In His Eyes (9 page)

She looked as if she didn’t understand.

“I’ve changed. I’m more solid in my relationship with the Lord, but it was a long struggle. When I married Melissa, she and I agreed Caitlin should have a chance to know the Lord. We began attending church.” He drew in a deep breath, remembering. “I was on the verge of giving my life to Christ, but when Melissa died, so did my faith. How was I supposed to raise a child alone, a child I didn’t wan—” He caught himself. “A child I didn’t know how to care for like a mother would.”

She drew back as if she’d put the ending on his cut-off sentence. “I’m sorry, Connor. Even Christians don’t always know why things happen.”

“But I want to know about you. Is that why you distanced yourself from me, because you don’t think I have faith?”

She looked surprised. “I suppose it’s instinctive to
pull away. “It’s not easy to forget how much you hurt me.”

“And you hurt me.” His stomach twisted as the words left his mouth.

“I suppose I did.” Her eyes misted. “Let me be honest.” She paused, and he saw her swallow as if trying to control her emotions. “I had a great scenario planned, Connor.”

Scenario? “What do you mean? What did you do, write a script?”

“I thought I’d send you off, and you’d be angry. Then you’d think about us and our relationship, and you’d be devastated. You’d realize how much I meant to you, and you’d come back and plead with me to take you back, and—”

“You what?” He lifted his hand as if trying to grasp her meaning. “I can’t believe this. Why did you send me away then? Why did you return the ring?”

“Because I thought you’d come back and ask me to forgive you, and I would have.”

Was he the one to be forgiven? His hand shook as he lowered it back to the sofa arm. “If you played that lightly with our relationship, Ellene, it was right for it to end. Marriage is for better or worse. No marriage is perfect. No relationship is perfect. It takes work.”

She didn’t say a word but kept her head lowered.

“Do you remember Aunt Phyllis going on the other day about how two are better than one? I don’t know how she worked it into the conversation, but
she’s a born matchmaker, and she was reminding us, I think, that God meant people to be in twos.”

“I remember. How could I forget?”

“That verse has stuck with me. Two are better than one because when one falls the other picks him up, and when they go to bed, two will stay warmer than one.”

She held up her hand. “I know, Connor, and if an enemy attacks them, two can defend themselves. ‘A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.’ I know that.”

“Can you picture the strength of those cords? A man, a woman and God. That’s what we were lacking back then. You had faith. I didn’t.”

Her expression changed from frustration to question.

“Your parents always welcomed me into your home as a friend of yours. But once we were engaged, I always figured your father was disappointed that we had decided to get married.”

A frown appeared, and she shook her head. “That’s not true.”

“But I thought it was. Your father had always been kind to me. He was when I called about this job. He’s a man who lives by God’s commandments so he does the best he can not to judge, but he knows what the Bible says. A Christian man or woman should not consider marriage to someone who’s not a believer.”

“You are a believer.”

“A very weak one then. I’m stronger now, because of what I’ve gone through.”

“Are you telling me that’s why you didn’t come back and try again?”

How could he answer her question and not lie? “At the time, that was my biggest fear. The other problem was your dad owned a business. Mine was a blue-collar worker—dirty fingernails, grungy clothes. We didn’t have dinner parties and a house full of chattering relatives.”

“That didn’t mean a thing. My dad owns a construction company. He learned from the ground up. Our family doesn’t judge others by where they work or how much money they have.”

“But your father wanted the best for you, just like I want the best for Caitlin. The thought didn’t cross my mind until we became engaged. We were young and in love. When I started college, I realized the difference between the rich and the poor.”

“So if I’d been poor, you would have loved me more?”

“No. I couldn’t have loved you more.”

She looked away as if disgusted with his response, but she hadn’t understood him. He’d loved her as much as any man could at his age, and that’s why he’d fallen apart when she gave him back the ring.

Ellene had put on her business face again, but Connor wasn’t going to stop now. He deserved
time for his unanswered questions. “What about you, Ellene? If you loved me so much, if you wanted us to be married, why did you play games with our relationship?”

“It wasn’t a game. I was confused. I was young and was looking for a fairy-tale relationship. I didn’t want you to spend time with your buddies or tell me you had a club meeting on campus.”

“That’s not realistic.”

“I realize that now. Back then I was—”

“Spoiled…like Caitlin.”

He could tell she didn’t want to hear that by the look on her face, but it was true.

