IBID (23 page)

28.
“Goodbye, my Lady Jane. I love you so.”
Interview with Cassia Diles who overheard the words spoken by Jonathan at the burial site.

29.
Damage to Jonathan’s art collection was estimated at nearly $3,500,000.

Cary Bormet did not limit his destruction and vandalism to art work held in private hands; in his rampage he destroyed and variously defaced pieces on display in public collections as well. He is most notoriously remembered as the man who relieved himself in Marcel Duchamp’s urinal, “Fountain.” Adding insult to insult, the art-phobic Mr. Bormet made a point of eating three dozen stalks of fresh asparagus two hours before perpetrating the deed.

30.
“And the days dwindle down to a precious few.”
Many remember that Walter Huston’s version of “September Song” was among the handful of those songs that Jonathan held most dear in the last years of his life. Few knew that this shortlist also included several of what he called his “silly songs.” JBP.

31.
Jonathan ordered the Happy Family in Ginger House.
Others in the dinner party were more adventurous. Davison got the Surprised Squid in Scallion Panties; Caldwell ordered the Plum Duck and Crispy Chicken in Fragrant Pas de Deux; Diles had the Accommodating Prawns in Discourteously Demanding Lobster Sauce; Haverty had the Sauteed Baby Abalone Mushrooms Kissed and Tongue-stroked by Puckered Snow Peas and Honey-coated Testiculoid Walnut Chunks. Bayer, the bravest of all, tried, and nearly finished, the Kong Style Simpering Slippy Shrimp in Velvet Scallop Squirt Curd, Dragged through a Math of Brazed Beef Tailings. Jonathan’s Diary, July 12, 1956.

32.
This period saw a number of major celebrity endorsements.
Reinhold,
The Story of Dandy-de-odor-o
, 188-90. Among the many media personalities approached by Davison was Greta Garbo, who he contends gave serious consideration to ending her long retirement by appearing in a television ad for Dandy-de-odor-o. According to Davison’s journal (10 September 1956), Garbo was also considering two other offers at the time, one for the American Beet Growers Council and the other for Whip-it Whipped Oleomargarine. All three scripts exploited Grusinskaya, the angst-ridden prima ballerina character Garbo made famous in the film
Grand Hotel
.

History will record that Garbo never came out of retirement. Some of Davison’s journal entries I find highly dubious; others are easily corroborated by other sources. This one falls somewhere in between. Indeed, Jonathan’s entry for the same day notes:

33.
This also included sponsorship of the Miss United States Pageant.
Griswold Lanham, “Harlan Davison,”
Entrepreneurial History
, 13 (1990), 25-42. Davison was also instrumental in winning sole commercial sponsorship for
the inaugural (and ultimately only) television broadcast of the Miss United States Pageant, a brief rival to the popular Miss America Pageant. The contest was expressly organized by its eccentric producer Barclay Harwood to determine the most beautiful and talented young woman in all of the forty-eight states except Ohio. Davison felt that the broadcast would be an ideal opportunity to advertise Dandy-de-odor-o’s new deodorant line for women, Dandeene.

As with almost all of the advertising ventures shepherded by Davison, this one backfired. The stumble created one of the largest customer backlashes in the history of mid-century American trade and commerce. Residents of Ohio, angered over their state’s exclusion from the pageant, staged a boycott of all of Dandy-de-odor-o’s products, including “Dandy fresh swabs,” a product being test-marketed in Columbus and Cincinnati at the time.

Harwood’s hatred of Ohio was legendary, but still to this day inexplicable. It resulted in a highly publicized altercation with the chairman of the Indiana state pageant and its winning entrant to the national pageant, Barbara Jane Midkiff. The contretemps served as inspiration for a memorable comedy sketch on the television variety program
Laffin’ Loud with Leila and Lee.
I obtained a copy of the script from the Museum of the Media in Toledo, Ohio. An excerpt follows:

34.
“High expectation begot profound disappointment, as if a much anticipated Beaujolais revealed itself to be, in sad fact, aged to the point of insipidity, such is my feeling over the failure of this merger”
Jonathan’s Diary, 17 April 1957. Jonathan was never more ready to step off the corporate stage, the merger with Gallico Industries permitting his release to pursue, full-time, his interests in venture capitalism, philanthropy, and the search ‘for my place in the universe.’” He writes in his diary at length of his devastation over the turn of events. Davison’s journal also
records that Jonathan was not himself for several weeks. Had Jonathan known that Gallico’s anchor product, “Stenchaid,” a groin-directed atomizing cannon, would be ultimately discredited and maligned by the same industry that had earlier touted it as a revolutionary Godsend for obese, wheelchair-bound victims of unaerated-thigh space, Jonathan would not have spent so much time and ink bemoaning the sudden contractual reversal.

