In Ecstasy (8 page)

It took a lot of pleading to stop Dominic trying to find Glenn and fixing him up with a tyre iron. He wanted to keep talking about that night too, but I couldn't say anything more. It was hard to keep it in perspective, to remember that Glenn was to blame, not me. But all I saw was
me
pressing that train door button,
me
walking through the streets holding his hand. I wouldn't talk about it any more. Not with Dom, not with the police. I'd get through it somehow, like I got through the Westcroft crap.

‘Don't push it,' I finally snapped at Dom. ‘I'm not going to report it.'

I knew he was only trying to help me, but all I wanted was to forget about it. I didn't want his sympathy.

And then there was Mia. It was beyond ironic—she wasn't a virgin anymore, and I was. She was so happy about being with Lewis Scott, but for me the whole situation was plain weird because now, in my mind, Lewis was as bad as Glenn. It was Lewis who'd driven off and left me with his
friend.

I felt older than Mia and corrupted. She might've had sex, but she still seemed wide-eyed and impressed by Lewis and his crew. And as much as I didn't want to even say his name, I knew I had to warn her about Glenn.

After a couple of failed attempts I blurted out, ‘When I went to Glenn's place something awful happened.'

‘Yeah? What?' She smiled in a shared-knowledge way, like now she really understood what I meant.

‘No, Mia, listen to me.' I was sweating, unsure how to word it right. ‘Glenn gave me something.'

‘What?' She sat up, interested. ‘What was it?'

‘I don't know. It wasn't good.' I shook my head at her. She thought it was just another party drug. ‘He slipped something in my drink.'

‘Yeah? What happened?'

I tilted my head and scanned her face. The way she said it, her voice was laden with judgement. Like, ‘Oh, here we go, what's your excuse now?' I suddenly saw something I'd never seen before—she felt morally superior to me.

‘I think...' and then I stopped. I looked at her looking at me and was overwhelmed by a sense of alienation. She didn't know me at all. And I didn't know her either.

‘He's really rough,' I said. ‘I think he's dangerous.'

For a second her eyes narrowed with concern, but then she nudged me and pointed to my still-bruised lip. ‘Oh, do you mean he likes to play rough?'

‘Mia, this isn't funny. I'm serious.'

She nodded. ‘Okay, I get it.'

She wasn't listening to me. ‘Promise me you'll stay away from him,' I said finally.

‘I said I get it,' she snapped and turned the subject back to Lewis. It sounded to me like she didn't get it at all. She acted like I was a parent telling her off. So I didn't say what I wanted to say.

In the week following that conversation things between us almost seemed back to normal. Lewis was away from school and Mia was desperate. I thought he was a pig. Not one phone call or text.

‘I thought he'd at least text,' she said. She was trying not to cry.

‘I know, he should have, but sometimes guys are just ... different to us,' I said, thinking about Thomas and Glenn. But then I reminded myself about Dominic. ‘Don't stress, he'll have a reason. Family emergency, illness or something.'
Or he's just a self-involved arse.
I smiled reassuringly at her.

‘Oh God, Sophie,' she said, taking my hand, ‘I think I've made a terrible mistake.'

I shook my head, even though I agreed with her. But then I guess I was kind of relieved too. If Lewis never called her again she wouldn't call him, and then we'd move on. It would be like that weekend never happened. And even though she'd be devastated I knew she'd get over him.

Then Friday morning she messaged me before school. The message seemed to dare me.

Lewis texted

all ok—woz sic like u said

cum 2 party w me & L

B huge

plz

No way. No way no way no way. Lewis and a party. Glenn could easily be there too. I couldn't do it. I never wanted to see his face again as long as I lived. Mia would have to manage on her own.

Everything was shiny and happy: shiny, happy people. I couldn't stop grinning. My life was perfect. Mum and I were getting on great, she was treating me with respect and finally allowing me to be an adult. I was full of love towards everyone in my life. I knew when I walked through the school grounds that people knew who I was now: Lewis Scott's girlfriend.

