I Need You (38 page)

I missed him holding me as he left me on the seat and pulled the strap across, like I was a kid being buckled up.

I gripped his hand as he clicked the belt home, smiling, my tears finally drying up.

Billy just knew what I needed.

He smiled too, then shut the door and walked around to the other side of the SUV.

When he got in the driver’s seat, he turned the engine on, then glanced at me. “What upset you?”

I started talking as he looked in the mirror and then pulled out. “You know Dad joined that dating website a month ago? Well, he told me today he has met some woman on it. He’s seen her twice and he’s asked her around to dinner. Tonight. To meet me!”

He looked over at me. “Shit!”

“I know, right. It isn’t weird of me to be angry is it? Please tell me!”

He glanced at me, his expression stiff. “It isn’t…”

“I can’t believe he did it, and he thinks there’s nothing wrong with it!” I carried on rambling, crying and complaining as he drove, and Billy was pure Billy, listening and letting me rant.

When we got to his parents’, he pulled onto the drive and parked. I wiped the tears off my cheeks with my sleeve.

When he killed the engine, he didn’t move to get out, but turned to me. “Are you okay, are you ready to go in?”

“I love you.” The words burst out of my throat.

Freeing my belt, I leaned forward to hug him. “Oh Billy, I really do. I have for ages, but there has never seemed a right time to say it, and I give up, because there will never be a right time.”

His fingers ran over my hair. “You don’t have to say it, sweetheart.”

I sat back. “But I want to, because I do. I LOVE YOU.”

He laughed. “Have you been drinking?”

“No!”

“Do you want to tell me about your dad?”

“I’ve been telling you about Dad. He’s a traitor!”

“That’s a harsh word, darling…”

“Maybe, but he was supposed to love her. To love us!”

“He does love you.” Billy’s arm came around me and pulled me against him, as his other hand stroked through my hair.

“How can he?” I answered against Billy’s collarbone, the scent seeping from his work gear invading my senses.

“Because he is a man, Lind. You have me, and he needs someone to turn to for comfort.”

I sobbed against his sweaty tee.

“Just think about it. It isn’t wrong that you’re angry. Of course you are gonna be hurt and find it hard. You loved her in a different way to him. But she was his other half, and he’s been hurting for a long time. He’s looking for a way to ease his pain, and for him, that’s through another woman, that’s all, Lind.”

I’d just been breathing as I listened to the rumble of words in his chest.

I sat up. “I hate you when you talk so fucking logically.”

He laughed. “You just said you loved me…”

“I do… but not when you agree it’s okay for Dad to move on and forget all about Mom after four months…”

“I’m not saying I agree. I wouldn’t be moving on if it was you. Shit, Lindy, I hung around waiting on you to notice me for years. That isn’t like me. But your dad is your dad, and I can understand why he might turn to someone. He hasn’t forgotten your Mom. He’s just learning how to live with the memories of her––that’s why he’s looking for another woman.”

“Well, I don’t care. I hate him looking for another woman. I don’t want to be around any other woman. I don’t want to be introduced to them. I don’t even want to know or think about them.”

“Then I’ve got an idea…”

“What?”

He twisted in his seat, his leg hooking up over the gear shift and he gripped my hand. “One day, Lindy, I’m gonna get down on one knee and look up into your eyes and ask you to marry me, and when I say it, I’m gonna make it a magical moment you are not gonna forget. You’ll treasure it––we’ll treasure it––for the rest of our lives, and we’ll tell our kids all about it. But that day, and that moment, isn’t now. I know you’re not ready. But until it’s the right time, and the right day, and you’ve healed properly from everything you’ve been through, then why don’t we just get a place together…?”

He took a breath.

“We spend so much time sleeping over each other’s, I’ve been feeling like I want somewhere that’s just our place for weeks, but when your mom was sick, it wasn’t the time, and then I thought you’d want to stay with your dad and not leave him alone… But now… If it would be easier… Why don’t we just get somewhere together in Portland, rent a place, no commitments––just see how it goes…?”

