Indigo (41 page)

“Mom, I know. Indigo is the last thing I want to talk about right now.”

“Are you guys still not speaking?”

“No. I’m pretty sure she fucking hates me, mom.”

My mom shakes her head but doesn’t comment on my language. Instead, I see a small hint of pity in her eyes. “Why don’t you say that it just didn’t come up?”

I hear Shawn snort, and my mom shoots him a sharp look. “Because mom, you came up a lot. Between the time you accosted her for an interview in your office, or the time you published her picture without permission, or the time you ransacked her room…oh yeah, and the time you insulted her about the scar on her face, let’s just say I had plenty of opportunity.”

“I did no such thing! I never said a word about her scar!”

“You offered to take a photo of the other side of her face,” I say, my voice rising. “How do you think that made her feel?”

I’m shocked to see my mom’s cheeks turn red. “Well I admit that might not have been the best thing to say, but I was trying to make her feel better. I’d ask for some slack here.”

“You didn’t even want me being friends with her, I know it” I say, shaking my head. “You’re probably happy that we’ve broken up.”

My mom sighs loudly. “I would never be happy over something like that. I admit I did always picture you with someone different, someone less…controversial. But I could have perhaps gotten used to the idea.”

Shawn rolls his eyes, but only I notice. I almost tell her how easy that is to say now, but decided I’m too exhausted to keep fighting. I’ve had enough of that the past month. I’m too tired to bring up anything else with her at the moment, so I decide to ask her the real reason for her impromptu visit.

“I spoke with Frank DeBlaney,” she goes on, and I see the light come back into her eyes. “He says you’re doing excellent work.”

“I am.”

“I’m so proud,” she continues, “I really do think you’re going to make a fabulous lawyer one day. That’s why I keep pushing you, I can see your potential.”

I nod, knowing she has no idea of the new arrangement between Frank and I.

“Does that mean you’re going to keep Law as your major?”

Glancing over at Shawn, I take a deep breath and deliver the news that so far I’ve kept to myself. “Yes. But I’m still keeping art. I’ll be doing a double major.”

My mom looks taken aback. “But Kenny, that means you’ll have to be here for an extra semester…”

“So, my tuition is free right?”

My mom stares back and narrows her eyes, but doesn’t say anything. I know she’s trying to decide if my giving in to law is worth the trade-off of not graduating on time.

I push her over the edge on to my side. “It’s a compromise mom. It’s the best I can do. It’s my final decision and I won’t hear another word about it.”

Shawn pumps a silent but encouraging fist in the background.

Deciding that my conceding to her wishes about law wins out overall, she stands up and gives me another quick kiss on the forehead. “Alright honey. We’ll talk more about it later, I’ve got to run. Just make sure you’re not giving one more attention to one than the other.” She looks down at my sketch pad, and then smoothes her skirt.

When the door closes, Shawn looks at me in surprise. “Dude, I can’t believe you’re doing a double major. You hate your law classes.”

“I know.”

He looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. “So what the hell are you doing?”

I sigh and decide to tell him the truth. “I hate law, yes. But let’s just say since I’ve met Indigo, I’ve been…inspired.”

He leans in as I describe in detail exactly what I’ll now be doing at my internship.

INDIGO

“Can I say something that you might think is extremely rude and inappropriate?”

I smile to myself in the mirror as I finish washing my face. My eyes catches the towel sitting beside the sink, that hasn’t been on my mirror for a month. That makes my smile wider. I haven’t had much to smile about these days, and it feels a little foreign on my face.

“Please, do.” I walk out of the bathroom to see Sabrina on my bed, eyes glued to the TV, watching The Today Show. I freeze in place when I see an old picture of me flash across the screen. “Ugh, turn that off, it’s too weird.”

The coverage bothers me, and I can’t help feeling a spasm of pain when I see my old self before the kidnapping. My old face. I think about the towel in the bathroom. Baby steps. Small victories as Kennedy would say. I shove painful thoughts of him aside and head towards the bed. Sabrina reports to me exactly what’s being said in the news, about the debate over Joan Huff’s future, and whether or not she will be released. Mostly, the speculation is about me and what I’m going to say.

If they only knew that I had no idea. I change my mind every day about even doing it, but seeing all the news shows talking about it, makes me feel like it’s too late, which in turn, makes me even more nervous. Mostly I don’t want to watch it because it brings me to my dark place, and I’ve been trying to do everything not to go back there.

Sabrina obliges and switches off the TV. Then she turns and looks at me directly in the eyes. “So can I say it?”

“Yes.”

“I think you look good with the scar on your face.”

Oh my god. “Sabrina!” I throw a pillow at her. Hard.

“I know, I know!” She says, getting out of the way. “Just seeing all these pictures of you from before. You were still beautiful, but now you have so much more of an edge.”