In class I'd get my work done quickly and then sit doodling, thinking about Lewis and the weekend just gone, or the weekend to come. Soph was still my best friend, even though we didn't hang out together so much any more. She never wanted to come to any of the parties. She'd always come up with an excuse and in the end I stopped asking.

In class she started hanging out with Adele, who is the biggest brainiac in our year. She knows the answer to everything and goes to the library at lunchtimes to study. It's no great surprise that Adele aims to get into Medicine or Law. She'll probably take out Dux next year. Most of us respect her, but she's not the sort of chick you'd want to hang out with. Or spend time with on the weekends. But now I watch Soph take her workbook over to Adele and see the way their heads almost touch as they go through the questions together. I reach for my iPod—a present from Lewis.

‘What's this?' I asked, attempting nonchalance when he sat next to me on the bed and handed me the gift-wrapped box.

‘A little present.' He sat back and watched me unwrap it. There was no false oh you shouldn't have, or any attempt on my part to give it back. Lewis wanted me to have nice things.

‘Thanks,' I said, leaning over and rewarding him with the only gift I had to offer.

Now in class I sit listening to the latest music Lewis has uploaded for me. I hear the other kids whisper about the stuff he gives me. I know it makes me sound up myself but I feel so sophisticated. You would have thought I'd be jealous about Soph and Adele working together but I'm not. It would be silly and childish. Life's too short to worry about who's doing what with whom. So I fall into the rhythm of the music and draw my little butterflies landing on apples surrounded by the initials LS, linking everything together.

Lewis was sitting on our timber-slatted bench when I walked up at lunchtime. I leaned over to kiss him, and noticed Sasha and Lara pass one of their looks. What? Sometimes these girls are so bitchy. I didn't want to let them spoil my day; I listened to Lewis and Ian talking about some tribal thing. I had no idea what they were going on about, but I nodded and smiled anyway.

‘So,' Lewis said finally, ‘do you want to come?'

‘Where?' I asked.

‘Two Tribes.'

‘Sure,' I said, unsure about what I was agreeing to.

Two Tribes, it turned out, was a huge dance festival. I'd never been to a Big Day Out, but apparently this was even better. Except it was an over-eighteen event.

‘How'll I get in?' I asked Lewis casually, not wanting to look like I might be scared of getting busted for being under age. I'd never even gone to a nightclub before.

‘I've got you a ticket already,' he said.

‘No, I meant ID.'

‘You'll be all right,' he said confidently.

‘You're with me.' Two Tribes was on the long weekend. After school on Friday I stood waiting at Lewis's car with the bag of clothes I'd shoved in my locker that morning. Mum had been a bit hesitant about me staying over when she realised Lewis's parents were in China. But there really wasn't a lot she could do.

‘Wouldn't you rather know where I was?' I demanded.

‘Yes,' she said, wiping furiously at the bench top, ‘but you're still fifteen. I don't think you're old enough to be alone at your boyfriend's.'

I almost snorted. If she only knew. But I was learning to play my cards right with my mum.

‘You know I'd never do anything stupid,' I said, looking her in the eye. ‘And Lewis is really responsible.'

She gave a small smile and nodded her head. ‘I know, but please be careful.' She squeezed my hand. ‘You don't want to make the same mistakes I did.'

I was so relieved that she'd given in I didn't really give her comment a lot of thought.

We were sitting on Lewis's couch listening to Silverchair and letting the first E kick in when the doorbell sounded. Lewis squeezed my leg as he got up. I smiled up at him and shifted my gaze to the rolling surf beyond the picture window. If I could reach through the glass I'd almost be able to touch it. I felt the water running through the webbing of my fingers, tiny grains of sand fitting beneath my nails, the salt air in my mouth. I looked up, smiling dreamily, as Lewis came back in with Glenn and a girl called Nicola.

