If Not For You (45 page)

John stood in the doorway of what resembled a New York Brownstone building, when our taxi pulled alongside the curb.

“Where are we and what’s John doing here?” I asked, excitement and confusion stirring in my belly.

“John helped me make a few arrangements.”

I smiled awkwardly, trying really hard to contain my frustration. The large black double door on the building gave nothing away. There were no numbers, no name plaque, not that that would have mattered seeing as we were in France and they would have been written in French anyway.

“What is this place?” Neither John nor Gage answered, raising my anxiety to a new level.

“Someone say something or I’m not moving another fucking inch!” I promised the pair, in no uncertain terms, with my feet planted firmly in place and my arms crossed over my chest.

“Relax, sweetheart. There’s someone I want you to see.” Gage opened the door, a tiny bell chimed and relaxing background music and the scent of roses wafted through the air.

A beautiful blonde dressed in a black skirt and fitted suit jacket with a soft blue satin blouse and killer stilettos came from a door off to the side and took my hand in both hers.

“Miss Manning, it’s wonderful to meet you, my name is Beth. Mr. Carter and Mr. Martin believe I can be of service to you. Please step this way.”

I eyed Gage suspiciously with a smile and for some strange reason allowed this woman to direct me through the door she came from, closing it behind us.

“Have a seat.” Beth told me pointing her hand to a black leather sofa.

My gazed circled the room, spa like, but not so, clinical, but not so. Confusion had to be written all over my face.

“I don’t want to be rude but if you don’t tell me what the hell’s going on in the next two seconds, I think I’m going to start tearing the place apart.”

“I am going to help you deal with your fears.”

“Okaaay!” I gave a nervous laugh.

“Mr. Carter shared with me that you have a fear of death. That it consumes you, keeps you awake, disturbs your sleep and I can help you deal with that through hypnosis.”

“You think I’m going to let you hypnotize me? Well, I hope you can wave your magic wand and help Mr. Carter because I’m going to kill him when I get my hands on him,” I threatened standing quickly, and heading for the exit.

“Please Miss. Manning. He only wants the best for you. He worries and believes it may be making your situation worse.”

Standing still I pivoted around. “What do you know about my situation?”

“I know you have a brain tumor and you will be having surgery when you get back to America. I know nothing else.”

Fuck. Gage told her and if he told her, he told John too. I was mortified, my head was spinning and that overwhelming need to bolt grasped onto my chest and held tight with a steely grip.

“Washroom, I’m going to be sick,” I said, covering my mouth with my hand, pretending the inevitable was about to happen.

Beth jumped to her feet, ran over to a door on the other side of the room and swung it open. “Second door on your right.”

I ran out and down the hall, found the room and locked myself in. What the fuck was I going to do? I needed out. No whack job was going to hypnotize me, no way, no how! I also needed to get away from Gage and John. He broke my trust; he had no right telling anyone, especially John. How many others had he told?

My father?

Thank heavens I had my purse, my credit cards, passport and boarding pass. At least I would be able to get back to the ship. With my ear to the door I listened for any signs of movement, there were none. Slowly opening the door I peered down the hall to a windowed door at the rear. Tip-toeing out the door and closing it quietly behind me, I darted off down a dingy alley, until I came to a busy street.

Considering my next move, I gazed from right to left unable to get my bearings, the girl with the lack of direction trying to maneuver through the busy streets of Paris, France. Who the fuck was I kidding, I was lost.

Dashing along, my heart racing, I looked up and gasped. The Eiffel Tower, I knew our hotel was not too far from that point, it was a tourist area. For sure I’d run into an American who could help me.

Finally I stood at the base looking up, just as the lights came to life and the tower lit up like a Christmas tree. My head started to ache. I grit my teeth determined that it would not take me over, not this time. Not when I was so close. Nothing, not even my brain tumor was going to stop me now.

Stepping forward toward the elevator, a large form stepped into my path.

“Excuse me,” I said moving to the side, only to find him in my way again.

“Excuse me!” I was adamant I was getting around this brick shithouse.

