I Represent Sean Rosen (21 page)

But I recently expelled another human being from my body. What's your excuse?

❤
S

Dan's excuse is that Sean was busy imagining himself singing with a bannd in a stadium.

And guess what? That actually
was
a terrible deal they offered me. I guess Stefanie really
didn't
know before Dan told her.

I feel like I should write to Martin Manager to thank him for telling me I could get more. He was totally right. Unfortunately, I got the feeling from his e-mail that I shouldn't write to him again.

Stefanie actually thought it was funny that Dan signed his e-mail “Sean.”

I can't believe it. I'm relieved, but I don't exactly feel happy. More like dizzy.

I wonder if I just used up all my good luck for the rest of the year. Or the rest of my life.

Okay, what did I learn from all this?

I have no idea. It was a horrible nineteen hours. I still think I was an idiot for not paying attention to what I was doing, but I'm glad my career isn't over. I don't know what's going on with Ethan's family, but it made me think there are worse things in life than a movie not getting made. But I'm really glad my movie
is
getting made.

T
hank goodness it's a long weekend and nothing is going to happen in the next few days. Business affairs is working on our new Option Agreement, but I'm sure I won't get it right away.

I think Dan Welch would tell me to take a break from thinking about the movie. But he knows me pretty well and knows I probably can't. So he'd say, “Okay, then stop thinking about the Option Agreement and start thinking about the story.” I actually think that's a good idea, because when I ask myself questions about the characters, I don't always know the answers.

Like for example, I don't know Chris and Chloe's parents' names. When they're in the middle of nowhere together in Bolivia, they have to call each other something. I wonder if they use each other's real names or if they're the kind of parents who call each other Honey or Pumpkin.

Chloe and Chris's mom wouldn't let anyone call her Pumpkin, even her husband. She likes people to use her real name, which is . . . Jill. It's a good thing she's not married to my dad, for two reasons. First of all, my dad doesn't call
anyone
by their real name. His three best friends are Turch, LeDuke, and Foul Shot.

The second reason is my dad's name is Jack. I don't like movies where the characters' names are a joke, like Jack and Jill. If you want it to feel real, they have to have real names. Chris and Chloe's dad's name is Steve.

I want this movie to feel like something that could actually happen. I know that grandfathers don't invent virtual reality time machines every day, but I believe that Chris and Chloe's grandfather did. And maybe your grandparents actually
are
way more interesting than you ever thought they were.

That makes me think about my grandparents. I don't know anything about my mom's father. Maybe he invented something. I'm going to ask Mary Lou, Mom's mother, when I see her this weekend. Maybe
she
invented something.

I got back to thinking about the movie. Sometimes when I'm thinking hard, it looks like I'm staring at whatever is right in front of me, but I'm not. My eyes are open and my head is pointed in that direction, but my brain is looking at whatever I'm thinking about.

Like right now, I'm facing one of those posters I'm going to take down before my next Skype meeting, but what I'm seeing is the house where Jill, Steve, Chris, and Chloe live. It's bigger and more modern than ours. So when Chris and Chloe go to their grandparents' house, it feels very old-fashioned to them.

Then there's Chris's cheerleader girlfriend, Sabrina (thank you, Ethan). During the whole week with his grandparents, Sabrina is constantly calling and texting Chris. He used to like that, but now he notices the things she talks about. When you're away from home, nothing at your school sounds very important.

Part of it is that Chris has been spending a lot of time with his grandmother, who always wants to help mankind. He can't imagine Sabrina doing that unless it might help her get into a good college or get her picture in the paper. It makes him think.

What about Chloe? What happens on her other trips to the past?

Back at home, Chloe is frustrated because she's twelve, and her mom still treats her like a little girl. She can't go to the mall with her friends unless a parent is with them the whole time. Worst of all, Chloe isn't allowed to be on Facebook. You're supposed to be thirteen, but every one of Chloe's friends has an account. Chloe wants to go back in time to see what her mom was like when
she
was twelve. But her mom isn't there to spit on the slide.

Chris, who's pretty good at science, says, “Aren't there other ways to get Mom's DNA? She kissed us good-bye. Maybe some of her DNA is still on our faces.”

“Wait!” Chloe runs upstairs and gets her hat. Her mom borrowed it last winter and Chloe finally took it back because her mom didn't need it in Bolivia. She pulls a hair from the hat and hands it to Grandpa. “This one is definitely Mom's. I don't have those roots.”

Grandpa isn't sure the machine will work with hair because he always used spit, but he'll try. He sets the machine for the date of Chloe's mom's twelfth birthday.

Chloe climbs into the machine. We see what she sees, which is very blurry, and we hear what she hears, which sounds like people talking under water. It's because the machine isn't used to working with hair. Outside, Grandpa is turning knobs and pushing buttons. Finally the green lights come on.

Inside, everything is now clear. Chloe is at a multiplex, which is show-business language for a movie theater that shows a lot of different movies. Every movie theater is like that now, but in 1983, only some movie theaters were multiplexes. I looked it up.

Chloe sees a bunch of twelve-year-old girls she doesn't recognize, and a woman who looks kind of familiar. It's Jill's mom, Chloe's other grandmother. She's taking the girls to the movies for Jill's birthday. Chloe can't figure out which girl is Jill, until one of them gets into an argument with Chloe's grandmother. That's Chloe's mom.

They were planning to see
Flashdance
. Jill is dressed like the girl in the
Flashdance
poster, with her hair all curly and the sweatshirt with one bare shoulder sticking out. Jill's mom keeps pulling the sweatshirt up and Jill keeps pulling it down.

