If Not For You (42 page)

His eyes looked up at me with a wide smile on his glazed lips and he asked in a whisper, “You want me to stop?” I nodded and he stood before me and leaned in to my ear. “Say you’ll let me fuck you,” he wiped his mouth across his sleeve and spun me around to face the wall again, “say it!” His voice was harsh and wild and I laughed when I heard the rasp of his zipper.

“Yes, darling.” I turned my head and licked my tongue across his jaw and his hands pulled my hips back and shoved my skirt out of the way. “You can fuck me.”

Stroking his rock hard cock with one hand, he buried the other in my hair and fisted it, gently but demanding and slid slowly between my folds. He grunted as he pushed in until his balls touched the back of my thighs and exhaled with a moan as he slid back and started a lazy, patient rhythm.

Back and forth, in and out, he growled and moaned. “Shhh…” I had to whisper to remind
him
where we were, anyone could come and catch us and I lit up at the thought. He was rubbing me just the right way, with just the right amount of pressure and I could feel myself plummet over the edge again with a long out of control sigh.

His grasp on my hair increased as did his thrusts as he panted out, “I’m so fucking there, baby!” I felt his hot fluid release deep inside of me and thrilled just listening to the way his winded moans turned to struggles for a lung full of fresh sea air, as he came down from the high of his orgasm. There was no greater high for me than the empowerment it gave, to be the one that was truly in total control of how this man got off.

Day 17

Venice, Italy

Okay so it was utterly cliché, but what trip to Venice wouldn’t be complete without a gondola ride through the Venetian canals?

The buildings along the many canals were old and historical and shocking. People’s front doors were literally on the water. No midnight walks under the stars unless you planned on getting very wet. I’d fear being a sleep walker in this part of the world. Speaking of wet though, once I got a load of the water and the dank mildewed smell that permeated my nostrils I was convinced that swimming was not a favorite pastime around here.

We arrived at the Hotel Alla Fava and walking into our room, turned to face each other wide eyed and laughed. It was even smaller than my stateroom, but neat and clean, simple and modern. A double sized bed with night tables on either side and a desk with a chair were the only furniture and when I slid open what I thought to be the closet, the nicest little bathroom I ever did see was revealed.

“Cozy don’t you think?” I said.

Gage lay on the bed arms and legs spread wide. “Only need a place to rest my head and fuck you all night.”

“Could you make that sound any cruder?” I asked, turning to look out the window.

“I can try,” Gage laughed.

I looked out onto a square near a canal and noted the start of a light shower and people moving quickly to get inside. “Don’t bother you ass,” I said, as hands grabbed my hips and pulled me against Gage’s chest.

“This must be Campo Della Fava where Casanova met his lovers.” I was trying to explain the highlights of the room without being distracted.

“Mmm…” Gage nuzzled into my neck and whispered, “smart man, wanna fuck?”

I reached back and pushed his forehead away. “Nice talk.”

He forced his face back to my neck, licking and biting the soft flesh. He knew the filthy words would have me spinning in his direction like a top, but I was holding my ground and so far winning the battle.

“I thought you liked it when I talk dirty?” His tongue licked across my jaw and he swung me around to face him.

“Oh I do, but we have some sightseeing to do first, we only have a single night to see it all.”

Gage whimpered and groaned pushing his arousal against my thigh. “I don’t give a shit about sightseeing, the only sight I want to see is your naked body and our tattoos pressed together.” He grinned.

I pulled away and threw my backpack over my shoulder. “Let’s go.” I watched as he reluctantly grabbed his backpack. “Do the tourist thing now and we can play all you want later.” I bargained.

His face lit up and his lower lip waned between his teeth. “Okay, but I’m the game master and we’ll play by my rules.” He rumbled.

“We have rules now?” I asked, not quite sure what his plans were but still intrigued all the same.

“Not we, I.” He said in a direct tone. “I make the rules and you obey.” The smile he had was fast replaced by a look of greed and seduction.

My eyes narrowed. “Obey?” I asked. This may not be a good thing, obeying was not up my alley, it was a sore spot with me after years of my father’s rules and attempts to control me. “I don’t think so.” I turned away but Gage’s hand grasped onto my elbow and swiveled me to look at him.

