If You Only Knew (And Then Came Love Book 1) (20 page)

Liza walked around him, unlocked the door of the car, and shoved her things in the back. “There’s nothing to talk about.” She tried to open the door.

He stepped in her way and held the door closed. “I’m sorry. I was wrong to leave you and the way I acted when you told me you were pregnant was inexcusable. I’m trying to make things right.” He reached for her.

She stepped back. “There’s nothing you can say to make this better.”

He reached in his pocket and removed the jewelry box. “I got you something.”

She crossed her arms when he tried to hand it to her. “Not sure how much clearer I can be, about not wanting your money.”

“I’m not giving you money, I’m giving you a gift.”

“Which is essentially giving me your money.”

He tried to hand it to her again, but she shook her head. “Come on, take it. I want you to have it. It’s my way of accepting our fate.”

Liza paused, she started to reach for him, but then dropped her hand. “You cannot buy me. No matter how hard you try, you can’t do it. I will not accept it. Send it back to Tiffany’s or keep it for the next girl, but I don’t want it.”

Julian dropped his hands. “I want you to have it, Liza.” He didn’t get it. What was her obsession about thinking he was trying to buy her? What was everyone’s obsession with it? He bought her a gift . . . that was all. He changed tactics. He opened the box hoping the bear inside would make her smile. “See, I want to be a part of my baby’s life.”

“I have every intention of letting you be a part of
my
baby’s life. However, it doesn’t mean I’m going to let you be a part of mine.” Liza neared the door again reaching for the handle.

Julian caught her arm. He caressed her cheek with the back of his fingers. “What if I want to be?”

Liza smacked his hand away. “Good to know. I’ll keep that in mind when I consider
my
future.”

He let his arms fall to his sides. “Don’t you think we should at least try and work something out for the baby?”

“Kind of a low blow there, isn’t it? Putting the baby in between us to get what you want?” Liza jabbed a finger into Julian’s chest. “If you want to be a part of this, fine. I have a doctor’s appointment on May 7
th
at eight in the morning. If you want to be involved, show up. If not, don’t.” This time when she reached for the door handle, Julian opened it for her.

“I’ll be there. I think there are some things we should talk about before then though.” He held out his hand to help her in the car, but she ignored it and got in by herself.

“And what would that be?” She narrowed her eyes, her chin rested on her hand. “I would very much like to know your opinions on my life.”

Julian opened his mouth and then snapped it closed. “I’m sorry.”

“Noted.” She pulled the door closed and started the car.

Julian stepped away and watched her leave the parking lot. He stared at the ground. What the hell was he doing wrong? He walked to Gramps car and sat in the driver’s seat.

He tossed the jewelry box in the cup holder.

Gramps motioned toward it. “Didn’t go as planned?”

“You could say that.” Julian made a fist and hit the steering wheel.

Gramps caught Julian’s hand and sent him a stern glare. “Listen, you want to act like a ten year old who didn’t get his way, fine. But do it somewhere else.”

“I’m not—”

Gramps dropped his hand. “The hell you’re not. You’re pissed off because things didn’t going your way. Instead, maybe you should be pissed off at yourself for putting them that way in the first place.”

Julian stared at his grandfather.  “I’m trying to fix things.”

“There’s nothing to fix, Julian. You can’t fix what happened in the past all you can do is make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

“Now you sound like, Dad.”

Gramps reached up and smacked him in the back of the head. “He’s my son and as bullheaded as you are.”

Julian laughed and rubbed his forehead. “What do I do?”

“You give her time. You’d have to be an idiot not to see she loves you as much as you love her. So let her get over the hurt.”

Julian let out a deep breath. “I guess I didn’t think of it that way.”

“Of course you didn’t. You’re used to doing things your way. This time it’s not going to work. You’re on her time now, Julian.” Gramps patted him on shoulder. “You want to buy her something? Something that’s sure to get at least a bit of a rise out of her?”

“If you think it will help.”

“Buy her a card.”

“A card?”