‘Hi,' I said. ‘Are we going?'

‘In a sec.' Glenn sat down and pulled a bag out of his pocket and began making lines of white powder on the glass-topped coffee table. He chopped at it with his Visa card and winked at me. ‘Wanna line?'

Lewis picked up a straw and knelt in front of the table. I watched him snort one line, sniff loudly and then snort another. He passed the straw to Glenn. ‘Coke,' he said to me, twitching his lip and then rubbing his nose with the back of his hand.

I wasn't sure. I felt safe with Es. I'd talked to plenty of people who took them every weekend. But then everyone raved about coke, how fantastic it made you feel.

‘It's a buzz,' Lewis encouraged. ‘You'll love it.'

I took the straw from Nicola, excited and nervous. There were two lines left.

‘Just do one,' Lewis said, kneeling next to me. ‘A half each side.'

I put the plastic straw in my nostril and sniffed, sliding it up the line as I went. The coke hit the inside of my nose with a powerful sting. I stopped and coughed. My nose was on fire. I sniffed heavily.

‘Shit.' I rubbed my knuckle over the end of my nose, almost regretting my decision.

‘Take it slowly,' Lewis coached.

I used the other nostril to snort the rest of the line, my nose burning unbearably. The dry, scorching rawness was too much and the back of my throat was also dry.

While Lewis and Glenn shared the last line I went into the kitchen for a drink. I was standing in front of the open fridge when suddenly the rush hit me. I was immediately euphoric. The fire in my nose gone. Holding onto the fridge handle, I stared into the shiny brightness of the gleaming shelves at rows of neatly stacked food. The colours of the labels were dazzling in their luminosity: Vegemite, Paul Newman's Balsamic Vinegar, Polski Orgorki, low-fat yoghurt. The dark green skin of an ironbark pumpkin glowed. The frothy green head of a bunch of baby carrots fizzed. I leaned into the side of the fridge and listened to it hum. The food sparkled, and the humming filled my body.

‘Hey.' Glenn was leaning against the island bench watching me.

I smiled securely. I'd never felt so fantastic before, not even on ecstasy. There was something so powerful about the cocaine, it made me lose the last scrap of self-doubt I had. I loved it.

‘Looking forward to the concert?' I asked as I poured Glenn a drink.

His dark eyes watched me over his glass.

‘I've never been to one before,' I said, ‘I'm really excited.'

‘That right?' he said. I chatted away. I wasn't awkward or self-conscious. I was completely comfortable in my own skin, exhilarated.

‘Ready?' Lewis came in. ‘We need to be there before lunch.'

‘Before Erick Morillo,' I said firmly, though I had no idea who that was.

Security checked our esky at the entrance to the gardens. No alcohol was allowed and all water bottles had to be sealed. One of the guys looked at me for such a long time that I was sure they were going to ask for ID. Lewis had his arm around me and I leaned into his side, demonstrating my right to be there. Finally they let us through. I realised I'd been holding my breath. The high from the coke hadn't lasted long, and I was disappointed to feel it peeling away.

We went from one stage to another, leaving our esky and blankets marking our spot under the shade of a massive old gum. It was a fantastic day. The place was a crush of people. If this was early I couldn't wait to see how many more turned up. It was going to be massive.

Lewis had a map and a timetable of the festival and he'd circled all the DJs he wanted to see. I leaned back against the grass, watching him sucking on the end of the red pen.

He looked over at me watching him. ‘What?'

‘Nothing,' I said, pleased with myself. When I stopped for a second, like this, it still amazed me to think of where I was and who I was with.

‘Hey,' Glenn said, opening a plastic bag, ‘who's up for a Mitsubishi?'

‘Me,' I said, straightening up and reaching over to pick a green pill out of his hand. I swallowed it quickly, the rush of taking pills out in public almost as thrilling as the pill itself.

Then Erick Morillo appeared on the stage. The roar from the crowd swelled through our bodies like a wave and the air was punctuated with blasting dance music. We sprang to our feet and joined the crowd pulsing to the beat of the music.