“Just a game, sweetheart,” he assured me and pulled me to his chest. “You know I’d never hurt you. I think you’ll enjoy yourself if you just play along and follow my rules.” He traced his lips across my collar bone and up to my ear.

“Say yes, tell me you’ll submit to me.” His whisper against the shell of my ear made me shiver and my nipples tighten. “Tell me, baby.”

I was all a flutter and he damned well knew it as he brushed his lips over the sensitive tissue behind my ear. “I’ll try.”

“Not good enough, baby,” he breathed out. “Yes or no.”

“Yes.”

I could feel his smile at the side of my cheek as he spoke quietly with authority. “Rule number one, no panties. Lose them. Now!” He stepped back slightly while I reached under my skirt and wriggled them to my ankles and stepped out of them. “That’s my girl. Now let’s go.”

In less than a few minutes we were standing at the Rialto Bridge, a magnificent structure spanning the Grand Canal, busy with tourists even with the inclement weather. We didn’t mind the rain, we had proven that in the past, and pushed on through a nearby market selling fruit. We snacked on apples as we walked along towards St Mark’s Square.

We listened to a tour guide as she spoke about the history of St. Mark’s and the Bridge of Sighs. She pointed out columns and how prisoners walked through certain ones to their executions. The bridge seemed pretty to me, the details very gothic. Apparently prisoners took advantage of the barred windows to see their final view of the city before their deaths.

“Morbid,” I said out loud, and Gage turned my way without a word. He felt it too.

I was beginning to get an unsettled feeling and a sense of depression as we toured the area. Death was all around us, sadness and evil. There was nothing happy about what I was seeing and my heart grew heavier and heavier as we moved on.

Tears were welling in my eyes and I turned to Gage and pulled him to a stop. “I want to leave.” I drew back.

He put his hand on my cheek. “What’s wrong?”

“This is all too gruesome for me, there’s nothing but death here.” I was beginning to feel panicked. “Can we just go, please?”

“Sure, sweetheart, anything you want.” And we walked away from the group to my relief.

Doge’s Palace was near and Gage tugged me in that direction. “Come see the Palace, I’m sure it’s going to be a lot nicer inside,” he assured me, and I nodded in agreement.

The interior was beautiful with its magnificent architecture and artwork. The ceilings were truly a work of art all their own with its gilded stucco 3-dimensional elements. Surrounding paintings and portraits in vibrant colors and glorious details took your breath away. I gazed at my surroundings in awe. There was certainly a feel for the past but death was not implanted in your mind when you took in the milieus.

“It’s so beautiful.” I was practically absorbed in the magic of it all.

“Not as beautiful as you.” Gage said and I looked to see him staring at me, quite lost in the vision.

I laughed and pulled him along to a narrow hall with doors on one side and columns leading to another large room on the other. Halfway down a red velvet rope stood in our way with a sign hanging, neither of us knowing what it said.

Gage swung me around the rope and darted behind an open door and shoved me to the wall. “What the hell Gage?”

It was dark and quiet and my voice echoed around us, I couldn’t see a thing as his hand closed over my mouth. “Shhh…rule number two. Not a word, you have to be completely silent, we don’t want to get caught,” he whispered, “do we?”

But I couldn’t answer with his hand situated as it was and the other finger stroking between my folds. He caressed my clit and I grabbed his arm to stop him. “Rule number three. Keep your hands to yourself, don’t touch.” He pinned both my hands above my head and continued stroking me.

With his mouth over mine, he caught each of my moans as I climaxed around his fingers, wanting to cry out my pleasure. “Shhh…,” he whispered against my lips. “be nice and quiet while I fuck you, baby.”

The rasp of his fly seemed so loud in the empty room and I could only see in my mind his hand pulling free his cock and giving it several strokes before I felt it touch my wet readied lips and he pushed inside. Our mouths locked together catching each other’s moans with each thrust forward.

His strokes were rushed and fierce, I felt him swell and then pulled free, releasing me. I could feel his hand jerking and then heard him quietly moan and then zip up his fly. “You okay?” he asked as he pulled my skirt back in to place. “Let’s get out of here.”

