If You Only Knew (And Then Came Love Book 1) (33 page)

“I’ve never seen you without it.” She stared down at the ring.

“Tell me about it, I feel naked.” He traced the ring on her finger with his thumb. “It’s not what you want, but it’s the best I can do for now. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Liza.”

Liza rested her hand against his cheek and he kissed it. “That’s all I want.” She looked up at him, tears brimming in her eyes.

Bringing his thumb up, he swiped away the tears and then tugged her into his arms. “Woman, I love you, but I’m not good at this.”

“Good at what?”

“This relationship stuff. I say the wrong thing every time I turn around.”

“You’re doing fine at this relationship stuff. I’m here, aren’t I? Even after all of this?” A smile crossed her face and she rested her hand on his chest.

“Yeah — I guess you are.”

“Come on.” Liza looped a finger in his shirt. “Let’s see how I can thank you in the bedroom.”

“Trying to insinuate I may have done the right thing for once in my life?” He smiled.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

*****

November 1
st

Julian leaned his head against the wall and watched the clock. Fifteen minutes left of his session with Dr. Marcus. He rubbed his finger where the ring usually sat.

“I gave Gramps’ ring to Liza. No proposal, but I gave it to her.”

Dr. Marcus looked up and stared at him. “Really? That’s a helluva commitment. Does she know the significance?”

“No.” Julian let out a heavy breath.

“Are you ever going to tell her?”

“Maybe someday.”

“Short answers — you’re on a roll.” Dr. Marcus leaned forward. “How about your drinking? When did you start doing that on a regular basis?”

Julian’s eyes narrowed as he met Dr. Marcus’ intense scrutiny. “Who said I was drinking?”

Dr. Marcus raised his eyebrows. “You should probably wash your coat, it reeks of whiskey.”

Julian picked up his coat and brought it to his nose. It stunk. He shoved it to the side and crossed his legs. “It’s been a rough couple weeks.”

“Tell me about it then.”

“All my siblings are in committed relationships.”

“Jake and Audrey are doing well?” Dr. Marcus pressed. “Did Donovan find someone you didn’t tell me about?”

“Okay so we’ve had two recent engagements in the family and it’s been a stressful time for Liza and I because of it. She wants a commitment and I can’t give it to her.”

“Julian in the last fourteen years, do you know how many times I’ve seen you with that ring off your finger?”

“None.”

“That’s right. And how many times have you been married and how many relationships have you been in over the past fourteen years?”

“More than I really want to admit.”

“So wouldn’t you say, giving that ring to Liza is more of a commitment than you’ve ever made to anyone else in your life?” Dr. Marcus stood and walked over to his desk.

Julian contemplating that. “I guess you’re right.”

Dr. Marcus raised his eyebrow. “You guess? Come on Julian, it’s staring you right in the face.” He sat down at the desk and steepled his fingers. “Liza loves you, but she’s also worried about you. She called me about your drinking.”

“She what?” Julian put his fingers to his temples. What the hell was she thinking?

“She thinks it’s getting out of hand.”

“It’s not getting out of hand and it’s not any of your business.”

Dr. Marcus smacked his hand on his desk. “You’re an alcoholic. It’s my business. I’m supposed to be helping you get through this crap, so you don’t turn to alcohol.”

Julian looked up at the clock. “Time’s up.” He stood and tugged on his coat.

“I want to leave you with one thing. I read it somewhere this weekend and it made me think of you and Liza.” Dr. Marcus pulled out a piece of paper. “A woman’s strength isn’t just about how much she can handle before she breaks. It’s also about how much she can handle after she’s broken.”

Julian’s heart plummeted into his stomach and he grasped the doorframe to stop from falling. How much shit had Liza put up with in the past eight months because of him?

“What about that hit you hard?”

“She shouldn’t have to put up with my crap, Doc.” He let out a heavy breath.

“Then what are you going to do about it?”

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t shut her out. Talk to her.” Dr. Marcus put his hand on Julian’s shoulder. “You’re the one she wants.”

“I’ll see you next week.” Julian walked out the door. “Hard to make things right when you’re the one who did the breaking.” He headed out to his car. Drinking may not solve his problems, but they at least numbed them for now.

Chapter Eighteen

November 3
rd

Liza climbed out of Audrey’s car and stared at the building. “The building would have their name on it.”

Audrey laughed. “I’m so used to it, I don’t even notice.”

They walked down a long hallway, and into a room big enough to fit at least one hundred people. Tables and chairs were set up with lavender and gray decorations.

“I feel like I’m going to a wedding reception instead of a baby shower.” Liza stopped right inside the door. “This was supposed to be a small party.”

Ava sashayed over to where they stood. “Honey, this is small, we limited our invites.”

Liza moved her arm in a large sweeping gesture. “How is this limiting your invites? There’s like a hundred chairs here.”

“Don’t worry.” Ava patted her on the back “There’s not as many people coming as you would think. A lot of them are sending gifts with other people.”

“I’m not used to this.” Liza rubbed her hands down her arms. She wished Julian was there.

The door opened and Terra entered holding a couple of packages, followed by Lindsay, Arianna, and Audrey.

