I'm Holding On (7 page)

Drew

I can’t take this waiting. I’m sick knowing she’s out again. Sh
e said he’s charming, so what if he manipulates her into having sex?

A few
of my buddies from college asked me to come have a beer with them at the sports bar, so I’m on my way there. I need something to pass the time. I already know I won’t sleep tonight.

I wanted to ask her to text me when she got home, so I know she’s safe, bu
t I’d probably hear that dirty “B” word again. I make my way into the bar, and it’s really crowded even for a Friday night. I start working my way through the crowd to find my buddies, and I see her.

I could identify that
body anywhere, anytime. I’ll go mad being in here while she’s with another man, so I’m leaving right now. She turns, and I see who she’s dancing with
. No. Fucking. Way
.

I snap my eyes shut
and open them again. How did this happen?! I tear out of the bar and pace around outside. What should I do? Do I go in there and confront him? Does he know he’s with
my
Brynlee?
Mine
. He doesn’t know. I would’ve picked up on it during our phone conversation.

Son
of a bitch!
He really likes Bryn, but I love her, and he’s not getting her. It’s their third date. His hands were all over her, and if any man can get a woman to sleep with him this soon, it’s Ian.
Fuck!
He even said he slept over with her.

I have to think about this. He’s bound to figure it out soon. Would he tell me? Should I go back in and tell him he can’t d
ate her?

Or maybe I should
win her over fair and square. I’ll tell her how I feel and let her choose, but there is no way I’ll be able to live with it if she picks him.

N
eeding time to think, I drive home. I have to at least prevent her from sleeping with him tonight, so I get out my phone and text her.

Mayb
e she’ll see it before she decides how far to go with him, and she’ll definitely be deciding where to draw the line. He’ll make sure of that.

Me:
Hi, Bryn. I wanted to tell you that I’m looking forward to spending the day with you tomorrow. Be safe, and remember … it’s too soon … you’re too special not to wait.

Surely that will shake her up and make her question how far to go with him.
I might have to hear the damn “B” word again but not for long.

Brynlee

Ian gets me to dance with him a few times, and I know it’s so he can touch me. It’s as if no one is around when he’s looking at me or holding me tight. He only had one beer, but I’ve had a few too many, and he’s giving me
the
look again from across the booth.

“Are you ready to get out of here?” he ask
s.

“Yes
. I’ve had a really good time.”

“So have I, Brynlee
.”

On the way to my apartment, I pull out my ph
one. I have a text from Drew, so I open it. Unbelievable. If he thinks I’m so special, then why didn’t he ever ask me out on a romantic date? He doesn’t get to tell me what to do.

“Would you lik
e to come in again?” I ask him as he drives. What am I doing? Defying Drew, that’s what. “My roommate is out of town this weekend.”
Why did I tell him that?

H
e takes a glimpse at me, casting an alluring look.

“Of course
I’d like to.”

While I’m trying to open the door to my apartment, I feel his breath on my neck. He’s doing this on purpose.

We sit together on the couch, and I’m facing him. I have one foot on the floor while my other leg is flat on the cushion and bent toward me at the knee. His arm is stretched out on the back of the couch, but as soon as I’m situated, that hand is in my hair, his fingertips rubbing behind my ear.

T
he alcohol makes me brave enough to ask an important question that’s been on my mind.

“
Have you been in a lot of relationships?”

He
scrunches his brow as if he’s thinking about what he should say, but then he grins.

“No, I haven’t. None, actually.”

I bite on my lip. “Why is that?”

“Up to this point, there hasn’t been a woman
I’ve wanted one with. Also, law school is demanding. I didn’t have extra time to put into a relationship.”

“Hmmm.”

“What are you pondering?” he asks.

“This is not the sort of thing I can easily t
alk about, but when I’m with you, I feel bolder. Maybe it’s because you’re confident and tell it to me like it is. I believe that, anyway.”

“I do, so what is it you want to say?”

“I was thinking that you seem like a highly sexual person. Meaning, I don’t think you’d go long without it, so that gives me the impression you’ve been with a lot of women.”

He chuckles. “I
think you’re playing dirty now, but I’ll tell you how it is. Yes, I’ve been with a lot of women, and no, I haven’t kept them around.”

“So, Mr. Williams, then w
hat are your intentions with me?”

“That’s where I’m troubled.”

“You’re troubled?” I ask, sounding surprised. I have to hear this. “I thought I was the one in trouble with you.”

“I know this is only our third da
te, but I don’t want them to stop. I’ve never worried before about my time with a woman coming to an end. Is that honest enough for you?”

I feel a lump in my throat. I believe him.

“Why is that troubling?” I ask.

“It’s an uncomfo
rtable feeling. I guess a vulnerable one.”

“I don’t want our date
s to end, either.”

His hand in my hair slides across the back of my neck
. His thumb and pointer finger apply just the right amount of pressure for it to be erotic, sending a titillating jolt through me as he pulls my head to him. He’s quickly exploring my mouth with a demanding kiss.