We came out of the dark into the hall. We looked around to make sure we were not noticed. “I need a garbage can,” Gage said, and I saw a wad of Kleenex in his hand. Finally finding one Gage disposed of the cum-filled tissues and smiled. “I didn’t want you walking around feeling soiled for the rest of the day.”

I smiled and gave him a soft kiss, “That was sweet of you.”

He returned my smile with a twisted half smile. “The sex was sweet or the jacking off into a Kleenex?” he joked.

I shook my head and laughed. “Way to ruin the moment.”

***

Our night in Venice flew by at the speed of light. It was strange how the time was flitting by. My numbered days were getting shorter and shorter. I was blue this morning and sure that my misery was showing as I looked over at Gage packing up our things and thinking of how attentive he was. He caught my gaze and smiled with a wink.

“What you thinking, baby?”

I wasn’t going to tell him I felt like crying, that I wanted to curl up in a ball and weep like a baby. Or that the suicidal thoughts of giving up and calling it a day were becoming a daily thing. My painful anger and bitterness about my illness were getting to me, but it was my burden to carry and I wasn’t ready or willing to share it.

What I did have to do, was get my shit together and trudge on. Put on that pasted happy face and continue my Oscar award winning performance of ‘I couldn’t be happier’ and deal!

“I’d say let’s have a shower but I’m going to have trouble fitting my fat ass in there, never mind trying to fit you in with me.”

“Why do you talk like that?” Gage said, with a scowl.

“Like what?”

Gage caught the bitter in my voice and shook his head, dragging me into his arms. “Negative about yourself, you’re not fat.”

“Please,” I struggled out of his hold, “I’m not exactly model material.”

“Stop!” he shouted into my face and spun me around, yanking me over to stand before the full length mirror on the back of the door.

“Look!” his demanding tone sent shivers down my spine.

“Don’t be stupid, I know what I look like.”

His hand clasped my jaw and held my face tight so I had no choice but to look. He slipped open the tie on my robe and swept it off of my shoulders until it sat puddled at my ankles and I stood naked, body, heart and soul.

“See what I see, Tandy,” his demanding whisper hot against my shoulder. I trembled watching the image of Gage’s force at my back. “Don’t look at me, look at you. See what I see.”

“Gage.”

“Start at your toes, Tandy.”

I lowered my eyes and saw my feet standing with the pink fluffy robe rapped around them. Sure I could handle that much. I had nice feet, average feet, nothing special.

“Now your legs,”

I blew out a sigh and moved my eyes to my legs, “This is silly, Gage.” I tried to free myself only to be held tighter.

“You’re hurting me,” I told him, in hopes he would release me and be done with this ridiculous bullshit. He really wasn’t and if at any other time, this would have been a bona fide turn-on, this was the way I craved he’d handle me.

“Then do as your fucking told and it won’t,” he scolded, with a rasp in his voice.

Tears flowed down my cheeks behind my temper as I gave up the struggle. “What fucking point are you trying to prove here? I know oh too well what I fucking look like. I see me every day.”

“What do you see?” Gage held his relentless grip and forced me closer to the mirror.

“Know what I see? I see a sexy goddess, with all the right curves situated in all the right places. With silky soft skin, firm round tits, an ass meant to be grasped onto and thighs warm as fuck just made for me to slide between.”

He gave my chin a slight jiggle forcing my eyes to his in the mirror, “This is the face of the woman I love. This is the most beautiful face in the world. The gorgeous face of the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

Gage’s grip softened and his voice gentled as he spoke, “I see our children in your eyes and nothing but a bright happy future, take a look and see what I see, sweetheart.”

Fear rippled through me. I should have been happy to hear his words but my heart crashed and all I wanted to do was scream and escape. The word future echoed, how could he use that word? How could he be so certain? He couldn’t, his arrogance only added to my fears and stirred them into a storm of turmoil. My gut clenched causing my temper to boil. Gage couldn’t be serious, didn’t he realize? There was no future.

I cried out, “I see nothing! Nothing! No hope, no future, no light at the end of the tunnel. Only darkness, my days are numbered and you’re planning a future? We don’t have a future! I’m going to die Gage and I’m frightened out of my mind, so fucking terrified!”