In This Life (27 page)

“I thought we could go to the nearby beach and just hang out. Maybe visit the temple there?” I offered.

“That sounds like a great idea. Hey, do you think we can go back to visit the kids at Takua Pa?” she asked. “If it’s too far, that’s okay. I just thought it would be nice to go back there again.”

“Yes! It’s not that far away. I’ve rented a car to take us there tomorrow.” My ability to concentrate was shot—as she hopped in the water and moved closer and closer, the depth of the water proved shallower and shallower, until it completely uncovered her, and she stood in front of me in a skimpy white bikini, her beautiful body glowing and wet from the warm sun and salty sea.

“That’s great!” she said, pleased.

And because she knew me, because she was the other half of my soul, and because she wanted it just as much, she began to put my thoughts into action. She reached both hands behind her head, untied her bikini top, and allowed it to fall into the water.

“We have exactly forty-five minutes before breakfast comes,” she said.

I didn’t need to be told twice. I tore my t-shirt and shorts off, and slipped into the warmth of her embrace. She wrapped her legs around me as I carried her towards the edge of the pool. Our kisses were different this time. They didn’t start out slowly; they were deep and hungry, intense and consuming. I enclosed her mouth in mine, intent on tasting her, taking all of her in while she stroked me gently underneath the water.

I stopped in the middle of our passionate kisses and looked at her questioningly. I wanted her to command me, to urge me on. There were so many things I’d never done before, and I wanted to discover it all with her.

“Do what you want with me,” she said. “I won’t break.” She leaned her head back on the edge of the pool and stretched her arms out to give me complete access to her neck, breasts, and body. She moaned as I slipped two fingers inside of her while devouring her breasts with my teeth and tongue.

“Jude,” she moaned. “Jude, I want you, please. Whole, make me whole.” The beads of water on her neck dried up in colors under the warmth of the sun.

“I love you, Blue,” I whispered, entering her at the same time. She felt warm and wonderful.

Her body was my home, my sustenance.
In heaven, there were many mansions.

Her lips were my truth; they branded my skin and I belonged to her forever.
There was nothing more liberating than knowing you belong.

Her touch gave me wings; it inspired me to great heights.
The best and most beautiful things in the world could not be seen or touched.

Being inside her was my destiny, my reason for living. From that day on, I existed for the sole purpose of filling her, completing her.
There was darkness in intimacy. I craved that darkness with her.

For a few seconds I refused to move; I wanted time to stand still, wanted to feel her around me for as long as I lived. Every moment with her was something to remember, but the look of satisfaction on her face, her cries, her moans, her rapture—these were flashes of our time together which I knew that I could never again live without. And then as if on cue, she spurred me to move.

“Give it to me, Gray. Give me everything you have.” She wound her legs tightly around my waist as I drilled deep, more for myself because I selfishly wanted to take over every single part of her. The places that others had touched, I was going to sink in and wipe out all those before me.

We clawed at each other like animals, took pleasure in inflicting imminent pain. The sounds that we made were guttural—they echoed through the air and bounced up from the trees and into the sky. And when I came, I forgot what it was like to be lonely and confused and alone. She was mine and I was hers, not in the next life, nor in the future life, but here and now. In this life.

WHAT HAPPENED IN
the pool made me change my plans that day. I wanted to tell her as soon as possible, assure her that I was in this for the long haul. I believed that this would make the rest of our trip more relaxing; it would cast both our worries away and allow us to plan for the future. As far as she was concerned, she thought that we would be over in less than three weeks.

I called for the car while she was in the bathroom getting dressed and I notified the driver that we would be going to Ban Nam Khem instead. They informed me that it was a seventy minute drive to the north. Seventy minutes, seventy days, seventy years—time no longer played a part when it came to her. It was no longer a factor in the equation.

Sleeping Beauty rested in my arms as we drove up the coast towards the small fishing village where we first found each other five years ago. Not knowing what to expect, I was keen on finding our little hut by the sea and reliving the happy times we shared while we were there. It seemed like eons ago, and life was so much simpler then—she had places to go and things to do, and I had a life plan that required the utmost commitment.

A tinge of guilt coursed through me as a sordid vision of our time in the pool flashed through my mind. But it was quickly dispelled as I felt her heavy breathing against my shoulder. I was hers now and there was no sin in pure and unconditional love.

The sudden braking of the car jolted her from her sleep. A few dogs and cows on the road were preventing us from moving any further.

“It feels so weird that we’re in this car when we can really just get out and walk,” she said, wiping the sleep from her eyes. “What’s wrong with me, Gray? Why have I been sleeping so much?”

“I wore you out earlier,” I said with a chuckle. She rolled her eyes. “Seriously, Blue, I really think you’re just jetlagged. It will get better in the next day or so.”