I gripped his hand. “When you ask me to marry you, Billy, I am gonna say yes. I will be so happy. But you are such a good guy, because you’re right, it’s too soon. I couldn’t be happy if we got married now. But when it’s the right time, I am gonna walk up the aisle with a beaming smile.” My gaze caught and held his. “But for now, yes, I do want to get a place together, that is just what I need. Thank you. I would love to live with you and build a home together, a place for us.”

He smiled at me, his fingers wrapping around mine, and he opened his mouth. I knew what he was gonna say. “I love you,” I said it first. “I really do. More than I ever loved Jason. It’s like you are in my blood, flowing around in my veins, and you make my bones ache when I’m around you and when I am not around you I have a hole in my belly that wants to be with you. I love being with you. I just love everything about you…” Another tear rolled down my cheek as I smiled. His free hand came up and wiped it away. It was a happy tear now, though.

“I love you too.”

“I know.” I laughed.

“Come on, let’s go tell my family the news. But we’ll tell them after I shower. I stink. And then I’m gonna take you out to some swanky restaurant in Portland and we’ll celebrate. okay?” His hand rubbed over my hair, messing it up.

“Yeah.”

“Oh God, Billy.” I sat back. “I don’t just love you, I need you, though. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, because I need you too, Lind. I always have. Come on, let me go shower and then we can break the news to Mom and Dad, and Eva.”

When we walked in, I could tell they’d seen us sitting outside in the SUV talking; his Mom and Eva had questions in their eyes.

Eva was still a little wary and suspicious of my motives, but Susan had been nothing but sweet to me and considerate, trying to be like a mom to me, and replace my own. No one ever would, but I really appreciated her being kind when I knew she was upset I had been breaking Billy’s heart for years.

She’d learn I wasn’t gonna do that ever again…

“I’m just gonna go shower, Mom,” Billy said.

“Do you want dinner?” Susan answered, her gaze slipping to his work clothes and then looking at me, obviously wondering why I was here so early.

“No, I’m taking Lindy out to dinner.”

“Okay.” She smiled at me as Billy pulled on my hand to lead me on.

“Are you gonna wait in my room?”

I smiled at him. “If you want.” I knew what that question really was. When I get out the shower do you want to have sex? Longing, want––and need––twisted up in my belly. I nodded, following him, pulled along by his hand gripping mine.

Billy

The water ran over my head in rivers––
because I do love you. I LOVE YOU…

I LOVE YOU.

Shit.

Lindy had really said that.

A huge great, fat smile parted my lips.

I laughed out loud.

She’d said it. I’d sensed it, but who knew with Lindy…?

She’d said it!

Wow.

The words had exploded in my chest, like a firework shooting off.

After all this time… After years… The girl I loved––loved me!

As my hands rubbed the shampoo into my hair, the leather bracelet slid around on my wrist. The bracelet she’d given me when she was fifteen that I’d never taken off. Faith paid off. I’d always known what she knew now. That we needed each other… We were soul mates.

I tipped my head back, washing out the shampoo and letting the water run over my body as I smiled again, rubbing the shower gel over the leopard on my chest. The damn thing felt more like a pussy cat now; it didn’t scratch me at all.

Awesome!

I laughed again as I washed off the last of the soap. Then turned the shower off, grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my waist.

No one was in the hall when I walked through, and when I opened my bedroom door I found Lindy undressed and in bed.

Smiling, I slid the bolt on my bedroom door to lock it.

Now was the time to get our own place…

She flicked the covers back, giving me a get-in-here smile. I let my towel slip to the floor and dived on the bed.

She laughed as her hand came up and gripped my wet hair, just behind my ear. “I want to make love to the man I love.”

“You’d better go on top then, if you’re taking control.” I rolled to my back and she came over me, straddling my hips. I gripped her thighs. I was already erect just at the thought of this, and she didn’t wait, she slid down onto me, already wet.

My fingers clasped as she moved, rocking forward and up. I bit my lip as lust thrust a dagger deep and hard into my groin.

Her little breasts swayed and her hair slipped from her shoulder to her back as she smiled down at me, so obviously happy when less than an hour ago I’d found her crying in the street.

She loved me. I’d given her happiness.

I was gonna give it to her forever. My grip on her thighs firmed and I took over, I just wanted to send the girl into oblivion, and she was so light it was easy to hold her up as I pushed my hips up and shoved into her, over and over, in a hard pace that had her in spasms and dripping all around me in moments.