They're arguing about
Flashdance
.

“Mom, you said we could.”

“You forgot to mention it's rated R.”

“I didn't know. I swear. Anyway, it's fine. We're here with you. You're an adult.”

“It is
not
fine. Even if I thought it was okay for you, which I don't, I still have to call each of these girls' parents.”

“No, you don't.”

“Yes. I do. And if even one of them says no . . .”

“Mom . . .”

“I don't think I have enough change to make all those calls.” (This was before everyone had cell phones.)

“Okay, forget
Flashdance
. We'll see
Risky Business
.”

“No, we won't. That one's rated R, too. How about
Mr. Mom
. It's PG.”

“As in Pretty Gross. Forget it. Thanks for wrecking my birthday, Mom.”

Suddenly it's over. Chloe's grandmother pushed the red button. Chloe can't wait for her mom to get back from Bolivia so she can find out what happened that day. She'll remind her mom what it's like to be a twelve-year-old girl who wants to be treated like a grown-up.

Okay. I made some progress. I can start packing for our family trip tomorrow. We're leaving early.

O
nce a year we visit my mom's family. They all live near each other, so they get together a lot, but when
we
come it's kind of a special occasion. We always go on a three-day weekend, like Presidents' Day or Columbus Day. We never go for Thanksgiving or Christmas. My mom says, “It's too loaded.” When I ask her what it's loaded with, she just shakes her head and says, “Everything.”

I decided to show my mom and dad my report card on the way to see my cousins. My parents like when I get good grades, but sometimes I don't, and they don't yell at me or anything. When they saw the C in French, they weren't mad, but they were surprised.

I always get an A in French. They've heard me speak French. They came to
Le Bistro
last year. Mademoiselle Fou was all over them, telling them what a little Maurice Chevalier I am. I actually like Maurice Chevalier. I saw him on YouTube, but I'm not really like him.

I told my parents I got A's on all the tests. I also told them that I'm not going to be in
Le Bistro
this year. My dad said, “Hence the C.” My dad usually talks like someone who never went to college, but every once in a while something slips out.

They asked what I want to do about this. They said they could come in and talk to Mademoiselle Fou. Trust me, my parents are not the ones who are always at school yelling at teachers. I told them I'll think about it.

Anyway, my mom has two brothers and three sisters, and each one has at least three kids. We actually
need
a three-day weekend just to see everyone. The first two nights we stay with Uncle John and his family. He's not my mom's favorite or anything, but he has the biggest house and my parents can have their own room.

I share my cousin Declan's room. Declan is twelve and he's on like a million teams. His room is filled with equipment and sports posters and trophies. It's kind of interesting for both of us because he doesn't have any friends like me and I don't have any friends like him.

He has bunk beds. I'm not sure why one kid needs two beds, but it comes in handy when we visit. I always get the top bunk, because Declan is scared of heights. It actually isn't that high, but if you're scared of something, someone telling you why you shouldn't be doesn't really change anything.

After two nights at Declan's house, we always have to spend one night at Aunt Kathleen's house. She gets jealous. She's the one with five kids and a dog and two cats.

I like going to Aunt Kathleen's because I like the animals. Even though they haven't seen me for a year, I think Rex and Spice and Elvis remember me. Or else they don't remember me, but for some reason they like me. It makes me wish my mom was a dog person or my dad was a cat person or both.

Aunt Kathleen and Uncle Peter's house is a little small for how many people and animals live there. So on the night we stay there, my mom, my dad, and I all sleep in the basement in the playroom. They sleep on a couch that turns into a bed, and I sleep on an air mattress on the floor.

I like my parents a lot. In fact, I love them. But I don't actually want to be roommates with them. I wasn't one of those kids who always climbed into bed with his parents, and even if I was, I'm thirteen now.

Every year before we leave on this trip, my dad says, “Why don't we just stay at the Holiday Inn? We'll be with them from right after we wake up until right before we go to sleep. Isn't that enough?” Not for my mom's family, it isn't.

It's fun for a few days. At home, there's only one kid and no animals, so even when all three of us are in the house, you hardly hear a sound. When we visit my mom's family, it's never quiet. And this year, it took my mind off waiting for the new Option Agreement.

It was also good because I could do some research for the movie. My mom's mom is nothing at all like Thorny Rosen or like Chloe and Chris's grandmother in the movie. She never tells you the right thing to do. She's Mary Lou, and if you call her Grandma or Nana or Mimi or Grammie, she doesn't answer. I guess she had enough of being a mom after six kids, so now she acts like she's a friend of the family instead of the grandmother.

Here are some of the questions I asked my cousins about their other grandparents:

1. Do your parents ever leave you alone with your grandparents?

2. What do you do with your grandparents when you're together?

3. How do you picture your grandmother and your grandfather when they were your age?

4. If you could ask your grandparents any question about your mom or dad, what would you ask them?

I experimented with talking to them one at a time and doing group interviews with the brothers and sisters of the same family. It actually worked well both ways. People like to be interviewed. Especially if you're holding a cool-looking digital voice recorder.

It was a good weekend, except for a few fights. There are always a few fights. It's never the kids. It's always my mom's sisters and brothers and their husbands and wives, and it's always after nine at night.

The adults start drinking about five o'clock, and for the first hour or two, it's fun. They're in a good mood, joking around, talking to you more than they did all day. But by nine, some of the ones who keep drinking start to get a little mean, and that's when the fights happen.