If I Forget You (17 page)

“Owen, I have to tell you something,” she said as he folded up his umbrella and snapped it closed.

“Yeah?” He set his backpack on the ground and turned to face her. “What’s up?”

“You know how I said I like you?”

“How could I forget?” His expression softened just as it had on Tuesday. Was she about to make a mistake? It didn’t matter. She had to get this out.

“I didn’t lie
—
I
do
like you, but I don’t think we can let it go any further than it has already. Things are kind of complicated for me right now. I need to focus on school, and I
—
”

“It’s fine,” he interjected quickly. “Really, don’t worry about it.”

She liked the way his hair was curlier today than it had been on Tuesday or any other time she remembered seeing him. It was probably because of the humidity. She had to sit on her hands to keep from pushing one of those curls off his forehead. That made her think about brushing the chocolate off Jordan’s brow, and she nearly bit her tongue. Yeah, this had to end. Now. Next up was Kent. She’d see him tomorrow in class.

“Friends is fine with me,” he said as he watched her slide her hands underneath her thighs. “Honestly, I wasn’t expecting more at this point. We can be study partners. You helped me a lot on Tuesday
—
way more than my stupid housemates when I ask them to quiz me. They don’t care about this stuff like you do.” He kicked his backpack and smiled. “Is that okay?”

“Study partners? Yeah, that’s great.” She exhaled a long, relieved breath, trying not to sound too pleased. Studying she could handle. Maybe … until Owen realized how much she forgot in a matter of days.

“You’re dying to go look at the garden, aren’t you?”

Realizing she’d gone back to staring out the open window again, she nodded. “It looks great. So many different plants in one spot.”

“They’re all labeled too. You’ll love it.”

She stood up. “You afraid of a little rain?”

“Not at all.” He stood and followed her out into the garden, leaving his umbrella tucked in his backpack as he swung it onto his shoulders. “Wait until you see the Hindu monkeys,” he laughed. “They supposedly guard this place.”

“Sounds ominous.”

As they walked through the drizzle, their feet crunching on the gravel below, Avery almost forgot about Tam and the turkey sandwich. She looked at signs that said things like
Oenothara biennis,
which she knew was a biennial primrose plant. Every few minutes she would stop and look at Owen, who would smile at her as he looked up from studying a thistle plant or a pomegranate tree, and the pain would come crashing back.

“I gave and gave and gave to you, and I guess you
just forgot
to give back.”

Was she really so selfish, even if it wasn’t on purpose? Perhaps it was best for her to keep Jordan, Kent, and Owen at arm’s length for that very reason. It was best for her to retreat back into her loneliness.

16

Last Year

When Avery showed up on Tam’s doorstep with a freshly baked pan of mint brownies, she was hopeful the big misunderstanding could be made right. After all, this was a guy who had come between them, and guys came and went. Friendships were supposed to last through anything.

The problem was Avery really didn’t believe that. Too many times she’d inadvertently lost people in her life because of minor, seemingly insignificant things.

“Brownies aren’t going to fix this,” Tam growled when she opened the door. She was dressed in her favorite pair of purple sweatpants, the waistband rolled down far enough to show a strip of her toned abs and tiny bellybutton. Her tight black T-shirt had PINK stamped across the chest.

“I don’t expect the brownies to fix anything,” Avery muttered, “but I hoped they’d at least get me in the door so you’ll let me explain what happened.” She raised her eyebrows. “Pretty please?”

Tam stared down at the pan. Avery could tell her mouth was watering. It was Saturday morning, early enough that she probably hadn’t eaten breakfast yet.

“Fine, come in.” She let go of the doorknob and turned on her heel.

Following her inside, Avery smiled at Tam’s little brothers who were playing video games in the living room. Tam led her into the kitchen where her mother was beating eggs in a bowl. She was as perfectly put-together as Tam, with a tiny waist, big chest, and a headful of gorgeous curly black hair. “Oh, Avery!” she cried out as they walked over to the table. “Good morning. You staying for breakfast?”

“Uh, I don’t know,” Avery said, looking at Tam. “Maybe?”

