Read In The Company of My Sistahs Online
Authors: Angie Daniels
In The Company of My Sistahs (27 page)
Chapter 51
NADINE
N
adine left the room certain something was wrong with Lisa. She hadn't put her finger on it but she could tell she wasn't well. She was tired all the time and when she didn't think Nadine was looking, Lisa was popping pills, lots of pills. Yesterday, while Lisa was out of the room, Nadine had pulled out the bottles and jotted down the names of the prescriptions so she could make sure to look them up when she got home. One of them she had a suspicion about but she wasn't sure she wanted to guess where her friend was concerned. She hoped she would have confided in her, and it hurt her that she had not. However, she planned to find out what it was before their trip was over.
adine left the room certain something was wrong with Lisa. She hadn't put her finger on it but she could tell she wasn't well. She was tired all the time and when she didn't think Nadine was looking, Lisa was popping pills, lots of pills. Yesterday, while Lisa was out of the room, Nadine had pulled out the bottles and jotted down the names of the prescriptions so she could make sure to look them up when she got home. One of them she had a suspicion about but she wasn't sure she wanted to guess where her friend was concerned. She hoped she would have confided in her, and it hurt her that she had not. However, she planned to find out what it was before their trip was over.
Suddenly feeling hungry again, she went to grab a muffin and a cup of coffee. She took a seat at a table closest to the pool and stared out into the water.
Against her will, RD came to mind. Last night had been a mistake. She knew that now. RD was not at all what she needed to get Jordan off her mind. In fact, she didn't think any man was going to be able to do that.
“Do you mind if I join you?”
Nadine glanced up and almost dropped the hot coffee in her lap when she noticed it was her mystery lady. She shook her head. “Uh ... sure have a seat.”
She lowered a plate of fresh fruit onto the table, then took a seat across from her. “Hi, I'm Lavina Spencer.”
Nadine wiped a damp palm on her thigh, then extended her hand. “I'm Nadine Hill. So nice to finally meet you.”
The object of her erotic fantasy shook Nadine's hand, then smiled. “Me too. I've seen you so many times.”
Nadine was immediately mesmerized by the dimples at Lavina's cheeks, the shine of her eyes. Knowing she was probably staring like a damn fool, she quickly searched her brain for something else to say. “Where are you from?”
“Dallas,” she answered, while chewing a slice of pineapple. “And you?”
“My girls and I are from Columbia, Missouri.”
“Well, it's my first time here and I am enjoying myself.”
“Me too.”
“Really?” Wrinkling her nose, Lavina didn't look convinced. “Every time I see you, you always look so unhappy.”
Nadine wasn't sure she liked the idea of a total stranger being able to analyze her emotions. “You didn't look too happy at the party either. Man troubles?”
She paused long enough to swallow her food. “Woman troubles.”
Nadine gasped, then eyed her closely.
Lavina shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly. “Don't look so surprised. I can tell you have the same problem.”
“How did you ... I mean, is it that obvious?” Nadine was shocked, and for a moment she panicked.
“To a fellow lesbian, yes. Anyone else wouldn't notice.”
Her shoulders sagged with relief. “Wow.” That was all she could say as she resumed eating her muffin.
Lavina reached for her water glass. “Don't look so sad. It is never that bad,” she said, smiling.
“I've just got a lot on my mind these days.”
“Care to talk about it?” she asked.
Before Nadine realized what she was doing she started pouring her heart out. She started with the feelings that she had started having in her early twenties and ended with the fight she and Jordan had before she left. “I just don't know what to do. I love her so much but she deserves so much better.”
“Jordan obviously doesn't think so. She loves you and is willing to stand by you no matter what.”
Nadine rested her chin in her hand with her elbow propped on the table. “The problem is my family. They will disown me.” She was raised by a pediatrician and an interior decorator. Her parents were part of a high-society social circle. Everything she said and did was a reflection on them. She remembered when her mother's youngest sister announced to the family at Thanksgiving dinner almost ten years ago that she was gay. Her mother cut her completely out of her life and has not spoken to her sister since. When Nadine divorced her husband, her mother had a cow, because she said men naturally messed around on their wives, but seldom do women divorce their husbands because of it. When she shot Arthur and her name was plastered all over the paper, her parents gave her clear instructions not to contact them until the case was over. Even after she was cleared of all the charges, it had taken her mother months to forgive her.
More than anything in the world Nadine wanted her parents to understand who she was, but deep down she knew that would never happen.
Lavina spoke between bites. “You can't live your life for your parents. You'll never be happy if you do. My mother had a fit when I first told her I was a lesbian, but she quickly got over it.”
Nadine smiled shyly. “How long have you been ... you know?”
“A lesbian,” she chuckled. “Nadine, you are going to have to learn to feel comfortable with that word. Until you do you'll never feel comfortable with who you are.”
She nodded.
“I've been this way since high school. I tried denying it for years before I finally gave in to the feeling. A man could never make me feel the way a woman does.” She smiled and her eyes took on a dreamy, faraway quality, then her expression suddenly sobered. “I was with the same woman for almost five years. Then last month she told me she was pregnant and that she was going to live with her baby's daddy. It hurt because we had talked about having a baby, but I never expected her to do it behind my back or fall in love with a man in the process.”
