If Tomorrow Never Comes (Harper Falls Book 2) (11 page)

New life? Maybe. But
some
things never changed.

ALEX KNEW HE
was going to die.

Sweat was pouring from his body, the desert heat making it almost impossible to travel for long periods of time without stopping to rest. They should be moving at night, but the urgency of the situation had them out at mid-day. He knew they were sitting ducks. Anyone who chose to take them out could do so with little effort. Unfortunately, the immediate danger was coming from within—from a man he had trusted with his life more times than he could count.

Alex checked over his shoulder, making sure the five other men under his command were still with him. They were soldiers, trained for these conditions, and this wasn't their first dance. It was, however, the first time they'd seen half of their number taken out by one of their own.

He couldn't let himself dwell on what had happened in the early morning hours—if he let his mind go back he might as well consign the rest of his men to the same fate. Right now, they were alive, and Alex planned on keeping them that way.

"Cap."

The call was whispered, but desperate. Alex turned just in time to see Paulson take a shot in the leg, his agonized cry ripping through the air.

There were three of them—shit, four. One of his men, one he thought still loyal, fell back, joining the other deserters. They'd been in the crosshairs the entire time, and now they were all going to die.

"Why, Anderson?"

The other man shrugged. Alex thought he saw a flicker of regret, but it didn't last long.

"Money, Cap. Isn't that what it's always about?"

A shadow fell over Alex's prone body, but it provided no relief from the blistering sun. Knowing that death was an everyday possibility was one thing, finding out it was coming from a fellow soldier—a friend—was almost too much to comprehend.

"You're talking to the wrong man, Anderson. The Cap here actually still believes in that duty, honor, country crap."

"When did you stop?" Alex knew the answer, but he needed time. He knew this man loved to talk. If he could keep him going for just a little longer, some of Alex's men still might walk away from this clusterfuck.

"Wrong question, Cap." The man raised his gun and pointed directly at Alex. "The question is, did I ever start?"

"I'm guessing no." One more step, Alex urged silently. One more and we can go out of the world together.

"No need to guess, not when the answer is an obvious one."

He leaned down, close enough for his breath to wash over Alex's face. He smelled of stale whiskey and peppermint. Alex knew his old friend had been overindulging, but lately the odor of alcohol was starting to seep out of his pores.

His bloodshot eyes held a hatred Alex had never seen, never guessed existed. Why? Where had it come from and why hadn't any hint of it been evident before now?

He knew he would never have the answers, not when the gun aimed at him was about to go off at any moment. He was expected to accept his fate, go down without a fight. It seemed his old friend didn't know him as well as he thought.

Alex jerked upright, his body bathed in sweat, his heart racing. Fuck. Same old dream. He rubbed his side. The scar was fully healed, but it felt tight and throbbed with a phantom pain that never seemed to completely go away.

Seeing that Lila's door was still closed, he had to assume that this had been a silent dream. The severity of his outward reaction varied. Sometimes he yelled out, sometimes it was more physical. He'd made the mistake of falling asleep next to a prostitute in Amsterdam, and they were both damn lucky that all he had succeeded in doing was scaring the crap out of her. Waking up to find a man leaning over you, murder in his eyes, will do that. Six months ago he had never paid for sex in his life. Now, if he wanted the release, that was
all
he did, as though the exchange of money made it all right for him to expose a woman to his potentially dangerous outbursts.

He left the floor needing some water. He knew he'd had all the sleep he was going to get tonight.

The dreams were becoming less frequent, but the fact that they existed at all was reason enough to find his own place. Alex didn't want Lila to worry; she'd done enough of that during his time in the Army. He shuddered to think what would happen if she tried to wake him while he was reliving that nightmare. So far, no one had been hurt—if you didn't count the black eye he'd given an orderly back while he was recovering in Germany. The Army appointed psychiatrist had told him it was natural, his mind was trying to make sense of a senseless situation. Alex didn't think there was anything normal about waking up, ready to kill.

Maybe the woman had been right, and maybe he should take her advice—seek out professional help. But he wasn't ready—he might never be. Talking hadn't helped before, he didn't see it helping now.

So, he settled into a chair and waited for dawn. He had a job waiting for him, one that with any luck would keep both his mind and his body too busy to worry about a past he couldn't change. And then there was Dani. He wanted her, and she'd made it pretty clear with everything but words, that he could have her. They could see if what they'd had in Portugal was enough of a building block for the future. As good as that sounded, he wouldn't put her at risk—he didn't trust himself not to hurt her.

For now, Dani was off limits. Alex shifted, adjusting his increasingly uncomfortable erection. He was just going to have to keep reminding his body because it remembered only too well what she felt like, how she tasted. He'd been trained to withstand torture, but resisting his need for Dani just might kill him.

"YOU'RE SURE YOU don't mind? I can make it another day."

Dani wanted to spend the day taking pictures on Crossfire Hill, and since most of it was now owned by Jack and Drew, she'd asked Rose to run the idea by Jack. She had planned on getting an early start, in and out by noon, thus avoiding the afternoon heat. But best laid plans, and all that.

First, her car wouldn't start. Dead battery according to Monty down at
You Brake
It, We'll Fix It.
Something about sitting in the garage too long without being used. She liked to walk, but she still expected her rather pricey hunk of machinery to run properly when she
did
need it.

It had seemed like a minor fix, but, of course, no one in town had the right battery to fit her car. By that time, the morning was gone and Dani would have called it a day. Luckily, Rose came to her rescue insisting on picking her up and driving her up to the old access road behind H&W Security.

"You planned on today," Rose said as she pulled to a stop. "The weather is perfect, and they're calling for rain the rest of the week."

