Indigo (23 page)

“I’ve read everything there is to find on the Internet,” Sabrina admits, looking a little guilty. “I felt bad about it, but I was so curious.”

“I understand,” I assure her. “Like I told you before, people are naturally curious.”

“But what does what happened to you have to do with our school newspaper?”

“The couple who kidnapped me,” I begin, suddenly grateful for the numb feeling spreading through my body. “When they were caught, they turned on each other. Well, she turned on him.”

“HA! No loyalty among thieves, there’s a shocker,” Sabrina scoffs.

“She told the police it was all his doing, that she feared for her life, and that she had to go along with everything he said or he would kill her. Then, she testified against him in exchange for a lighter sentence. She only got four years.”

Sabrina leans into me. “Is any of that true? Was she in danger?”

“No.”

A breath of air quickly leaves her lungs. “Did you say anything? Did you tell them?” But as she’s asking the question, I can tell she realizes that I didn’t.

“I didn’t tell anyone anything, no. I know how cowardly that is, but I just…couldn’t.”

“How could they believe her story anyway? How could they give her any credibility?”

I close my eyes. “Because the day I was rescued, he tried to kill me. Had a gun pointed right at my back, and I knew I was going to die. I was certain. But at the last second, she grabbed his arm and the gun went off into the back windshield. No one was hurt. I don’t know why she did it, because she absolutely hated me. Every day, when she looked at me, I could tell she wanted to kill me. She would pretend and hold herself back for his sake, but I knew. There were witnesses to that, and it helped her case.”

Sabrina slowly shakes her head, taking it all in. “So is she out of jail now? Are you worried she’ll find your photo online and come looking for you? Is that what’s going on?” Sabrina stands up and starts pacing on the rug in front of me.

“No she’s still locked away. But her parole hearing is coming up in less than two months. They’ll probably let her go free.” Chills snake down my spine, breaking in to try and pull me back into the past. “My mom and all the detectives want me to testify, to keep her in l but I can’t. I never want to see her again. I can’t go back there, to the girl I was when I was with them.”

“Indigo, you have to!” Sabrina begins immediately. “You can’t let her go free! Doesn’t that mean anything to you?!”

Anger floods in, completing the gauntlet of emotions I’ve been through tonight. “It’s my choice! No one can tell me what I can and cannot do! Don’t judge me on something you don’t understand!”

“If you haven’t noticed, I’m not the one who is going to treat you with baby gloves.” Her voice is severe, but I can see the warmth in her eyes. “But those people stole you from your home and took things from you that you can never get back! I don’t know what those things are so you’re right, I don’t understand, but I do know that they deserve to be punished!”

“I wouldn’t have told you anything if I knew you were going to react like this,” I shout. “You don’t know what it’s like to be me, to live with what happened every day!”

“You’re right, I don’t, but what if she goes free and does this to someone else? Even if it’s on a smaller scale, what then Indigo? You’re the only one who can keep her locked away, at least for a little longer. And now to make it worse, if she has any brains in her head, she’ll know where to find you.”

“Enough,” I snap, feeling the weight of everything settle over me. “I don’t want to fight, so we’re dropping it. That’s it! Please Sabrina, I can’t deal with anymore tonight.”

I can tell she wants to continue the discussion, but she must be able to tell her utterly drained I am. My phone rings next to my bed, and we both listen in silence until it stops. When it rings again, I sigh and grab my purse reaching inside to grab it. “It’s Kennedy.”

A look washes over Sabrina’s face and she sits down. I stare at the screen until it goes to voicemail… again. I can’t pick up because I have no idea what I’d say. My emotions are way too all over the place to even think about having a rational conversation. The last part of our conversation starts coming back to me and I flop back on my pillows. He seemed so sincere when he told me he wanted me to care and a big part of me thinks he’s telling the truth, but what do I know? I have zero experience and no one to compare him to.

One thing I do know, though, is thinking about him giving the same attention he gives me to someone else
does
hurt. No, not hurts. It feels sharp. Who were those girls?

God, that’s the last thing I need. For the second time I wish we were back in his car, where nothing else existed except him and I.

“I can’t believe I was going to give him a chance,” Sabrina muses out loud. “I knew better. This is my fault.”

“He seemed really upset. And you were blowing him off before this.” I put in gently, trying to make her feel a little better. She’s angry, but I can detect hurt under there as well. “Maybe we should hear them out.”

“They’re upset because they didn’t want us to find out,” she says. “Trust me. I know how guys work. And yes I was blowing him off and he can do whatever he wants but…ugh I just thought he really liked me.”

I sigh and go to my call log, erasing the red notification that will just remind me of what happened. I notice then that I have a voice mail, and my heart sinks. It’s from the random number that’s been calling my phone all week. I had tried to write it off as a coincidence, but this makes me think that maybe it’s not, and whoever’s voice is in that message, really is looking for me.

I can’t deal with it now. No way. I lock my phone, shove it under my pillow and decide to worry about it later. 

“I’m going to call it a night. Are you okay?” Sabrina gets up and turns to me, concern in her eyes. Although I’m still a little angry about how she reacted to what I told her, I know she means well.