“Miss. Manning, you’ll be coming with me,” this hulk of a man ordered, “your father sent me.”

Sheer determination took me over, when I should have been scared shitless. I dared him to take a step closer, this schmuck wasn’t taking me anywhere.

“Well my father can go screw himself and you can tell him just that.” I tried pushing past only to find his enormous hand wrapped around my arm.

“Take your fucking hand off me.” This colossal being had the audacity to laugh, he had absolutely no idea with whom he was fucking.

“Move it or lose it, asshole,” I warned, quietly and shook my head when he chose to laugh some more.

I smiled as my hand clasped onto his junk and squeezed with the power supplied by pure adrenaline. The heel of my shoe stomped onto the top of his foot until I heard it crack from the force. My other hand pinched into the nerves at the collar of his neck and the titanic of a man crumpled to the ground.

Once he was down I dipped into my pocket, found the blue plastic card and darted to the doors of the elevator marked with the same symbol that appeared on the front. I didn’t stop until I reached the top and stepped off the elevator. The cold wind took my breath away, but I didn’t care because I was here. I was at the top of the Eiffel Tower.

Alone.

***

“What do you mean she’s gone?”

“Miss Manning went to the powder room, she said she was going to be sick, she was pretty upset. When she didn’t return I went to check on her and she was gone.”

“Is there a back way?” I asked. “Because she sure as hell didn’t walk past us,”

Raking my fingers through my hair in frustration, I listened as John said, “I knew this was a bad idea, we should have known. We set her up and she naturally made a dash for it. It was like an ambush, she had no warning, of course she’d run.”

“Yes we have a back door, its right this way.” Beth escorted us along a hall and stood back when I opened the door and stepped out looking from left to right.

John stood at the taxi’s door and patted me on the shoulder sympathetically. I was feeling guilty. In fact we both were feeling guilty as hell for pulling a major boner and both worried that any harm would come to Tandy. “You go to the hotel, stay there and call me if she shows up.” I instructed.

“What are you going to do? You can’t wander all over Paris, you should come back to the hotel. Call the police.”

“Tandy’s an adult. She’d have to be missing for forty eight hours. Besides, I have an idea where she is or at least I’m hoping.”

John climbed into the taxi, it pulled from the curb as another took its place. I directed my gaze to the black doors I had just exited with pangs from my conscience weighing heavy in my chest. I hoped to God I was right and that she would be where I thought.

“La tour Eiffel, aussi vite que vous pouvez.” I directed, offering the driver an extra fifty if he could get me there within ten minutes.

“Oui Monsieur.” The driver was more than happy to accommodate and sped off into the night.

My cell vibrated from my interior pocket. I took it out and looked at the screen, a French area code appeared, sadly I knew it wasn’t Tandy.

“Carter here.”

“No sign of her. Sorry. I asked at the desk, her pass key hasn’t been used since this morning.” John reported anxiously.

“Okay, thanks. Call me if she shows up.”

“Will do…Hey...She’s going to be okay.”

***

The moon in the distance shone with a yellow hue, partially hidden behind a lone cloud, yet not a star appeared in the sky. A million lights across Paris sparkled, like a mass of those lost stars had fallen and now blanketed the ground. The streets were busy with the constant barrage of cars. The din of the traffic and a hurried city below were only masked by the wind howling past my ears.

The observation area was desolate; smart folk had gotten in from the cold. Only a few other brave souls stood huddled together, smooching and giggling. They had what I should have had, tonight in this place at this time, with the man I loved.

Not concerned with how cold it had gotten I shivered and my teeth chattered while tears streamed down my face. I happily gave in to the emotions that were tormenting me. Feeling betrayed, helpless and alone, with a vicious pounding in my head, I refused to surrender to the pain. Instead I took in the view through a veil of impeding tears.

From where I stood the sight beneath looked like a landing strip, lit up to show the way. What I’d give for someone to point me in the right direction, tell me everything was going to be alright and hold me. To have two strong arms swathed around me, whispering promises of an endless love and terms of endearment against my cheek only for tonight, was all I wanted.

