If I Forget You (14 page)

But it was too late. His mouth met hers, his arms sliding around her, squeezing her close, his lips parting to let her in. He tasted like chocolate, his tongue warm against hers as she kissed him back. His upper lip was a little scratchy, but it felt nice.

What had Ryan taught her? Less was more. In this case, that was absolutely true. Nobody was going to interrupt them in here as he leaned back against the edge of the counter and pulled her as close as he could, kissing her more tenderly than anyone else ever had. Almost as if he was frightened.

She pulled away, her breaths heavier than his.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

He touched his lips, as if he couldn’t believe what had just happened. “Should we, I mean, do you want some dessert?” he said quickly. “We can go watch a movie if you want.”

She nodded and stepped away from him. “Dessert sounds good.”

A few minutes later, she followed him into the living room where she’d sat the night of the party and watched the football game. Jordan sat on the sofa in front of the television. Balancing her plate on one hand, Avery sat next to him and waited as he pulled up a list of movie options on the screen.

Despite a lamp turned on in the corner, the room was pretty dark. The light from the screen lit up Jordan’s face. She looked over at him, studying the square of his jaw, remembering how he’d looked that first night she’d seen him on the porch. She wanted to ask him why he’d been so upset that night, but it felt too weird to say, “Hey, I was kind of spying on you,” so she kept her mouth shut.

“I might as well get comfortable,” he said as he handed her the remote and set his dessert plate on his knees. “Go ahead and pick what you want.”

She took the remote and watched him peel off his double-breasted suit jacket and lay it across the arm of the sofa. Scrolling through the movie options, she hardly saw the words on the screen. Jordan was practically undressing in front of her as he unbuttoned and pulled off the vest then started undoing his tie. When he was finished with that, he undid the first three buttons of his white dress shirt and breathed a sigh of relief as he leaned back and picked up his fork.

“I forget how stifled I feel in these suits,” he grumbled, cutting into his slice of torte.

Avery smiled and nodded at his arm. “Want me to help you with your sleeves?”

He grinned. “Sure. Can you handle the cuff links?”

“Uh …”

“Here, I’ll show you.” He held out his wrist and turned it sideways for her to see the bottom of a silver cuff link. “Just twist it to the right and slide it up through the hole. Not that I can’t do it myself, but hey, if you want to help.”

She set down the remote and bent over to peer at the cuff link before grasping it in her fingers and doing as he’d instructed. It slid out freely, and she reached over to unfasten the other one. She dropped the cuff links into his open palm and smiled as he grasped her hand before she could pull away.

“You’re more than my sister’s challenge,” he said softly. “A lot more. I’m not even going to ask you to come to that dinner with me.”

“O-okay,” she stuttered as he held on to her hand. Part of his chest and collarbone were visible now, showing through the unbuttoned neck of his shirt. She tried not to look, but it was hard. She liked too many guys right now, and a part of her needed to know if that made her a bad person. She had to tell him about Kent. She had to.

They spoke at the same time.

“Jordan, I need
—
”

“Avery, I want
—
”

They both stopped and laughed. Jordan squeezed her hand. “You first.”

“I …” But she couldn’t say it now that the moment was gone. She groaned inside and slowly pulled her hand away from his. “It’s nothing,” she finally managed to get out. “I just wanted to say I’m okay with going to that dinner.”

“Yeah? You sure? My dad’s all business, and my mom’s controlling. Then there’s my sister. She’s just weird.”

She remembered the cactus. “Your mom’s a biology professor?”

“Yeah, she’s crazy with the botany stuff. Her apartment is a freaking greenhouse.” He shook his head, laughing as he started rolling up his sleeves.

Avery’s eyes widened. “I love plants.” She blushed and looked down at her lap. “I’m going into botany.”

“I didn’t know that. I guess there’s a lot I don’t know about you.”

She looked up to see him beaming. “Same goes for you,” she laughed. “Like, why do you wear such fancy suits?”

Fiddling with his fork, Jordan squished a piece of torte on his plate, leaving prong marks in the chocolate. “They’re my dad’s. He’s CEO of an international aircraft manufacturer. He’s got a whole walk-in closet full of Armani, and he gives me the stuff he’s tired of wearing. I work for the same company. That’s why I never finished school. Not that it would have mattered. I hadn’t even settled on a major before I dropped out.”