“Damn.”
“Damn is right.” She sipped her drink. “Do your friends know that you're gay?”
Nadine shook her head. “One does, but I haven't told the other two yet.”
“If they're your friends then what's the problem?”
She laughed and sighed. “Because it's too much like admitting who I really am.”
“Exactly. And that's where you have to begin. You have to first admit to yourself that you're a lesbian, then the rest will be easy. Answer this.” She paused to lean forward. “Do you still like dick?”
Remembering last night's fiasco, Nadine shook her head.
“Do you like eating pussy?”
Lavina's stare was so intense, Nadine blushed, then lowered her eyes to her plate. “Yeah, I guess.”
“Girl, either you do or you don't. You've got to decide. Maybe you go both ways. For a while I still needed a dick stuck up in me every now and again but now there ain't nothing a dick can do that I can't get from a woman's tongue and a dildo.”
Nadine smiled, then stared across with envy. Lavina was definitely comfortable with who she was, and she liked that about her.
“It's going to get easier. Trust me.”
Nadine had a feeling that was easier said than done. Although she loved Jordan and missed her terribly, admitting she was gay was almost as hard as an alcoholic admitting they had a drinking problem. Somehow the latter was much easier for her to accept.
Lavina popped the last piece of watermelon into her mouth, then rose. “They're getting ready to start a volleyball game. Want to play?”
Nadine brushed her problems to the side and smiled. “Sure, why not?”
Chapter 52
RENEE
“
A
ren't you afraid of starting over again?” Kayla asked me as we took a seat out on the beach.
A
ren't you afraid of starting over again?” Kayla asked me as we took a seat out on the beach.
I glanced over at the group of guests playing volleyball as I thought about her questions. You wouldn't believe how many times I had asked myself the same thing. I am a thirty-six-year-old woman and I am planning to start over for the third time. “Yes, a little bit, but I really don't look at it as starting over. I already have a house full of furniture. I have the same house I bought at age twenty. I'm still living in the same town around all my friends, so other than finding a job I don't look at it as starting over. What scares me is that I have grown accustomed to living a certain lifestyle. When I leave him I'm going from first-class to coach again. Now that is going to take some adjusting to.”
“How could you even consider giving all that up?”
I shrugged. “It's only material things.”
“Yes, but then you're changing your name again and going in front of a judge to ask for another divorce. How does that make you feel?”
I gave a strangled laugh. “It makes me feel like shit. I can get everything else right in my life but not my marriages. But I blame myself for it.”
“How so?” she inquired.
“I married for all of the wrong reasons. I don't care what anyone says, marriage has to have a foundation. If you start with nothing you're going to end up with nothing. I married a man fifteen years older than me who I have nothing in common with. We can't go to my clubs; he dresses like my grandfather.”
Kayla giggled. “Then buy him some clothes.”
“I do. I buy him the things I love to see a man in, and you know what? They do nothing for him. I love a man in blue jeans and Timberland boots. I'm married to a man with a size fifty waistline, who isn't even six feet tall. I can buy him a Sean Jean sweatsuit and in it he looks like a Weeble. I can buy him a Rocawear shirt and jeans, and on him it's just a shirt and jeans. It adds no character to him at all.”
Kayla simply gave me a sympathetic smile.
“When I dress him, you can tell I dressed him and that he is out of his element. It just doesn't make any sense. He has always said, âif you don't like what I wear, then buy me some clothes,' that he will wear anything I buy him, and it just doesn't work for him.” I paused to shake my head. “I just don't understand what the problem is.”
“You know what the problem is.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I know. I write all these love stories about these women instantly falling in love with a man and I ask myself, is it all just make-believe? Because when I think I've fallen instantly in love it's been a lie.” I dragged my leg to my chest. “I wonder after the book is over do these characters really live happily ever after.”
“I'm sure they've got to work at it like everyone else.”
“Yes, but that's the point I was getting to. They had something to begin with. If two people are truly in love and have built a life together as a team, when they find their relationship drifting apart all they have to do is rediscover what kept them together all these years. What attracted them to one another in the first place. With me and John, we never had anything.”
“Oh, come on, you had to have had something if you married him in the first place,” Kayla said, shaking her head with disbelief.
I shook my head because I no longer believed that. “Girl, I had blinders on. All I could see was that he was kind and willing to give me the stars. He had offered me a way of life I knew nothing about, and that excited me. A stay-at-home mom. You know how many women wish they didn't have to work.”
“Shoot, I know I do.”
“I know you do and so did I. And every time he hopped on top of me I kept reminding myself how lucky I was. Every time his finger reached for my breasts I kept reminding myself that I had a wonderful new career as an author because of his generosity.”
“Do you think you would have begun writing even if you hadn't married him?”
I took a moment to filter that question before answering. “Yes, but it would have been quite a while later. The talent I already had. The only thing missing was time. John gave me that.”
There was a long silence before either of us spoke again.
“So you're really going to let him go?”
