In This Life (24 page)

“The pleasure is ours, Dr. Dillon. Please make yourself at home.”

“Please call me Anna,” she offered graciously.

“Jude! You’re back!” I would know that voice anywhere. My baby brother, Max, was the most beautiful creature on this planet. His upward slanting eyes, small facial features, tiny hands and feet—he was the most perfect imperfection ever created. My mother had him after she had been trying for a few years. He was a Down’s syndrome baby.

“Maxie boy, get over here!” I yelled. He jumped into my arms, this skinny little boy who was small for his age. “This is my friend, Anna,” I said.

She didn’t flinch. In fact, she had the warmest, most accepting smile I had ever seen. “Hi, Max. It’s so nice to meet you.”

“Oh no, Jude, deacons shouldn’t be having girlfriends!” he said worriedly.

Anna handled it expertly, and her sweet, reassuring voice filled my ears. “Oh, don’t worry, Max. I’m just his friend. You’re absolutely right! Deacons shouldn’t have girlfriends. Come on, can you show me around? You all have a beautiful house over here.” Arm in arm, they walked away.

My brother and my girlfriend.
My girlfriend.

Dinner was served three hours after we arrived, and Anna’s introduction to the family was long and laborious. She affably greeted each and every one of them. Katie’s husband, Matthew, and their two children. My sister Mary and her new boyfriend, Sean. My twin brother and sister, Joe and Peg, and seven of their friends from school. My sister Erin and my uncle Ralph.

Yes, Uncle Ralph was there. After the conversation we had in my apartment, I was sure that he would be there to check Anna out.

“So, Anna, how did you meet my brother?” Mary asked, passing the bowl of bread to my mother who sat next to her.

“We actually met in Thailand five years ago. I was on a medical mission, and he was on sabbatical,” Anna answered with a smile.

“That explains it,” Katie said, turning her head to look directly at me.

I met her stare with one of my own. “Explains what?”

“Never mind. Later. Offline,” she responded, directing her words into her glass of water.

My dear mother, oblivious to whatever it was that was going on, began her own side conversation. “Anna, you are working where?”

“Mila, she’s a doctor,” my dad gently reminded her.

Max and Anna were enamored with each other. After dinner, he took her to the pool house to show her his paintings while I remained at the dinner table with the rest of my family. My mother paced back and forth from the cupboard to the counter, setting aside some food for me to take home.

“Meu, did you want a little of each? The
coxinha
and the
feijoada
too?” My mother had raised us in her Brazilian culture, and she felt right at home with the extended familial ties that my father’s Irish family had brought into her life. She loved to entertain, loved life, and loved her children and her husband with all of her heart.

“Yes, Mãe, I’ll take anything you can spare. It will save me from having to eat Taco Bell every day.”

“She’s beautiful, Jude,” Katie boldly stepped in and addressed what was on everyone’s mind. They nodded their heads in agreement.

“And classy,” Erin said.

“Yeah, remember the girls that Jude used to take home when he was in high school? Blech! This one is clearly unimpressed by you for once.”

I threw a napkin at Mary. She flung it back at me and missed.

“When are you going back, Jude?” Uncle Ralph asked.

“Thirty-three days,” I answered.

“Are you even going back?” Katie asked. She was a traitor. What was she doing?

“What do you mean?” I asked irritably, gesturing at her with my hands.

“Was there ever a plan not to go back? What is going on?” My mother took a seat at the table, turning her head to look at my father, who placed his hand on hers.

“Mãe, that’s the girl from Thailand! The one he’s been crazy about! This started five years ago!”

“Katie!” I yelled. “What are you doing?”

I looked at Mary and begged her with my eyes to excuse herself. I motioned her with the tip of my head to take Erin as well. I didn’t want to embarrass Mary in front of her date. Katie, Uncle Ralph, and my mom and dad were left at the table, and I was shocked that my father had not yet weighed in.

“Katie. Why?” I asked.

“Jude, I’ve seen the way you’ve been looking at her all night. You’re in love with this girl. I don’t want you to be miserable. You don’t have to go back.”

“I don’t know yet,” I argued. I felt the heat of their stares on my face. They tried to assess my expressions, tried to read my heart.

My mother looked at me sadly then spoke her words. “Meu, you can serve God in many different ways.”

“It’s not that easy,” I said.

“What, meu, what’s not easy? Doesn’t she love you? She is here in our home,” she said, placing her hand on my arm.

“This is the only life I’ve known. I couldn’t take it if she left me. She’s my only connection to a life outside the priesthood.”

“Does she love you? Is she committed to staying with you?” Katie again.

“I don’t know. We haven’t really talked about it,” I said sharply. And then I corrected myself. “About the future, I mean.”

“She’s married,” Katie revealed, searching the room for a reaction. My mother bowed her head to avoid my eyes. My father pulled her closer to him. She looked up at him and for a quick second, I saw them communicate with their eyes.

