Illusion (6 page)
"It was a year ago last week that he passed away. I've just started healing recently. I'm still scared to move on from him, if I'm being completely honest. I'm scared to let him go. I'm scared that I'm not living up to what he'd want me to be. I'm scared of so much. I almost gave up on myself. I went into a deep depression and thought several times about taking my own life, but it was my sister, Emi, and my parents that gave me the strength to continue."
He pulls me close to him and holds me tight. We remain that way for quite some time. I don't expect him to say anything, but he softly tells me, "I'm glad you didn't give up."
"Me too." And I actually mean it.
"Good morning Zoey!" Meghan beams when I walk in.
"Morning, how are you?" We both walk towards my office.
I still am awe of my beautiful office. Today I brought framed pictures with me, mostly of Emi and I, one of my parents, and one of Tabby and myself. None of Kirt. I don't like to bring him to work with me. I wouldn't be able to concentrate. In fact, almost every picture I have of him is boxed up. I only have one I leave out, it's his military picture, placed next to his flag in my bedroom. The most precious thing I shipped to myself up here.
"Can't complain. Did you enjoy your first weekend in the city?"
I smile, thinking about Saturday traveling around with Harvey, and Sunday with him comforting me. He cooked me the most delicious supper last night too, and completely pampered me. It was more than wonderful. I don't tell Meghan all that of course, I simply tell her, "I did."
"Great! Okay, here are your assignments for today, and for this week. You can file them however you're used to, Gemma isn't too picky. Just make sure you have them submitted before their due dates. Everything you should need to know is here. Should you have any questions just call my office or send a quick e-mail. Good luck!"
She turns and walks out before I can even respond. I've been doing this long enough though, I'm easily put into my normal routine from back home and don't even realize when lunch approaches.
I meet Harvey outside the office building and together we walk to a little park that has become ours. It's small with just a few bench tables. It isn't too busy during the day, and I like that. It gives us time to talk, eat, and enjoy each other’s company. Tomorrow is the only day this week he said he isn't able to meet me, which is okay with me. I think I may need a break from him before I become too attached to his presence. I need to make more friends so I don't depend just on his friendship to keep me company.
When we sit down and I unpack my lunch box, he asks how my day has gone so far. "It's been great," I tell him, "I've gotten into my old routine already and should have my first assignment finished soon after I get back. I'll be able to start on another this afternoon that isn't due until Wednesday."
He seems happy by that. "Good to hear. Listen, what are you doing Thursday after work?"
I shrug my shoulders and wait until I swallow my bite of salad before I answer him. "I don't have plans. I think you know this," I laugh, "you're my only friend in this state."
"I'm taking you on a date then," he claims.
"Oh yeah, who says I'll accept it?"
He laughs. "Okay. Miss LaRoche, will you please go on a date with me Thursday night?"
I tap my chin, thinking on it. "Hmm, and where is it that you plan on taking me?"
He grins wider. "It's a surprise."
"Er, I hate surprises."
"You'll love this one, I promise."
I pretend to be annoyed although I'm really not. "Fine, I guess. If I have to."
He chuckles and shakes his head, completely amused by me. "Yeah, I'm pulling your hair, forcing you to come with me."
I spit my apple juice out at his statement. He gives me a questioning look, probably thinking I'm a loser. "Sorry," I tell him, quickly wiping up my embarrassing mess. "That just could be taken the wrong way."
He takes a second to get it then immediately his eyes look devilish as his lips turn upward. "Ah, so you're secretly a naughty girl."
I nibble on my lip, even more embarrassed than I was a minute ago. "No," I tell him.
"You can't fool me now," he laughs.
I roll my eyes and continue with my lunch, trying not to feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
I fail miserably.
After lunch, he walks me back to my office building, then gives me a very quick kiss to the lips before he takes off, going to work himself. I walk into the building blushing and holding my fingers to my lips. He is making me feel incredible. I can't even explain it.
"Have a good lunch Miss Zoey?"
I smile at an amused Fred. "I did, Fred. Thanks."
He smiles even wider at me.
When I walk into my office, I quickly close the door behind me, sighing contentedly. I'm still at a loss about if this is all okay, if this is all too much too soon, but I can't help but be happy. I can't help loving when he kisses me, flirts with me, touches me, meets me for lunch, all of it. He is becoming a part of my life so fast, it's almost exhausting.
After submitting my work, I decide to send a quick email to Emi, hoping she is still at work and can respond. I know I can always call her later, but I kind of want some advice now.
Subject
: HELP!
Emi,
Sorry to bother you at work, I just wanted to ask for your loving and honest advice.