“I was naive.”

“You were spoiled.” They’d both been naive.

Ellene’s eyes narrowed and she rose. “When I come out of the bathroom, I don’t want to lay eyes on you, Connor. Good night.”

She spun around, marched into the bathroom and slammed the door.

Connor’s eyes rang with her dismissal. He sat there a moment, willing the door to open so they could finish what they’d started. As he stared at the barricade between them, his hope vanished and he felt empty. This wasn’t how he’d wanted the conversation to end.

E
llene waited in the bathroom until she heard Connor close the door of his bedroom. She peeked out and saw the night-light turned on in the hallway and knew he’d gone to bed.

She opened the door and tiptoed out into the living room. The house was quiet, and she assumed Aunt Phyllis had fallen asleep with Caitlin. She saw no point in waking the woman to traipse down to the sofa.

After finding the pile of bed linens in a chest under the window, she made up the sofa and settled down. Though her body lay still, her mind continued to struggle with her conversation with Connor. She’d been wrong, and she knew it, but it was too late now.

His faith journey filled her thoughts. She’d never let that stop her from loving Connor. He had every admirable trait that the scriptures commanded—kindness, gentleness, compassion, humility and forgiveness.

Forgiveness. She needed to find forgiveness in her heart. Connor had walked away because she’d sent him, and he’d explained what he’d been thinking. Nothing made sense to her, and now so much time had passed since they’d been in love. Ellene thought she’d been over the breakup for a long time. Apparently she hadn’t been.

Guilt shrouded Ellene’s thoughts when those memories led her down an unwanted path. She’d tried to forget another part of her life, but it always came back to haunt her. After she’d heard Connor had married so soon after their ended engagement, she’d dated any man who asked, but the relationships felt empty and sad. Yet at the time, she’d been so fixated on hurting Connor that she didn’t care.

Finally, she’d stopped, determined to remain true to herself, remembering how useless it felt and knowing what God expected from Christian relationships.

Yet she recalled the day she’d met Owen. He’d captured her interest, and after months of dating, he’d tempted her emotions. They’d talked about marriage, and Ellene relived the day they’d looked at rings. With the promise of marriage, he’d convinced her to show her love. She’d given in, and before the wedding date was finalized, he’d walked away, too.

Afterward, Ellene felt dirty, unloved and unforgiven. She’d gained nothing. She’d allowed emotions to rule her heart instead of her head. From that day, she’d promised God never again to give herself to
anyone outside of marriage. The guilt and sorrow, the chance of disease or pregnancy was not worth it.

Now she thought about Connor. He stirred her. She cared about him, but she realized their past left her feeling uncertain and untrusting. They’d both changed, but she had no guarantee things would be any better the second time.

The one thing that stayed in her mind was that Connor had always been moral. He’d never touched her. He’d wanted to, but he’d respected her Christian upbringing, and he’d promised never to allow passion to overrule what was right and good. She would always admire him for his respect and protection.

Ellene pressed her eyes closed, wishing sleep would come. The wind made night sounds, and she heard the creak of rafters and the crack of branches breaking from the weight of ice. The night-light gave her assurance the electricity hadn’t failed them.

Morning arrived with the sound of Connor’s footsteps approaching her. She pulled down the blanket and opened her eyes. “Up early?”

“I didn’t sleep well,” he said, passing by and heading for the kitchen. “Why did you sleep here?”

“It didn’t make sense to wake your aunt.” She pushed herself up using the arm of the sofa and braced her back with her free hand. The sofa wasn’t the most comfortable place to sleep, but she felt good that she’d taken a turn.

When she lowered her feet, they felt cold against
the parquet floor. “I suggest you add carpet to this area when you do your renovations. I think it would help hold the heat better.”

He grunted something, and she leaned back, covering her gown with the blanket and watched him. While he faced the counter, she decided to escape to change her clothes. She darted into the bathroom, hopped into the warm shower, then slipped into her clothing.

When she came out, dressed again in her pink sweatshirt that said No Bone To Pick, the scent of coffee filled the great room. Finally feeling at home, she ambled across the room, pulled out a cup and poured.

She leaned her back against the counter while Connor had his head stuck inside the refrigerator. “I’m sorry about last night,” she said.

He jerked his head out so fast, it hit the edge of the freezer door. Rubbing the spot, he turned to stare at her. “That would have been nice to hear before I went to bed.”

