Indigo (36 page)

“I don’t know exactly what’s going. I don’t even know what we are. But I trust him, and I like being around him. And…he’s an amazing kisser.”

Sabrina shrieks, causing everyone to look over at our table. As if I need a reason for more eyes on me. But I find I don’t care about their stares, and I happily ignore them as I lean in and tell Sabrina about my weekend.

KENNEDY

Indigo has been meeting with my mom for the past hour and a half. I’m pacing a hole in the floor, and when Shawn finally sighs and puts his guitar aside, I know he’s probably had enough of watching me.

“Just tell her already,” he says, and none too nicely. “You’re driving yourself nuts. I’ve never seen you like this.”

“It’s just such bad timing right now,” I explain. “She’s going through a lot and she needs me. I don’t want to tell her something that might push her away, and then she’d have no one.”

“She’s going to find out eventually, she might be finding out right now for all you know. I know you don’t want my advice, but--“

“I already know how you feel, and I already know the right thing to do,” I cut in impatiently, my nerves feeling fried. “I’ll tell her.”

My phone rings a few minutes later and I jump across my bed to grab it. I see Shawn roll his eyes at me.

“Hey mom…”

“Honey,” I can hear the exhaustion in her voice. “I just saw you missed a few classes last week, is everything okay? You haven’t returned any of my calls.”

I sigh knowing I have to lie to her about going to Indigo’s. “Yes. I wasn’t feeling well. But I’m better now and will be back in class tomorrow.”

“What can I bring you?” she asks, “How about some tea or a cool pack for your head?“

“I really don’t need anything,” I push. “I’m feeling almost 100% better.”

“Okay if you say so. I’m calling because I finally wanted to tell you the good news I had for you. Are you sitting down?”

After the day I’ve had, I listen to her dictate and move to the edge of the bed. “Yes.”

“I got you an internship with Frank & Bowes Law Group!”

The news shocks me. “What? Mom, they’re like the biggest law firm in upstate New York!”

“I know!” She says, her voice filed with excitement. “I pulled a few strings and you can start next week. You’d be learning under one of the top prosecution attorney’s in the country!”

“Wow,” I say, a little speechless. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Say you’ll do it! I know you are still uncertain about law, but I really think this will get you moving in the right direction…”

My mom continues to talk up in the internship, but in my mind, I already know I’m going to take it. I could pick the brain of one of the smartest and most influential law men in the country. He’ll know what to do to help Indigo in her situation. Ways to keep that woman away from her forever. If I have to suffer through the rest of it, so be it. It will be worth it if it helps Indigo.

“I’ll do it.”

Even though I’ve interrupted her ramblings, she can hardly conceal her squeal of delight. “Oh I always knew you’d come around! I can’t wait to tell them! I’ll send you their email address so you can formally accept…”

My mom goes off again, and I can tell her mood has brightened from the beginning of the conversation. “Mom, are you okay? Before you told me about the internship, you sounded a bit…tired.”

“Yes, I am tired actually. I had to deal with a very unfortunate and dramatic incident today, but I won’t bore you with the details. You have already cheered me up considerably.”

I hear a beep and see that text message came through. Indigo.

What time are you coming over?

I grin, and just like that I, too, cheer up considerably.

“I got to go mom, want to get some good sleep before class tomorrow.”

“Okay honey. Look out for my email. Talk to you later! Love you.”

“Love you too.”

I hang up the phone and text her back, before starting to pack a small bag.

As soon as possible.

INDIGO

For the next two weeks, Kennedy and I spend nearly every waking moment together.

He sleeps here every night, chasing away the darkness. I’ve almost gotten to the point where I’m on a regular sleep schedule, which for me, is incredible. I haven’t fallen asleep before midnight in two years. But when he’s here, it’s like he chases away the worst of the humming, pushes away the images in my head with his drugging kisses.

That’s all we’ve been doing, making out like crazy. It starts out slow and sweet, learning each other for what feels like the first time each night. Then after things start really heating up--which they always do--Kennedy will be the one to pull back. Most of the time, I don’t want him to, and wish he would keep going, taking me further like he did that night in my living room. But I know I need to take it slow. As the nights go by, though, I fantasize about doing more, but so far, haven’t gotten up the courage to ask him. I don’t want images of the past to invade and ruin the moment. Make him even more nervous than he already is to keep going.

I will ask him soon, to not pull back, to keep going. But so far, I haven’t been brave enough.

When we’re out of my room, he walks me to all of my classes, and then is always there when I get out.

My world has gotten so small with him, but it’s never felt fuller. We laugh, share stories, watch movies, anything we want, whenever we want. By mutual agreement, or, maybe he does it for me, but nothing has been brought up about the hearing. Our conversation is always light-hearted, and I can tell we’re both more than aware of the fact that we’ve been ignoring the heavy stuff since the visit to my house. For now, I want to keep it that way. I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time. I’ve convinced myself that yes, I may have issues, but Kennedy seems like he wants to be with me anyway. I can do this. I can try.