“Yeah – big section in the drug store, hundreds of cards for every occasion?” Gramps spread his hands out as if motioning what size the card aisle was. “See if you can find a sorry I’m an idiot card.”

Julian chuckled. “I think I can do that.”

“Good, now, can we get going? Because I am exhausted.”

“I’ll try, if I can get you home it will be the first thing I’ve gotten right all day.”

Chapter Twelve

April 25
th

The doorbell rang. Liza’s eyes snapped open and she sat up.

“Liza?” Audrey called through the door.

Liza wrapped the black fuzzy blanket around her shoulders and headed to the door. She opened it and shuffled to the couch.

“Doing that good?” Audrey shut the door behind her and followed Liza.

“I was up until five throwing up. How do women make it through their first trimester?” She let her head fall to the pillow, brought her feet up onto the couch and curled up in a ball, chilled to the bone.

“If it’s bad you can get medication for it.” Audrey adjusted the blanket over Liza and tucked it around her before she sat down in the easy chair next to the couch. “Why don’t you call your doctor?”

“They said I don’t need an appointment until eight weeks and it will be paperwork. My first real appointment won’t be until twelve weeks.”

“Yes, but if you’re having bad morning sickness, you need to get medication for it.”

“Why do they call it morning sickness? It should be all day and into the night sickness.” Liza covered her eyes with her arm. “How’d you survive it?”

“With medication and a lot of rest.”

“Who has time to rest? I got in trouble with my boss again the other day for not answering a phone call I never got. Between the pregnancy and my sixty to eighty hour work week, I’m lucky if I get any rest.” Liza shivered.

“Try to get rest when you can.” Audrey pulled the blanket off the chair she sat in and covered Liza with the second.

Liza chuckled.

Audrey sunk into the chair, color touched her cheeks. “Jackie always said I was a bit of a mother hen.”

“Nothing wrong with that.” Liza was lucky to have a friend who cared.

Silence filled the room.

Liza let out a pent up breath. “Julian came to see me at work last night.”

“How’d that go? Did he at least apologize?”

“He tried to, but I’m not ready to forgive him.” Liza forced herself to an upright position. “And he brought a freaking Tiffany’s box. Tiffany’s, Audrey. Probably spent some exorbitant amount. Like that will encourage me to forgive him.”

Audrey laughed. “Jake used to do that all the time. I have a jewelry box at the house full of what I used to call apology jewelry.”

“I don’t understand. Does he think handing me something is going to make me forget his gut reaction?” Liza ran a hand through her hair, only to be stopped by the tangled mess that used to be a braid.

“I don’t know what they’re thinking.” Audrey shook her head. “I was a foster child, so I didn’t have money spent on me. Jake and I got together and I’m still shopping at Goodwill, while he’s buying fifteen hundred dollar shoes.”

“You mean fifteen hundred dollars worth of shoes, right?” Liza gaped. She pulled out the hair tie and unbraided her hair, working out the knots as she went.

“Nope, he spent that on one pair of shoes.” Audrey grabbed the brush from the coffee table and handed to Liza.

“I don’t think I’ve ever worn shoes that cost more than fifty dollars.” Liza finished detangling before running the brush through her hair.

“The Jimmy Choo shoes of Terra’s you wore to the charity event.”

“Jimmy who?” Liza raised her eyebrow.

“He’s a designer. The shoes you wore to the charity event were his brand. Terra paid about a grand for those.”

Liza’s eyes widened. “I can’t even imagine spending that kind of money on much of anything.”

“I still find myself gravitating toward thrift stores and Jake sends me more money than I need in child support every month.”

“That has to be hard on Cora.” Liza looked down at her lap while she braided her now untangled hair. Her fingers trembled, if she and Julian didn’t get things straight their child would go through the same thing as Cora. She didn’t want that. The last two weeks had been hell. She loved him. Dealing with her pregnancy, without him, was almost too hard to bare.

Audrey nodded. “It is. And he does the same thing as Julian. He spends an excessive amount on gifts and clothes, but doesn’t understand when Cora’s not happy with them. So rather than taking a day and coming to see her, he continues to send stuff, as if it’s going to make up for him not being there.”

