Indigo (28 page)

“Thank you,” I whisper. I let him put his arms around me, and over his shoulder I can see the dark of night, ready and waiting to bear down on me. I can see it, but all I can feel is Kennedy, like a shelter around me. It calms the humming to a dull strain, and I fall asleep as the sound slowly tapers off and away.

~

I wake up with a sharp jerk, my subconscious recognizing a foreign presence around me before I do. Kennedy is instantly alert at my quick movement, and immediately begins to back away from me as far as the bed will allow. I realize I’ve just jarred him out of sleep with my craziness and instantly feel bad. But on the heels of that realization is the sun shining brightly through the window.

“Oh my god, what time is it?” I reach over him to grab from my phone from the charger, and balk when I see that it is past noon. “It’s 12:34!”

Rubbing his eyes, Kennedy doesn’t seem as disturbed as am I that we’ve missed our morning classes. “Huh. We must have been tired.”

I nearly laugh at his comical ‘just woke up’ expression, but the truth is, I feel like doing anything but laughing. Slowly, realization kicks back in and I start remembering the talk with my mother, being terrified of the storm bearing down on me, my manic walk over to Kennedy’s dorm, him seeing me in the corner with my knife, inviting him in my bed…my god.

Feeling overwhelmed, I slowly sit back down on the edge of the bed and take a deep breath. After everything that did happen last night, I can’t get myself to regret the kiss. It was the most wonderful experience of my life. I try and comfort myself with the knowledge that there’s hope for me yet, and that they weren’t able to take the small pleasure of a kiss from me.

Small pleasure, ha. There is nothing small about Kennedy.

I turn back around to glance at him and see that his eyes are still closed, as if he’s planning on drifting back off to sleep. A reluctant smile tugs at the corner of my lips. So he’s not a morning person. He looks so handsome lying there, his defined features relaxed and his hair all mussed. I take a moment to admire the lean cut of his body, his large hands. My belly starts to tingle, and before I can think too much into it, I see him grin, his eyes still shut. “Like what you see?”

Great he caught me staring. Embarrassing, but I just don’t have the energy to deny it, so I tease him instead. “You mean your just rolled out of bed look?”

He grins even wider, and then yawns, stretching his arms above his head and then settling back in comfortably as if he’s slept in my bed countless times before. “This might be the most comfortable bed I’ve ever slept in. The mattress can’t be school issued?”

I shake my head. “No, I brought a Temperpedic. It was supposed to help me sleep better.”

It strikes me, hard, that I just had the longest night sleep that I’ve had in over two years. It’s always been impossible for me to sleep that long, and the joy of it nearly brings tears to my eyes. Could it be because of Kennedy? Could it be his kiss really temporarily chased away all my dark thoughts, or is it because I just felt safe with him there? Either way, I’m so grateful I almost kiss him again.

“It helped me sleep better,” he says. Our eyes meet, though, and I can see the hint of humor in his eye, as if he too is thinking of our kiss.

“I missed my first two classes,” I groan, checking my phone again. I have a few missed texts from Sabrina. “Great impression for my first semester.”

“You’re allowed a few,” he says, with the confidence of the junior he is. “It’s really not a big deal, just say you were sick.”

“What about your classes?” I ask, turning to face him. “Doesn’t it bother you at all to miss?”

He shrugs, and stacks his hands behind his head. “Law classes. I don’t really care, no.”

I am upset that I’ve overslept, but with everything going on, it doesn’t bother me nearly as much as it did at first. A sudden pang for my mom comes over me, and I realize I can’t wait to see her this weekend. I wish I could see her now, and ensure myself that she’ll be okay until Saturday.

Kennedy must notice the change of my expression, because he sits up, and tentatively puts his hand on the small of my back. “You okay?”

I hope one day when he asks me that, I can tell him that I am, and really mean it. “Just looking forward to seeing my mom,” I tell him. “I’m not looking forward to the rest of it, but I’m glad at least I’ll get to see her.”

His hand feels warm and welcome on my back, and I stop myself from leaning back into him. When he doesn’t say anything for a while, I turn and look at him, and see that he’s biting his lip, staring off into space as if his mind is completely elsewhere.

“What is it?” I ask.

He brings his eyes to meet mine. “I just thought of a plan. I don’t know if you’re going to like it.”

“A plan? About what?” I’m intrigued, because he looks so excited.

“How would you like to see your mom a few days sooner?”

“I’d love to, but--“

His hand presses into my skin. “So let’s go, now. I’ll drive you.”

I can feel my face morph into an ‘are you crazy’ face. “What!? No. I have classes tomorrow too, I can’t just ditch everything.”

He waves away my concern as if my point is insignificant. “It’s just missing each class once. It will be more believable that you were sick.”

I shake my head. “And I would never ask you to drive me all the way back home, it’s too far.”

“I’m offering,” he says excitedly. “Besides, didn’t you tell me I should see Connecticut? I’m trying to broaden my horizons here.”

The offer is tempting, but I’m wondering how my mom would react to having me take a boy home. She probably wouldn’t know what to do with herself and I’d probably send her into a state of shock.

