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“No, I don’t see the wings because the artist doesn’t see the wings because she can’t get past a life she can’t remember,” Olivia said, looking me dead in the eye.

“What are you talking about?” I said, louder than I intended. “I
am
the artist,” I said, patting my chest.

“I know, so you should recognize your own mind,” she said, crossing her arms in front of her petite figure. “You painted to get it out of your head; now you can see what’s causing you so much grief.”

“I didn’t need to paint to realize that I’d caused all of this - but thanks for pointing it out,” I said.

I started putting my brushes away, a little more aggressively than needed. I whipped the paint off my hands and threw the towel at the canvas, then slouched in my chair. Olivia carefully pulled the towel off the damp canvas, then dapped her fingers around the damage I had caused, trying to repair it.

“It's going in the trash; you’re wasting your time,” I said to her.

Olivia looked over her shoulder at me, cleaning her hands with my towel. “Not until you face it. When you do, I’ll personally burn it,” she said, stepping closer to me.

“What else do you want me to face? I’ve already stared the devil in the eyes,” I said.

I stared at her, watching her struggle with her intent, her emotions; she didn’t know if she should push me or give me the space the rest of my family had afforded me. I felt her sympathy, her anger, her fear. I sighed and furrowed my eyebrows.

“Just push me – and start with the emotion of anger; I’m in the mood for that,” I said shortly.

I knew that bluntly calling her out was irritating to her - and she had a right to be; as human beings, the only privacy we’re granted is our intent, our emotions. My insights allowed me to invade that privacy, though, to make my own judgment - even before the person had come to one.

“Fine then; get over yourself,” she said.

“What?” She was too blunt.

“Get over who you were - good or bad. Knowing you’ve lived before, conquered before, should make you stronger - not weaker,” she said.

“That’s not the issue; the issue is that somehow I’ve managed to become a target for the devil, that I’ve managed to entangle Landen and Drake in the same twisted fate - and no matter what I do, it’s not good enough...someone gets hurt.”

“I was under the impression that we were going to find your twin – the ‘good soul mate’ – and that that would solve the Drake issue,” she said, mocking her hands in quotation.

“That’s a broken heart; I’m talking about lost lives. Everything you went through, I went through; what I put Landen and Drake through will be pointless if Delen is overtaken by the rest of the dimension.”

“Finding Chrispin, finding Stella, you having Landen – that’s not pointless. Nothing you’ve done will be in vain,” she argued.

“That still leaves Drake’s broken heart,” I said shortly.

“See,
you
are the issue,” she argued.

“NO -
Drake
is,” I said as the frustration made itself known in my Aura.

“Drake is because you are. Before you knew you had past lives with him, he was nothing to you; but now – knowing – you blame who you were. You blame yourself, and that’s just stupid,” she said, enticed by my argument.

I looked at the painting, to my images framing it: Drake, who stood behind Jayda, and Landen, who stood behind Alyainna. Staring at the four of them, I didn’t see the demon; Olivia was right.

“How do I fix it?” I said, looking to the corner of my blank canvas.

Olivia stepped to her side to block my view. “In nineteen years, in this life as Willow Haywood, have you ever loved anyone beyond Landen?” she asked.

My eyes fell to the ground. Three days ago, I would have said no instantly - but knowing Drake, his perspective...I did have love for him...nothing that could compare to the way I loved Landen, but I did care about him, and I did want him to be happy.

Olivia stepped closer to me and raised my chin. Her eyes searched my face. “You know what kind of love I’m talking about,” she said quietly.

“What I feel for Landen can never be overshadowed,” I answered, avoiding her eyes.

Olivia held up one finger to signify that I was one, one with Landen.

I could hear the laughter of everyone outside; the wall was finished, and an aggressive game of football was underway. From my second story balcony, I could see Brady and Landen soaring through the air; all the privileges of controlling your energy were in full effect. Olivia debated taking me outside to show me why I should be happy, but her intent shifted as a new approach to deal with me came to her.

“You know, back home those girls we went to school with, they had boyfriend after boyfriend, but they managed to walk the halls, go to the same parties, and remain friends with them; surely there’s enough room in this universe for you and Drake,” Olivia said.

I found it odd that Olivia would point that out. We were never those girls; we never understood them. I’d always feel their infatuation, excitement, sense of love, and then heartbreak. I remember being thankful that I’d have my gift of emotion to rely on when I committed to someone.

“We’re not in high school anymore; my time with Drake was more intense than a few dates to the movies,” I argued.

“That’s my point: those girls could actually remember their relationships – but you can’t; you’re letting yourself mourn for a love you can’t even remember,” she said.

“
He’s
mourning,” I said quietly.

“You can’t feel him,” she argued carefully.

“I can see it, and it hurts me to know that I’m the cause of so much misery,” I said.

“Listen,” she said, taking a deep breath, “I feel sorry for him, too. I know it couldn’t have been easy being raised around someone like Donalt. I’m more than sure that he escaped through you – thinking of you. He’s in love with the idea of you; who you were then and who he imagines you to be today. His day will come; he’ll find the right girl. You can’t wait for that day to forgive yourself...it’s a distraction that will only hurt you.”

I grinded my teeth, taking in her words. My eyes moved back to the canvas, and I noticed that the images I’d painted seemed to reflect the truth in Olivia’s words: Aliyanna’s eyes were happy and blissful, and Jayda’s were sorrowful. I let out a deep breath, then looked to Olivia. “I understand. I’ll work through this, but you have to understand that it’s not a switch I can turn off. I have to see beyond what’s in front of me, and I know that I’ve barely scratched the surface of what this soul has seen. The darkness is my focus...I promise,” I said.

