In the Rain (18 page)

"I'd
ask for an encore, but you're all kinds of red right now," Ben said,
gently taking the violin and bow from me. "You need some water?"

"You
don't mind?" I asked.

"Of
course not. A lot of players come here and get themselves all riled up, so I
keep a few cases in the back for such occasions." He excused himself again
and returned moments later with my water. "Lovely song, by the way. One of
Thayre's?"

"Nope,"
Thayre said, beaming at me. "That's all her."

"Damn,
maybe she should be the one writing your songs."

I
almost choked
on my water, but Thayre was quick to answer. "Trust me, it has come to
mind. It would certainly leave me open to work on other things."

"Like
sleep," I said, pointing my water bottle at him. "Well, until I woke
you up because I needed help."

Ben
shook his head. "You two are like a
pair of kids. Known each other long?"

"On
and off," Thayre explained. "We practiced a lot in high school, but
you know how it is with college and all that."

"Mm,
I do. So, Moyra, would you like to
try another one?" Ben glanced at me as he deposited the violin to its
rightful place.

I
looked to Thayre who nodded his reply. It was obvious to me my trials with the
other violins were far from over.

"Can't
pick one out until you've tried the others," Thayre explained
nonchalantly. "This isn't a decision you make just to
get us out of the store. Take your time, and as I've told you many times in the
past, don't over think things."

Don't
over think getting the violin that I'll
likely be using for the rest of my career?
Sure, no
pressure.

After
accepting the second piece from Ben, I took my place in the middle of the room,
closed my eyes and played as I'd done before. In the end, I tried three
different violins before we were ready to leave. We were easily in there for
over an hour, and by the time we reached the middle of town, I was
half-starved. Without a car to keep the violin safe while we checked out the
rest of the activities, Thayre decided it was best for us to come for it later.
Tonight or tomorrow evening.

In
the meantime, I was still expected to play Angie, both in his studio and once
we met up with Tabby in the morning. And it couldn't come soon enough.

A
fter
spending most of the night practicing the song I'd written and knew by heart, I
could play it with my eyes closed and probably left-handed if I'd wanted to.
But no amount of repetition could calm my nerves or the apprehension I had for
what was to come next. Even with Thayre's invitation of sex and being flogged,
I couldn't get my mind off the music. And once he realized I was physically
unable to sit still unless he cuffed me to the cross and gagged me, he joined
me for a walk under the stars instead.

Tree
frogs and crickets created an orchestra of their own as we went up one street
and down another. The air, even this
late at night, was warm, but it sure beat being clammy.
Dry heat I could stand, but once the humidity kicked in, I could hardly
breathe. Fortunately, we didn't have to worry about the suffocating air for
another week or so, but the rising temperatures promised this would be one of
the hottest summers we'd had in years.

Casually
holding my hand in his own, Thayre looked up through the canopy of branches that happened
to grow over the street. Usually the township trimmed branches such as these,
but for now, they offered an added layer of mystery between us and the night
sky.

"I
still can't believe Tabby," I said, grinning as much from the scene we
came across this morning as the chirping of frogs not too far in the distance.

"She
did say it was planned before she signed on with us," Thayre said, his
eyes focused on something I couldn't see.

"Well
yeah, I know that.
I was mostly talking about her not telling anyone."

"In
her defense, she probably didn't know anything about
The Best Days of
Summer.
And while she's lived in town for some time, a lot of the folks who
live in the area aren't aware of all the festivities that go on throughout the
year. Take Memorial Day for example. Did you know they have a full parade in
town?"

I
shook my head. "Isn't that meant
for the city?"

"It
can be, but not always. I think the parades have been going on since before we
went to college."

"Shows
how often I get out of the house."

"Or
read the paper." He gave me a pointed look.

"You
know, Tabby wasn't the only decent
musician in town today. You ever think of hiring one of them?"

"Without
an audition or an application?" He exhaled, then smiled at me. "Okay,
so aside from you I mean—no, I never really thought of it. Then again, I never
really went looking for musicians while in town. Some of the folks playing in
town came from other communities. No doubt they have orchestras or bands of
their own."

I
nodded. "Makes sense." We turned the corner, and I slowed my pace,
not quite ready to head inside. "Can I ask you something?"

Thayre
went from his usual brisk pace to something less strenuous so I didn't have to
struggle to keep up with him. "Depends who's asking." He met my gaze.
"If it's my sub, those things are best addressed indoors. However, if my
first violinist wants a word, I suppose I have some time to kill."

I
smiled and squeezed his hand. "I don't know how to start."

"You
have doubts, I get it. But then, you always have." He stopped walking,
then turned us around and led me in the opposite direction. "You've always
doubted your abilities, even in
school. You're too hard on yourself, and you should never be worse on yourself
than your conductor."

"Maybe
you're just too
soft."

"I
beg your pardon?" He set a hand over his heart in mock offense.

"You
do have a sweet spot for me." I laughed and ducked right as he went to
gently punch me in the arm. "Come on, like you
didn't already know this."

"Okay,
okay. Fair enough, but I don't think that's
what you wanted to talk about."

I
let my shoulders drop and stared at my feet. "How do you know I'm ready
for something like this?"

"Because,
no matter how bad the nerves might be, every single one of my musicians went
through something similar to this before their first big job."

"But
this isn't just any
show."

"No,
and you aren't just any
violinist either." He stopped me and lifted my chin. "Trust me,
Moyra, you have nothing to worry about."

Tears
stung my eyes, and I fought them back, swallowing around the lump in my throat.
"I don't want to choose."

"Choose?
Moyra, baby, choose between what?"

This
is stupid.
He wouldn't understand. Music
was
his
passion, and while we'd been together and shared a bed with one another, I
highly doubt—

"Moyra?"