“You must be pretty talented to work at a company like that,” she said softly. “School isn’t the be-all end-all to success, you know.”

“Yeah, that’s what my dad always says too.” He shrugged and she winced. “It’s fine. I like my job, but it’s nothing like what he does. I get to deal with all the angry people the top guys don’t want to deal with. I get yelled at a lot and then I have to sort it all out into nicer words and numbers that make sense, then pass it along to the right people.”

“And you like that?” She wondered if that was why he had looked so upset on the phone the night on the porch.

“Yeah, actually, I do.” His expression warmed. “I love business. The pay isn’t that good, but I know I have to hang out where I am for a while before I can work my way up. Anyway, that’s why I wear my dad’s suits. Why spend my hard-earned money on something he would just throw out otherwise?” He laughed quietly. “Now you know I’m a college dropout.”

“What year would you be if you were still in school?”

“I’d probably be finished with my bachelor’s, at least. I’m twenty-three.” He took a big bite of torte and looked at her. “I’m pretty bitter about the college thing. My mom’s always pushing me to go back, and my dad’s always pushing me to stay with him in the working world
—
or at least go to an Ivy League school instead of ‘dinky old UDub.’ I feel squeezed in the middle, like I chose my dad over my mom. I know she’s hurt by it because it has always been a sort of rivalry between them
—
doing what you love versus doing what will make you rich. Sometimes you can do both, I guess, but my parents don’t see it that way. Mom loves her job at UDub and Dad loves the security of his position, even if the stress is going to kill him early.”

Taking a bite of torte, Avery nodded to indicate she understood. She’d never been in such a situation, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t try to empathize.

“But, hey,” Jordan continued, “if he does die early, I wouldn’t have to pay him rent anymore.”

“This is your dad’s house?” she asked. “This torte is amazing, by the way.”

“Yeah, he rents it to me.” He took another bite and smiled. “And you’re right, the torte is pretty good. Glad I could impress you with that, at least.”

“What do you mean, ‘at least’? The kiss in the kitchen? That was just as good as this torte. Promise.”

“You think? Want some more of that action?” He slid his plate off his knees and set it on the floor. He moved closer to her, his thigh brushing against hers. The television bathed him in blue and purple light from the menu screen.

“Maybe.”

She swallowed a lump of chocolate and tried to keep the trembling in her hands to a minimum. She wondered what all these guys saw in her. Was her self-esteem really so low that she couldn’t see it? Or had she figured it out before and then forgotten? Maybe it was what Chloe had suggested
—
college was crawling with people wanting sex. Maybe that was all Jordan and Kent wanted. She seemed easy. Vulnerable. Probably because she really was easy and vulnerable, just like her senior year. Nothing had changed. How had she thought things could change between now and then? It took a lot to alter someone for the better. One summer out of school apparently wasn’t enough.

“Maybe, huh?” Jordan lifted his hands and shrugged. “Okay.”

“Jordan?” she whispered as her mouth turned dry again. “Can I ask you something?”

His eyes twinkled. “You just did, but sure.”

She could do this. She balled her hands into fists and then uncurled them to let out the tension.

“Why do you want me here? I know you asked me out initially because of your sister, but I can tell you really do like me, and I’m confused about why. I think if you knew me, if you knew all the things I’ve done wrong, all the problems I have, you’d move on to someone else.”

He stared at her, his excited expression falling into confusion. “Everyone has problems, Avery. Why would that stop me from wanting you here?”

She opened her mouth and then closed it again as the weight of his words settled around her. He had a point
—
one that hurt. It was ridiculous to expect perfection from herself or anyone else. She looked away as her stomach tightened. Jordan was too good to be true, and here she was making a fool of herself in front of him. She was always making a fool of herself. College wasn’t going to be any different. The rest of her life wasn’t going to be any different. She had to face it. Get over it. But how?

“Avery, did I say something wrong?”