“You know, I admire you more every single day,” Olivia said, smiling.

“Don’t,” I said, shaking my head from side to side.

I felt Clarissa, Felicity, and Stella making their way up the stairs; all of them had the intent of helping Olivia reach me, to pull me out of my self-destruction. I let out a breath.

“Backup is coming,” I mocked, tilting my head to the doorway.

Felicity came in first; her eyes were drawn to the portrait, and she was full of every emotion imaginable. Clarissa and Stella then came to my side, and I opened my arms and hugged Stella. I felt so bad for her; I’d thought I was saving her from some dark place, but the truth was she was still there - now forced to carry the stress I’d brought to my family.

As Felicity stepped closer to the painting, I followed her eyes; they were staring at the image of Drake. “I didn’t realize how attractive he is,” she said, almost to herself.

Stella blushed slightly as she let me go. I felt the resentment rise in Clarissa; she was a traveler, and she’d seen him at a distance on more than one occasion.

“Olivia has done a good job of giving me a reality check. I’m afraid your work is done,” I said, standing and stretching my back.

Felicity turned to look at me. “Then why do you still look horrible?” she asked, amused by her words.

“Thanks,” I said, looking to the balcony. Landen and Brady had collided in mid-air, and laughter erupted from the ground below. I smiled slightly, glad that Landen was so relaxed.

I felt the tension rise in the room; none of them knew how to handle the mood I was in now. Felicity turned and walked to me. “Willow, every woman has her doubts from time to time; this is normal,” she said in a sympathetic tone.

I looked at her like she was crazy. The others had surrounded me, and all of them felt so concerned. “Doubts about what?” I asked, trying to read them all at once.

“Listen,” Clarissa said, putting her hand on my shoulder. “It’s harder for you because Landen can feel you. The rest of us can struggle with our emotions in private, but you’re forced to unveil yours to him.”

“I don’t hide anything from Landen,” I said as clearly as I could.

“You’ve never pushed an emotion away because you didn’t want him to know you had it?” Clarissa asked, raising one eyebrow.

“I push emotions away so I won’t have to deal with
them
– not
him
,” I said.

“Willow, we just want you to know that we’re here for you and that we’ll listen to you and not push you,” Felicity said, moving in front of Clarissa.

“What has gotten into you guys? There’s no doubt. I’m not struggling with my emotions. I’ve been through a lot, and I think I have a right to sort through what’s happened to me without my love for Landen being doubted,” I said, louder than intended.

They all grew silent and looked away from me.

“Is this what you guys did for the last three days? Debated on if I’d ‘choose’ Landen or Drake? If that’s the case, I want you to know that hurts,” I said.

“No, no, no,” Stella said, looking up at me. “We spent the last three days at Aora’s side. She told us that we were your council.” She pointed to herself and said, “Fire,” to Felicity and said, “Air,” to Clarissa and said, “Earth,” and to Olivia and said, “Water. We make up the elements that will support you when you’re faced with adversity.”

The others had been nodding along with Stella’s expressive explanation. I moved my head from side to side, frustrated with Aora and Pelhan’s half-guided direction. “You should have just asked her who, what, when, and where - and then all of this would be over,” I said sarcastically.

“They don’t know,” Olivia said in a frustrated tone. “They can tell you what you’ve done before, and they can tell you where to put your thoughts. They can even tell you where the thoughts you’re having ‘may’ lead you - but our fate isn’t sealed.”

“She feels that the planets are a gateway for the darkness, that if you’d chosen to go with Drake during the Blue moon or Mercury, the darkness would have overtaken him. The only way both you and he would have survived would be if you truly did love him,” Felicity said.

“And you don’t,” Olivia said. “Aora’s fear - our fear - is that your sympathy for Esterious will cause you to sacfice yourself into his arms. Without true love, you both will die, and Esterious – the entire universe – will fall into darkness.”

“All of you are insane,” I said, frustrated. “I don’t really care about planets or choosing – because that choice was made since before I can even remember. I’m sick and tired of the doubts all of you have.”

“We don’t doubt you, Willow,” Felicity said. “We just want you to know what we were told. Aora said she knew of one life that you had with Drake in detail. You married him because your father wanted you to – for the benefit of your family. She said you sacrificed your heart.”

“The photo we found, that was the life she was talking about,” Clarissa added.

The photo they were referring to was the one that was found in my old house in Franklin. It was the first time I realized that there may be truth to what Drake had said, that we’d loved before. It had caused me so much turmoil.

“No matter what, you have to be with the person who completes you - not the one that you think will benefit the world,” Clarissa said.

My head started to spin; they were driving me crazy. I didn’t know how many times or ways I had to say it; I just wanted them to get it through their heads that there was no reason to doubt me. I was more than sure that whatever decisions I’d made in past lives were what I had to do. I felt overwhelmed; one minute they were telling me to get over who I was - and the next they were telling me not to make the same mistakes I’d made before. Which way did they want it? If they wanted me to avoid my past mistakes, that meant I’d have to deal with who I was – and all of it included the way I felt about Drake then.

Suddenly, they all froze in place, and a mischievous grin spread across my face. I looked over my shoulder and saw Landen standing on the balcony.