“C’mon, what do you think,” he pushes gently. “It would be a fun little road trip!”

“I’m thinking about my mom’s face when I show up at home with a boy!”

Kennedy’s face goes blank, and I wonder what he’s thinking. “Have you told her
anything
about me?”

I may not have a strong background with men, but I can tell he is anxious to hear my answer. “I have, but she’d still be surprised if we just showed up at the house together!” I wonder what she’d think if she knew he just spent the last night in my bed.

I can tell my answer pleases him when he tries to hide his smile.

“I’d like to meet her,” he admits. He looks down, and I know he has more to say. “And I want to be there for you…when you have to talk to the detective. In case you need me.”

He looks so earnest and sincere, I want to throw my arms around him. “Thank you. That’s nice of you…but, I don’t know. It seems too crazy of an idea to actually go through with.”

“All the more better to do it,” he says, matter of factly. “C’mon Indigo, what do you say?”

I do want to see my mom, and after last night, I realize that a small part of me doesn’t want to leave Kennedy just yet. I’m not ready to let him go, because he is the only thing lately that makes me feel better. Maybe it will be easier if he’s there when I talk to the detective. I’ll have someone on my side.

Looking out of the corner of my eye, I see that his full bottom lip is pushed into a comical pout. This huge, strong, capable man is pouting in my bed, and I can’t help but burst into laughter. “Okay,” I say between giggles. “You win Kennedy. Take me home.”

KENNEDY

I’m on cloud 9 as I run home and pack my bag. Last night was a huge step for her, for us. Knowing that I’m the only one to ever kiss her, that she let me be her first, is humbling. I tell myself that that is the reason why I had trouble controlling my reaction, the reason I acted like a virgin high schooler. But another version of the truth also nags me, one where I realize I have never wanted anyone as much as I want her. Yes, it’s because she’s insanely beautiful, but I know it’s also because I’m high off the fact that she needs me as much as she does. There’s never been anyone who has
needed
me so much before, including my mother.

Thoughts of my mother give me a sinking feeling, and a sharp worry invades when I think about how Indigo still doesn’t know. But now, it doesn’t feel like the right time. She has too much going on, and when I do tell her, eventually, I’ll start off with that explanation. She’ll understand. Besides, the thought of me chasing her away with that news scares the hell out of me.

When Indigo shoots me a text to tell me she’s ready, I push all thoughts of my mother aside. That’s a problem for a different day.

The door slams, and I glance up to see that Shawn has returned from his first class. He gives me a wary glance when he sees me packing my bag.

“What’s going on?”

I take a second to answer, not knowing how he’ll feel about where I’m going. “I’m driving Indigo home. She’s got a few things going on right now. I’ll be back on Sunday the latest.”

I don’t need to look at his face to know he’s surprised. “Wait, back up. Since when have you and Indigo made up? She couldn’t get away from us fast enough on Friday, and then she shows up here last night bugging out, and now you guys are taking a road trip?”

I wince, not wanting to get into too many details just then. “She didn’t really care. I explained that I have nothing to do with those girls.” On a whim, I throw in my sketch pad and a few pencils.

“Man,” Shawn says, flopping on his bed. “You’re lucky. You were right. I’ll probably never talk to Sabrina again.”

“Have you tried?”

He shakes his head. “I made a fool of myself trying to explain that night. Chased her all the way to the dorm. She completely ignored me, but I guess she was also worried about Indigo. Wait.” He suddenly sits up. “How did Indigo take the news about your mom? That couldn’t have been easy.”

I sling my bag over my shoulder. “She doesn’t know.”

Shawn’s incredulous expression brings back all the feelings of guilt. “You’re crazy,” he says emphatically. “She hates Aunt Ellen.”

“I’m working on it,” I hedge, knowing the explanation is weak. “I just have to find the right time.”

“Well,” Shawn says, shaking his head again. “For what it’s worth, I think you’re making the wrong decision, lying to her like that.”

I know he’s right, but at the moment, with the prospect of spending the whole weekend with Indigo in front of me, I realize I don’t care. I start heading out the door, texting Indigo to tell her I’m on my way. I feel Shawn’s eyes on me as I walk away. For some reason, I feel bad. “Why don’t you try and talk to Sabrina,” I suggest. “You never know, she might come around. Maybe do something nice for her.”

He scoffs. “Thanks for the advice. I know you know exactly what you’re doing.”

I close the door on his sarcastic tone.

When I drive around to pick up Indigo, she’s looking much better than she was yesterday. Her cheeks are pink and I don’t know if it’s the prospect of going home, or the fact that she got a good night sleep that has made her so light, but it’s enchanting.

“Hello again,” I say when she hops in the car. “Ready to go home?”

She grins and throws her small bag in my backseat. “This is crazy, but I can’t thank you enough for taking me.”

“It’s my pleasure. I’m looking forward to seeing the place you’ve spoken so highly about. Hopefully it lives up to my expectations.”

Settling in, she turns to face me. “As for last night…I hope you don’t think I’m…psycho or something.”

I pull out of campus, anticipation running through my veins. “That’s the last thing I think about you.” I know from her face that she took my compliment as she should, and it pleases me immensely.