I’m leaning so far over now with all my weight on my leg tucked in front of me, the t
oes of my other foot barely touching the ground.

I feel his other hand grab
hold of my hip, and in one swift move, he yanks that side of me forward, and I’m somehow now straddling him.

Oh, he’s
slick. How did he do that? He lets go of my neck and clutches my other hip. My hands go straight into the back of his hair, and I revel in the warm feel of his body against mine.

Ian releases my lips, but k
eeps his right there, teasing my hungry mouth. I’ve had a taste, and I want more.

“Brynlee,
I want to pleasure every inch of you until you’re begging me to stop so you can breathe.” His mouth is back on mine, and his hands slide right up under my shirt.

He palms
my breasts, and I feel his erection through his jeans as I gently rub the back of his neck and whimper from his artful touch.

I want him
to pleasure me until I can hardly breathe, but Drew’s message keeps playing in my head. How could I ever tell him I slept with a guy on a third date after the talk we had only a week ago?

Ian pulls my bra down,
finding my nipples. They’re rolling between his fingertips, so I lean back some to give him more room, my hands hanging on to his shoulders.

“Ian,” I whisper.

“Let me make you feel good, Brynlee.” He presses his lips to my neck while his hands still deliver a load of excitement. My conviction to hold out begins to waver, and as a result, my head falls back, bare skin calling to him.

H
is mouth follows the trail, stalking up my throat, teeth grazing and nipping, lips skimming. The sexual energy traps the air in my lungs, and his desire collars me until his lips skirt along my jaw, causing the evacuating breath to finally come out as a shudder.

“See, Brynlee. Yo
ur body is responding to me, begging to be touched.” His voice penetrates, words assailing my restraint further. “I don’t need to feel to know you’re wet … waiting for my mouth … my cock.”

“Fuck,” I say as a
drawn out moan from someplace deep within me tells him I agree, but it’s too soon. I straighten up, reining in my longing.

“I can’t
yet, Ian.”

I notice his uneven breaths still invading my ear. He slowly
releases my breasts and gently pulls my bra back over them.

H
e rests his forehead against mine, his heart pounding against me, and there is something about the thundering beat that tells me he’s not holding the same control he normally does.

“
I’ve never desired a woman as much as I desire you, Brynlee.”

“I’m sor
ry.”

“Don’t be sorry.
Someone hurt you, didn’t they? A guy used you and bailed.”

“
I um, I’ve only had sex once.” I pull my bottom lip through my teeth, biting it hard. This is embarrassing. “I was in college and drunk at a party.” Sitting up straighter, I look away.

“
I didn’t know the guy, and he wasn’t the gentlest for it being my first time.”

“Oh shit
.” He kisses my forehead and strokes my hair. “Brynlee, I’m sorry.”

“
This is embarrassing. I’m not trying to wait until marriage to do it again, but I have been waiting for someone who I can trust to stick around for a while.”

“I like you a lot
. I realize you can’t trust in a week that I’m not going anywhere, but I want you to know I have no intentions to. I’ve loved spending time with you, but I’m going to be honest–I want your body, too.

“
I want to feel my way along every luscious speck of it and taste every last morsel. I can promise you that when we’re finished, you’ll only remember it as incredible.”

His
magnetic, green eyes bore into me, his breath still warming my pores like a sauna, and the words off his tongue are the most erotic syllables I’ve ever heard.

“
You deserve pleasure, and I can feel that you want it from me.” He points at my chest. “There’s a sensual woman wanting to come out and play.”

I climb off of him and sit on the couch.

“You’re dangerous.”

“I’
m freeing, and it scares you that you want to be, too,” he says, running a finger down my thigh.

“Y
ou should probably go.” He’s right. He makes me want to explore parts of myself I’ve kept locked away, parts no other man has tapped into.

My body is on fire, aching and clawing at me to set it free. It wants to come out
to play alright. It wants recess with Ian. He’s everything I’m not, and I love it.

Instead of looking upset or worried
that he has to leave, he gives me a cocky smile. He’s too much. Standing, he prowls in front of me and leans over, planting his hands on each side of me on the couch. I lean back, and he leans in more.

“Thank you for an enlightening evening,
sweet girl.” He gives me one soft kiss on my quivering lips before his firm ass and lean frame, accentuated with muscles in all the right places, walk away from me.

He turns at the door, and
I have a clear view of his blonde hair I messed up. I already miss his touch, and the shit eating grin on his face tells me he knows it.

Out the door he goes, and
I exhale the biggest breath. It feels like minutes that I’ve been holding it, unaware of anything but my craving for this sinful man. I want to have sex with him, but I’m terrified he’ll walk away with my whole heart after.

Drew

I pull up at Bryn’s right at no
on, eager to see her. She’s already outside waiting for me. The weather has warmed, and her tight silhouette is showing in a denim mini skirt and thin, pink top.

H
er dark hair is cascading over her shoulders, and when she slides into the seat, I get an impressive view of her thighs. Damn, I want this woman.

“Hi, sweetheart,” I say
.

“Hello.
”

I reach over and squeeze her hand. “Where are we
going today? Any suggestions?”