“I think what bothers me the most is, he doesn’t trust me to be able to recognize his episodes for what they are.” Liza tossed the brush on the table and peered at her hands.

“He’s never been with someone who understood the disorder.” Audrey leaned forward. “The family always accepted him for who he is. But he had two ex-wives and countless girlfriends who didn’t care, he was a means to money to them.”

“So help me out here. I don’t want to lose him. He’s not defined by his disorder. How did the family deal with his diagnosis? Because as much as I like Jackie and Everett, I get the impression they buy their kids out of trouble. Almost like they allow his behavior, rather than remind him it’s not an excuse?” Liza was afraid to hope she would find a way out of her misery.

“You’re right. They’ve help all the kids way too much. I have to reign them in when they try to interfere with Cora and Jake.”

“I want to get past this, Audrey. I love him, but his reaction to the pregnancy had nothing to do with him being bipolar and it hurt.” Liza rubbed her temples.

“Remember I told you about the fight Julian and Jake had?” When Liza nodded, Audrey continued. “He called me a slut and said all the rumors about me in the foster home were true. It took me a long time to get over it. Hell, I’m still not over it. He left less than two weeks after, so I’ve always wondered if he believed it. I get it. I’m here to lend an ear, I won’t try and push you into Julian’s arms.”

“People with the disorder in the midst of it don’t see how they hurt us. Think Tourette’s, the mouth is unfiltered, no control. I know this about it and still it hurts.”

“You’re making me believe Jake has it. So much of it makes sense.”

Audrey appeared as sad as she felt.

The doorbell rang again. Liza stood and trudged over to the door. “You don’t think it’s Julian do you?”

Audrey laughed. “Ten to one it’s Jackie.”

Liza glanced at Audrey, raised her eyebrow, and then turned to the door. She opened it to see Jackie on the other side. “Ummm – hi.”

“Hello there, dear. I wanted to stop and check on you.” Jackie smiled.

Jackie breezed inside.

“I’ve been better. Your son tried to apologize last night.”

“I heard.” Jackie nodded and then smiled when she saw Audrey. “Fancy seeing you here. I guess we both had the same idea.”

“I don’t know if it was the same idea, Jackie.” Audrey gave Jackie a hug.

Liza took her seat on the couch and wrapped the blanket around her. She had not expected company today. All she wanted to do was go to sleep. At least her stomach had calmed down. Her eyelids drooped.

“You look tired, dear. Are you getting enough sleeping?” Jackie sat down next to her on the couch and touched her shoulder.

“I was up most of the night puking.” Liza picked at a piece of lint on her blue plush pajama pants.

“Well, I guess it’s good I came then. I contacted the OB and you have an appointment in an hour.”

Liza stared over at Jackie. “What? When I called the OB they said I didn’t need to be seen until eight weeks for paperwork. My first appointment wouldn’t be until twelve weeks.”

“Well, I managed to get you in sooner. I thought an ultrasound would help get you both onto the same page.”

Liza rolled her eyes. “Mrs. Vitalli, I am
not
up to seeing Julian today. I want to stay home, go to sleep and try to keep some food down.”

“It’s Jackie, dear. If you go to the doctor’s appointment you can at least get some medicine for your nausea. Isn’t that worth a few minutes with my son?”

Liza looked over at Audrey, pleading with her eyes for help.

“I think she still needs to time to get over Julian’s reaction. Why don’t you call him and tell him not to come to the appointment?”

Liza wished Jackie would take Audrey’s suggestion to heart.

“Nonsense.” Jackie rested her hand on Liza’s shoulder. “Go back to ignoring him once the appointment is over, but I believe this appointment will make the pregnancy real for him.”

Of course not.

“I appreciate what you’re doing, but Julian and I need to work this out on our own time.” Liza shoved the blanket off her shoulders and stood up. “If you want me to go to the appointment I will, but I’d prefer it if Julian wasn’t there.”