“Hey all.” Terra strolled over to place the packages on the table. The rest of the girls followed suit, putting more and more gifts on the gift table.

Terra came back and spotted Liza twirling the ring on her finger. “You’re wearing Grandpa’s original wedding band.” Her mouth hung open.

“What?” Liza peered down at the band on her finger.

“He and Grandma didn’t have a whole lot of money when they first got together. He was a low-level mobster and she was a lounge singer. Anyway, that was his original band. They replaced it for their fiftieth wedding anniversary. For as long as we remembered, it was displayed in their house. Julian was always fascinated with the ring and Grandpa ended up giving it to him.” Terra touched the band and then smiled. “Or at least that’s the story we were told. I always suspected Grandpa gave him the ring for another reason.”

Ava huffed. “Terra always has conspiracy theories. Things can’t be straight forward to her.”

Liza smiled.“How long ago did it happen?”

Terra blew out a breath and looked around the room. “Mom,” she called as Jackie came out of the kitchen. “When did Grandpa give Julian his wedding band?”

“He gave it to him as a graduation present, so 1996.” Jackie glided over to where they stood. “Why?”

Terra held up Liza’s hand. “Because Liza’s wearing it.”

“He proposed?” Jackie’s eyes got wide and she covered her mouth.

“No. He said it didn’t come with a proposal, but it was his.”

Jackie took Liza’s hand and examined the ring. “It looks beautiful on you. You know there’s an engraving on the inside, right?”

Liza removed it and looked on the inside to see the tiny line of engraved writing on the inside. “What’s it say?”

“
Senza di te non sono niente,” Jackie said in Italian. “It means, without you I am nothing.”

Liza’s heart skipped a beat as she slid the band on her finger. A tear came to her eye. She plucked out her cell phone and texted Julian.
I love you.

Jackie drew her into her arms. “Benvenuto alla famiglia.”

“Something about family?” Liza bit her lip.

“Welcome to the family.” Jackie kissed her cheek. “No matter what happens, don’t ever question his love for you. He is head over heels in love with you otherwise he never would have parted with the ring.”

“Thank you,” Liza said to Jackie.

“Liza.” Her mother called her name and gestured toward the back of the hall.

She waved to Jackie and the girls and headed to meet her mother.

“Look at you, you’re absolutely radiant. Did something happen?” Sally hugged her daughter.

Liza related the story of the ring to her mother and smiled as she looked at the group of women she’d come to call friends. “I think I found true friends, Mom. And the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with.”

*****

The gusty wind brought with it a cold chill, similar to his mood. He pulled open the door and stopped.

Drew ran into him. “Dude, break lights might be nice.”

Julian pointed to the table mounded with gifts. “I remember the last baby we had in the family being small, right?”

“Yeah?” Drew laughed.

“So why does a baby need all that stuff?” He hooked his thumb in his belt loop. “No way is it all going to fit in one room.”

Drew looked bemused. “Yeah, well what did you expect – our entire family likes Liza.”

Julian scanned the room. He recognized more than half the people there from his and her family but there were a select handful of people he had no clue about. He rubbed his right ring finger. He couldn’t twirl the ring.

“Where’s Grandpa’s ring?”

“On Liza’s finger.” He stared down at his empty finger. “I feel naked without it, but it’s in the right place.”

“Does she know, how much it means to you?”

“No.”

Drew bumped Julian’s shoulder. “Did it come with a proposal?”

“No.”

A man came in the front door.

Liza who lit-up at the sight of the man. She hurried over to give him a hug.

“Who in the hell is that?”

“How should I know?” Drew shrugged. “This is her baby shower, I’m assuming it’s someone from her family.”

“What if it’s an old boyfriend?” Julian’s heart dropped.

Liza beamed as she interacted with the man at the front door. An overwhelming sense of dread fell over him and he turned and headed out the door. He found himself standing with his head resting on Drew’s truck as he tried to catch his breath and slow his heart a bit.

“What’s going on?” Drew came up behind him and rested his hand on his shoulder. “The guy’s old enough to be her parent’s age, not an ex-boyfriend.”

Julian wiped the sweat from his brow. Drew was right. But what if—.

He paced in front of the restaurant, then glared at Liza through the window.

“Stop it, Julian.”

“Stop what?”

Julian rubbed at his head. Thoughts raced through his head.
What if he was an ex-boyfriend? What if he came to get her back? What if she left him? What if she wouldn’t let him be part of the baby’s life? What if this was new daddy? The man had to be more sane than he was. What if his disorder drove her into his arms
?

 “I’ll be fine, I have an overwhelming need to get out of there.” He rubbed his temples. He needed a drink. “Too much girly stuff I guess.”

“Bullshit. I’ve been with you when it happens. I’ve heard you rant countless times.”

“Huh.”

“Damn it, Julian. Don’t flip on me right before I leave.”

“Where are you going?” Julian glanced at his brother.

“Tattoo convention? I’ll be gone most of the week?” Drew’s gaze went to the door. “If something happens, if you have a freak out, call me. Don’t go through that alone and don’t take it out on Liza.”