“I have to, because if I don't he never will.” I rose then, tired of talking, and raced out into the water. I knew Kayla couldn't follow because she wasn't wearing a swimsuit. Tears had pushed to the surface; I wanted to wash them away. I hate for my friends to see me being weak. Especially if the tears are for a man.
Chapter 53
LISA
L
isa told her husband for the third time she loved him, then hung up the phone. Seconds later the smile on her lips continued to linger. God, she loved that man! Michael called her every afternoon to check on her and she loved him for it. The beautiful part about it was that he had always been that wayâattentive, caring, and loving, long before she had even been diagnosed with cancer.
isa told her husband for the third time she loved him, then hung up the phone. Seconds later the smile on her lips continued to linger. God, she loved that man! Michael called her every afternoon to check on her and she loved him for it. The beautiful part about it was that he had always been that wayâattentive, caring, and loving, long before she had even been diagnosed with cancer.
That's the way it should be, she told herself as she moved to stare out the window, which was why she had never told her friends or family about her illness. Because she didn't want things to change. She was certain if she had told them she had cancer, they would have started treating her like she was fragile. No one would know what to say or how to act and she definitely didn't want that. If she had to battle cancer, then she wantedâcorrectionâneeded everything else in her life to remain the same. She didn't know what she would do if her entire world changed, which was why she had made the decision that she had.
Three years ago she couldn't bear to tell her sister she was having a hysterectomy as a result of ovarian cancer; instead she told Renee she had been diagnosed with endometriosis and because she was having severe bleeding and abdominal pains, she had opted for the surgery. Lisa had even gone as far as to tell her she and Michael had decided they had waited too long to start a family and having the surgery meant she no longer had to worry about birth control or periods. It had been the performance of her lifetime. It was an unfair thing to do, but at the time she thought it was for the best. Renee had just started dating John, and if she'd had any inkling her sister was sick, she would have packed her bags and headed to Texas, leaving poor John in the dust. No, she told herself countless times, she had done the right thing. Now here Renee was having marital problems and she was getting ready for surgery again. Hopefully when she finally told her sister the truth, she would turn to John for comfort and support. Something good had to come out of this experience. For all of them. She truly believed that God had given her cancer for a reason. She was certain of that. And she truly believed it was so that she could get the others to understand that life was too short for games.
Renee was about to give up a good man just so she could run the streets again. And if she did, Lisa bet a hundred dollars that by the end of the year, Renee would be swearing up and down she was in love again.
Kayla was still harboring feelings for Reverend Brown, and if she didn't come to her senses soon and realize a good thing when she had it, she was going to end up losing Clayton too.
Nadine was the easiest of the bunch. All she needed to do was realize that she couldn't live for other people and to follow her heart.
Speak of the devil. The door swung open and Nadine moved into the room, dripping with sweat.
“Hey, girl,” she said with a sparkle in her eyes she hadn't seen at all during the trip. “You should have come down. I just played volleyball and my team kicked ass.”
“I was watching from the window. You still got skills,” she added with a smile.
Nadine pulled off her sweat-drenched t-shirt and stepped out of her shorts, then fell back in her underwear onto the bed.
Lisa took a seat on the bed. She glanced over at her bra covering a pair of double D's. She was grateful hers hadn't grown any bigger than a B. “Who was that woman I saw you talking to?” she inquired.
Nadine couldn't resist the smile. “She's a lesbian.”
“Oh, really? How do you feel about that?”
“Envious.”
“Why?”
She propped her arms beneath her head so she could look directly across at Lisa. “Because she is so comfortable with who she is. Why can't I be like that?”
“You can.”
She frowned. “No, I can't. You know as well as I do my parents would disown me if they found out. I can't bear for my mother to turn her back on me.”
Lisa was so sick of Nadine worrying about what her mother would say. As far as she was concerned Nadine's mother was a stuck-up bitch who thought the sun rose and set on her ass. Nothing or no one was ever good enough for her precious daughter. It was a surprise she even allowed the two of them to socialize. Lisa remembered one time Nadine had invited her over for a sleepover. Before she could bring her sleeping bag into the house, her mother insisted on taking it out back first and shaking it out for roaches. “Life is too short to worry about what others think. I've been telling you that for months.”
“I know.”
“I want to see you happy.”
Nadine's expression suddenly became serious. “You've been really tired lately. Is something going on that you want to tell me about?”
Lisa hesitated a moment to consider telling her dearest friend the truth, then she changed her mind. She needed to talk to them all at the same time. Tomorrow evening after dinner would be soon enough.
“No, I'm fine, really. Just seriously anemic and guilty of not taking my supplements the way I should.”
Nadine gave her a long look and for a moment she thought maybe she knew she was lying.
“Lisa, really. I'm your best friend. So quit playing and tell me what's going on with you.” After a pause she added, “I saw your pill bottles.”
Lisa sucked in a breath and waited for what she was about to say.
“I know you're taking antidepressants.”
She released a sigh of relief. “Who doesn't take Zoloft?”
“You. Definitely not you. What the hell you got to be depressed about? Your life is perfect.”
How wrong she was. “Nadine, I have problems like everyone else.”
She rose from the bed. “Yeah, right,” she murmured, then moved to take a shower.
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