The view from this spot just above where Jack and Drew had built their company headquarters was breathtaking. At one time, back when Dani and her friends were still in high school, this had been a prime makeout spot. They had all given it a try, with varying degrees of success. She and Corey Blake had spent one memorable Saturday evening up here, though not memorable for the reason Corey would have liked.

They had started dating around the middle of their senior year. Dani liked Corey— he was cute, funny and treated her well. But she never considered having sex with him. She was still a virgin, not because of any strong moral or religious reasons, but because she thought sex should mean something. Yes, she was curious. And yes, she wanted to know what all the fuss was about. But none of the boys she'd dated made her
feel
anything. She wasn't waiting for the love of her life, but she
was
waiting for a man who knew how to get her motor running. Corey hadn't even come close.

"Do you think Corey ever found his tighty whities?"

Dani laughed. "Who knew he'd have such a fit over a lost pair of underwear. He was just lucky he got his pants back on because I wasn't letting his bare ass back in my Dad's car."

"I always wondered how he got everything off so fast." Rose thought about it for a moment, then shrugged. "I guess you can't underestimate the speed of a teenage boy when he thinks he has a shot at sex."

"He never had a shot, but if he was that fast removing his pants, can you imagine how quick the sex would have been?"

Both women had a good chuckle. It was much easier to laugh about it now. Back then, Dani had been appalled, not to mention she lost her date to the Senior Prom. What had seemed so important was now just a mildly amusing anecdote. Time had a way of lending perspective to most things. Her gaze wandered back to the H&W buildings and the man she knew was somewhere inside. But not everything. She doubted she would ever be able to think of Alex Fleming with an
I don't give a shit attitude
.

"He's going to live here at the compound."

There was no point in pretending she didn't know who Rose was talking about.

"I thought you were going to let him stay at your cottage."

"Jack made him the offer, but he prefers staying out here. He's a big guy and my place is built for a more average sized person," Rose smiled.

Dani had to agree. She knew how much Rose loved her house—it had been a dream come true when she'd bought and remodeled it to her own personal taste. Now that she was marrying a tall, muscular guy with a big dog and an even bigger family, her friend had happily left behind her dream home and moved in with her dream man. They were still debating whether to sell or rent.

Surprisingly, it was Rose who wanted to put the little house on the market. Dani had thought she would be more sentimental about her first real home. With Jack, she had everything she could ever hope for and didn't feel the need to hold onto anything from her past.

"It's a bit cold and sterile," Rose said. Seeing Dani's confused look, Rose clarified. "The housing at D&W."

"Maybe it reminds him of the Army. You know, row after row of cots, big open barracks."

"Alex was a captain," Rose reminded her. "I doubt he had been doing the bunking down with the troops thing for some time."

Captain. Dani had no idea. Maybe it was strange, but as often as she thought of Alex, it was never in the context of him being in the Army. She'd never seen him in uniform. He had never talked about what military life was like or how he lived. Two weeks, five years ago. Had she known him at all?

Angry, she gave herself a mental shake. She was not going to do that. She wasn't going to rewrite history, or let doubts creep in. She
had
gotten to know Alex. They had talked about everything that mattered. Likes, dislikes, politics, literature, food. It had been an intense crash course and nothing was off limits—except his job. So she hadn't known his rank, that didn't mean she hadn't known the man.

"I think he wants to be alone."

"Is that what he said?" Rose asked. "You talked for almost an hour last night, but you were pretty quiet on the drive home."

"It was awkward," she shrugged. "Then it wasn't."

"What does that mean, exactly?"

"I have no idea." Dani shook her head, as baffled as her friend. "It's all still there. The wild attraction, the easy conversation, the humor."

"We could hear you laughing."

"It took less than ten minutes, Rose. Instead of five years, it was like five minutes and we just picked up on the same wandering conversations we used to have. There never seemed to be a subject, not one that lasted long. We could start out talking about oranges and somehow end on how the drought was affecting farmers in the Sudan."

"Wow, you really talked about a drought in Africa."

"We talked about everything."

And nothing. Dani didn't know how else to explain. The subject they were discussing hadn't mattered, the fascination had been in finding out how similarly their brains worked. Throw out any topic, bounce it around for a while, and then move on to the next one. They would cull whatever knowledge they could, share what they had and in the end, be the better for it.

"I guess what it comes down to is this," Dani finally stated. "I see the man I fell in love with, but I also see how much he's changed. I don’t think Alex can see anything but the young woman I was."

"But he will with time, " Rose told her.

"He made it pretty clear that he doesn't want to get to know me. He wants to keep his memories, and not build any new ones, not with me."

"Wait." Rose rubbed her temples, trying to absorb Dani's words. After a minute, she just threw up her hands. "What?"

"So it doesn't make any sense to you either?" Dani sighed with relief. "I thought maybe it was me."

"No, it's him," Rose assured her. "Maybe he's not as bright as you thought he was."

That made Dani laugh. "No, he's bright, blindingly so."

"Then it's up to you to change his mind if that's what you want. You do still want him, don't you?"

Dani's first impulse was to yell yes at the top of her lungs. But the truth was, the man she wanted wasn't
this
Alex, she wanted
five years ago
Alex. After talking to him last night she thought she could come to want the man he was now, but only if he were willing to let her in. He had to give them both the chance to discover the inevitable differences that time brought to everyone.

"Can I do that? Change his mind, I mean."

"Jack changed mine," Rose reminded her. "And I was positive he couldn't."

"So I need to be stubborn, not take no for an answer?"

Rose smiled. It was true that Jack refused to give up on her—on them. But if it had just been that, Jack would still be beating his head against a wall and she would still be alone. You couldn't force someone to take a chance. It was too scary, and no matter how well you thought you knew the other person, ultimately you had to close your eyes and jump. Rose had done it for one reason and one reason only.