“It is an ultrasound.” Jackie’s mouth quirked upward.

Liza pursed her lips. Jackie clearly had her beat. “Fine, but I’m going under protest.” Turning she stalked into her bedroom to get dressed.

She could hear Jackie and Audrey talking in the living room. She hoped Audrey was telling Jackie off.  She tugged on a pair of gray yoga pants and a black t-shirt. Her stomach ached and her eyes drooped. It was her day off, and she refused to get dressed up to see a doctor . . . or Julian.

Liza came out of her bedroom, ending Audrey and Jackie’s conversation

“Julian’s not in the car is he?” She draped her purse over her shoulder.

“No, dear, he said he would meet us there.” Jackie headed for the door.

Liza nodded and followed after Jackie. “Well, I guess we should go then.” She turned to Audrey. “Are you coming?”

“No, I have to get home, but call me if you need anything.”

“I will.” Liza motioned for Audrey to go ahead of her so she could lock the door on the way out.

*****

Julian sat in the waiting room with his brother, Trevor.

“Well, now this is uncomfortable.” Trevor elbowed Julian and shifted in his seat. “Why you felt the need to drag me here is beyond me?”

“How do you think I feel, man?” Julian whispered. “I feel like they’re all staring at me and know the situation I’m in.” He looked around and the women in the room, most of which were whispering to each other.

“You arrived here because of your own actions. May I remind you —”

Julian held up his hand. “I think I know how sex works.”

“Then why would there be any question as to why you’re here?” Trevor steepled his fingers and rested them against his chin.

“Never mind.” Julian shook his head.
Why did his mother suggest Trevor?
He would have called Blake.

The door of the office opened and his mother walked in followed by Liza.

“Your lady has arrived,” Trevor said.

“You always had a knack for stating the obvious.” Julian shook his head as he stood.

Liza saw him and chose to sit next to the door.

He sank into his chair. “Do you think she’ll ever forgive me?”

“Chances are she will forgive you. Your question should have been, will she ever take you back.”

Julian was about to punch his brother. Trevor was always Mr. Logical, but he turned as his mother breezed over to the window to talk to the receptionist.

She pointed to Liza and then smiled, nodded, and headed over in their direction. “Trevor how lovely to see you, dear.”

“I seem to have been dragged here unwillingly.” Trevor rested his head on his hands.

The door to the office opened and a woman stepped out. Dark hair, petite form, wearing a lab coat. She looked around until she found his mother. “Hi, Jackie.”

“Liza, dear.” Jackie motioned for Liza to join them.

Liza took the long way around to avoid walking past Julian. She held her hand out.

“Dr. London, this is Liza Thomas and Liza this is Arianna London.” Jackie made the introductions.

“Hi.” Liza held her hand out to the doctor.

Dr. London shook her hand and smiled at her. “We’ll get you through this with no problem. Why don’t you come with me and we’ll get started?”

Julian and Trevor both stood and Dr. London raised her eyebrow before turning to Jackie. “I hope we’re not trying to determine paternity today, we don’t do that in this office.”

“Oh n-no,” Trevor stuttered.

Julian chuckled, he wasn’t used to seeing his brother flustered.

Trevor glared at Julian and jabbed a thumb in his direction. “I’m here because my asshole of a brother asked me to come to lunch with him, and then decided we needed to make a stop at an OB office.”

“Well, I guess there could be worse places you could go. He could have decided to have you stop off for a vasectomy.” Dr. London gave him a smile.  

Trevor laughed. “Now that’s the kind of sense of humor I could get used to.” He smiled and turned his attention to Julian. “Now, as nice as it would be to talk to her more, I’m going out to the car.”

“Thanks for nothing.”

“You owe me lunch.” Trevor waved as he headed out of the waiting room.

Liza glared at Julian. “Are we ready?”

“Yes, let’s go. We have a waiting room you two can go while I talk to Liza.” Dr. London motioned for Jackie and Julian to go into a room right inside the door. “Liza the last door on the left is a bathroom. We’ll need a urine sample.”