Her body tipped forward, her fingers clawing into my shoulders as she hung on and I assaulted.

It didn’t feel different. She’d loved me for ages. I’d known it––but now she’d said it.

I claimed her body even more aggressively, and she panted and sighed, making little squeals of pleasure. Fortunately my bedroom was right at the end of the hall…

She broke again, on a sharp cry, and I followed her there, shutting my eyes and soaring high with her.

Shit.

“That was beautiful.” Her fingers combed through my wet hair.

I opened my eyes, looking into the blue of hers and smiled. Then I slapped her ass. “Come on, get dressed! Then let’s go tell my parents the news.”

She grinned at me, pressed a kiss on my lips, then climbed off me and got up. As I toweled my hair dry, she snuck over to the bathroom with her clothes, to have a quick wash.

Then, when we were both dressed we headed off to face the inquisition. Lindy had a tell-tale just-done-it glow, though, that I bet Mom would spot. But so what? I’d taken her mind off her dad.

Mom was dishing up their dinner when we got down there, and she and Eva were in the kitchen.

I looked at Dad, “Would you come into the kitchen a minute?”

His eyebrows lifted, but he rose and followed us in there.

“Mom,” I had Lindy’s hand gripped tight in mine. Mom carried on dishing-up as Eva stared at me, then looked down at mine and Lindy’s joined hands. I glanced back at Dad. “Lindy and I have decided to rent our own place; somewhere in Portland. We’ll start looking tonight.”

Mom dropped the pan and spoon she’d been holding on the counter. She didn’t look at me, though, she looked at Lindy. “And that’s really what you want. You’re sure about this?”

Lindy nodded. “Yes, absolutely, we both agree it’s the right time. It’s too early for longer-term commitments yet. Billy has been really sweet. He’s giving me time to get used to Mom being gone, but we both want to be together, and… why wait?” She took a breath. “When we love each other.” She gave Mom a little smile and shrugged.

Mom seemed to look hard at her, like she was judging if it was the truth or not, but then she came forward to hug Lindy, hard, like she was really thankful. Lindy let go of my hand and hugged her back.

I looked at Dad. He just nodded his approval, then said, “I’m happy for you, son. That’s fine by us.” He lifted a hand. I shook it. It was like graduating again. He slapped my shoulder before turning to go back into the living room.

Eva flew at me. “I’m so happy for you,” she whispered in my ear with her arms wrapped around my neck. I lifted her off her feet. Pretty much like that kid she’d been dating at school had done in the last few months. The girl had been walking around on air.

“Thanks.” I whispered back. Then I set her down and let her go, smiling, as she turned to Lindy and hugged her too.

“You better look after my big brother…”

“Oh I will,” Lindy answered, looking up at me. “He is gonna get back all the love he gives… and I owe him years of it. I’m in some deep debt.”

When Eva let her go, I hugged my girl. Lifting her off her feet too, and kissing her near her ear, then whispering. “I’ll never be able to love you any more than I do and I do not regret a single day. Now I am gonna just make sure that you know every moment how precious you are to me, and how much I need you.”

She laughed, a delicious soft sound. “Same…”

Author’s word

What happened when Jason went back to New York is at the end of Just You, the story of Jason’s work friend Justin, who he knew when he met Rachel. Jason’s and Rachel’s story will also continue in the next book in the Starting Out Series, and you’ll hear more about Lindy and Billy too.

So where did my inspiration come from for I Need You? Well, I was never like Lindy at school. I hung around with the popular people and I had a friend like Lindy, the prettiest in the school year. In comparison, I was always insecure, self-conscious, awkward and hard on myself. I never had lots of boyfriends at school; I did not come into my own until my late twenties, when I finally believed in and liked myself.

But I discovered when I met the people I thought were perfect after school that they too had suffered numerous insecurities. Most of us have something that pulls us down and holds us back.

In my head I am still very much a new adult, but I have the advantage now of having faced and survived many hardships and those have made me a stronger person who has learned self-belief. If I can help others reach that point at an earlier stage through my books that is what I would like to do.