She’s the closest friend I’ve had in a while, and I do appreciate her. “Yes, thank you. For listening, too.”

She waves me away. “Call me tomorrow. I think we both need to get some sleep.”

I watch the door close behind her. Sleep. Ha. I think about calling my mom, but don’t want to bother her at work, so I just grab the knife from under my under my pillow, and let the humming take over.

KENNEDY

I storm into my room, and slam the door closed behind me.

A satisfying thud follows the movement, and I can only hope it hit Shawn square in the face.

“Ouch! What the fuck man?” He comes in, slams the door himself, then glares at me. “What was that for?”

“Because this is all your fault.” While it’s true the two girls were Shawn’s friends, I know he isn’t to blame. That’s not really the main problem that’s looming over me anyway. I have to tell Indigo that the Dean is my mother, that’s number one. I already have a sick feeling I’ve let it gone on long enough already. Maybe she won’t care, she doesn’t really seem to care about anything when it comes to me.

Unaware of my self-pity, Shawn lays into me. “Whatever man. It was just bad timing and I’m sorry you got dragged into it. But let me take a guess here, Indigo doesn’t know about your mom, does she?”

I don’t answer and he takes my silence for confirmation. “You didn’t need me to mess things up with Indigo. You’re already doing that for yourself.”

“Back off,” I snap back. “At least I still might have a chance. I bet Sabrina will never give you the time of day again.”

“Thanks for the fucking reminder,” he answers irritably, making me feel bad. What a disaster.

Without even thinking about what I’m doing, I turn away from him and dial her number. Even though I know she’s not going to pick up, I feel desperate to talk to her and explain. I try again like some kind of stalker, and then just feel more depressed when I get her generic voicemail a second time. I think about sending her a text, but I don’t want to waste it on a night she’s clearly not going to talk to me. I’ll try again tomorrow.

But by class on Wednesday, when I still haven’t heard from her, I wonder if I should just give up once and for all. Maybe I’ve been deluding myself this whole time. Maybe no matter what I do, she’ll never be into me the way I’d like her to be. Thinking about giving up frustrates the hell out of me, and it’s the last thing I want to do, but maybe I’m just not what she needs. And that hurts the most.

While Indigo’s been avoiding me, I’ve been avoiding my mother. I’m so overwhelmed at her audacity, that I don’t even know if I can face her. I should be the one to confront her, to call her out, but I haven’t. Not yet anyway. She’s been trying to get in touch with me for the past few days, said she had great news for me, but I can’t get myself to call her back. I know her well enough to know she too busy to be lurking outside any of my classrooms, but that’s my only comfort.

I get to Independent Study early so I can snag the seat next to where Indigo usually sits. Shawn, taking a different approach, sits on the other side of the room, completely away from the girls’ seats.

She and Sabrina walk in a few seconds later and my chest tightens. Although she’s beautiful in her leotard and leggings, her face looks drawn, and it looks as if she hasn’t gotten much sleep. When she spots me in the seat next to hers, she hesitates slightly, but then heads my way.

I take it as a good sign.

She’s not looking in my direction when she sits down, and I can’t tell if she’s mad or not. Sabrina scowls at me, but I try not to take that to heart. I don’t really want to be on her bad side, but one problem at a time is all I can handle.

The Professor starts talking, and I try not to stare directly at Indigo, but I’m distracted when she pulls out her phone, and just stares at the screen. She doesn’t seem to be blinking, and after a few seconds I’m on the verge of asking her if everything is okay. Her face, if possible, has gone even whiter.

Class breaks, and I don’t move in until we get to the hallway. I follow closely behind her, waiting for the right moment. She completely surprises me when she turns around, and looks up at me.

I look down into her eyes, too taken off guard at first to say anything.

“Can I talk to you?”

Fuck yeah. “Of course. I was hoping to talk to you, too.”

She gives me a soft smile, and turns and heads down the hallway.

“Let’s go to the auditorium. There’s usually no one there except for me.”

I nod and follow her down, more than pleased at the turn of events. Hopefully I can get out the part about my mother without ruining everything.

The auditorium is dark, and when she sits down in the back row, I quietly sit next to her, and then, I can’t hold back.

“Indigo, I’m so happy you asked to talk--“

“Wait,” she interrupts, holding out her hand. “Me first.” I watch her take a deep breath, and suddenly I know whatever she’s going to say, isn’t good. “I wanted to thank you.”

Thank me? Definitely didn’t expect that. “For what?”

She smiles at me again, and the shadows from her eyelashes dance across her face. She takes a deep breath, and I can tell she’s nervous. “You’ve been so sweet to me the past few weeks. The sweatshirt, putting that thing on my window, being patient. And, for making me feel normal…and maybe one day, I’ll have a normal relationship with a guy. You helped me forget for a few moments, and I appreciate that, so much.”

I hold my breath, my anxiety building at her words. “But?”

“After everything that happened on Friday, I think I need to concentrate on myself right now. I have a lot of issues, if you haven’t noticed, and I want you to know that you don’t owe me any explanations if you want to talk to other girls…”