“You’re right! That is totally rude and inappropriate,” I say, without much bite to my voice. I think I’m more shocked than anything, and can’t help but feel she is just trying to make me feel better. “Anyone would choose what I looked like before, to what I look like now.”

“I wouldn’t.” Sabrina looks at me, reaching out to squeeze my hand. “It’s a mark of how brave you are, of all that you’ve been through, and all that you survived. You should be proud of it. It came from something so ugly, something you couldn’t control, which is why I think it’s absolutely beautiful.”

I squeeze her hand back. “I don’t know if I can agree with you yet.”

“I know. You’ll get there.”

A knock at the door startles us both, and we both laugh as we jump a part. “I’ll get it,” Sabrina says, knowing that I don’t like to open doors if I don’t know who it is.

She peers through the peephole, and looks back at me confused. “It’s the doorman.”

Confused, I get up off the bed as she opens the door. “Hey Ben,” I call out. I notice he’s carrying a large white box. “What can I do for you?”

“This package came for you about twenty minutes ago,” he answers, holding it out. “I hope you don’t mind but I had to look inside, strict orders about ramping up security from the Dean. Especially for you.” He whispers the last part, and Sabrina raises her eyes to the ceiling impatiently as she grabs the box.

“Just a bunch of cupcakes, looks like from your mom,” he says, standing by the door. He pops up and down on his tiptoes and his eyes follow the box as Sabrina places them on my desk. “You seem to have a lot there…”

“If we have any left, we’ll bring them down,” Sabrina says in an overly bright voice.

I hide a laugh as his face falls in disappointment. “I’ll bring you down one in a little while, Ben. Thank you for bringing those up.”

When he leaves, I walk over the box and grab the card. The front of the envelope reads: ‘
Inndigo
.’

“The bakery spelled my name wrong,” I laugh, showing Sabrina the two extra N.

I open the card, and read the short note from my mom.

‘An early birthday present, from me to you. Love you Indy.’

“My mom sends me cupcakes every year,” I tell Sabrina. “She’s a little early this time though.”

“Your birthday is December 1st, right?”

“Right.”

We open the box and both ooh and ahh over the pretty and colorful designs, a rainbow swirl with silver sugar sprinkles. Sabrina immediately reaches in and takes one out.

“Sabrina! We haven’t even had breakfast yet!”

She grins and takes a huge bite. “We are now.”

I laugh as she moans about the delicious flavor. “It looks like she got these from a local bakery. Usually she does homemade, but they probably wouldn’t have survived the trip.”

“These are so good! You have to have one.”

“I will, but I want to grab a bagel or something from the cafeteria first.”

She nods. “Suit yourself.”

It goes silent as she enjoys the cupcake, and I realize this is a perfect time to ask her what I have been wanting to for a couple days. “Sabrina, can I ask you something? You can totally say no if you don’t want to, I’ll understand.”

She licks her lips and takes another big bite. Her mouth is full but she makes a motion for me to continue.

I bite the inside of my cheek, having no idea why I’m so nervous. “Well…with the hearing coming up, I need to figure out what I’m going to say up there. I have no clue, so I was hoping you would practice with me, well, more just listen to me stumble along as I try to get it right...”

Sabrina swallows audibly and then stares at me with wide eyes. “You’re finally going to tell me what happened?”

I sigh. “You’ll probably hear a lot of it, I don’t know about all. I’m not really sure what I want to say yet, but yes, I guess, most of it, in general.”

I sound like an idiot but Sabrina eyes light up and she throws herself into my arms. “Oh my god! I love you! Of course I will. I’ve been killing myself holding all my questions back this whole time!”

I laugh and hug her back. “Sorry to have put you through so much pain.”

“It’s okay,” she says seriously, making me laugh again. “But really, of course I’ll listen to you. You’re going to kick ass up there, I’ll make sure of it. Thank you for trusting me Indigo, it means a lot.”

“I do trust you,” I tell her.

The admission brings a strong spasm of pain to my heart as thoughts of Kennedy intrude again. I trusted him too. A part of me still does. A picture of his face when I last saw him flashes through my mind, and I physically shake my head to rid myself of it.

“I trust you too,” she tells me. “Now let’s go get you that bagel. You need to have one of these. They’re to die for.”

“Okay let me just call my mom quick and thank her for the cupcakes.” I search around me, but then realize I left my phone in the bathroom. “Be right back.”

I grab my phone off the sink and speed dial my mom.

“Hey honey,” my mom’s voice sounds happy.

“Hey mom, how are you?”

“Good, good. Jack and I grabbed some breakfast before school and I just pulled in now. How are you? Everything okay?”

She knows about Kennedy and I. She knows the hearing is coming up. We’ve talked about both extensively, and I don’t want to get into any of that right now, so I give her a present answer. “It is now that I got your cupcakes. They look delicious.”

I hear a car door slam. “Sorry honey hold on.” After a quick pause, “What did you say about cupcakes?”

I giggle. “I said thank you, for sending them. My early birthday present.”