“Separated,” I defended. “They’re separated.”

“Have you thought about an alternate future, son? What would you do if you decided to pursue a life outside of the—”

My dad finally decided to say something and I cut him short.

“Not, really. No. I haven’t.”

“I would love for you to join the business. Take over for me after I retire, carry on the name we’ve built for ourselves,” he offered warmly. There was a simultaneous nodding of heads around the room. I felt sidelined, filled with apprehension that I would fail at achieving the hopes and dreams he had for me.

“I’m not a businessman, dad.”

“Anyone can learn the business. That’s what I’m here for,” he defended. “Everything you need is set. There’s no need to start all over.”

How could I make him understand that having Anna in my life didn’t mean that I had wavered in my commitment to serving God? My father had always taught me to be honest, to stand up for my conviction. This was the time to make him see that he taught me well. I walked over to my father, knelt down on the floor and held his hands in mine. “Dad, please forgive me for saying this. I still want to serve God in His church as a layman. That plan hasn’t changed for me.”

He squeezed my hands firmly in affirmation. “Well then, you need to start figuring things out on your own. Although it looks painfully obvious to me. You have one month before you have to go back.”

And those were the final words he spoke on the matter.

Suddenly, Max popped up from the corner of the kitchen, Anna standing uncomfortably next to him, visibly shifting her weight from one leg to the other.

“HI, IT’S ME,”
I said over the speaker on my phone. “Call me, please. I’ve left so many messages, and I’m worried about you.”

Six days had passed since I took Anna home following the dinner at my parents’ place. She hadn’t said a word as we drove home that night, and she kept her gaze out the window.

“Would you mind if you dropped me off at home?” Those were the only words she said to me that night. I assumed that meeting my family had totally overwhelmed her, so I wanted to give her some space. Six days later, I still hadn’t heard back. I knew she was fine because I stopped by the hospital and checked on her through the nurse Melinda. I feared that Dante had returned and that she would soon cut off all ties with me. That, in the end, it would be Anna’s departure and not mine that would shred me into pieces.

I answered my phone immediately after it rang without checking the information on the caller ID.

“Hi.”

“Hi, Jude. It’s Melinda. Just checking in. I thought you’d want to know that Anna is off call now. I saw her heading home.”

“Oh. Hi, Melinda.” I didn’t bother hiding the disappointment in my voice. “Thanks for letting me know.”

“She said something about meeting her friend Maggie for dinner and drinks.” She had my full attention.

“Did she say where?” I asked excitedly.

“No, not really.”

I didn’t even know where to start looking. “Huh. Thank you, Melinda. I really appreciate it.” I heard her say something just as I removed the phone from my ear.

“Wait! Jude, are you still there?”

“Yes?”

“I was wondering whether you wanted to meet up for a drink tonight. You know, get to know more about each other. I feel like I’ve known you for a while, seeing you at the ER for all these months.”

“Sorry, Melinda, I can’t. I’m with Anna.”
I’m with Anna. I’m with her. Whether or not she forsakes me. I. Am. With Her.

That’s what had happened. Anna was upset.

A few days before we drove to Scarsdale, she had challenged me about coming out in the open with her. And I had denied her. At the hospital and even with my family.

I had to find her. We only had twenty-seven more days. I decided to call Maggie.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Maggie. It’s Jude.”

“Jude.”

“Are you seeing Anna tonight?”

“Why?”

“I need to speak to her, please. Where will you guys be?”

“Is she avoiding you? If she is, why would I betray her confidence?”

“Because I don’t have much time. I have to see her, I have to explain what happened.”

“No deal.” And then the phone went dead.

FOUR HOURS LATER
we were in Manhattan, throwing the keys at the valet as we left the Rover in his dependable hands. Two hours later, we were lined up at a Latin dance club called Copacabana. It was all Peter’s idea, all he could do to stop me from sulking around the apartment.

“Do you think we should check out the second floor?” Peter asked as we crisscrossed our way through groups of people. “I think the second floor is the pure Latin floor. That’s what the guide said.”

“What does pure Latin even mean?” I asked, utterly agitated.

“Latin, man! As in hot Latin chicks!” He blurted excitedly.

We moved quickly through the lobby and up the long flight of stairs. A group of women stopped us as we reached the landing, two of them latching on to Peter while another two tried to lead me to the dance floor.

“Party pooper,” Peter said accusingly as we careened through the heavy traffic of dancers, looking left and right. We finally located the bar. I squeezed myself in between two couples and signaled the bartender for a drink.

“Go ahead and have fun,” I said. “Leave me here, I’ll be okay.”

I OPENED MY
eyes to a dimly lit hallway in an unfamiliar place, surrounded by unfamiliar people. With distorted vision, I could barely make out the woman who sat in front of me on the floor. But it was Maggie, with her long blond hair and dark blue eyes, examining me closely.