Julian shrugged. “I’ll get everything under control.”

“Yeah. Right. Why do I get the feeling, I’m going to regret going to this convention?” Drew let out a deep breath. “I’m going to find out if we can start loading the truck.”

*****

Liza let out an open-mouthed laugh. She touched Melvin’s arm. “Remember when I stuck the spoon in the outlet?”

“I couldn’t believe your grandmother kept that spoon all those years.” Melvin shook his head.

Liza beamed. “I still have it.” She glanced over to see Drew walking toward her. “Where is Julian? I want him to meet my uncle Melvin.

Drew chuckled. “Won’t he feel dumb?” He held out his hand to Melvin. “Drew Vitalli. You really don’t need to meet Julian. He’s my twin, so just imagine me, but not as handsome.”

Melvin accepted his hand. “Quite a family you’ve found here, Liza.”

“I’ve grown pretty attached to them.” Liza scanned the room until she found Julian. He stood in the doorway, his arms folded, his lips set straight.

“I can’t stay.” Melvin gave her another hug. “But feel free to invite me to any function you have and I’ll try to be there. I can’t wait to meet the baby.”

“I can’t wait for the baby to be here.” Liza rubbed her stomach.

Melvin waved and then headed away.

Liza turned to Drew. “I need to go to Julian. He’s staring at me like I’ve done something wrong.”

Drew reached for her shoulder, but then dropped his hand. “Be warned, he’s in a mood.”

That was odd
. “Sounds like a fun night.” Liza let out a deep breath and headed for the door.

Julian leaning against the hood of Drew’s truck. “Latest fuck buddy?” He glared at her.

“Wow. Drew wasn’t kidding.” She stormed into the building. “We’re done.”

Julian followed her. “We’re not done.”

“The hell we aren’t. She spun around and advanced on him. “And here I was so excited to introduce you to my uncle. Not to mention telling you how happy I was about finding out from your family how much the ring on my finger means to you.”

“Unless you spoke to Drew, Gramps, or Dad, you have no fucking clue how much that ring means to me.”

The room grew quiet, everyone stared at the two of them standing in the middle of the room.

“Then tell me, Julian.”

Julian shook his head. “Not right now, I’m seeing shades of Whitney all over again. One of these days my heart will learn you can’t trust a woman.”

Liza pulled the ring off her finger, yanked the front of Julian’s pants. She reached inside, and dropped the ring as close to his dick as she could. “Since you’re so fond of thinking with that thing, you should marry it. Go home.”

She stalked toward the front door.

Ava and Audrey stood.

Liza put her hand up. There was no way she was ready to deal with any one at this point in time. Bipolar or not, he didn’t have the right to treat her the way he treated her. She slammed the door open and headed out across the parking lot.

“Liza.” Drew called as he jogged up beside her.

“Nope. I’m done. Leave me the fuck alone.”

“He’s—”

Liza twirled around and jabbed her finger at Drew. “Stop making excuses for him. He may be your brother and he may have a serious psychiatric disorder, but it doesn’t mean I have to deal with it when he’s being cruel. Now go back inside.” She pointed the way.

She walked to the end of the driveway and called for a cab. When she spun around Drew still stood there. “Here.” She slammed the phone down in his hand. “I believe that’s his as well.”

Ava appeared, coming to stand beside Liza. “I drive you home.”

“I already called a cab. I’ll call you when I’m ready to talk.”

Ava opened her mouth to say something, but then snapped it shut. She twirled around, caught Drew by the arm, and led him into the building.

Liza paced up and down the drive.

Her mother came out and rested her hand on her shoulder. “Will you let me take you home?”

“I don’t want to go home.”

“Then come and stay with us tonight. We’ll bring you back in the morning or have one of your friends bring you back in the morning.” Sally pulled Liza into her arms.

Liza’s lower lip quivered. “How could he do that to me, Mom?”

She rubbed Liza’s back. “I don’t know. For what it’s worth, he’s still being read the riot act.”

“By whom?”

Her mother laughed out loud. “It’s a room for of women all of whom happen to like you — who’s not reading him the riot act?”

Liza let out a deep breath. “I can’t be here.”

Sally put her arm around her Liza’s shoulders and led her toward the car.

*****

November 4
th

Julian stared at Liza’s phone parked on his coffee table. He flipped his own phone between his fingers. It was off. Every time it rang it was another family member chewing him out for his behavior.

He rubbed his forehead. No hangover this morning. It surprised him. Another bottle of whiskey through his system. He’d been drinking a lot. Too much.

He blew out a deep breath, picked up Liza’s phone, and headed out the door. Time to man up and apologize. Gramps’ ring weighed heavy against his finger. He missed it when it was gone, but it didn’t belong on his hand any longer.

*****

Arriving at her apartment, Julian tried his key, but found it didn’t work. He rang the doorbell. No answer.
Damn, she must be pissed if she had the locks changed.

He headed out of the apartment building.

Liza and Audrey climbed out of the vehicle and turned toward the apartment.

He waited for them at the bottom of the steps.

The laughter stopped when they saw him.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Liza shoved past him on her way up the steps.