She shook her head. There was no doubt in her mind that he’d understand her forgetfulness if she told him about it. But would he understand Kent? That was all part of the forgetfulness, and now that she knew the mistake she’d made, it was time to clear it up and come clean.

“How serious are you about being with someone?” she asked as she poked her fork into the ganache. “I mean, you said things are complicated, so how serious are you?”

As he leaned close enough for her to feel his breath on her face, she looked up to meet his eyes. He had a few crumbs clinging to the corners of his mouth, and she couldn’t help but smile. He moved in to kiss her once again, this time not as hesitant halfway through. He ran a hand up her arm, making her wish she’d worn short sleeves so she could feel his skin on hers. He reached her neck and stopped the kiss.

“I’m as serious as you are, Avery,” he whispered. “I feel a different kind of connection with you than I’ve felt with anyone else. I want to know you better. I want to spend the whole night asking you questions. First thing I’ll ask is your last name.”

“Hollister,” she answered as she lifted her hand and touched his collar. She inched her fingers to his skin, feeling the bump of his collarbone. She heard his breath catch in his throat as he leaned closer to her ear.

“Hollister
—
like the clothing company?”

“I have no affiliation,” she laughed, parting his shirt with her hand as she gained the courage to explore more of him. She glanced down to see how far she’d gone, and saw a dark line snaking out from under her hand. “A tattoo?” she asked, grinning as he looked down to see her fingers splayed across the top of his chest.

“Yeah, when I was seventeen. Don’t laugh.”

She withdrew her hand and watched as he undid one more button to pull the shirt open a little more. He had pale skin, and just as she had guessed, he was lean underneath his dressy clothes. Not tightly toned, but not flabby either. So maybe he wasn’t necessarily athletic, just a more slender build.

Climbing down from his shoulder to the top of his left pectoral was a vine-like tattoo, almost Celtic looking. She couldn’t decide what it was supposed to be as she followed the design with her eyes, studying it, until she realized that was the point. It was fascinating to look at, like an M.C. Escher painting, or staring at the branches of a tree when you’re half asleep.

“I love it,” she whispered, reaching out to touch it and then pulling back. “Why’d you get it?”

“My mom, believe it or not. It was a birthday present.”

“Are you serious? Parents don’t let their kids get tattoos.”

“Mine did. I chose this one because it reminds me of her
—
of plants and … and life. It means more to me now than it did when I got it.” He looked down and traced part of the design with his finger. “I’m glad I got it, and I’m glad you like plants too and don’t think I’m stupid for getting it.”

“Why would I think you’re stupid? I love it.”

She reached forward to touch the tattoo again, her fingers trembling. As soon as she brushed his skin, something snapped into place between her and Jordan. She blinked, and Jordan looked down at the plate on her lap. “Do you want to
—
?”

“Yeah.” She set the plate on the floor, and in two seconds he was kissing her. She melted into the couch, letting him press her down into the cushions until her head swam with desire, even more than it had when she’d been with Kent. Jordan was intoxicating. If she thought touching him was like electricity, his entire body on top of hers was even better. She had to have more of him.

She found the opening of his shirt again, following the buttons down to where she could undo the next one and the next and the next, until it hung open completely. She ran her hands all the way to his stomach, savoring the feel of him as she went even lower, past his expensive belt buckle and down to the zipper on his pants. She’d never felt a guy there before. He pushed himself against her, making it quite obvious how much he liked her hands there.

New territory. Too fast. Time to panic.

With a gasp, she pulled away and wrapped her arms around his middle.

“You want me,” he breathed into her ear. “Don’t you?”

“Mmm-hmm.” It was all she could manage to say.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, pushing up her sweater until he could trail kisses along the curves of her breasts. He mumbled something about the color of her bra and started tracing his fingers lightly across the yellow pinstripes. His touch tickled, and as if he’d flipped on a light switch, something primal inside her turned on. She breathed faster, harder, and arched her back.

“Don’t stop,” she whispered, moving her mouth to his neck. He smelled like a chocolate torte, rich and sinful and dark. Nothing could be better than this. Nothing. She couldn’t believe she was going so far. She felt so alive. So wicked. After years of wishing for someone like this
—
for a connection so electric it felt like she was going to short circuit
—
it was finally happening.