Ellene was almost sorry she’d apologized, but she tried to put herself in Connor’s shoes. He’d been candid and honest. She’d offered little to the discussion. “You’re right. I make bad choices.”

He looked at her a moment, then stuck out his hand. “Truce?”

She gazed at his strong fingers pointed toward her and clasped his hand. “Truce,” she agreed.

They didn’t say much more, and she curled up on the sofa thinking about her job and her home while listening to Connor bang around in the kitchen. Though the cottage had begun to grow on her in the past days, she continued to wonder about living on the island full-time. What about employment?

She glanced his way, and when he swung around, she voiced her concern. “Why not keep the cottage for summer? Caitlin will still enjoy its charm, but during a more seasonable time of year.”

He wandered over and sat on the sofa arm. “I’d like to own a business, and I can’t do it owning two houses. This one doesn’t have as much value as my house in St. Clair Shores. I’m getting a good price for it—”

“You mean it’s sold?”

“It will be when the buyers’ mortgage is approved, and that should be any day. Then with my inheritance, I can take a chance on buying a business.”

The news left her uneasy. If he’d sold his house, he couldn’t turn back now. “What kind of business?”

“I’m a salesman. I’ve been looking around.”

She sensed he was being evasive, and she decided not to push him, but that added to her concern. Why wouldn’t he tell her what business?

“It’s not my pride, either, if that’s what you’re thinking. I want a job with regular hours. If I’m the owner I have control. I want a business that’s more child-friendly.

“Child-friendly? Are you buying a toy store?”

He looked irked. “No, I mean a shop where I have an office. Can you picture a kid hanging around a car showroom?”

She couldn’t but that wasn’t the point. “It’s your money, Connor. I have no say-so, but you know new businesses take a few years to catch on and most fail. You need a lot of financial backing.”

He rose and walked away. “Thanks for your vote of confidence.”

“I didn’t mean it like that, Connor. I only meant—”

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Ellene spun around when she heard Aunt Phyllis’s voice project from the doorway near the stairs. “Sorry, I couldn’t help overhearing you argue.”

“We’re not arguing,” Connor said.

“You aren’t snuggling like two bugs in a rug, either.”

Ellene chuckled, and so did Connor.

Aunt Phyllis gave them both a look as she headed for the telephone. She picked up the receiver and hit the speed dial. “I’m checking on the ferry,” she said into the phone.

Ellene listened, anxious for the response.

“You don’t say,” Aunt Phyllis said, glancing her way.

Ellene perked up. She wasn’t sure what that meant, but it sounded hopeful. When Phyllis hung up the phone, Ellene waited for the news.

“Temperatures are warmer today and tomorrow. That could mean a breakthrough.”

“Finally,” Ellene said. Being with Connor had become impossible. She longed to let her heart rule. She adored Caitlin, and she ached for the little girl, but trust seemed so impossible, even if she did forgive Connor.

Breakfast was quiet until Caitlin came down the stairs with Pepper. She opened the door, and the dog darted outside as usual.

Connor jumped up. “Why did you open the door?” he yelled, then darted outside after the dog.

Caitlin stood inside, her lip sticking out an inch.

In a moment, Connor reappeared with the dog in his arms. “You can’t open the door like that, Caitlin. Pepper runs out. You know that.”

“I’m sorry.” Her lip trembled. “I wanted to see if it was warm so we could all go out and play.”

Ellene’s chest tightened. The child had been housebound for the past couple of days, and she’d been so good. “We can go for a walk later, Caitlin.”

“Can we build a snowman again?”

“It’s a little warm today. It’ll be too slushy.”

“I have a sled in the back shed,” Aunt Phyllis said.

Ellene caught Caitlin’s attention and clapped her hands. “That’ll be fun.”

She looked at Connor, who seemed to be irritable, and she was sure it was what she’d said to him about his business idea. He hadn’t asked for her opinion, and she needed to keep her mouth shut until he did.

They returned to breakfast, and before she took a bite, Ellene heard her cell phone ring. She rose and pulled it from her handbag. Her father’s voice shot from the earpiece. “Are you ever coming home?” he blurted.

“I’d love to, Dad. We’re still stranded.”

“Living on an island is hogwash. We have customers who are crabbing about their appointments, and we don’t know what to say.”