She reached for the door handle and put one foot on the ground. “Please tell him that we’re getting out and walking. Can he park by the bus stop at the market and we can just meet him there in a few hours?”

She didn’t wait for me to respond. By the time I gave the driver his instructions, she was walking down the road a few feet ahead of me. I would never tire of looking at her, of constantly describing her beauty. That day her hair was tied up in a ponytail and she was wearing a romper with flat sandals, her legs straight, firm, and endless. It took a great effort to cast those salacious thoughts from my mind. Celibacy had its price, and I was paying for it. Five long years of drought and I was ready to quench my thirst in the stream of her love.

She slowed down to allow me to catch up, and I took her hand as we crossed through the familiar path on the way to the medical clinic. We both stopped when we saw how much it had changed. The tiny structure had doubled in size and was now a bona fide building, complete with a parking lot, a driveway, and air conditioned rooms.

“It feels so different,” she said as we walked through the sliding doors.

“Mr. Grayson!” someone called out to me. I could hardly recognize him, but it was Chiayo, now a skinny teenager, pushing a cart full of soft drinks around the waiting area.

“Goodness, is that you, Chiayo? You’re all grown up!” I exclaimed as he offered me his hand.

A pretty teenage girl sidled up to me. “Mr. Grayson! It’s me, Malee! The girl in your class! Do you remember me?”

“Malee! Wow, what are you all doing here?”

“We help with the drink cart after school,” they said in unison.

“You guys remember my girlfriend, Anna?” I saw the look of contentment on her face, and our fingers locked around each other in silent unity.

“Oh yes!” said Malee. “Dr. Dillon!”

Anna happily hugged them both. Her facial expression changed considerably as she recognized her friend from long ago. He was a handsome man, blond with scruffy facial hair and light blue eyes.

“Delmar?” she whispered. She repeated herself, raising her voice this time. “Delmar, is that you?”

The handsome man ran towards her and swept her up in his arms. I felt a pang of jealousy before quickly reminding myself that this had been her past, but I was her future. They’d been housemates five years ago, but she was mine now.

“Annita!” He beamed as he freed her from his embrace. “
Comment ca va?
”

“
Tres bien, merci. Et toi, Delmar? Que fais tu ici?
”

I had no idea what she had said to him. She glanced at me uneasily and decided to switch back to English. “What are you doing here, Delmar?”

“I moved back here two years ago,” he answered. “Where is Dante?”

“Two years? You’ve been here that long?” And then she let out a laugh. “Dante isn’t here. He’s in Germany on business. But you remember Jude Grayson?”

“Ah, yes, the elusive Mr. Grayson. How are you?” the cheeky Frenchman quipped.

“I’m good, thanks,” I said, possessively placing an arm around Anna. This was my punishment. If I had chased her down as soon as I’d arrived back home, I wouldn’t be dealing with the ghost of Leola. From the look of it, he’d been a substantial part of her past and I was just going to have to manage through it.

Delmar eyed me with a dubious look then turned his attention to Anna. “Anna, how long will you be here? Milena and the baby are at home; I am sure she would love to see you.”

“So you married Milena?” she asked, somewhat surprised.

“
Mais oui
. We have a baby boy named Stephane.”

“Congratulations, Delmar! And best wishes to you both. Unfortunately, we are only here for a day.”

Our attention was diverted by a loud commotion and then the wheeling in of a man on a stretcher with blood jetting out of his chest.

“Dr. Davignon!” said a Thai nurse. “We need you right away. A boating mishap.”

“Anna! Come with me,” Delmar said as he ran to attend to the patient. “We could use your help over here.”

She beamed at me, her eyes wide and glowing, asking for permission.

“Go, go.” I laughed as I watched her dash excitedly towards the operating room.

“THERE YOU ARE.”
She was out of breath as she found me sitting on the floor of the waiting room two hours later, playing a game of backgammon with Chiayo. “Did you show him how it’s done, Chiayo?” she teased.

I lined up the game pieces and handed the board back to him. She offered me her hand and I took it before bringing it to my lips for a kiss. To be able to show your love openly was truly liberating.

“He beat me every single time, Dr. Dillon,” the young boy complained.

“Gray! How could you? Picking on a little boy like that!”

“He’s a young man and he tried to cheat me twice!” I argued. “Chiayo, you’re on the hook for a rematch okay? The next time we come, we can surely play again.”

“Okay, Mr. Grayson! It was very nice seeing you.”

“You too, Chiayo. Give my regards to your parents, and thank you for keeping me company.”

Chiayo stretched his arm out and offered me a fist bump.

“WHERE TO NOW?”
she asked as we walked hand in hand down the road leading us back to the village.

“Well, I was thinking that we should visit our little hut to see if it’s still there,” I suggested. She showed her appreciation for my idea by pulling me in for a kiss. “Or maybe we should go back to the villa,” I muttered into her lips.