“Do you want to go to Powell’s? We always have fun in there?”

Powell’s is an enormous bookstore in Portland that covers a whole city block. You can easily get lost inside, and Bryn and I love the place. There are over a million books, and we both enjoy reading.

“Sounds perfect. So, how was your date?”

“Yeah, about that. What’s with the text?”

My heart begins racing. “What do you mean?”

“I’m twenty-four. I think I can take care of myself. I don’t know what the sudden overprotectiveness is about, but you need to cut it out.

“
Is this how you always would’ve been? I mean, if I had gone on more than one date with anyone? It’s sad, but I think I’ve only went on a date with three guys since you and I met.”

“I can’
t apologize. I care about you and worry.”

“Just so you know, I think he’d be a great catch. He’s smart and respon
sible among many other exemplary qualities that you don’t want to hear about.”

Yeah, I know all about his other qualities.
Asshole. I had to have mentioned her name before to Ian. If I’d only said it when he was over a week ago, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. Figures he met her while getting beer to bring to my house. It’s quiet until I park at Powell’s.

“What do you want to check out first?” I
ask when we get inside.

“
Naturally art. Do you even have to ask?”

“Bryn, really? Do we
need to go over the list of categories you enjoy perusing? You can spend an hour looking at the cooking section alone. I’ve learned to make the best meals from the time spent in those aisles.”

“And admit it, you love every minut
e of it.”

I wrap my arm around her shoulder
s and pull her against me. “You’re right. I love every minute I get to spend with you.”

We’re somewhat
rude in the bookstore, typically sitting right in the aisles, allowing people to step over us. Although, there are usually not too many customers that like the odd stuff we look at.

“Let’s check out erotic art today,”
she says mischievously.

Wonderful
. After a date with Ian, she has erotica on the brain. “OK. That’s a new one.”

“What? Do you think I’m too much of a prude to check it out?”

“I never said that. I hardly said anything.”

“Well, um, do you think that?”

“I guess it could be argued that you are when it comes to sex, simply because you don’t have it, but I don’t feel like you’re that proper in any other way.”

Bryn slides books o
ut about half-way, acting as if they’re going to bite. “Wow, there are some revealing covers here. Maybe we should bypass this category after all.”

“Come on, Bryn, h
ow bad can they be?” I reach for a book titled
Erotica Universalis.
“You’re right. I hold the book with both hands and tilt it right and left along with tilting my head. “I’m trying to count these bodies on the front. Is that four or five naked people intertwined?”

“Drew,” she whispers loudly.

“What? I’m trying to figure it out. Those are some impressive contortionists right there. How many, Bryn? Can you count them?” I ask, laughing.

Her face turns red as she swats my arm.

“Let me see it.” She rolls her eyes as if it pains her to look at it. I see right through her. She’s curious. “It looks like four to me, but I guess there could be another hiding in there.” She snickers and hands it back to me. I whip out my phone.

“
Let’s see what the Webster dictionary has to say about contortionists.”

“You and your definitions. I’ll never understand it.”

“Hey, it’s knowledge. We can never have enough of it.” A nerdy habit of mine is to randomly pick words to look up in the dictionary. Bryn complains about it, but she smiles when I do it, so I think she secretly enjoys it.

“‘
Contortionist
: a performer who twists his or her body into unusual positions.’ We should most definitely sit and look at this one to see just how unusual these positions actually are. I mean, the work of famous artists are in here,” I say.

“Drew.” An
even louder whisper escapes her. “What if someone sees us looking at it?”

“Are we feeling prudish today?”

She frowns. “Give me the book.”

I hand it to her
, and she sits on the floor, her legs stretch out and crossed. I take a spot right next to her and watch her face turn redder with every turn of the page.

“Interesting. There ar
e some beautiful images in here and some positions I’ve never considered.”

“Bryn, are you considering some positions at the moment?” I ask in a serious tone.

“Don’t start again, Drew, or should I say big b—”

I cover her mouth with my hand. “Don’t say it.
”

She giggles under it
, and I want so badly to replace my hand with my mouth. I finally let her go.

“I don’t know why that bothers you so much.”

“I told you I don’t think of you that way. Maybe I’m protective for other reasons.”

She looks up at me,
our faces a mere breath apart.

“Like what
?”

“I don’t want anyone to hurt you. I couldn’t take it if someone did, and I’d probably end up in jail
. Also, I don’t think of myself as your big brother since I’m attracted to you, so please don’t even joke about it.”

Her eyes
that are tilted up at me widen.

“You heard me correctly,” I say slowly and quietly.
She instantly stands up.

“We should’ve eaten before we came here. Do you care if we cut it short and
grab some lunch?” I see her hand trembling as she slides the book back on the shelf.

“That’s no problem.
I’m hungry, too. Do you want to get some sandwiches and go to the park?”

“S
ure.” She’s quiet all the way to the car. This is killing me. I haven’t even told her the important stuff, and she’s acting freaked out, but I don’t have a choice anymore if I don’t want to lose her to Ian.