Indigo (34 page)

My mom puts her head in her hands, and I feel Kennedy’s hand on my arm. “I want to move on. Even though for me, it’s probably impossible, but I have to try! I don’t want anything to do with either of them! I don’t want people following me around for the rest of my life. I don’t do interviews, I’ve barely spoken to the police. What else do I have to do to prove that to you!?”

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Jack peer around the doorway into the kitchen. He walks over to my mom, and puts his hands on her shoulders. No one speaks after my outburst. The only sound heard is the sound of my mom silently weeping.

“I think Indigo has made it clear how she feels,” Jack says. He gives me a sad smile. “I think we should respect her decision.”

“And who are you sir?” Detective Waters eyes him curiously.

“A friend of Janet’s and someone who has also been through a tragedy of his own.” Jack gives me a nod, and I’m so thankful for his support I almost get up and hug him. Kennedy is silent beside me, but I feel his stare. I just can’t get myself to look at him.

“Indigo is safe at school,” Kennedy says emphatically. “And I can look out for as best I can.”

Officer Stone rolls his eyes, but Detective Waters places a staying hand on his arm. He rubs a hand over his face, and gets up out of his chair. “Indigo, if you ever need anything, call. The department, especially me, are always going to be there for you.” He pulls a card out of his front pocket and places it on the table.

The chair scrapes when he pushes it back, and Officer Stone follows suit. My mom is too upset to show them out, so Jack walks them to the door. I sigh heavily and walk over to pull my mom into a hug. “I’m okay mom. Just please try and understand where I’m coming from.”

She grips me tightly and takes a deep breath. “I just want to do everything possible to make sure you’re safe. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t. Please understand that I have to try.”

I know my mom feels immense guilt over what happened, and I try to put myself in her shoes. “I think we both need to try and understand each other. I get it mom, I do. But you have to remember that nothing was your fault. I want us both to try and move on.”

She doesn’t answer, just squeezes me tightly again before letting go. Kennedy hands her a tissue over my shoulder, and she mops her eyes.

I don’t usually lose control like that, and saying some of my innermost thoughts out loud, drudging up feelings from the past has made me feel dirty. “I’m going to take a shower. I’ll see you after your group. I love you mom.”

I walk out of the kitchen, still unable to meet Kennedy’s eyes.

KENNEDY

“You have to try and convince her.”

I tear my gaze away from the kitchen doorway to look at Indigo’s mom. “What?”

“We both do. “ There’s a determined look in her eyes. “There are still several weeks to change her mind. That women needs to stay in jail where she belongs. I meant it when I said I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t do everything in my power to protect her. I know you and Indigo are just starting out, but I’m hoping you feel the same way.”

I nod. “I do.”

The betrayal I saw in Indigo’s eyes is killing me. I’m anxious to get her alone, talk it all out. Knowing she feels like I was disloyal leaves a dull ache in my chest, and I want her to know I’m on her side. But Indigo’s mom is right. The right thing to do is to testify, and I already know I’ll do everything in my power to help her see that.

“I want Indigo to feel safe. And she won’t, not if that woman is back on the streets. I’ll do my best.”

Renewed hope shines in Janet’s eyes, and we share a united look just as Jack walks back into the kitchen. “Are you still up for group?”

Janet nods and then gets out of the chair. “Of course. I’ll just grab my coat. Tell Indigo to leave the dishes here, I’ll do them when I get home.”

They leave a few minutes later, and I find myself sitting on the couch, listening to the water run from Indigo’s shower. If she doesn’t come back down again, I make the decision that I’ll seek her out myself. All the things I want to say to her float through my mind, the right way to word things seemingly elusive. When I hear her coming down the steps, I try not to look too eager. But at the sight of her beautiful face, fresh and pink from her shower, all of that goes out the window.

She passes me on her way into the kitchen. “Your mom said she would do the dishes when she gets home.”

She starts cleaning up the plates and putting them in the dishwasher as if she didn’t hear me. I start to help, waiting for her to say something, anything, but she doesn’t. “Indigo, there are a few things I need to talk to you about.”

Nothing. She won’t even look in my direction.

“Are you mad at me?”

Silence.

“Indigo, I’m sorry. No wait, I can’t apologize for how I feel. I…care about you, and I want you to be safe. To feel safe. I want to know what that woman did to you. And then I want her to stay in jail, away from you for as long as possible.”

The only sounds are the clank of the dishes. She grabs a dishtowel and starts wiping the table.

“I also have a confession to make. It’s about my family.”

Why not get it all out now? My heart starts beating fast, thinking that will make her start talking. When it doesn’t, I feel vestiges of anger start to creep in. “Fine. Just pretend I’m not here.” I start walking out of the kitchen. “I don’t even know how you feel about me. I don’t even know where we stand. I’m going fucking crazy!”

I hear the dishrag slam on the table. “Kennedy, stop.” I try not to turn back around, but I can’t help myself. She’s walking toward me, her eyes dark. “Just stop talking. I don’t want to talk.”

“So you are mad at me?”

She sighs. “I was. I am a little. But like I told my mom. I get it.”

I open my mouth to respond, but before I can, she puts a finger up to my lips to silence my words. “Kennedy. I don’t want to talk. Right now, I just want to forget.”