I
dropped my gaze. Met his again. "Between us and our music."

He
took my hands in his, and at first, I wasn't sure if he'd say anything at all. "Is
that what's
been worrying you?" He took me in his arms and held me tight. "I
would never, ever make you choose between what we have as a couple, and what we
share as musicians."

"But
we can't have both."

"Why
not?"

Why
indeed.
I didn't have an answer. Whenever I thought of what
we had—
everything
we shared—I couldn't see both sides of this relationship
lasting. Sooner or later, something would give out. Someone would get hurt. And
I didn't want to delay the inevitable. "Because eventually, possibly years
down the road, something will happen to take one part of that away."

"And
you don't want to wait and see what happens?" He placed his hands between
us, but only so
he could step back enough to see my face. "I'm not going to lie—this isn't
easy for either of us. Juggling two different lives, especially when one
involves a D/s dynamic is a lot harder than if we shared our bed without
bondage, whips or chains. But that's no reason to walk away from what we have.
Is it scary? Of course it is, but it's also exhilarating. I've never felt this
alive playing music. But, Moyra, if I had to choose—right here, right now—it'd
be you with all the strings attached. Music will always have a place in my
heart, but I don't have to play it to enjoy it." He lowered his voice,
then, pressing his forehead to mine, he said, "I love you, Moyra, and if I
ever need to make that choice, I'll always pick you. No matter what."

I
choked on my tears. Sobbed his name, then buried my face in his neck as I
cried. And he held me, tight as ever, refusing to let go well after my eyes had
run dry and my voice had reached a bit normalcy.

It
was then, in the comfort of his arms, that I
whispered the words I'd been wanting to say shortly after he brought me back
into his life. "I love you, too."
So damn much it hurts.

Thayre
lifted my chin. "Let's go home."

*
* * * *

I
f
today's activities hadn't kept me awake last night, Thayre and I confessing our
love for one another most certainly did. Lying beside him, I knew he was asleep
once his breaths leveled out and he stopped rubbing the back of my hand with
his thumb. But try as I might, I couldn't sleep. I was exhausted. My eyelids
were heavy. But at the same time, I was the most alive I'd been in months.
Years.

Submission
was one thing, as was trust. But love? Being with Thayre now, I couldn't say I
knew what love truly was until we both spoke the words and physically felt it.
Bret used to say it to me, and I'd always returned it, but it didn't feel anywhere
close to this. It was as though every
time I tried to close my eyes, I wanted to stay awake that much
longer to
watch Thayre sleep. To catch him dreaming, or mumbling something into his
pillow as he flipped over from his side onto his stomach.

It
was small, and probably insignificant to a more established couple, but those
very simple things held my interest well into morning. As the calm whispers of
daylight peeked in through Thayre's bedroom windows, I propped myself up on an
elbow and played with the curls along the back of his neck.

Music
had somehow taken a backseat overnight, but for once, my changing passions
didn't bother me. If anything, I was relieved to finally have my heart set on
the thing that mattered
most.
Thayre.

He'd
been the center of my life from the moment he found me out in the rain. And
while our love for music had helped me connect with him after so many years, it
served as a bridge for us to move away from the strange and unfamiliar to what
we had now.

I'd
never make him choose between myself or his music, but when he told me he'd
pick me every time, he quieted whatever nerves I had left.
Now, if you can
work your way through today, you'll be set.

I
smiled when he cracked open one eye and shut it just as
quickly from the morning light. "Morning," I said, sitting up to face
him.

He
rubbed the sleep from his eyes and, very groggily, got up to join me in a lazy
kiss. "You're up early." He squinted at the alarm clock on my side of
the bed. "It's only seven-thirty.
Go back to sleep."

I
shivered and played with the blankets that had
fallen into my lap. "I'll be fine. So, not much of a morning person today,
hmm?"

Usually
he was the first out of bed, but for now, he settled under the covers and
buried his head on the pillow to make his point. "Too bright."

"It's
not my fault you forgot to close the shades before bed. Besides, you do
remember we promised to help Tabby. You need to get up. No sleeping in."

He
blindly waved his arm in my direction but missed his mark as I got out from
under the covers. I pulled on the sheets until his tanned skin was exposed to
the filtered sunlight, retreating into the bathroom before he could stop me.

"Not
fair," he called from the other room, his approaching footsteps causing
the hairs on the backs of my arms to stand on end.

"Responsibilities,
Thayre." I faced the mirror and worked out the knots in my hair, tying it
up in a ponytail once I was satisfied.

He
came up behind me to hug his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my
shoulder so he could kiss the side of my neck. "We don't have time for a
shower?"

I
frowned. "Between you hogging the hot water until it runs cold and holding
me captive in there, we'd be late. My hair is fine, and I showered last night."

"Aw."
He let his arms drop to his sides, then kissed me again. "After we get
home?"

"Yes,
after. Now, get a shower and get dressed. It's supposed to be pretty warm again
today."

I
headed into the bedroom and made up the bed, all the while imagining every
contour of Thayre's body and how the water probably glistened on his skin. I
shuddered from the tempting imagery, but I wasn't lying when I said we'd never
leave on time if I joined him. He loved his showers, and he loved holding me
close under the rushing water even more.

Things
I enjoyed on my worst days, but with Tabby depending on us, I figured getting
there early was a lot better than arriving late and having to walk all the way
from the parking garage.

*
* * * *

A
fter
leaving the car in a nearby empty lot, we met up with Tabby on the sidewalk. It
just so
happened we all had on our Transcendence t-shirt, and she was busy reading over
her sheet music as we walked up behind her.

"Morning,
Tabby," I said, hugging Thayre's violin case to my chest.