35.
“Father, I am ready to take the reins of this swell company.”
Addicus Andrew Blashette to Jonathan Blashette, 3 May 1957.

36.
“I would like to groom my son to take my place.”
Jonathan Blashette to Andrew Bloor, 5 May 1957. The letter that Andrew Bloor sent in response has been lost. My guess is that Bloor was cautiously supportive. Addy Andy had just turned twenty-two. His experience at Dandy-de-odor-o, Inc. up to this point had been limited to part-time mail-room clerk and warehouse stock boy. Yet the young man was eager to learn the ropes of his father’s business and move quickly up the corporate ladder. And Jonathan seemed unwilling to elevate anyone else. “This isn’t about creating a family dynasty,” he explained at a board meeting a few days later. “The boy is smart. He’s got the makings of a good businessman. I won’t pass the reins until I think he’s ready.” Minutes of the Board of Directors meeting, 10 May 1957, Dandy-de-odor-o Inc., Corporate Records.

37.
“He’s ready.”
Memorandum from Jonathan Blashette to all employees of Dandy-de-odor-o, Inc.
Fortune
Magazine
crowed, “Tot of twenty-two takes the helm of multi-million dollar deodorant company. Wall Street scratches its head today. Will it be scratching its underarms tomorrow?” Company stock value plummeted the next day and did not rebound for several weeks. Jonathan, incredibly, knew what he was doing. By July, Addy Andy’s new youthful suntan oil
line “Dandy Andy’s Shimmer and Shine” had become the runaway product hit of the summer and the wunderkind of the deodorant industry was on his way to corporate prodigy greatness.

One of my greatest regrets in preparing this book was the missed opportunity to interview at length Jonathan’s son Addicus Andrew. The CEO and president of DDO Industries gave me all of fifteen minutes of his time, this micro-interview taking place in the back seat of a limo on its way to LaGuardia Airport. Subsequently, I made numerous attempts to schedule a second, more leisurely, meeting between the two of us, but was ultimately thwarted by “scheduling conflicts.” I do not fault Blashette for assigning such a low priority to seeing me; I understand from his secretary Paulette Karlstrom that he had been very unhappy with Cordell Glover’s book about his father
Three Legs, One Heart
and also by Glover’s interviewing technique, which often involved sitting cross-legged on Blashette’s desk “like an chunky chanteuse sprawled upon an overtaxed grand piano lid.” I wish that I had somehow found a way to gain Blashette’s trust after this experience, but such was not to be.

1.
Beauaeuregard Taylor called the meeting to order.
The name of the new director of the Blashette Foundation is spelled correctly. Sybil Rowan notes in her book,
‘Tis Better to Give
, that the spelling of Taylor’s first name was a “personal frustration” and he wished on hundreds of occasions that his father hadn’t been “potted on corn squeeze” the day the birth certificate was filled out. After spelling his name aloud for a college registrar, Beauaeuregard Taylor was instantly accused of being a “wiseguy” and slapped across the face by the man’s glove. Why the registrar was in possession of a single, pearl-studded opera glove was never explained.

2.
He was also an established author.
Rowan,
’Tis Better to Give
, 278. This was actually Taylor’s fourth novel. He had previously written
Hedgehog’s Ball
,
Dancing with my Shadow
, and
No Prayer for Suzie.

3.
Jonathan stopped going to Café Ennui, complaining that the service was too slow.
Harvey Freeman, “Jonathan Blashette; Inside the Man,”
Body Fresh Magazine
, 24, No. 7 (1972): 22-38.

4.
“They are the pretty twinkle stars of my twilight years.”
Jonathan’s Diary, 2 September 1958. Among the female companions who brightened Jonathan’s final years was Venetia House. Not only was the young woman a self-described “jigsaw junkie,” but she also shared Jonathan’s love of dogs. In fact, it was one canine in particular that played an important role in Venetia’s strong religious faith. For many years, including those during which she knew
Jonathan, Venetia was an active member of a small Christian sect that believed that Jesus Christ, as lover of both man and beast, had a pet collie, which accompanied Him during His last months on earth. Among Jonathan’s uncatalogued effects I chanced upon a book published by Venetia’s denomination, which includes illustrations of the dog being fed table scraps by Jesus at the Last Supper, dog-paddling behind Jesus as he walked upon the waters of the Sea of Galilee, and howling plaintively at the foot of the cross.