She loops her hands around my neck, and before I even guess what she means, she’s jumped into my arms and wrapped her legs around my waist. Whoa. What? Her lips inches from mine, she whispers, “Make me forget.”

And then her lips are on mine, her mouth open. She kisses me with ferocious passion, squeezing her legs around me, and all my plans for talking go out the window. Last night creeps into my mind, and I’m terrified of going too fast again, but she’s all over me and doesn’t seem to be letting up. I wrap my arms around her, kissing her back, my own need burning me from the inside out. She’s breathing hard into my mouth, and mixed with the little sounds she’s making, I’m instantly hard.

I’ve never seen her this frantic. Her little hands are gripping my hair, the slight pain of it edging me on further and making me burn. I bring her over to the couch and sit down so she’s straddling my lap. She’s so mindless I don’t even know if she realizes we’ve moved. I feel my restraints start slipping away.

“Indigo.” She’s all over me and I can barely get the words out. “If this is too much…”

Like before, she doesn’t seem to hear my words. I tense up when she grinds her hips into my erection. Fuck.

“We should stop.”

The words come out of my mouth nearly breathless because she hasn’t stopped grinding her hips against me. I want her so bad I don’t know how much more of this I can take. She still hasn’t responded, and when her motions hit just the right spot, I know I have to get myself back under control. I rip my lips from hers and put my two hands on her cheeks. “Indigo.”

She looks me right in the eye, her chest rising and falling with each breath. I can see the hard peaks of her nipples through her tank top, and she’s so warm and smells so sweet from her shower, I can’t stand it. But if I don’t stop now, I don’t think I’ll be able to. “We don’t have to do this.”

Her hips are circling mine, and I know she’s as turned on as I am. “Just show me the next step, please. I…I want to.”

I look into her eyes, needing to know it’s okay. “Are you sure?”

She answers me by nearly kissing the life out of my lungs. Slowly, and tentatively, I put my hands on her shoulders, and run my fingers over her smooth skin. I drop my hands lower and sweep my palms over the skin just above her breast, bringing them lower each pass. Moving south, I mold my hands to her ribcage, and gently, gently, sweep my thumbs over her nipples. Even though it’s through her tank top, she jerks violently after the whisper soft touch. I’m worried I’ve scared her, but she instantly pushes her body into mine as if asking for more.

Still being gentle, I cup her softly, not wanting to go too hard, too fast. She throws her head back and pushes herself into my hands as I look on with hooded eyes.

I don’t think she’s ready for skin on skin, so I drop my hands lower to her thighs, and start rubbing circles on her legs. She’s wearing pajama pants and I can’t help but picture her naked, in the position she’s in now. I want it so bad the image nearly pushes me over the edge. I bring my hands closer and closer to the apex of her thighs because I can’t ignore the way she’s grinding against me.

Slow as can be, I position both thumbs at her center, so she has something to move up against. We both gasp when she pushes against my hands. I’m dying to sink my fingers into her, and bring her off that way, but I know that’s too fast.

Her movements are desperate as she chases the feeling my hands are evoking. The sight of her dancer’s body moving against mine is so erotic my eyes are nearly closed as I watch her. She speeds up, and her eyes fly open meeting mine. I know the moment when she explodes from the inside out, jerking against my fingers. I can’t take my eyes off her as she rides her wave, or a few seconds later when the tears flood her eyes. It’s the hottest fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

“Oh my god.”

My hands are trembling when I gather her close. “Are you okay?”

I feel her tears on my cheek. “That was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever felt...ever”

Something that feels like sunshine erupts in my chest. “It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen too.”

She pulls back, her eyes filled with tears, and presses her lips softly against mine. “Thank you.”

I get the feeling she doesn’t want me to say anything else, and even though we have so much to talk about, I stay silent. She falls asleep in my arms minutes later.

INDIGO

“Can we bring this? I want to show Shawn how good I’ve gotten.”

I look up from the trunk and see Kennedy carrying my bow and arrow, a big grin on his face.

It’s hard for me to look at him after what happened between us last night, but so far, he’s not letting me get away with my shyness. He walks over and plants a big kiss on my lips. I think that this is the happiest I’ve ever seen him. He looks so handsome with his big arrogant smile that I nod my head. “Yeah sure, throw it on the backseat so we can lay it flat.”

After we get the bags packed, I walk over to say goodbye to my mom. The confrontation with Detective Waters went exactly as I thought it would, and although I know it must have been hard for her to stay quiet, my mom didn’t mention anything else the rest of the weekend. There’s a huge weight off my shoulders, and even though my ever-present worries are still there, I’m happy to start picking up and moving forward with my life, and with Kennedy.

I peek at him over my shoulder, and am shocked at how happy I am around him. I know he just wants what’s best for me, and he even admitted to caring for me, so I understand why he would want to try and protect me. But I push those thoughts out of my mind, not wanting to think about it anymore.

My mom pulls Kennedy into a hug, and then does the same to me. She seems to be acting a little strange, but it was a tough weekend and I don’t blame her. I’m glad she has Jack to talk to, in addition to me. Especially because he understands my position.