Am I moving too fast with Harvey? We kissed yesterday, he kissed me again today at lunch. He asked me on a date for Thursday. I told him all about Kirt and everything I've been through, and he was supportive and sweet. I'm scared Emi. SO SCARED. What do I do?!?! Ahhhh!!!
Zoey LaRoche
It takes several minutes before I get a response from her. I was getting more and more nervous with each minute that passed, so I'm thankful when I get the notification of a new email. I nearly gasp when I see how long her response is.
Subject
: RE: HELP!
Ohhhh Zoey, my older yet babyier sister! (Yes, I know, not a real word- screw it!) When it comes to me, you should know better to ask for both loving AND honest- but I will certainly do my best. Okay, so the way I see it (this is the HONEST portion, btw) is that you've opened up to him which is the hardest part of it all. Am I right? I am, I know it. Anyways, you already did that and he isn't running away. That should tell you something. I know that has been one of your many fears. Of course kissing him is just as big of a deal when it comes to you and everything you've been through. You liked it? GOOD! Continue kissing. Further it. Remember what I said... passion before love... bow chicka wow wow. ;)
I'm very happy for you (yup, this is the loving portion). You not only deserve this but you *need* this. Don't be afraid of the future and the potential heart break and all that yadda yadda. Live each day, embrace it, enjoy it. Have faith it'll all work out, okay love? What's meant to be will always find a way, or whatever that saying is.
I do not believe you're moving "too fast" as you put it. Yes, it's a bit faster than some people, but not nearly as fast as others. Think about all those people out there that have s** the first time they meet someone. (Bleeped out because I don't wanna get you in trouble- "hi Zoey's boss!!!" -but you get the idea of what I'm saying). I think you're moving at a safe speed. In fact, I was just encouraging you YESTERDAY to boink him. Did you?!?!! ;) Please say yes!
Jk, jk, I know you didn't. Regardless, don't think too much on it. Go with the flow. I'm here if you need me doll face. LOVE YOU. See you in ahhh.. two weeks and four days! Boo yeah.
*MWAH* Emi.
I hate when she is so right. I love it too, though. Here is yet another internal debate with myself. I need to stop doing this. I need to stop being so damn confused about everything in my life. I quickly respond, not wanting to further this conversation right now, while at work. I got what I was looking for, just a little push in the right direction and some 'motherly' sister advice.
Subject
: RE: RE: HELP!
Can I just tell you that I love you. Even if you're insanely crazy. And it isn't my boss that reads these, it's the IT guy. He probably is shaking his head thinking my sister is a total s**t. ;-* Jk.. kinda.
Thank you though, seriously. I'd be so lost without you. You already know that though. I cannot wait til you're here in... two weeks and four days..! Even if that means the dang club. Boo. I need to get back to work though. I'll call you later.
Zoey LaRoche
I finish the rest of my work, clock out, and leave.
Thursday comes before I know it and I find myself oddly nervous. More nervous than I expected. I saw Harvey on Monday and yesterday at lunch, and we talked on the phone for three hours last night, yet here I am fumbling through all my clothing to find the right outfit for my date.
Harvey is going to meet me after work, and we're going to our date straight from there. He told me to dress as casual as work will let me be, because he wants me to be comfortable. That means I probably shouldn’t wear a skirt like I'd normally do for a date. Not that I normally go on dates, I haven't been on one in years, but if I would think about dating, I'd picture myself dressed in a skirt, blouse, and heels. Instead I opt for a blue cotton shirt, white dress pants, and a pair of blue flats.
I didn't bring all my clothing with me when I came here and its frustrating finding something to wear. Something I never lost in my depression is my love for fashion. When I was home sulking in self-misery I'd be in my sweats or pajamas, but when leaving the house, I'm always dressed to the nines. I don't think I could ever let myself go down that road of looking like death when I leave the house. I think everyone should always look beautiful when they walk out their front door.
Feeling good about your outside appearance helps you appreciate your inner self. Corny, I know, but it's true.
Work drags on so slowly, it's agonizing. I find myself incredibly joyous when I clock out and head down in the elevator. I say bye to Fred and Bob, then walk outside to meet a stunning looking Harvey, dressed in a pair of fitted black jeans, a pair of Doc Martens on his feet, and a button up emerald shirt. I never thought that green color would look so good on a male. Man, was I wrong.
It may help that it's my favorite color ever.
"Hi beautiful," he says the second he spots me.
Of course I end up blushing at his kind words. "Hey," I say in reply. I feel too uncomfortable calling him handsome, even though he really is.
He holds my hand and hails a cab. We're taking a cab, not walking. Hm, I wonder, where could we be going?
We stop in front of a pre-school and I turn to face Harvey, giving him a look of confusion. He just chuckles while sliding out of the taxi. I follow behind him, confused but curious. We walk hand in hand into the building. A lady smiles at me. "You must be Zoey."