When you're rolling you know no time. It's like being suspended in space. Lewis was dancing with his eyes clamped tightly shut, and the beads of sweat rolling in tiny rivers down his neck made me realise how hot I was. I stopped and wiped a hand across my forehead. My hair was stuck to my face. I could feel my heart thundering in my chest. I glanced over at the esky, standing alone, a blue-and-white beacon on a green chequered picnic blanket. Water. I imagined the bottles nestled amongst the cubes of ice, cold and wet.

I made my way to the esky and pulled out a bottle and lifted it eagerly to my lips. But Lewis had come up behind me and he snatched it roughly from my hand, slopping water all over me.

‘Not that one,' he said, quickly screwing the lid back on. ‘That's Glenn's.'

I stared at him, surprised. He'd never acted in a rough way before.

Immediately he softened and took hold of my arm gently. ‘Sorry, Mia, this one's his. It's got a different lid, see?'

‘What's the difference?' I asked, taking the bottle Lewis handed me and drinking it greedily.

‘Glenn's laced this one and resealed it.' He shook his head, watching Glenn, who was dancing energetically with Nicola. ‘GHB. Gutter shit. You don't want to do that.' He tucked it back amongst the ice in the esky.

I smiled at him and sculled my water, comforted by the way he looked after me. I didn't know what GHB was, but if Lewis thought it was bad, I didn't want any.

We had moved to Godskitchen and were waiting for Technasia to hit the stage. This had been one of the best days of my life.

Glenn pulled out his plastic bag. ‘Want one?' he said, shaking out the last handful of pills.

‘Yeah.' I picked out an E between my thumb and forefinger but I didn't have a chance to raise it to my lips before a security guard rushed through the crowd at us, his eyes fixed on the pills in Glenn's hand. I quickly shoved my hand in my pocket.
So busted.
The adrenaline whooshed upwards making me feel light-headed and nauseous at the same time.

‘Hey,' the guard shouted, grabbing Glenn's arm. ‘What's that?'

‘What?' Glenn flung the pills in a wide arc through the air and away from us. He straightened, hands on hips, and stared at the man.

My mouth was dry, my stomach freaking out.

‘I saw you with drugs,' the security guard shouted. Then, horribly, two more appeared around us. Instantly I thought of Mum, what she would say. I'd be so grounded. And that would only be the beginning. What if they brought the cops in? I tried to look calm as I shoved the pill deeper into my pocket. But they weren't looking at me, only at Glenn.

‘I've got nothing,' he said defiantly, showing his hands to the guard.

The first guard looked at the other two. Now I was anxiously wiping my hands down the front of my jeans. What now? What would they do? If they took us away and searched us I'd have to swallow the pill. Would they drugtest us? Shit, oh shit. They would surely call my mum.

The second guard shook his head at the first. I watched Glenn. His arms were crossed and he stared scornfully at them.

‘What?' he sneered, shrugging his shoulders contemptuously. ‘What are you going to do about it?'

‘I'm watching you, mate,' the guard snarled, stalking off.

‘Fucking loser,' Glenn muttered, dropping to his hands and knees where the pills would've landed. I crouched down next to him, my heart thundering in my throat. I was so relieved we hadn't been taken away and questioned or searched.

Like a metal detector Glenn swept his hands over the grass. ‘Fuck. Two hundred bucks' worth.' Then he grinned at me. ‘Got one.'

On hands and knees I helped him look. We found another, but that was all.

‘Don't worry about it,' he said, standing up.

I nodded, the fear completely gone. I looked around for the guards, mindful of the pill still in my pocket.

Glenn brazenly stuck his two on the end of his tongue. ‘They can't do anything. They can't prove a thing.'

His confidence was reassuring. I pulled the pill out of my pocket and swallowed it too in a mix of relief and excitement at the narrowness of our escape.