Tam snatched the pan of brownies from Avery’s hands and marched over to the counter. “We’re going upstairs, Mom.” Grabbing a spatula, she dug out four brownies, slid them onto a plate, and motioned for Avery to follow her up to her room.

Like everything else about Tam, her room had a lot of green in it. Lime green comforter. Lime green lampshades. Lime green rug on the floor. She and Avery had spent a lot of time sprawled out on that rug, either looking at magazines and listening to music or gossiping about boys or talking about what they wanted to do with the rest of their lives. Avery even remembered crying on that rug at one point
—
not her finest moment ever. If she remembered correctly, it had something to do with her dad’s death. Tam was always willing to give her a shoulder to cry on when it came to that. Now, however, she didn’t seem willing to do anything but sit cross-legged on her bed and take huge bites out of the first brownie.

“Close the door,” she snapped as soon as Avery walked inside.

“Sure.” Avery closed it and turned the lock, then stood in the middle of the room. Her stomach rumbled, and she wished she had taken a brownie too.

“Here.” Tam reluctantly handed over a brownie. Avery took it and nibbled on the edge. She’d woken up at 6:30 to make them.

“So, about Ryan,” she began. “Please don’t hate me. I kind of hate myself because of my stupid brain. I forgot something really, really important.”

Tam rolled her eyes and started on her second brownie.

“I went home last night and dug out one of my journals
—
the one I was writing in last December. That’s when I met Ryan for the first time, but I didn’t remember it. At all. I know that sounds stupid, but you know me.”

Tam rolled her eyes again.

“Well, I found the entry from when I met him. See, last night he was acting all intimate around me when he was at my house. I couldn’t figure it out because I knew he liked
you
, not me. Then he said something about a kissing deal …”

Tam’s eyes snapped to Avery’s. She stopped chewing.

“Yeah, I know. You’d think I’d remember a kissing deal, right? Well, I didn’t. Maybe I didn’t take it seriously then, so I just swept it out of my mind. Turns out we had some heartfelt talk about my dad. We talked about a lot of things, I guess, and somewhere in there we talked about my virgin lips. He felt bad for me. He couldn’t believe I had never kissed anyone. He said I was too pretty not to have kissed anyone, but he wasn’t attracted to me that way. I guess I wasn’t attracted to him that way, either. We talked about that. We thought it was funny. So he said we should make a deal. If I hadn’t kissed anybody before he saw me again, he’d teach me how to kiss. Totally platonic.”

Tam was chewing again, but it was slow and methodic. The wheels in her head were obviously turning. Avery couldn’t tell if she believed her story or not, so she continued.

“Last night was the first time he saw me again, and when he had me backed up against the house like that, it’s because he was going to kiss me. It didn’t mean anything. I promise.”

Swallowing, Tam narrowed her eyes. “But I heard him say you liked him as more than a friend.”

That was what Tam had
wanted
to hear, and Avery was sure it was what she would believe she had heard until the day she died. Arguing about it seemed pointless.

“He didn’t say that, exactly, but yeah, I think he’s hot. Still, I would never try to steal him from you, Tam. I’m serious. This was all just a mistake … because I forgot stuff.”

Avery stared down at the green carpet, waiting for a reply. There were so many little things Tam always forgave
—
like whenever Avery forgot her wallet and Tam bought her lunch and never expected repayment, or all those times Avery forgot to meet Tam somewhere for something they’d planned. Their relationship was filled with countless things like this. Why should Ryan be any different?

But Avery knew why. Ryan was different because Tam saw Avery as competition, even though nothing could be further from the truth.

Tam lifted the last brownie off the plate, studying it before she looked up at Avery. “Ryan told me about how you’d met before, but he told me the deal you had between the two of you wasn’t something he felt you would want him to tell anyone, even me.”

“That was considerate … I guess.”

“I thought so, which is why I’m happy you’ve decided to tell me about it so I can stop all my worrying. I had no idea it was a
kissing
deal, but hey, now that we’ve got it all cleared up, it’s over with.” She took a bite of the last brownie. “Right?”

Avery nodded. “Sure, I guess so. I’ll stay Miss Virgin Lips and everything can go back to normal.”

