asked me did you leave us because he was sick? All the nights I comforted him. Me! Where were you then? Where were you when I had to explain to him why his twin sister wasn’t coming back?” Tears were streaming down Shondella’s face. I was shocked.

“Enough!” Mama Tee yelled. The force in her voice caught everyone by surprise.

“Mama Tee, make her leave,” Shondella sniffled.

“Shondella, I can’t make her do nothing. That’s her boy. Like it or not. Besides, do you have a better idea? Right now, she’s all we got.”

I stepped in. “Mama Tee’s right. Rose gave birth to Justin and hasn’t given him anything since. A kidney is the least she can do.”

Shondella stood glaring at Rose, tears slowly falling from her eyes. She walked over to Justin, leaned down, and kissed him on the head, then turned and stomped out of the room, nearly knocking Rose over.

“Mama…” Rose pleaded.

“This ain’t about you, Rose. I don’t want to hear nothing you got to say. This is about saving Justin.” Mama Tee turned to the doctor. “Now, Doctor, as bad as I want my grandson to make it, my daughter here did drugs for several years. Don’t even know if she still do ’em.”

“I’m clean, Mama. I have been for the last five years.”

“Of course we’ll have to run some tests and see how everything progresses, but if she has indeed been clean for five years, it shouldn’t be any problem,” Dr. Wang interjected. He still looked shaken up by all the drama that had just unfolded.

“So what will that do to her?” Mama Tee asked.

“I’ve been taking care of myself. I’ll be all right.”

“Ms. Rollins, if you’ll follow me back here, we’ll do the necessary paperwork and get you suited up. We don’t have much time.”

Rose looked at me. “Raedella…”

I didn’t want to hear anything she had to say. I turned my back to her and gazed out the window. I heard her let out a deep sigh, then she turned and walked out the door.

Mama Tee began fluffing up Justin’s pillow. “You can’t even rest in the hospital, all this madness going on up in here. But don’t you worry, baby. You gon’ be all right. Your mama is finally going to do right by you.”

Suddenly the door swung open and Aunt Ola came racing in. “Ohhhh, Lord! No, Lord, noooooooo!” she screamed as she threw herself across Justin. “Don’t take him, Lord. Take me! Take me!”

Mama Tee closed her eyes, inhaled deeply, and shook her head. “Jesus, be my guide,” she whispered.

“Lord, he just a baby! Take me!” Aunt Ola continued wailing. Luckily, Justin was asleep and oblivious to Aunt Ola’s ranting.

“Ola, get yo’ behind up off that boy before you suffocate him,” Mama Tee snapped.

“But I just can’t believe he’s gone.”

“He’s gone—to sleep, Ola. And all that ruckus is gon’ wake him up.”

“Sleep?” Aunt Ola stood up and cocked her head in confusion. “But Lula said Mary told her that Vera told her that Justin had died of lung failure.”

Mama Tee shook her head again. “It’s the boy’s kidneys, not his lungs. And you know better than to believe anything that lying Lula Mae says in the first place. If she said it was raining outside, I wouldn’t believe it until I was soaking wet.”

Aunt Ola looked back and forth between Justin and Mama Tee. “So he ain’t dead?”

“No, he’s not,” I interjected.

“Oh.” She stood there awkwardly for a few moments. “Oh, well, I’m going outside to smoke. Y’all call me if anything changes.”

Aunt Ola sashayed out the door like nothing was wrong. I shook my head in disbelief. “Them yo’ people,” I joked to Mama Tee.

Mama Tee rubbed Justin’s head. “Naw, baby girl, them
our
people. And ain’t nothing we can do about it,” she said without cracking a smile.