“I don’t, either.” She carried the phone toward the bathroom, went inside and shut the door. “Look, Dad, I’m ready to come home. Even if I hire a helicopter or plane to fly me home, my car’s still on the island. Can you be patient another day? It looks like the weather is breaking.”

“That’s the last time we’ll do business on Harsens Island,” he said.

“I told you—”

“Sorry, Ellene. It’s not the island. It’s your clients’ complaining. Call the Dartmouths, would you? And the Cabonis.”

“I will, Dad. I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault. Give Connor my best wishes. Don’t tell him what I said. The boy can’t help that the cottage is on the island.”

The boy.
She shook her head. Connor was a man, a tall, broad-shouldered, good-looking man, and that’s what was killing her. “I’ll send your best wishes, Daddy. Be patient a little while, and I’ll make those calls.”

“Love you.”

“Love you, Daddy.”

“Ellene.”

“Yes.”

“Call your mother. She’s driving me crazy, too.”

She said she would and hung up, grinning at her parents’ inability to comprehend she was an independent woman who didn’t need to be looked after.

“Trouble on the home front?” Connor asked when she left the bathroom.

“Clients,” she said. “They miss me.”

“I can understand that,” he said.

“I’ll miss you if you go,” Caitlin added.

Ellene’s chest tightened. “I’ll miss you, too.”

Caitlin moaned to Connor, disappointed that Ellene had to work, but he convinced her they would sled after dinner.

Connor knew that time dragged for Caitlin, so he kept his promise. When the meal had ended, his aunt said she’d clean the kitchen, and they headed outside.

The temperatures had cooled from earlier in the day. Connor settled Caitlin on the sled and noticed the trees and lines were coated with ice, and the ground had frozen into deeper ruts.

He felt the strain of his muscles as he tugged the sled across the ground while Caitlin giggled. Ellene jogged beside him, and he felt more lighthearted than he had all day.

“Let Ellene ride with me, Daddy,” Caitlin called.

He eyed the trim woman by his side and gave a nod. “Hop on.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Afraid?”

“No, but I think you’ll kill yourself.”

Caitlin rose, and Ellene settled on the sled, trying to hold her feet above the ground. Then Caitlin sat between her legs. “Mush!” she called and cracked an imaginary whip.

Connor dug his feet into the rutted ground, his legs tensing as he picked up speed. He felt the burn in his muscles, and he figured if nothing more, he’d get some good exercise.

Ellene’s laughter joined Caitlin’s, and Connor felt as if life couldn’t get better, but as soon as the thought entered his mind, it faded. Tomorrow or the next day, Ellene would walk out the door.

“Run faster, Daddy,” Caitlin called.

Pepper came bounding out of nowhere and leaped at Connor’s heels. He lost his footing, skidded to the ground and the sled took a ninety-degree turn, then tipped over.

“Are you okay?” Connor called, seeing Ellene and Caitlin in a jumble.

Ellene raised on one elbow and grinned, watching him hoist himself from the ground while Pepper jumped around him.

“Get out of my way, Pepper,” he said, scooting
around the dog to reach Caitlin and Ellene. “You’re okay?”

“We’re fine,” Ellene said, pulling her leg from beneath the sled. “At least, I think so.”

“You look fine to me,” he said.

He helped her up, and once again, the closeness riffled her senses. “Thanks. I think I’ve had enough sledding.”

“Not me,” Caitlin said.

They laughed, righted the sled, set Caitlin back on with Pepper locked between her legs and headed back toward the house.

The sun hung low in the sky, turning the snow to a grayish hue, and the last rays glinted on the ice-coated trees and power lines. An icicle dropped from a tree as they walked past, knifing into the crusted snow.

“Can’t you keep up?” Connor asked Ellene as she lagged behind.

“It’s getting slipperier.”

“It’s freezing again,” he said, reaching back to grab her hand.

She laughed as he forced her to trot alongside him. He loved the sound of her laughter and the feel of her hand in his. He’d warned himself not to let his emotions get carried away, but he hadn’t listened to himself, and Caitlin hadn’t helped the situation at all with her obvious admiration of Ellene.

When they arrived home, Connor leaned the sled
against the house and shooed the dog in first. The room’s warmth blanketed them, and he realized his cheeks were stinging from the cold and wind.

“Have fun?” Aunt Phyllis asked.

“We did until Pepper entered the scene.”

She shrugged. “I opened the door and he vamoosed.”