I do feel a little guilty, as I haven’t seen too much of Sabrina in the last two weeks. We met up between classes a couple times, but I know she’s starting to feel a little left out. I’m sure Shawn is, too, so we both made plans this evening to have dinner with them. Separately, of course, as the two of them still aren’t speaking.

I finger my jackknife, the only one left in my room after what I’ve taken to calling “The Dean Apocalypse”, and then zip up my coat pocket. “Ready?”

“For a night without you? No,” Kennedy jokes, before grabbing my hand and switching off the lamp by my bed. “But Shawn would kill me if I ditch him and the guys again.”

“Well we can’t have that. I’d like you to come back alive tonight please.” He laughs then tickles my side. We walk down the hallway, and I stare at him strangely when he starts whistling to himself. I swear I can almost see a bounce in his step. “You’re sure in a good mood.”

“I’ve been in a great mood the past couple weeks, if you haven’t noticed.”

“I have. I must be good company,” I answer. “But tonight, more so than usual.”

He smiles a secret smile and shrugs his shoulder. “Maybe I’ve got something up my sleeve.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” he answers, as we step outside into the cold air. He pulls me into his arms and kisses me on the nose. “I already told your mom what it is.”

“I feel like you’ve been texting her more than you’ve been texting me!” I tell him, pretending to be offended. In truth, nothing has made me happier than to see him getting along with my mom. “It’s a little weird.”

“I don’t need to text you. We’re always together.”

“You sure are! It’s my turn now.”

The voice makes us both grin, and when I turn around, I see Sabrina standing there looking like a million bucks in jeans, heels, and a leather coat. I frown at her in confusion, I thought we were just going to a casual dinner at a pub.

“Hey Sabrina,” Kennedy says in greeting before I can say anything. “And yes, she’s all yours until about midnight or so.”

I nudge him in the stomach at his joke. “Yes because after that he might turn you into a pumpkin.”

“Does that make me the evil stepmother?” Another voice sounds out from behind us, and we turn to see Shawn coming up behind Kennedy. “Hello Sabrina,” he says again in a very formal voice. 

“Shawn.”

Kennedy looks back and forth between the two of them, and then gives me a small wave. “Alright, well, I’ll see you guys later. Have a good night. Indigo, call me if you need me.”

I wave to him, feeling like I miss him already. What a basket case. I force myself to concentrate on Sabrina, but when I turn around she’s also watching the two of them leave. She meets my eyes a moment later.

“It was worth it.”

We start walking back towards my place. “What was?”

“Getting all dressed up like this on the off chance I’d see Shawn.”

I turn to gape at her. “Sabrina, if you still have feelings for him, you should just talk to him. It’s obvious he still does for you. Kennedy told me all he does is sit in their room playing guitar all day.”

I can tell my comment cheers her up when her mouth tightens to hold back a smile. “No. He had his chance. I just wanted to show him what he’s lost.”

Sighing loudly, I decide to drop the conversation. I know her well enough by now to know she can’t be reasoned with. “Do you want to go out and grab dinner? Or just order in?”

There’s a heaviness in my stomach when I think about going out, the premonition of danger that seems to be lurking lately. Kennedy is the only thing that makes it go away, so I’m relieved when she tells me she wants to stay in instead of going to the pub like we planned.

“I want to catch up. And…I saw something about the upcoming hearing on the news Indigo. It’s coming up fast. I wanted to hear about your feelings on it.“

I hold up my hand. “I don’t want to talk about that.”

“How can we not?”

“You know I don’t like getting into my past.”

“This isn’t your past, this is your future!” She lightly grabs my arm and pulls me to face her. “I want to help you. I want to talk.”

“We barely seen each other in two weeks and that’s what you want to talk about?” I walk up the stairs ahead of her, anxious to get back in my room as her comments are starting to make me feel uneasy.

“Yes, it is what I want to talk about.”

“You don’t want to talk about the fact that Kennedy has slept over every night the past two weeks?”

I can tell she’s halted on the stairs. When I turn around, her eyes are wide. “Umm, yes I’d like to talk about that too!”

Smiling, I wave my arm in front of me. “Then l’m happy to answer any questions you have about that.”

~

Sabrina and I are lying on my bed eating popcorn when Kennedy knocks on the door four hours later.

“That smells good,” he says as he steps inside. “Probably a more substantial dinner than the tacos I just ate.” He pulls me into his arms and rubs his hands over my back. “Mm, you’re so warm. I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” I tell him, my stomach filling with happiness as it always does when he’s around.

“And I’m missing the movie,” Sabrina complains. “You guys are getting a little nauseating to be around.”