Was it all too much to ask? Was I being unreasonable?

Closing my eyes I relived the moment I ran along the back alley, anger pounding in my chest, the constricted feeling when Beth revealed that she knew my secret. But it really wasn’t a secret was it? Not once did I tell Gage not to say anything. Perhaps I did over react, he was only trying to help after all. It was so him to want to fix me, make me whole again.

A lump formed in my throat making it impossible to swallow back my regrets of the day. Regrets I could never take back. What had I done? My stupid dimwitted actions, this unyielding need to flee the minute things got at all complicated, was ludicrous. I mean, at twenty two years old I was still acting like a child, like that spoiled little kitten my father made me out to be. Maybe all this time he was right. Or maybe I was just plain scared. What the fuck had I done?

Opening my purse, I rummaged through the mess of crap that littered its interior. In search of the cell I tossed inside when I ran off. The more I rummaged, the more frustrated I became with myself and tears got in the way only making it more difficult to find.

I hiccupped almost hysterically wanting to dump the contents out onto the steel floor, when a hand holding out a tissue came into view. I spun on my heels to find Gage with a woe begotten look on his beautiful face.

“I’m sorry.” I choked out between sobs.

Gage shook his head. “Don’t!” he ordered.

He was angry as he very well should be. I lowered my eyes in shame, I blew it. My heart started to race as fast as the pounding in my head.

“
Do not
fucking tell me sorry.”

I looked up and met what should have been a dark cold stare, but instead found crystal blue tear-filled eyes searching mine.

“I’m the one that should be sorry. I should have never set you up, I should have never gone behind your back,
I’m
sorry!”

Holding back the urge to jump into his arms and to kiss his face all over, I whispered through a sob, “They say, love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

Where that came from was beyond me. It was stupid and cliché and it only added to the many tears that had already been spent.

“And who are
they
?” Gage asked and all I could do was shrug my shoulders.

Gage stepped into me and rushed me against his chest, jerking me with force. His hand tangled into the hair at the nape of my neck and he tugged until our lips were mere inches apart and I could feel his hot breath on my cold face.

“Promise me now, you’ll
never
run away from me again.” he demanded.

“Gage, I,” his grip tightened, a thrill ran up my spine at his authority and I gasped.

“Promise me!”

“I promise.”

Again he tugged. “What do you promise Tandy? Tell me.”

“I, I won’t run, I promise.”

“And I promise you,” he softened but only slightly, his grasp still holding. “I’ll never let you.”

Warm soft lips brushed mine, my eyes started to close when he whispered against my lips, “I love you.”

“I love you.” My eyes closed and then opened as his mouth closed over mine and our eyes met.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Nothing, I just don’t want to miss a thing.”

Gage smiled and then kissed me with a kiss that shared every unspoken word and promised everything I had ever wanted and then some. It was my one sappy moment atop the Eiffel tower that I had dreamed of come true.

The tiny flash from Gage’s cell captured the moment. My tear streaked, snotty nosed, puffy eyed, smiling face squished up to Gage’s cheek in the selfie I dreamt of and then another with our lips sealed tightly together and Paris, France in the background.

So frozen I lost feeling in my fingers and toes, not entirely saying that my head wasn’t partly to blame, Gage rushed me inside our hotel room and we shared a hot shower. Unfortunately my night wouldn’t end as I had planned, due to my fucked up headache. Forced to take my meds and relax into a drug induced coma, Gage lay beside me and whispered sweet nothings into my ear first.

“Tandy Manning you are my world, my absolute everything.” He stroked his hand over my hair and then whirled a wisp around his finger. “Now that I have you here in my arms, know that I will never let you go. We belong together, forever. I swear on my life I’ll keep you safe and protected.” He moved in closer until his lips brushed against the lobe of my ear and I felt his words as he said them, “You’re mine and I’m yours. Never doubt how much I love you.”

“Say that in French.” I asked as I started to fade away, giving into sleep.