“Yep,” Tam mumbled through the brownie. “Normal.”

If only it had ended there.

* * *

It was Halloween before Avery saw Ryan again. Since he’d hooked up with Tam, Avery had thought she would see him constantly. But Tam hoarded him like a trophy she wanted to keep away from everyone, boasting about him almost every second she and Avery managed to get together
—
which wasn’t nearly as much as before he’d come along.

Avery wasn’t resentful. She was truly happy for Tam, and listened for hours as Tam told her about their latest date or make-out session or whatever new thing she had learned about him. Avery was pretty sure she knew him better now than he’d appreciate, but that was what best friends were for. She played the part. She was glad things had gone back to normal, so to speak.

When he showed up on her front porch dressed as Indiana Jones, she hardly batted an eye. Tam had told her how much he loved the
Indiana Jones
movies and how she’d had to sit through them twice now.

“Nice fedora,” she smirked as she opened the screen door and held out a bowl of candy.

He looked down at the bowl and snatched a fun-size candy bar from the middle. “I think it makes me look classic. What do you think?” He pushed on the brim with his knuckle until the hat sat angled on his head. He did look classic. She still liked his crooked nose, and the scruff on his face went well with the costume.

“You look great, Ryan,” she said as he tore open the candy bar and took a bite. She was proud of herself for keeping his name straight in her head, not that she could have possibly forgotten with Tam’s constant chatter about him.

“You look great, too,” he said, smiling at her ratty pair of sweats and baggy Kermit the Frog T-shirt. “Going for bored housewife, maybe?”

“Should I be offended by that question?” She set down the bowl and leaned against the door to keep it open.

“Nah, I’m kidding, of course.” His confident smile faltered for a moment. “So, uh, I’m not here for free candy. I actually stopped by because your mom called me last week and asked me to pick up a pair of earrings my mom left here the night of our dinner. I’m heading out to California this weekend to see her and Victor.”

Avery thought for a second, searching her brain. Had her mom told her about that? She was on a short book tour with the author of a book she’d illustrated and wouldn’t be home for three days. Or four days, Avery couldn’t remember exactly.

She stared stupidly at Ryan. Where would her mother leave a pair of earrings?

“Didn’t she tell you?” Ryan asked.

“She might have mentioned it, but I don’t know where they are. You want to come in and help me find them?”

Pulling out his phone, he checked the time. “Yeah, I don’t have to be anywhere for thirty minutes. I’m meeting Tam at a party down the road.”

“Okay, come in.”

He followed her inside, stealing another candy bar from the bowl as she led him down the hall into her mom’s bedroom.

“Sorry if this is weird to bring you in here,” she laughed, “but I don’t know my mom’s earring collection inside and out, and I have no idea what your mom’s earrings look like, so …”

“They’re diamond studs.”

“Oh? Valuable, then?”

“Yeah, my stepdad gave them to her last year, but I guess they were bothering her that night and she took them out after dinner and left them on your coffee table.”

“I doubt they’re still there if my mom found them. They’ve got to be in here somewhere.”

Rummaging through a jewelry box on the dresser, Avery started pulling out all the diamond studs she could find.

“Not those,” Ryan said, rifling through them.

His knuckles brushed against her hand, making her breath catch.

“Those don’t look familiar either,” he said, clearing his throat and moving his hand. “They were teardrop-shaped.”

“That’s all that’s here.” Her shoulders drooped as she turned to face him. “I’m sorry. My mom’s gone on a business trip. We can keep looking through the house if you want.”

“Sure.” He shrugged and she caught a glimpse of him in a mirror over on the far wall. He looked ridiculous next to her in his costume … in the middle of her mother’s bedroom.

“Okay, then.” Sliding past him, she led him down the hall and into the living room. They looked on shelves and in drawers, in decorative ashtrays Avery hadn’t realized they owned, and then headed into the kitchen.

“Can you maybe text her or something?” he asked as she pulled open the junk drawer by the sink. “Or maybe she can mail them if we can’t find them?”

“Oh, I’ll text her, hold on. My phone …” She spun around in a circle, trying to remember where she’d left it. Her bedroom, maybe?